Insufferable

Lirum had never been the type to skip class, or sneak out, let alone do something worthy of getting detention. Maybe Percy was right. They never belonged in Ravenclaw; the hat made a mistake. Even worse ever since the twins set their sights on Lirum, they have been in trouble non stop. They couldn’t even keep up the act of being one.

Lirum needed to be anywhere but there, anywhere but that moment. So they ran. The world blurred about them with no faces or voices, no idea where they were going, just away. Then they were outside gasping for air, finding themself under a tree by the black lake breathing so hard they couldn’t keep themselves upright. Legs shaking, falling back and sliding down the trunk of the tree. They’d run farther than they thought possible.

Maybe the stairs were better for them then they’d thought, or maybe it was the adrenaline of trying to outrun their problems. Shrinking beneath the tree they look at every night from their dorm in the tower. Trying to calm themselves down after the events of the day. Until they where snapped out of their fog by someone who’d sat beside them.

“You must be Lirum. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Spoke a girl in Hufflepuff robes.

“And what have you heard? That I’m the screwup of a ravenclaw? The kid so obviously sorted into the wrong house they can’t even answer a riddle and get to my own common room!” Lirum snapped barely sparing the older girl a glance.

“I’ve heard that you’re a lot like me. I understand what it means to feel like you don’t even know what parts are you, or to not feel like any part of you is really you anymore.” The Hufflepuff threw a rock into the lake.

“How could you possibly understand! Tell me! You don’t know me! I’m so tired of everyone telling me they know how I feel without ever having a single conversation with me! How could you possibly-” Lirum attempted to stand again only to be pulled back down by hands gripping their shoulders. Lirum was forced to face the strange girl.

“Because I know how it feels to not even have your own face.” As the girl spoke her nose became a beak and then a a duck bill then back to the face of the girl it was before. “I also know what it feels like to not be in the house you thought you’d be, and to think you're not where you belong, how you’d fit more somewhere else. We both got sorted into the houses everyone thinks are lame.” After she spoke her hands dropped from their shoulders.

“You’re like me” Lirum spoke, dumbfounded. They'd heard there was another metamorphmagus at Hogwarts, but had always been too scared to go looking for them. Just having one magical trait in common didn’t guarantee understanding, or much more common ground than the trait itself. Knowing their counterpart was 4 years older didn’t make it any less intimidating.

“I’d argue you're like me since I came first and all. But yeah, so would you like to explain why you’re huddled under a tree by the lake?” The Hufflepuff asked facing back towards the black lake. Lirum sighed in response. “Oh come on, I bet I can make you feel better at least a little.” The Hufflepuff nudged Lirum as they looked over the lake.

“I got into an argument with the boy who’s supposed to be teaching me divination because he wouldn’t take anything seriously, then the Gryfindor prefect because he’s a stuck up jerk who thinks I’m troubled and agrees I’m in the wrong house, and I’m going to fail without the help. I keep getting in trouble because of those stupid twins in Gryfindor. Now I’ve got detention because I can’t even get into my own dorms and everyone is convinced they knew how I feel more than I do.” Lirum some and tucked their knees into their chest, and dropped their head onto them.

“What twins? You’ll have to be more specific than that.” The purple haired girl looked back to Lirum.

“The jerk and the twins are all brothers apparently! They’re Weasleys, all of them! Being a twit runs in the family!” With that statement from Lirum, the girl laughed.

“You know, their brother Charlie wasn’t so bad, so maybe don’t write them all off yet. Even so, it’s not like this is the end of the world, just prove them wrong.” The Hufflepuff shrugged.

“And how do you suggest I do that? I’m not a good Ravenclaw; I’m not naturally smart or witty.” Lirum fidgeted, moving their legs away from their chest before crossing them and leaning forward.

“Well for the jerk of a prefect it’s easy; pass the class. And who said you had to be? Being a Ravenclaw is a lot more than just being smart. They’re original and creative too! And for people like us, being able to adapt to situations just so happens to be our forte.” The girl threw another rock into the lake.

“That can’t be all. If I were put in Ravenclaw just because I’m a metamorphmagus so would y-“ They got cut off before they could finish.

“I’m not saying that’s the only reason, I’m saying there’s plenty of reasons you could have been put there, and that you don’t have to be any of them.” The older metamorphmagus explained.

“That doesn’t make sense-“ Lirum started.

“I’m saying your not just a Ravenclaw or a metamorphmagus; you’re a person, you’re Lirum. Just like I’m Tonks.” The purple haired girl said with a smile as she stood up, dusted off her black and gold robes, and offered Lirum a hand.

Taking it and standing up the Ravenclaw spoke, “You said before, you understood what it was like to feel like you were in the wrong house, but you seem like a Hufflepuff to me.” Lirum looked at Tonks while she bent over and picked up more rocks.

“I’ve always had a strong personality, I thought i should be a Gryffindor for the first few years.” Tonks spoke again inspecting some of the rocks around the pair.

“But you don’t think that anym-wha-what are you doing? Why do you keep throwing rocks? You’re not even skipping them!” Crossing their arms watching the Hufflepuff who now collected the rocks instead of just throwing them.

“Nah, I’m a proud Hufflepuff. I realized we’re all a little different. None of us are the same no mater what house you’re placed in, there is no perfect person for any house. That’s something you’ll grow to understand over the next few years, you’re still pretty young.” Tonks popped back up with a handful of rocks, dropping them in Lirum’s arms before they could protest.

“O-oh…um ok…That doesn’t answer what your doing with the rocks,” Lirum said as they stared down at the heavy pile of rocks now in their arms

“We’re practicing letting go. You need it.” The seventh year replied, taking a rock to use as an example.

