Falling Down
Slowly, ever so slowly, Payton pressed the soldering iron against the point where the wires met the circuit board; watching as the silvery alloy melted over the copper tips. She kept track of her work through the magnifying glass that DUM-E held over the workbench for her. After a few hiccups with the robot moving the lens around when she hadn’t asked him to, they eventually got a rhythm going. Step by step, her new web-shooters were coming together, and they looked far better than her old ones had. Perks of being able to work in a billionaire’s personal lab she guessed.
“Payton, there are multiple fabricators that are not currently running. If you would just allow me to upload your blueprints to the system, I could run the manufacturing process for you.” FRIDAY offered, reminding Payton once again of the AI’s omnipresence within Avengers Tower.
“You’re already synthesizing the web fluid. I can make the shooters myself.” She replied, leaning further over the table to get a better view of one of the small components within the device.
“The synthesis of the web fluid takes up very little of my processing power. It would be no issue to-”
“I want to do this myself.” Payton interrupted. “I was fine with letting you make the fluid mostly because that is more busy work. Measuring, stirring, all that is stuff that gets tedious after the first few times. I like this tinkering. Making something with my own two hands is… therapeutic. It feels like cheating to just pass it off to some foundry that can do it all in half an hour. A little higher please, DUM-E.”
There was a noticeable pause before FRIDAY continued. “I understand Payton. The boss is much the same way when it comes to new projects. You share many such traits with him.”
Payton’s hands froze as she looked up to the ceiling. A pointless gesture seeing as how FRIDAY was everywhere, and the nearest node that held the AI’s sensors was actually in a nearby wall rather than the ceiling. “I’ve been hearing that a lot recently. Lots of people like to build things, that's not a rare trait.”
“Maybe not.” FRIDAY conceded. “But the point remains. I find it particularly notable that Boss created his first Arc Reactor with a collection of spare parts and trash while captive in Afghanistan. You made your first web-shooters with a similar quality of resources while hiding out in the Punisher’s care.”
Snorting, Payton turned her attention back to the small circuit board she was working on. “The web-shooters are hardly comparable to an Arc Reactor.”
“They don’t have to be. What matters is that both of you were in highly stressful situations, and both of you designed and came up with solutions to help you survive those situations.”
“But Tony escaped! He fought his way out and became a superhero! I got myself caught and became a murderer. So how comparable are those situations really?” She asked, slamming her tools down on the table in frustration.
FRIDAY was silent for a moment, and Payton could practically feel the AI’s attention on her. “You are right. The situations are not comparable. In my opinion, yours was far more dangerous.”
“...What?” She asked lamely.
“The events that led to your capture by the Red Room was a more dangerous situation than the one your father was in during his captivity by the Ten Rings. By all accounts, Taskmaster and the Red Room’s Enforcers were all far more dangerous foes than any the Boss had to deal with. Furthermore, Boss had many years worth of experience building weapons, and at least some small self-defense training on behalf of Mister Hogan’s employment. You had none of those things, and yet you still turned the poor quality of resources available to you into a device that helped you fight for yourself. Thus I find that ultimately, Boss’ and your situations were quite similar.”
“Huh.” Payton huffed, feeling a bit of pride welling up in her chest at the AI’s praise of her efforts. “Thanks, Fri. I guess I shouldn’t try to debate an AI in the future.” She joked.
“I doubt it would go well for you.” FRIDAY responded, humor lacing her voice.
She and the AI continued to idly chat while she worked, FRIDAY helping her find supplies she was looking for in the still-unfamiliar environment of Tony Stark’s lab. He had brought her down here for the first time the previous day, telling her it would be a good way to decompress after having to recall everything she could about the Red Room to Director Coulson. Tony had been right of course. Getting introduced to the bots and one of, if not the, most advanced labs on the planet had been more than enough to help her ignore her pounding anxiety.
Director Coulson had made it as easy as possible on her, and she later remembered that he had plenty of experience working with ex-Widows. But that still didn’t help the fact that he had been asking her to speak about all the things she’d been trying to ignore. To hide behind a mask of marble.
The questions hadn’t helped the fact that with each passing day, Payton felt more and more like her mask was slipping. That the hard shell she’s built around herself to avoid feeling hurt again was cracking apart. She couldn’t sleep because of the nightmares. She couldn’t go to the shared spaces in the Tower because of the worried stares and words that chiseled away more of the last thing keeping her from falling apart. She couldn’t afford to fall apart again.
