Grant is a patient person. He knew that Remus wasn't going to be with him forever. He knew that in the end, he'll have to leave. He knows that he can't stay. Not with Sirius in the picture. But, he always knew by the moment he saw Remus' teary eyes, he would help him.
Grant promised to never leave Remus' side.
He understood that he will never be the one for him. He gave everything, yet it still wasn't enough to be truly loved by Remus. He knew that Remus wasn't going to show him the amount of love that he gave to Sirius. It was true that Remus loved him. But, he knew that it will never be big enough to conquer his love for Sirius. Nobody could. He still remembers the smile Remus lit up when Sirius held his hand. Or the way Remus was crying on the phone on how much Sirius was driving him mad. He knows that Remus couldn't love him the way he wanted to. Yet, Grant still wanted to try.
He still remembers the day that Remus made him question something that he already knew the answer to. Grant has been thinking of all the 'what ifs' that were to happen when he would get with Remus. But he didn't care for any of it. He just wanted Remus' heart. It was foolish of him to think that he would ever replace Sirius.
"Are you sure you're willing to do this? I don't want you to regret everything you did for me, Grant." Remus whispers while they were both twisted in the bedsheets.
Grant thought for a moment. "I am. I know what this might end up to, Remus. But I won't regret it. Not when it's with you."
Remus sucked in a breath. "Thank you."
Grant chuckled. " 's not like it's the first time I stayed here with you. Let's try changing for the better, together."
"Yeah?"
" Yeah."
They shared a moment of silence. Despite everything falling down for Remus, he'll try to build everything up for him again. He knew that Remus won't be his forever, but he still hoped for it. But he knew that his hopes would never happen. Not for Grant. But wanting was enough for him.
"I love you." Remus whispers as they break into a kiss. "I love you too," replied Grant. He tried to savor this moment in his heart forever. It pains him the same time it brings him joy.
___
He knew that all his hopes for him and Remus washed off when he saw Sirius on his couch, listening to the buzzing noises the TV was emitting. It was that time when he knew that Remus was slipping away from him. It was the moment in time he so desperately waited to happen. It was not that he wanted Remus out of his life, that is WAY too far from what he wanted. Instead, he wanted it so that Remus would feel less pain. Grant is sure that Remus' grieving will never stop, but him being with Sirius surely would help. Remus and Sirius were like they were tied into an invisible string, as they waited for it to pull them into meeting each other again.
Right then and there, he was planning to leave. Because he knew that it would be too painful for him. He remembers the promise he vowed to himself about never leaving Remus. He still planned to keep it, but he knew that he needed distance between them. It would shatter him to see his plans with Remus wash off as they talk to each other. Even with Sirius and Remus having only exchanged blunt words, he still felt the love and care that was buried inside Remus' chest.
It was the love and care that was only reserved for Sirius. Grant tried and tried to have the amount of love Remus gave to Sirius, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to have it. Grant couldn't have it because it wasn't his. Yet he still hoped, and wanted for it. In the end, he was met with open endings, none that consisted of Remus with him. Although in every heart break, Grant still relished in the gold rush Remus gave him. Every single one.
As he looks at Sirius' blank stare towards the TV, Grant wonders if this was the same person Remus has loved before. He tried to reconsider staying, but he knew that it wasn't because he doubted Sirius. He knows that Remus and Sirius will find their way to help each other soon enough. No, it was because Grant still wanted to stay. But he couldn't, if he chooses to move on for Remus and Sirius to build up like they did before. The only difference was that their love would stay forever.
_____
Before Grant left, he wanted to talk to Sirius. He gave all his hopes away to make room for the hopes Remus and Sirius would have. He wanted to make sure that Remus was completely safe, even if he knew.
"Hiya Sirius." Grant smiles as he sat down beside Sirius. He was met with a glare. Grant held a breath. It was now or never.
"You'll take care of Remus, yeah?"
"I always have, and it will stay that way." Sirius grumbles. Grant didn't care for his bad attitude towards him, as long as he'll never do that to Remus.
"Good. That's nice." Grant nodded, and Sirius nodded like he wanted to say something. He already knew what it was going to be, that was the whole purpose of this talk in the first place.
"Are you leaving?" Sirius was staring right into his eyes, waiting for an answer. This time, Grant didn't hesitate.
"Yeah. I think you and Remus need some space together. Can't do that if I'm here, am I?" Sirius nods in return. Quiet fills the living room. It wasn't as awkward as Grant thought it would be.
"Thank you." Sirius whispers. "For taking care of Remus when I wasn't."
"I love him, and that won't ever change. Even if I won't love him as a partner, I'll still love him as a friend." Grant smiles, and this time, Sirius tries to smile back. He knew that he was the right person for Remus.
____
As he heads out the door, he sees Remus come up to him. His face was confused, with a mix of worry. It pains to see his face curl into a feeling of hurt like it was when he mourned of everything he has lost. But, Grant knew that it would hurt him even more if he stayed.
"Are you leaving?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"Because it would hurt you more. And you know it would hurt me as well."
Remus was tearing up now. "What about us? Please, I don't want you to leave. I need you to stay, please. "
"Darling, you know that it won't be good for us. Sirius is here to take care of you. And I know you will take care of him too."
Remus hugged him. Grant hugged him back, tightening the hug. "Where will you be staying?"
"I'll be with an old friend of mine. Don't worry, I'll still write to you."
"Take care of yourself, yeah?"
"You do too, Remus."
They hugged once more and said a few more goodbyes before he touches the rusted door as he went out. Salt air washes him as he tries to wipe off his tears with his jacket. It was cold, like the times when Grant would fetch Remus in his car after long hours of drinking. He thought he would have not missed it but he did. It hit him like a big rock getting thrown at him that many happy memories Grant would have with Remus would be painful nights for Remus to reminisce. It pains him that he was one of the only people who helped Remus in all the 12 years he had suffered and mourned.
But the only person Grant could blame was himself. He brought his own pain upon him. He knew the risks yet he still wanted to stay. Grant stayed for the most part because Remus needed someone to help him. But some part of him stayed because he thought something would grow out between them. And it did grow something, yet he knew that it was going to wither someday. However, he realizes that a flower is going to bloom. And it would blossom the most beautiful flower yet. A flower that is still filled with love and care, yet it would be as a friend. It will be hard to move on, but it would be harder if he stayed. He stepped on the pavement, as he leaves all the memories he has made with Remus.
Grant left so that new memories would form with both Remus and Sirius. And he would form new memories as well, only during by himself for a while.
Even if the tears keep falling off his face, he still will never regret the time he spent with Remus.
All the 12years, Remus was his magic in life.
And that's something only Grant had.
Yet, it was all he could ever have. If he was asked a million times if he ever wanted to redo it again, he would agree in a heartbeat.
Because in the end, Remus was never his, yet Remus was everything for him.
And all the years spent with Remus slipped like a bottle of wine as he walked somewhere that would lead new memories.