“Hold the rock, tell it what’s bugging you, and throw it. Throw it as hard and as far as you can. When you do it’ll give you a reason to let it go. Let it go and let go of the reason with it.” She said, throwing the rock into the lake with a satisfying plop.

“Do you really think that will help?” Lirum spoke, and looked at the girl, then back at the pile of rocks.

“It’s better than crying under a tree or drowning yourself in the lake.” Shrugged the older metamorphmagus who took and threw another.

“I wasn’t gonna-“ The younger one defended.

“Tell the rock, not me.” Tonks covered her ears. “Lalala-it’s your turn, get to tossing!”

“This is ridiculous-I’m not gonna talk to a rock! How is this better than just talking?” Frustrated, the younger one turned to face the Hufflepuff.

“Would you prefer I made them sentient? I’m sure there's a charm I could use.” Tonks joked.

“No, I would prefer we didn’t do this at-“ they were cut off again by Tonks' antics.

“I can’t hear you lalalala” The Hufflepuff yelled; walking circles around the Ravenclaw.

“Fine; I don’t think i should have been a Ravenclaw! I’m not smart enough for this, and everyone always assumes I am just because I’m in this stupid house!” Lirum threw the first rock and it hit the ground just before the water and barely bounced in. Tonks dropped her hands from her ears to cup them around her mouth.

“That’s their fault for assumptions about you based off stereotypes without talking to you. And aim higher or it won’t be satisfying.” Tonks shouted to Lirum.

“Fine. Everyone thinks they know how I feel better than I do!” Lirum yelled, angling this one higher than the last.

“Again, that’s a them problem; people are shit! And face the lake more, the lakes swallowing your problems, not me! But you’re doing wonderfully!” Tonks stepped closer to Lirum to turn them, squaring their shoulders more towards the lake. Before taking another step back and gesturing towards the lake.

“I hate the twins so much because they were right about so much, but still so wrong! They knew I hated choir, how scared I am to disappoint Flitwick, and why my hair turns brown, and I hate it because I didn’t tell them any of that! They never asked, they just act like it’s obvious! They knew so much that even I almost believed them! That somehow they looked through everything and saw me! The real me, and then they were so wrong!” They shouted, as they threw the next rock with more gusto this time.

“Maybe you should have a real conversation with them see why. Also, move your foot forward and you'll get more air time.” Tonks corrected their mind set and form.

“But then they started talking about how I was ‘the perfect Ravenclaw’, that ridiculous act I have to put on every day of my life just to be good enough! Even those two that got so close to the truth to see me, Lirum, behind everything else! And they still fell for it!” They said, as they switched and took rocks from one arm to throw between sentences.

“If it’s bothering you so much, drop the act! It’s your life, you don’t have to fit in the boxes they give!” Tonks yelled, pacing around behind the Ravenclaw trying to find more good rocks for throwing.

“The only two people who consider themselves my friends are the twins but we’ve never even had one meaningful conversation.” They threw the next rock into the lake with a splash.

“Then count me or Cedric instead, everyone needs a good friend.” She cheered when she heard the loud splash.

“You’d make pretty good friend, you know that?” dropping arm instead of skipping the stone they were going to throw. “Wait, how did you know I’d been talking to Cedric?”

“Who do you think asked me to talk to you? And of course I would, I’m a Hufflepuff! But that’s not getting you out of throwing out your problems!” She said as she popped up to hand Lirum another perfect rock for throwing.

“I mean I guess that makes sense but I thought we were throwing out stereotypes, and not fitting the boxes we were put in?” Liram asked, taking the new rock that was satisfyingly smooth.

“Yeah we’re throwing out their stereotypes and growing into our places and seeing how we fit! Now don’t just admire the rock, it’s meant for throwing! throw it!” Tonks cheered.

“That seems counterintuitive. Aren’t we just making more stereotypes for ourselves…and now the rock?” They asked, rubbing the rock between their hands.

“Get out of your head! Just throw the rock!” Tonks cheered and threw another rock of her own.

“Now I keep getting in trouble; because of the twins I skipped class, got caught sneaking out, and now I’m even getting detention for the first time ever! And I’m failing divination!” Throwing rocks for every trouble.

“Hey when I was your age I got detention all the time for sneaking out or skipping transformed as professors, it’s not the end of the world. Plus, I crashed so much during flight lessons they added learning to roll to the curriculum!“ she spoke and shifted her image to McGonagall and then Hooch before returning to her own.

“That ass would have made a better Ravenclaw and we all know it!” Lirum threw another rock but let go too quick and it didn’t make it to the water.

“Even the rock knew that was bullshit! Try again with the truth next time!” She booed like she was at a quidditch game.

“Fine! I wish me and Percy could trade places. I think we would both be happier in the others house. Because he’s to smart to be a Gryffindor and I’m to foolhardy to be a Ravenclaw!” That rock sipped along the water and landed with a satisfying splash.

“You’re still growing into the people you're gonna be, give it time. You’re exactly where you need to be, kid.” She yelled walking back to the tree they were standing under. Tonks leaned back against the trunk of the tree and waited for Lirum to throw their next rock.

“But when I was being sorted, all I wanted to know was who I was gonna be. Everyone else got told how and why they got sorted the way they did. Everyone except me” Lirum said as they threw another rock. “They don’t know what it’s like to not know who you are… at least not like this… they can look in a mirror without it changing on them! I don’t get that! How is that fair?! They get an explanation and I don’t even have my own face!” They threw the rock as hard as they could.

“Unfortunately I don’t have a good answer for you on that one. But let’s get you back to your dorm before it starts getting cold out here.” Tonks said as she popped back onto her feet and dropped a hand on Lirum’s shoulder.