So, as Tony had said, working in the lab helped. Sketching plans could only go so far as a distraction. But actually building those plans? Payton had managed to last the rest of the day and well into the night yesterday before Tony and FRIDAY had forced her to go to sleep. Or try to sleep in her case. A few hours of tossing and turning pointlessly had her back in the elevator and in the lab before the sun had risen, this time bringing her schematics along for the ride. FRIDAY had given some token resistance, but hadn’t done anything to stop her. Maybe something in the AI’s sensors had shown the machine that Payton was better off down here.
Building her newest model of web-shooter was a welcome challenge that kept her mind occupied. Her original designs from before had been fairly simplistic. They had to be in order to work with the scraps she had available to her. Just the capsule, the nozzle, and the button really. No ability to be reconfigured for different situations. That was a flaw she was trying to fix now, though she was trying to also remain cognizant of the fact that the more parts that exist, the higher the likelihood of malfunctions.
The new web-shooters would be able to fit three capsules of web fluid into the wrist guard, one for each of the formulas of fluid she intended to make. So far she had only gotten two properly functioning. Her original fluid formula with its strength and springiness, and the hardier formula, designed for even more strength at the cost of flexibility. The second formula would also last longer. What she hadn’t been able to get to work yet was a web fluid that would also be conductive once exposed to the air. Organic spider silk, which her designs were based on (obviously), was an insulator, not a conductor. Which meant she had to find a way to reverse that chemistry, while also keeping it functioning the same as the other webs. FRIDAY was synthesizing a few formulas that she’d come up with as potential solutions, but she wouldn’t know for certain until she had the chance to physically interact with them.
Of course there was always the possibility that she couldn’t figure it out, in which case she would have to redesign the system to include the original Widow Bites. She hoped that wouldn’t be the case. If it was, maybe she’d just drop the idea of adding an electric weapon to the web-shooters.
Before she knew it, a few more hours had passed in the lab, and the functional pieces of one of the shooters were put together. It wasn’t pretty, being a bunch of exposed wires, valves, and other components. As soon as she knew it worked she could work on building the outer layer that would safeguard the mechanical structure. The downside to adding advanced functions to the devices was that they would be larger and thus harder to conceal. She’d been able to work around that slightly by making it so that the full design would be in two parts. The first part was the basic web-shooter. It held the capsules and components necessary to fire the webs but none of the larger pieces necessary to actually switch between them. As it was, when she was out in public the shooters would act just like her old ones; only able to shoot the base web fluid. That would make it so they would be easy to disguise as large wristbands.
The full model, all functions attached, would be more like armored bracers, bad for public wear, good for wearing as part of the suit she’d been designing. First she’d have to finish the damn things though, otherwise it was just a pretty thought.
“FRIDAY, could you get some of the basic web fluid ready for me?” She requested, pulling the skeletons of the two web-shooter parts onto her wrist. While the first part was the one with all the mechanical structures complete, the second only had the dial that she’d used to switch which canister’s valve was open.
“I already have, Payton. The capsules were manufactured to your specifications and have been loaded with web fluid. The heavier fluid, as well as the prototypes for the conductive web fluid are all safely stored in airtight containers, waiting for your use.”
Heading to the other side of the lab, Payton watched as a hatch on one of the many machines slid open, revealing a tray of small cartridges. Snagging one from its place on the tray, Payton slid it into the vacant slot on her web-shooter, hearing a small hiss as the pressurized canister attached to the sealed valve. A quick inspection revealed no leaks and no room for the canister to wiggle around and potentially dislodge itself.
“My sensors indicate that the integration was successful.” FRIDAY commented, drawing a huff out of her lungs.
“My eyes are telling me the same.” She returned, twisting in place and pointing her wrist toward her water bottle on the other side of the lab.
Her middle and ring fingers pressed down into the button that rested easily on her palm, and immediately a thin, white line shot from the nozzle of the device with a thwip. The line flew across the lab faster than she could track and collided with the wrench that sat next to her bottle. She missed. Frowning, Payton wrapped her hand around the line that was still connected to her wrist and pulled, sending the wrench flying back towards her. Double tapping the button, the web-line was cut from the nozzle, freeing Payton’s arm to reach up and catch the metal tool before it made contact with her face.
“Well done, Payton. The web-shooter works perfectly.” FRIDAY praised.
“I missed.” She remarked, scowling.
“From your own reports, you only ever had a few days of practice seven months ago. It is understandable that you would need some practice.”
