making the bed
Regulus wanted to die.
He didn’t know how to think, how to speak or even how to move.
He felt as hollow as a person could.
He didn’t get what he did wrong.
They were having family dinner. His uncle and aunt were there. He just said that Sirius wasn’t a bad person for getting into Gryffindor because his uncle thought it was morally wrong. And then he saw the face of his mother. Regulus for once let himself be scared. Not neutral or blank around his parents, but scared.
Mother was in his head.
She saw every letter. Every time they sneaked out to see Andy. She saw Barty.
An hour later after uncle and aunt left she led him into a room. Into the room from where so many of Sirius’ and his screams came from. The dark, black room in which he just sometimes saw this little spark of fire in the corner.
Regulus’ sight was blinded by a dark string of magic. From then on he felt like he was drowning. Drowning in this infinite darkness that felt like liquid.
And the hits kept coming and coming. Every strip of dark magic only his mother used was buried under the skin on his back and it leaked into his blood and bones and the drowning feeling wouldn’t go and Regulus couldn’t breathe. And the only sound he could hear trough the pumping blood, that didn’t even feel like his own, in his ears were just screams. And then with the only few thoughts he could make he realized that it was his own voice cracking up.
But the pain still didn’t stop.
And his father just watched. One of the man he at some point idolized and loved just watched. Watched Regulus, his son, get his pale white skin get ruined with black scars which felt like the worst agony a ten year old could phantom.
And then at one moment it was done. He was on the floor, his mother was gone, his father called Kreacher to pick him up.
Kreacher, Kreacher, Kreacher.
Regulus sometimes forgot for how much he was grateful for that elf grumbling and strolling around their hollow house and even sometimes reminding Regulus that good can survive in this place.
***
The black scars will never go away. Probably like his reputation and his last name. But Kreacher at least tried to help. Tried to heal them up as best as he can.
But his darling mother really knows how to do damage and have no cure for it, doesn’t she?
Regulus tried to make his hands move on their own just to get his water but his nerve system was still too damaged for him to do it. Fortunately, Kreacher was still there and helped him drink.
‘Thank you for taking care of me Kreacher. ‘
Regulus didn’t recognize his voice. On every word he would have to go tense to get it out, and had to make a pause so he could get the next one over his tongue.
‘Always for you, Master Regulus.’ Kreacher replied with worry in his eyes.
‘Kreacher, I think it’s really not necessary for you to call me Master.’
‘Would you prefer Regulus?’
‘Yes Kreacher, that would be really nice.’
‘Okay then, Regulus.’ Kreacher said with a hint of a smile on his voice. Regulus noticed that between them two was always this tone of understanding. Probably because both were stuck here under the control of his parents. In two very different ways, but still both cruel.
***
Barty couldn’t come because his mother is sick, so Regulus is kinda left with Luna. Her visiting him now have after some time become an everyday thing which brought Regulus comfort because for him rarely anything was something he wouldn’t have to be scared it would stop or go away.
Today was in particular an October rainy day, for which Regulus didn’t really complain about because then he could at the same time enjoy the sound of rain and warm cuddles from Luna in his bed.
Sirius’ birthday was in few weeks, so Regulus really wanted to plan a gift he could send but with his mother always watching him now he didn’t know how possible it was but he promised himself he would try to send him one of his Bowie vinyls he loves but forgot at home.
Halloween was also coming up. He knew that now because Sirius wasn’t there he probably couldn’t celebrate that much, but still he was really excited to see Andy because of their candy tradition every year.
Because I’m their house besides some of wizard sweets, they never really had any treats. But every year on Halloween, it didn’t matter if his cousins were coming for dinner or Andromeda would be coming from her house, she would sneak in muggle sweets which all three of them would treat themselves with. He was just a bit sad Sirius wouldn’t be there this year, but at least he could see Andromeda which he really dearly missed.
Also he remembered he would be seeing Bellatrix on the 31st. He didn’t really miss his, well a bit wicked and crazy, cousin but still he really didn’t mind seeing one more familiar face that could easily bring a smile on his face. Because even tho she looked like she just came out of a mental hospital, Bellatrix was still a lot of fun and one of few people that could always crack him up.
So he really didn’t mind.
He kind of missed laughing more often. He still laughed, especially when Barty was around, but the rest of the days were always kinda bland. He would sometimes get a letter from Sirius or Cissa which was always nice to hear from but besides that nothing really brought him pure happiness anymore.
So Regulus just laid some more with his cat, with the rain singing him the most unique songs to fall asleep to.