It was cold, not one of those happy winter days where everything is light and bright and you only feel the cold on your cheeks and the tip of your nose after a long day outside. No, this cold was tight and gripping, it came from inside, wanting to crawl its way out, spreading like a disease. He shivered, the water outside had been bad enough but the cave? it was a coldness not a lot of people knew about. But Regulus did, he was used to being cold. He always was as a child, Cold and lonely, angry at the world.
He shivered, the emerald suit he was wearing didn't bring him much comfort or warmth. It was his finest, and if you are going to your brother's best friend's wedding you are supposed to dress up, right? But you are also supposed to be happy for the newlyweds. The bride with her bright red hair and a glistening smile. And the groom, Regulus smiled bittersweet to himself in the dark. James had looked so happy beside her. His golden skin and bright eyes shining. He was never angry or sad, never disappointed or full of secrets. No, James Potter was supposed to live a happy life beside his bride. That was the way life intended. He was simply too good and wholehearted for anything else then the smart and beautiful Lily Evans. And everyone was happy for them so why shouldn't Regulus be. Love in these dark times was good.
But as he stood there in the dark cave, The walls slowly closing in on him, it was hard to remind himself of love and brightness. The secret looks of happiness on James Potter's face slowly faded in his memory, the secret touches in dark hallways were hard to picture when the only thing he could remember were the dark. He longed for the feeling of love and care. The only one left that cared about him were on their way home with a secret that was probably too big to bear. The medallion was safe he repeated for himself, clutching the pockets of his suit in search for his wand. The wand he last used to send up sparkles to celebrate the wedding of James. He remembered in the haze from the potion how hopeless he had felt earlier that day. What had led him to his final decision to leave the wedding and to summon Kreacher.
The last proper conversation with James. When he had declared his love, but no, it was too late. James was going to have a good life without him. Without the messy feelings and emotions of Regulus. He was going to live without the scare of being seen with someone evil. A death eater.
The foggy memories of the wedding floated in and out of his mind that were severely distracted by the potion. It was a surprise that he was even invited to the wedding he thought as he heard something in the water beside him. He knew the medallion were guarded by something, but not by whom or what. But he was fine with whatever it was. He was finally at peace. As he looked up to the ceiling of the cave for the last time, the fogginess from the poison finally cleared from his head and from his heart. He was in the water with his emerald suit draped around him when he closed his eyes. And the last thing Regulus Black thought as he sunk back into that familiarly coldness that had always lured inside of him, that the only person who was able to melt it and bring warmth to him was not his anymore. As a sundown the memories of one James Potter slowly faded from him, together with their secrets.
Regulus Black could never live without his sun, but the sun could live on without him.