“I know that!” Payton growled, anger flaring before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry… sorry.”
“It’s alright.” The AI soothed, voice sounding softer than normal.
Groaning, Payton ran her hands through her hair, tugging at the roots in frustration. “It’s not! There was no reason for me to snap at you but I did anyway! Why?”
“Your mental state has not yet recovered from your captivity in the Red Room. Studies prove that prolonged periods of heightened stress and aggression can have lasting impacts on one’s psyche.”
“You’d think all the training to specifically make sure this didn’t happen would mean something.” She laughed humorlessly, the sound far more stressed than anything else.
“According to my understanding, the Red Room did not teach Widows how to be unfeeling. They forced you to repress your feelings. Now that you are free, you subconsciously are aware that it is safe to show how you feel, but the rest of you has yet to catch up to that, which causes frustration and anger that you direct both at yourself and others.” FRIDAY informed.
“Did Tony program you as a therapist too?” She snarled, internally feeling guilty about being rude to the AI but she just couldn’t stop herself. She felt as though someone was squeezing her lungs and heart, compressing her chest.
A new pair of footsteps made their way to her ears; the sound of heels clacking on a tile floor startling her as she hadn’t been paying enough attention to hear them coming earlier.
“Not quite, but FRIDAY has her moments.”
Payton recognized the voice, and turned to face Pepper Potts. She’d seen the woman multiple times over the past week since she’d been brought to the Tower. Mostly at team dinners that Payton had been forced to attend despite not belonging there. They’d exchanged some words over that time, but had never really had a conversation.
“But a therapist would be good for you. Not an AI in a lab, but a real therapist.” The older woman continued, taking a few more steps into the lab and depositing a folder onto Tony’s desk.
Huffing, Payton turned to face her fully. “You know? It took longer than I thought for someone to bring that up. You’re the first one.”
Miss Potts smiled softly. “That’s because Tony doesn’t want to overstep, and May hasn’t actually said anything on the topic.”
“So you’re stepping in to say it on their behalf.” Payton concluded, crossing her arms over her chest.
“I’m saying it because it's true. Therapy isn’t anything to be afraid of. I’ve been through it, Tony’s been through it. Really, most of the Avengers have seen a therapist at one point or another. A professional can help you, Payton.” Pepper insisted, closing the distance between them before placing a hand on her shoulder.
“I don’t need therapy.” She remarked, looking up into Pepper’s eyes. “They’ll just tell me the same thing they told me last time! Except none of that’s been helping!”
“Last time?” Pepper asked, and Payton saw the regret in the question just as anger exploded out of her again.
“That’s none of your business!” She snapped, twisting away from the woman, forcing her hand off her shoulder.
Pepper took a quick step back, both hands held in the air in surrender. “You’re right. You’re right. I had no place to ask that, I’m just worried about you Payton.”
“Why? You hardly know me.”
“You don’t have to know someone well to care about their well-being, Payton.” Pepper sighed. “Plus, it seems you’ve been avoiding me, which makes it difficult to get to know you.”
“I’ve been avoiding everyone.” She shot back, before flushing in embarrassment over the admission.
The woman laughed. “Yeah. That’s part of the problem. We all care about you here Payton. Not just Tony and May, but everyone.”
“…Right.” She replied dumbly, not knowing what else to say, causing Pepper to sigh again.
“Look, I know it’ll take some time, but please think about what I’ve said.” She took a breath. “Now, on a different note, have you seen Tony anywhere? He’s been avoiding some paperwork I need him to sign.”
The change in topic was quick enough to give her mental whiplash, but Payton appreciated it nonetheless. The more she was forced to speak on the…heavier… topics, the more she felt herself on the verge of breaking to pieces. “He hasn’t been in the lab yet.”
That seemed to surprise Pepper. “Really? He usually stops by here first thing in the morning, if only just to get distracted by a project and miss all his scheduled meetings. I swear he does it on purpose”
“Boss joined Director Coulson and Captain Rogers for another meeting this morning. They are going over the information Payton gave regarding Taskmaster’s capabilities again.” FRIDAY informed.
“Any idea how long they’ll be?”
“Unknown.”
Pepper sighed. “Alright. Tell him I’m leaving these papers on his desk. They better be signed before the end of the day.”
“I’ll pass on the message once their meeting is over.”
“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Pepper smiled before turning back to Payton. “And you, young lady, are going to come with me to get some breakfast.”
