Chapter 2
The burn of the morning sun should have told him all he needed to know. It bore into him stinging his eyes, refusing to let him rest for even a moment.
Outside his window were soft coos, distantly calling with the flap of their wings.
For once as he began waking up he was a warm wrapped up and puddled in his blankets
As he began contentedly stretching, his legs pulled the blankets away from his shoulders exposing his skin to the mornings crisp cold air
He shivered drawing his body back into itself as the blanket slid onto the floor
Cold.
He thought, lightly growling as he looked at his abandoned blanket on the floor
Regulus relinquished himself to the fact that he would remain cold if he stayed in bed. Blanketless.
With a sigh he slowly pushed himself up and rose from bed, he hissed as his bare feet hit the cold stone of the floor.
Whatever warmth there had been only moments ago was long gone now and he forced himself to listen to the house, to the sound of wings flapping outside, his brothers quiet pacing in the bar and the conversations that echoed throughout the manor
Mother and father were quietly mumbling amongst themselves not yelling or screaming
It was eerily peaceful.
That thought alone had him preparing for the other shoe to drop as he dressed for the day, something had to be going on he had never heard it so calm unless no one was there
But he could hear them quietly discussing something in the dining room and Sirius anxiously pacing outside his door waiting for him to come out
Regulus grumbled under his breath as he turned to the sound outside in the hall, the footsteps stopped as he neared the door
As his hand wrapped around the door knob he settled into a bored expression and opened the door looking at Sirius who stood on the other side
“What is it Sirius?” He said glaring slightly up at his brother
“ I wanted to talk to you ” Sirius responded anxiously fiddling with his fingers
“Out with it then” he grumbled
“ when you come to school and you have that hat on your head maybe just lean a little more towards gryffindor?” Sirius asked
What?
His eyes knitted together skeptically
“ it’s the hat that will choose I don’t have a choice in the matter” regulus stated plainly
“ Yes but the sorting hat takes what you want into account as well” said Sirius
What I want? What do I want?
“ but if you end up in slytherin that’s fine too I just won’t get to show you around as much” Sirius continued
“Ok.” He responded simply turning to walk down the hall leaving Sirius alone in the hall
Walking through the manor was always an uncomfortable experience, the portraits of his relatives that hung on both sides of the walls, would stare down at him
Their cold motionless stares sent shivers down his spine as if their harsh glares were telling him he had no choice to make
No choice.
They all wore black and the background was always a dark green, all of them had been slytherins, Sirius was the only gryffindor
Eyes of hate and distaste. Bitter glares watching his every move
No escape.
He wasn’t like Sirius he couldn’t just choose something else he didn’t have that freedom and he never would
Near silent were the clacks of his shoes, echoing down the stairs
He walked tall and proud while his heart raced in his chest, while it screamed to find a way out, to do something with this forsaken life
But he knew
Freedom only comes to the lucky
When he stepped into the dining area it was all but silent father sat on one end and mother sat across from him on the other end of the table with an already open letter sitting beside her goblet
Silently he pulled his chair out and took a seat his eyes wandering, studying the room as a cold feeling settled into his stomach
There were plates already set out for him and Sirius but surely they would be cold by now
The food in front of him was the furthest thing from his mind as the sharp taloned claws of his anxiety clawed inside his chest and dug into his heart waiting for whatever was happening to make its appearance instead of lurking in the shadows
The silence only persisted for a few moments before his mother slid the opened letter down to him
He lifted it shifting his attention to the address on the front
Hogwarts.
His heart stopped.
Flipping the letter he looked to the wax seal that had aggressively been torn when his mother opened it
Gently he tugged the letter from its envelope unfolding it to skim the words
Accepted.
He had already known he’d been accepted when his mother gave him the letter if he hadn’t this would be a different situation entirely
When he placed the letter down he looked to his mother mirroring her cold expressionless face
I’m sure you are aware of what this means” She said breaking the silence
He didn't respond, this was not a moment where she wanted a response, she wanted silence not impotence
“ You Will be going to school, Any behavior deemed inappropriate for a member of the noble family of Black to suggest will not be tolerated, and Will be punished accordingly. Know your place, second chances are Not given frequently and they will cost you. When you are sorted just like your cousins, you will be in Slytherin, you will follow in our family's footsteps, unlike your disappointment of a brother. Understood?” She questioned coldly.
“Yes mother” he responded simply, standing to leave the table taking the letter with him not even bothering to eat
The rest of the day was a blur, his mind stayed on one track never wavering from its train of thought
Fall in line. Don’t fight back. Do as you're told. Don’t disappoint.
He wouldn’t
He couldn’t
He wasn’t free like Sirius was
And when he sat on that train he sat alone and ignored Sirius’s invite to sit with him and his friends
Barely sparing them a glance as he continued straight passed them
He hardly even noticed Sirius’s bright smile fade into a small frown before brightening back into his confident cocky smile that he’d worn since he came home
And of the things he noticed, he saw the way his friends demeanor changed the second Sirius’s smile fell, how two of them looked more guarded and skeptical towards him and how the last of Sirius’s friends only looked bewildered and … astonished while staring at him and how his glasses caught the light, what had Sirius said his name was?
