Past Times

Sirius has long been plagued by terrifying nightmares, leaving him gasping for air and covered in cold sweat as he jolted awake. Nothing in these nightmares is sensical, everything is blurred and fuzzed once Sirius wakes up. All he remembers are flashes of bright light shooting out of what appears to be an actual magical wand, a nasty, shrill voice firing insults at him, and blinding pain in his legs. These are the only details that stick, everything else that would or could mean something slips through his mind like water through hands.

His younger brother, Regulus, has also been struck with horrifying nightmares, scarily similar to Sirius’ own. There was one that had, thankfully, stopped for good for the two brothers. A nightmare of Regulus tragically dying at the age of 18. Reggie, as Sirius called him, had recently turned 19 which suddenly stopped that dream for the both of them. Knowing he made it past 18 had relieved some anxiety these dreams had induced. Unfortunately, this victory had not stopped the nightmares the brothers had of being painfully tortured by what was distinctly magic. What furthered their confusion from the all too real dreams was the fact they shared similar birth marks on their legs, located in the same places their legs were magically sliced in their dreams.

Another curiosity of these dreams was that the only faces either could make out were that of each other. The faces of those who tortured them, they could never decipher, but for some inexplicable reason, the brothers could see each other in the nightmares. Though their relationship was immensely different than what it is in reality; in the nightmares, it seemed as though Reggie hated Sirius and Sirius… well he couldn’t tell what his dream self felt for his brother.

Reggie once suggested the idea the two of them had had a past life together. Sirius dismissed the idea at the time, but deeply considered it many nights after as he lie awake, too scared to fall asleep, afraid of what he might see. The more he thought of it, the more it made sense. The strange birthmarks he and his brother shared, the odd similarities their dreams shared, and how they all felt too real to be merely dreams.

…

Sirius awoke from yet another nightmare, screaming a name in desperation and fear, though he didnt know anyone who had that name. As he came back to himself, he couldn’t quite remember the name he had frantically been calling as he jumped awake. Frustratingly, he remembered nothing but pain from this dream, just as he does with all the others. This time though he felt an odd desperation to know what exactly had happened in this dream.

He tried shutting his brain off, hoping maybe he could have a peaceful few more hours of sleep. He had to interview people tomorrow—well today, he supposed as it was already three in the morning—for a roommate. It was lonely living alone in a flat as big as his, and, childishly, he thought and hoped having another person in the house would maybe help ease the fear the nightmares induced.

The hours crawled by, slowly dragging its claws through Sirius as he struggled, desperate for some sleep. Sleep undisturbed by pain, tears, shrill voices, blinding pain, scathing insults, or screaming.

He had no such luck. As soon as the clock hit seven, he decided it early and reasonable enough to get up and get ready for the day. So, determined to keep himself busy and therefore keeping his mind busy, he showered, tidied up the flat for the later interviews for roommates, cleaned his not so messy room (cleaning was his main choice of distraction), and with nothing else to distract him until the interviews, he went to the cafe that had recently opened down the street.

After he finished his morning activities and getting coffee, Sirius now just had to wait for the first person who was interested in being his roommate to pop by, which should be any minute now. Sirius, still jittery with anxiety and lack of sleep, did all he could to keep his mind busy until he finally heard a rap at the door.

Taking one last look at himself in the mirror by the front door and making sure for absolute certain he looked presentable, he opened the door and came face to face with a man who, for some inexplicable reason, seemed all too familiar. He had thick, round glasses and impossibly messy brown hair, which stuck out in all directions.

He wasn’t just familiar in the way an actor you think you recognize in a movie is, no. He was familiar in the way that something inside Sirius just knew him, as if he could tell all there is to tell about this man who was a seemingly stranger.

“Uh.. hello? Is everything ok?” The man’s voice rung in Sirius’ ears and he quickly snapped out of his swirling thoughts, realizing he’d been staring, somewhat awestruck, at the man.

“Ah, sorry, I’m sorry. Come on in, I’ll show you around.” Sirius managed to pull words out of his throat and throw them out of his mouth. The bespectacled man stepped inside and something clicked in his mind and suddenly Sirius knew the man’s name. James Potter. He knew for certain that the man hadn’t actually introduced himself, or if he had Sirius was too consumed in his thoughts to notice.

“I’m really sorry if I’m pushing, we’ve just met, but something definitely seems off with you. Are you sure everything’s alright?” James, well the man who Sirius’ brain is so sure of being James, shook him yet again from his thoughts. Sirius turned and looked him in the eyes, properly, for the first time since the man stepped into the flat. Something flickered in the messy haired man’s eyes then, something that looked as though he recognized Sirius in the way Sirius recognized him.

“Yeah.. yeah I’m sorry, just haven’t slept all that well..” Sirius tried to keep his voice steady, keeping the weird shock running through him out of his words, but it all sounded strangled as the words fell out.

“Sirius.”

The name escaped the man’s mouth as though it came out of its own accord. Sirius’ eyes snapped up from off the floor, where they had fallen unconsciously, and met James’. The unintentionally spoken word hung between them, a sort of veil standing between the two.

Eventually, unable to stand the silence, Sirius forced words out of his mouth,

“H-how do you know my name.. I haven’t introduced myself to you yet.” The words came out as shaky and uncertain as Sirius felt.

"I honestly have no clue." James answered, scratching the back of his neck. His eyes reflected the charkof it all. Then, seemingly as an afterthought,

"Do you know my name?"

"James Potter."

Sirius' answer came as a reflex, James barely finishing his sentence before Sirius blurted the name out. James looked even more confused, his mouth fell open, and that was all the conformation Sirius needed to know his first instinct was right.

Clearing his throat, he found himself saying,

"Let me just show you around."

James muttered in agreement, both of them clearly wanting to move on from this strange revelation. As they moved through the house, the two slipped into easy talk and banter, spewing jokes and witty comments. Something told Sirius this was an old pattern, an old routine, but he decided to ignore that thought, not wanting to make this easy flow of conversation to grow awkward once more.

Neither had realized how much time had past until there was a knock at the door; another roommate candidate.

Grudgingly, Sirius and James said goodbye to each other as Sirius allowed the next candidate entry into his flat. Even as Sirius spent the rest of the day, meeting people and guiding them through his flat, he knew James would and had to be his new roommate. There was no room for debate, his mind had been made up.