Confused, Payton turned her attention back to Pepper, having started to fiddle with the web-shooter on her wrist thinking that Potts would be leaving. “What? Why?”
“Because, you need to eat. I’ve seen the charts on how fast your metabolism functions. I am not going to let you starve yourself.”
“I’m not even hungry.” Payton lied.
Sure she could eat, but the hunger wasn’t too bad yet and she would much rather continue working on the web-shooters. If she left with Pepper she knew that she wouldn’t be able to get back down to the lab for hours. Someone would always drag her into some other activity to keep her company all while trying to act like they weren’t treating her like she was made of glass. It was infuriating, getting dragged around like a doll because none of them trusted her to be on her own. But they expected her to behave, so she would. Frustrating as it was, it was better to play along.
“Uh huh. Come on missy, those bags under your eyes tell me you’ve been down here for hours. And don’t try to deny it, I’ve known Tony for years and he’s the same way. I know the signs.”
Accepting defeat, Payton took the web-shooter off her wrist and followed the woman to the elevator and then to the common floor. The room smelled like a breakfast buffet and looked like one too. With all of the Avengers sans the two in a meeting scattered about and a table filled to the brim with food Payton was taken off guard for a moment before Pepper dragged her further into the room, much to her chagrin.
The team welcomed her, and while they kept a respectable distance she still felt crowded. Breakfast itself was… actually kind of nice. She wouldn’t admit it aloud, but as soon as she started eating she realized just how hungry she actually was and began to scarf the food down at what some might call a dangerous speed. Though, judging by the knowing smirk on Pepper’s lips and the victorious gleam in her eyes the woman already knew she was right. The best thing about breakfast however, was that she had an excuse to avoid speaking to the others by virtue of her mouth being constantly full.
After breakfast was a different story. Just as she had expected, she had not been able to sneak away to the lab again. Instead, Wanda and Pietro had dragged her along to play some board games, the two of them seemingly having become obsessed with them (even as Pietro seemed to be unable to sit still for more than a minute while playing). Once they were done, Payton once again tried to slip away, only for Natasha and Clint to find her and drag her to their floor. And that was how the day went. When one group of Avengers couldn’t find an excuse to keep her around them anymore, another team showed up to drag her somewhere else. It was exhausting. Sure they were doing it because they cared, and were worried about her being alone. But she just wasn’t in the mood for it. Her patience, already stretched thin, was at a breaking point. The constant concerned looks, the pointed questions disguised as innocent ones, the way the Avengers looked at each other if one of them accidentally pushed too far, it was all too much.
Payton wanted to be left alone. Payton wanted to finish the work on her web-shooters because without them on her wrists she felt exposed, vulnerable. Payton wanted to not feel as though every fake smile and false platitude wasn’t just her placing a piece of tape over a cracking dam and hoping that it would help hold everything… hold her together. It wasn’t even that she didn’t want the Avengers to help, it was nice knowing they cared for her well-being, but the truth was that she couldn’t afford to fall apart again. After Skip she spent years putting herself back together, pushing back the worst memories and feelings until it was locked deep within her mind. If that dam burst, and everything negative she’d shoved in their came rushing out, Payton knew she wouldn’t be able to handle it. She could pretend to be fine all she wanted, but it was only a matter of time.
Finally, long after lunch had passed and the sun began to set in the distance, she was free. Managing to slip away, Payton entered the elevator and asked FRIDAY to take her to the lab, slumping against the glass wall, pointedly looking away from the reflective surface. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her reflection. She hadn’t done so since before she’d been rescued. She knew that she would see anyone. Dark bags beneath sad eyes, slumped shoulders, fraying hair that had been anxiously tugged at too much, she knew all that, which was why she refused to look. If she looked, then she would see how far she’d fallen, and all her efforts to hold herself together would be lost.
Tony was in the lab when she arrived, which she should have expected. But Tony and May were the two people she could handle around her the most. May for obvious reasons, and Tony… well. Tony seemed to get that she wanted space. He’d keep conversations directed towards things that weren’t her. He’d show he cared, but he didn’t participate in the game of hot potato the rest of the team seemed to be playing with her.
At the moment, he was bent over the table where she had left her web-shooter, inspecting the device with care. Once he’d noticed her arrival, Tony stood upright and smiled.
“Hey! Have a nice day?” He wondered.
“It was… good.” She lied, walking over to stand next to him. “I wanted to be down here most of the time though.”
Tony laughed. “Yeah… yeah, I get that. It’s a lot better down here with the toys than it is dealing with those bores huh?”
