Dreaming of the Stars
The first night back Regulus sat at the astronomy tower, right on the edge, legs dangling between the bars.
He thought often about ending his life.
Not because he wanted to die, just because he would have the power.
His mother controlled every aspect of his life and if he did this it would be on his own terms, a Walburga free punishment.
He’d taken 3 of Barty’s concoctions that he used to get high, to help with the pain.
he was startled out of his thoughts by a cough.
“FUCK.” he exclaimed. “Merlin how long have you been stood there.” Regulus snapped looking up at James Potter.
“Um, not long i was just contemplating how to approach you without scaring you off the ledge”
he chuckled scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.
“Anyway i uh, when do i give you your cat back?”
“He’s back yes i forgot yes..” Regulus blurted genuinely excited. “fuck give him to me now.” he was completely erratic.
“i mean he’s.. he’s at the tower in my dorm i didn’t-“
“yes of course silly of me i apologise, could i have him back tomorrow please? i can meet you where we met last time? after breakfast?” Regulus asked exasperated
“yeah sure works for me” James smiled, confused by the new demeanour.
Regulus turned around to pick up his wand when his jumper lifted up slightly, revealing the small ends of his wounds.
“Reg are you okay? your back?” James asked, panicked.
Regulus whipped his head around angrily and opened his mouth to say something which James assumed was going to be very nasty, he then exhaled deeply and smoothened out his facial expression waving James off.
“You know what, i’m certain Sirius has run his mouth already so i won’t bother explaining myself. I am fine, not that it should be any of your concern, goodnight Potter.” He grumbled, clambering to his feet.
“Are you drunk?” James asked, concerned.
Regulus just scoffed, walking past the boy and making his way out of the door,
“Do not forget my cat tomorrow or Merlin help you.” He pointed a shaky finger at James before leaving him in the room, stunned.
James stayed for a while, taking in the scene that was just before him, then picked up his cloak and map that he’d hidden in the corner, and made his way back to the tower.
“Alright mate?” Remus asked as James walked through the dorm door looking disheveled.
James just nodded and began getting ready for bed.
“OH THIS BLOODY FUCKING CAT” came a screech from the bathroom, Sirius trudged into the bedroom holding what was his bath towel, now more of a bath rag.
James picked up Crookshanks from the end of the bed and covered his ears, “Don’t talk like that in front of him.” James warned.
“I’ll do what i like,” Sirius said turning his nose up at the pair, “If that prick thinks he can destroy my property i WILL let him know how i feel.”
“He’s a baby.” James narrowed his eyes.
“He probably smells dog.” Peter chimed in from his bed.
“He’s a bloody nuisance is what he is, whose did you say he was again?” Sirius raised a brow.
James went slightly pink in the cheeks, and coughed, “Pandora, you know the ravenclaw?”
“Hm.” Sirius replied, unconvinced, getting into bed muttering about cats being beastly.
James lay in bed with the kitten sleeping on his chest, thinking about the boy he’d seen tonight, the new found gentleness, the jagged marks under his shirt. The light freckles that splattered his face.
That night James fell asleep dreaming of the stars.
The next morning James was solemn at breakfast, he was genuinely going to miss Crookshanks.
His family had taken such a liking to him over Christmas, Effie had snuggled up with him by the fire place every night and she was admittedly snowing, to see the kitten go than her own son.
“Prongsy old chap,” Sirius sighed, leaning his head on his best friend’s shoulder, “I um..can we head to the shack later? I need to talk to you.”
Remus looked up from his bowl of cereal quizzically, but didn’t say anything. Peter, whose head was deep in his herbology book, hadn’t even noticed what was happening.
“Sure Pads.” James nodded quietly.
He got up from the table and made his way back up to the dorm to collect Crookshanks.
“pspsps” he whispered kneeling down next to his bed.
Crookshanks came bounding out from under James’ bed and into his arms.
“Hello little man.” he giggled, standing up and leaving the dorm.
The walk to the greenhouses was quiet, he was selfishly thinking about keeping the kitten and telling Regulus he ran away, but he knew he would end up feeling terrible after about half an hour of lying. Regulus was already waiting when he arrived.
“Potter.” he grunted,
“Back to formalities I see?” James smiled, handing the kitten back to Regulus, Crookshanks immediately cuddled up to the side of his neck, he’d not done that with any of the Potters.
“Thankyou for taking care of him.” Regulus said quietly , turning on his heel and trudging off in the snow.
James stayed where he was for a while, replaying the interaction in his head, why is it that Regulus is so uninterested in even acknowledging him? He decided he was going to change that.
Later in the day when Sirius and James were both finished with their classes for the day, they made their way to the shrieking shack. It was still heavily snowing, and the early January sun was setting.
James could see his own breath flying away in front of him, he thought back to December 19th, Regulus stood beforehim, whispering a quiet goodbye to his kitten, fog leaving his mouth as he did so.
The two boys entered the shack and sat down on Remus’ raggedy, torn up bed.
James waited quietly for what felt like forever, before looking up at Sirius to ask him what he wanted to talk about. Sirius was already looking at James, eyes glossy and dripping.
“Pads what’s going on?” he asked cautiously.
“Prongs I.. I can’t stay with my parents anymore,” He choked out. “Walburga, she tied me up and hexed my mouth shut for a days, I couldn’t eat, or drink, or talk , she crucioed me, I..” He faltered.
“Reggie, didn’t even try to help me and I just can't take it anymore. Do you think, Effie would mind if I stayed with you guys for a little while, just until I can support myself?”
James didn’t respond, he just leaped at his friend, hugging him tightly as they both sniffled. They stayed like this for a while until James pulled back.
“Thankyou for telling me this, I’ll write mum tonight, lets go back to the tower and get some rest yeah?”
Sirius nodded and they made their way back to the tower.
The Slytherin dorm was much livelier that night, Barty had taken great pleasure in throwing paper balls – his scrunched up homework pages - around the room and watching Crookshanks leap after them.
“Such simple creatures.” Dorcas sighed from the bottom of Evan’s bed.
“Aren’t they!” Barty said excitedly.
Dorcas and Pandora giggled in unison.
“She was referring to men Barty.” Evan retorted quietly , not looking up from his book.
“Cunts, the lot of you.” He responded, throwing another paper ball right at Regulus’ head.
“The fuck did I do.” Regulus spat, glaring at Barty.
“Bystander.” Barty shrugged smirking.
“So, where did you take Crookie over Christmas?” Barty asked.
“None of your business.” He grunted, rolling over and turning off his bed lamp.
This sparked Barty’s curiosity, he looked up at Pandora who was thinking the same as him, Dorcas and Evan both giving them a look that said ‘leave it’.
They weren’t going to.