…
James.
Sirius had called him James he was the writer, maybe if things weren’t how they were, if he wasn’t walking a thin wire, then maybe, maybe the two of them could have been friends
But he shut that door the second he ignored Sirius and walked passed to sit alone by the window watching as the mountains slowly rolled by
The world flew by in a blur, mesmerizing his mind and finally silencing the flood of thoughts that never seemed to end
That is until he heard a knock
It was quite, he was hardly even sure he’d heard the knock
But surely a few moments later
There was another
Snapping him from his dazed trance
Looking away from the window he turned to face the girl who had intruded on the quiet
She was thin, with dark brown curly hair and her brown eyes sparkled in a way his never did with a soft smile to accompany them, he noted that she wasn’t much taller than him and she wore green hooded robes clearly she was a Slytherin
“What?” He said eying her skeptically
She slid the door open, just a crack so she could poke her head in
She thought for a moment then shrugged “ I was wondering if that seat across from you was taken” she said
His brows knitted together and he looked to the seat then back to the girl
“As far as I can see no one is sitting there” he replied sarcastically
“Great!” she said stepping in and taking a seat closing the door behind her
“Wh- that was not an invitation.” He said exasperated
She frowned at him for a second then stuck her hand out
“ I’m Dorcas Meadowes”
“Regulus” he said not taking her hand and looking back to the window
The quiet only lasted a moment, after deciding that he was never going to shake her hand Dorcas began talking
She rambled on, talking about seemingly nonsense
She spoke a lot about a blonde gryffindor girl that she’d noticed, and about the professors in her classes
He wasn’t sure if she even knew that she was talking or if she was just saying whatever came into her mind
He got his answer when he made the fatal mistake of huffing a small laugh at something she had said
Dorcas practically snapped her neck with how quickly she shot to look at him
Her eyes gleamed mischievously
“So you we’re listening” she smirked
“Hard not to” he deadpanned
“Rude” she sighed dramatically
“It’s true” he responded blankly
“Still rude. Anyways which house do you think you’ll get” she smiled
“Not sure” he said keeping his responses short
“Not even a guess?” She asked
“Not even a guess” he repeated
“Alright. What about a favorite professor ?” She continued
He paused thinking back to all the stories Sirius has told him and the ones dorcas had just told
“Professor McGonagall” he said
“Huh. I was expecting you not to know any professors” she said a stunned look crossing her face
“Sirius talks about her.” He replied taking his eyes off the window for the first time since Dorcas sat with him
“Oh? What does he say?” She asked curiously
“That she always gives him detention” he replied flatly
“That’s why you like her!?!” She yelled astounded
“No? she just sounds interesting” he said quietly raising his eyebrows questioningly
“I guess that’s fair, she is pretty interesting” she shrugged
The girl kept rambling softly and for some strange reason he actually responded when she directly asked a question
The rest of the train ride was… peaceful to a point.
Dorcas rambled on engaging in simple small talk, and while she talked he just listened quietly staring out the window and occasionally adding to what had been said
After what had felt like only and hour or so, the train finally slowed to a stop
It was evening the sun had been down for hours yet it felt like it should have still been midday
Dorcas split off to enter the school shortly after they got off the train saying she would see him inside as she waved and jogged off
He hadn’t seen Sirius or his friends since he’d gotten on the train and just generally assumed he left already
He was close to being right, Sirius was going inside but had paused for a moment to say something to McGonagall before rushing inside
She just rolled her eyes and approached all the first years decidedly ignoring whatever Sirius had said in favor of welcoming them to the school and briefly explaining things before she would let them in
As she spoke he couldn’t help but drift into his own world, the train ride had allowed him to forget about what his mother had said that morning and briefly he forgot about the expectations as well
But now as he stood there just outside the doors it all came rushing back
My choice.
What I want.
No choice.
No escape.
They’re watching.
Don’t fight, listen.
Fall in line.
Don’t disappoint.
Freedom was never his to obtain.
Behave.
Don’t be like Sirius.
OBEY THE FAMILY.
As he thought he hardly noticed the doors open nor how his feet started automatically moving into the dining hall
His mind buzzed with heavy fog making the world around him feel quiet as his mind echoed in the vast quiet
His name was called.
He blinked snapping himself from his thoughts and began walking towards the sorting hat and McGonagall
He sat in the chair silently through the cheers of the crowd
Observing the room he noticed the gryffindor table where his brother and his friends sat with bated breaths waiting to see what choice he’d make
Dorcas sat at a separate table watching silently her curiosity evident in her eyes
When the hat was placed on his head it was like the hat could see what was in his mind as well like he wasn’t alone in his thoughts and like it was trying to figure him out
That may have been due to the fact that it was taking apart and pricing together his life and who he was to see where he’d fit the best
Then it mumbled something asking him if there was somewhere he wanted to go and he looked to Sirius and thought about what he’d said earlier and after a moment he responded
No.
The hat seemed to nod as it thought over everything it saw in his mind before it sucked in a breath and announced…