“Something like that.” She mumbled, looking down towards the web-shooter still resting in front of Tony. “...Can I?”
He looked confused for a moment before seeing what she was gesturing to. “Huh? Oh! Yeah, sorry.” Tony took a step away from the table so that she could reach past him and grab the shooter. “That’s some great work there kid. Genius really.”
“Um, thanks.” She flushed, cradling her invention in her hands. “It’s nothing that special, pretty simple actually.”
“Nope.” Tony denied. “It's deceptively complex actually. Looks simple at a first glance, but the more I looked at it the more I realized just how fine-tuned everything had to be for it to work. It’s simple to you because you’re the genius who designed it.”
“Like you with the Arc Reactors?” She asked, setting the web-shooter back on her own workbench to use as reference as she puts the other one together.
“Exactly.” Tony confirmed, and she heard him sit down at his desk behind her. “You should have FRIDAY manufacture the shell for those, it would help speed things up.” He recommended.
Sighing, Payton turned to face him. “I told her earlier that I preferred working on it myself.”
“And I get that. But just like with the web fluid, building the shell is just busy work. Sure you could get the materials and cut them to size, hammer them into shape and all that, but it would take a lot of time for something that the fabricators could do with laser precision. It also leaves more time for the fun stuff.”
“Did you do that for your Iron Man suits?” Payton questioned, turning back to her own work as she sorted out the materials she would need.
“For every one except the first.” Tony told her. “And hammering the steel plates into shape for the Mark One sucked. First thing I did when I had the Mark Two fully designed, with all mechanical components completed, was ask JARVIS to manufacture the actual armor for me. I may have put the pieces together, but the machines built the outer shell.”
Payton exhaled slowly, looking at her collection of notes. If she was being honest with herself, she really wasn’t looking forward to taking the time to actually build the shell. She was just going to do it out of stubborness, and Tony really did make a good point. “Alright.” She sighed, conceding defeat. “FRIDAY, can you scan my blueprints and get the plates for the outer shells going?”
“It would be my pleasure, Payton.” The AI agreed.
After that, the conversation between the three ended. It couldn’t be said that the lab was silent, as there was plenty of noise made between the robots that drove around the space, Payton and Tony both working on their own designs, and FRIDAY speaking up every now and again with updates from the fabricators for both her and whatever Tony was working on.
Once a few hours had passed, Pepper delivered dinner to the two of them, and ate at one of the actual clear and clean tables available. The taste of New York pizza was heavenly, and Payton wished that May was here as well, but her Aunt had been going back to work, driven by Happy Hogan to and from the hospital every day. Today was just another night where her Aunt was working a double, much like what had been normal ever since May and Ben had taken custody of her.
Afterwards, once dinner was finished and Pepper was done hounding on Tony to actually sign the papers she left for him, which he ended up doing much to his own displeasure, they got back to work, the digital clock on one of the walls counting the hours as the two of them lost track of time.
Payton was hunched over her web-shooters, the second one’s skeleton finally completed, and tweaking the smallest of details. Reorienting the nozzles, moving wires around to have a cleaner appearance, and just making sure there was no wasted space. She heard his footsteps approaching before Tony’s hand came to rest tentatively on her shoulder.
“You should get some sleep, Bambina.” He suggested, to which she shrugged.
“I’m not tired.”
Tony huffed. “We’ve all been hearing that a lot. FRIDAY, shut down her station please.”
The lights on her workbench shut off, and the power to her tools was immediately cut. “Hey!” She protested, spinning around to face him.
“Nope. You’re getting some sleep kiddo.”
“I’m fine!” She growled, standing up to get closer to eye level with him.
“There’s some blankets and pillows in that cabinet over there. If you’re going to fight me on going to bed, then you can sleep here in the lab. FRIDAY won’t turn on your stuff again until tomorrow morning, so you might as well try.”
Releasing a frustrated cry, Payton stomped towards the indicated cabinet and tore a blanket and pillow from it before settling herself underneath one of the tables. At least he wasn’t forcing her to her room. She didn’t really like it there. Payton’s left hand reached up and wrapped around one of the table legs while she curled into a small ball on her right side, settling in for another night of misery. Either she wouldn’t sleep, or she would and would be plagued by nightmares. Either way, Payton shut her eyes to at least try and follow Tony’s order. She didn’t know how long it took, but eventually Payton drifted away.
It wasn’t long after that the nightmares began.