Belle
I run hard until I am outside. If my brain had been working properly, I would have remembered that it was too near to curfew to be bounding down the stone floors and echoing hallways. Fortunately, I wasn’t caught and when I emerged from giant double doors I am breathless. I press myself against the outer wall being sure to avoid any windows and catch my breath. I press my hand against my throat as I gasp at the crisp autumn air and I recall the feel of Remus’ hand on my jaw. I shiver and I feel my face redden as I remember the involuntary reaction my body had to his lips against my ears. I don’t know what I expected to happen when I lost control and yelled at him but I know that I was not expecting that.
The sun had set and the dark pink and purple sky was giving way to early nighttime. I crept along the wall toward the rendezvous point I am meant to meet my mum at. While I walk, I try to put myself in Remus’ shoes and I ask myself, “What the hell am I thinking?”
If I were him, I might’ve hexed myself. Or would I have hit myself? I recall the rage and hatred that filled my body during my confrontation with him. It felt like a burning electricity running down my spine and exploding through my skin. I had just screamed at him in a way that was surprising as I am usually cool-headed; I am usually collected. Remus brought out a side of me that I didn’t recognize; it was a worse side that called him names and threatened him with violence. Maybe the threat of violence is what pushed him over the edge. I’m nearing the place mentioned in the letter and quickly I decide that that must have been the trigger. I threatened to hurt him so he immobilized my threat.
After I accepted my explanation of the strange behavior Remus had exhibited, I smooth my hands down my skirt and run my fingers through my hair. I open my backpack and remove the note from the bound blue book. I clutch it in my hands and focus my attention on the entrance of the forest. I can hear a million crickets singing as my eyes search for the blonde hair I remember my mother having. Then someone emerges from the seemingly endless mess of trees. A woman with brittle blonde hair tied back in a bun, pale teary eyes, a black blouse tucked into a dark brown skirt, and a small satin black ribbon tied around her neck steps toward me slowly. I lock eyes with her and my throat tightens as I look at her. I take a step toward her and open my mouth but nothing comes out but a strangled sound so I clamp my lips together tightly. She smiles warmly and I break into a run toward her. She embraces me and I bury my face in her neck. She strokes my hair as she murmurs,
“My perfect girl. My baby.” She pulls me away and she looks at my face with warmth. I find my voice although tears are still streaming down my face,
“Momma, I missed you.” She reaches a hand up to stroke away my tears and smiles at me. Up close I can see that she has dark circles under her eyes and she’s smaller than I remember. Dad was a tall man so perhaps I had just grown but besides our height difference, I see a little of myself in her.
“I missed you more,” she says. “Look at you, my bright little witch.” I smile and place my hand over hers. I look into her eyes and ask the question,
“Where have you been this whole time? I thought– I,” my voice cracks again and she looks down at her feet. I wait for her to answer and eventually, she looks at me with tears in her eyes.
“Oh baby, please don’t be mad at me,” she cries.
“No!” I quickly say, “I’m not mad at all, I just really missed you. We all have. You’ve been gone for years.”
She softens and sighs when she says, “Well I’m back now and I want to hear about you. What are you like? What do you learn in school? What are your friends like?” I smile giddily and pull out my wand. I conjure a bench for us to sit on and her hands clap together in excitement. I tell her about everything, my favorite classes, my least favorite classes, my hobbies, some of the hijinks I’ve been involved in, the best candy in Hogsmeade, and finally about my friends.
“James and I are like siblings. He will be so excited to see you– and Auntie and Uncle! Have you talked with them?” I gush. Something shifts and my mother’s excited eyes close off.
“Not yet, baby. But soon. For now, you must promise me that you will keep our meetings a secret.” She commands. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.
“But why? They’ve missed you like me. You can’t just disappear for years and,” I trail off when I see my mother standing. I stare up at her in disbelief. She looks down at me with disappointment playing on her face.
“I know you’re hurt but you must find it in yourself to forgive me. I am here now and I am with you. We will be together now.” She softens at the end of her statement. I hang my head in shame and nod. She lifts my face, smiles, and says, “I have a gift for you.” She pulls out an old silver locket with a bluebell etched on the front of it. I admire it and she speaks softly, “I bought it for you, and it's yours to fill with whatever you want but I brought you this. I understand if you don’t want to waste half the space on this old photo,” She hands me a small photo of her, looking exactly how I remember her, and me as a tiny baby wearing a red gingham dress and a plain denim bucket hat. We’re laughing. I smile at the perfect image and I choke up again.
“Thank you,” I murmur and I wrap my arms around her, squeezing hard. She yelps and I pull back. I give her a concerned look and she waves me off. Then she looks toward the forest. I twist my head but I don't see anything.
“I have to go now,” she says. I feel a moment of panic and it must read on my face because my mum strokes my hair and says, “I’ll reach out to you again soon so we can meet again. I promise I won’t go anywhere.”
Her promise calms me a bit but I can’t shake my unease. I nod and she waves one last time before she disappears into the foliage. I fiddle with the locket. First, I place the photo in the locket then I hook it around my neck. I remain on the bench until I see the sky start to lighten ever so softly. I make my way back to the castle and my luck remains. I was not obviously missed as I crawl into bed and easily fall asleep, my emotional exhaustion knocking me into a peaceful sleep.