The house was eerily quiet. A somber silence suppressed any conversation or moments of ease between its inhabitants.
Harry had just woken up screaming from a nightmare about his night in the Little Hangleton graveyard. Voldemort’s return and Cedric’s death weighed heavily on all of their minds, but Harry had witnessed it all in person.
Remus had witnessed his fair share of horror and death too in the First War and had enough nightmares of his own. It was as he was comforting his son when he realized they were all about to live through it again.
He sat by Harry’s bed and ran his hands through Harry’s wild hair just as he did when Harry was a child and had bad dreams. He quietly carded his long fingers through Harry’s soft curls and gently traced his scar until his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.
Remus sighed as he looked at his son’s face. It was paler than usual, and the circles under his eyes were more pronounced. He looked tired.
Remus was tired too. When Harry had nightmares, he had nightmares. He was always on edge every time Sirius would get home late from scouting or when they sent Harry back to school. The transformations were also worse than usual. It was as if the wolf could sense the unease and anxiety of the wizard if world. Remus’ stomach rolled at the thought. He knew how traumatized and broken the First War left them, and he couldn’t let that happen to his family.
He could hear Sirius start washing the dishes in the kitchen and decided to let Harry rest. He leaned down and gently kissed Harry’s forehead, leaving him to a hopefully more restful sleep. He slowly got up and used his cane to walk to the kitchen to help Sirius. The moon was in two days, and his body was already aching.
When he crossed the threshold, Sirius turned and smiled while still working on washing the dishes. Remus smiled sadly and pressed up behind Sirius, embracing him from behind. Sirius placed his dish in the sink and pulled Remus’ arms around him. He leaned back into Remus’ hold and hummed contentedly. Remus turned his head from resting on Sirius’s shoulder to kiss the back of his neck. They both savored these moments of peace.
“Is Harry okay?” Sirius asked, breaking their comfortable silence.
Remus turned his face back to Sirius’s shoulder, “I don’t know, Pads,” he whispered, “The nightmares are getting worse, and he said his scar hurt more.”
Sirius sighed, “Did he go back to sleep at least?”
“Yes, but I don’t know how long it will last. He looks so tired.”
Sirius turned in Remus’s arms to face him, “I know, love. And so do you,” he ran a hand down Remus’s face, “How about we talk tonight? Figure some things out?” Remus smiled softly and leaned into the hand on his cheek.
They both set to work on the rest of the dishes, careful not to wake Harry again. They both settled into a comfortable silence as they worked. Remus couldn’t keep his mind quiet though. Flashbacks of the First War ran through his mind one after the other. Infiltrating Greyback’s pack, the constant fighting between him and Sirius, his mother dying, the loneliness and isolation, his friends dying every other mission.
They were right on the edge of another war. The Order was reforming. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He had a family to protect, and they were right at the eye of the storm. His Harry, his sweet little Harry, who he raised since he was 2, was just a child despite all of the trauma he suffered. Sirius, the love of his life, who he shared his life with since he was 11; Remus couldn’t lose him like he almost did in the First War. Each scouting mission he was sent on sent Remus spiraling. He couldn’t go through it again.
Remus’s hands began to shake as he washed his partner’s favorite mug.
“Re?” Sirius whispered to him, concern laced in his voice and eyes. He must have noticed Remus’s shaking hands.
Remus kept on scrubbing. His thoughts raced. Greyback tearing him apart during moons. The cruciatus curse again and again. Death Eaters escaping from Azkaban. Full moon after full moon. James and Lily dead. Voldemort’s voice: You can’t protect your family, halfbreed.
Sirius placed a hand on his trembling shoulder. He flinched and dropped his cup. It shattered on the floor, spooking him out of his thoughts.
“Remus?” Sirius whispered softly again.
“I’m…” he gulped, “I’m sorry, Pads. I’m so sorry.” Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked at the shards of glass that slipped out of his trembling hands.
“Hey, look at me, love,” he gently cupped Remus’s face, hoping to get his startled eyes to focus on him. He searched his eyes for any sign of recognition.
Remus continued to look at the cup. A tear escaped his hazel eye and rolled slowly down his sunken cheek.
“Let’s get you to the couch, Moons,” Sirius took Remus’s arms in his hands and gently led a despondent Remus to the living room. Once they got to the couch, Sirius slowly sat Remus down next to him and took his hands into his.
“What’s going on, Re?” Sirius stroked his hands through Remus’s curls.
“It’s happening again, Sirius. People are already dying or going missing. You’re going on missions. My transformations are getting worse and worse. And Harry…” Remus choked on a muffled sob, “Harry is all at the center of it. He’s just a boy, Pads.”
“Shhh…” Sirius wiped a tear from Remus’s cheek, “I know, Re, I’m worried too. I’m scared all of the time, but we are the best protection Harry has. I know how bad the last War was for you, but we are adults now. We won’t be roped into whatever Dumbledore has planned blindly. You’ll never have to be with the wolves or transform alone again. We trust each other and love each other. Ours is not a bond so easily defeated, love.”
“Harry is going through so much, and I don’t know how to help him. I feel so useless, so broken.”
“Moons, you are anything but.” Sirius smiled sadly, “Harry has faced things no 14 year old should, but he isn’t alone. I know you are thinking a lot about the last war. We went through a lot of the same things. We can help Harry by opening up to him.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Pads.”
“We can’t be strong all the time, Re. Harry needs us to be vulnerable with him too. He needs to see that despite war, we are still
human. We can go through absolute hell and still cry, still smile, still dance.” Sirius smiled again and got up, taking Remus’s hands in his and pulling him up.
Sirius tapped the record player with his wand. A soft song filled the room. Sirius pulled Remus close and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
Remus rested his head on Sirius’s shoulder, “I can’t, Sirius,” he whispered.
Sirius pulled away and kissed Remus’s forehead, “Sure you can, Moons, just sway with me. You can do it.”
Remus pressed their foreheads together and let Sirius lead him, swaying to the gentle melody. He swayed despite the soreness, despite the fear and terror.
The music slowly started to build. Sirius gave Remus a little spin. Despite himself Remus smiled a little. Sirius laughed and kissed his cheek. Remus began to forget his previous anxieties as Sirius swayed with him and twirled him with their hands on each others shoulders and clasped together. They were clumsy. A little out of practice. But Sirius was loving every second.
Finally the music swelled and Remus was full on smiling at the love he was feeling for his partner. Sirius pulled away and spun Remus and pulled him close so he was holding him from behind. He smiled into the crook of Remus’s neck and swayed to the beat, forgetting about everything going on besides sharing this space with Remus and Harry even if it was for only a few minutes.
Remus spun back around and captured Sirius’s soft lips in a tender kiss. The both came up for air and went right back to it, soaking up every comfort and bit of love they could. Remus cupped Sirius’s cheeks in his hands, and Sirius stroked the back of Remus’s hair.
The song ended, and the only sounds were soft breathing and the scratches of the record player. They continued to hug each other as though the world could collapse at any second.
“Thank you,” Remus whispered. Their foreheads were pressed together.
“Anytime, Moons,” Sirius hummed, “Feeling better?”
“A little,” he smiled, “We haven’t done that in a while.”
Sirius laughed, “Not since we moved into our little flat.”
“Hmmm,” Remus sighed happily, “Take me to bed?”
“Always,” Sirius pecked his cheek and took his hand to lead him to their bedroom, checking on Harry as they went.
Tonight they were safe. Tonight everything was okay. Nothing about this war was okay, but they had each other. The future looked bleak, but they would protect each other with everything they had.