Toast
“Barty! Oh-”
I opened my eyes slowly, seeing Evan walking towards me with a plate in his hand. He ran his free hand through his hair, his dirty blond locks falling back onto his forehead.
I met his eyes, those beautiful eyes that were currently a light shade of grey with a little blue sparkled in them.
“Sorry,” he laughed, “didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I hate you,” I groaned, glaring at him.
“Mhm, whatever you say Barty,” he smiled, taking my glass from the coffee table and walking back to the kitchen.
I sat up slowly, clutching my head, the movement making my headache return rather quickly. I watched him walk away, taking deep breaths as I tried to get my headache to ease.
It didn’t help much so I closed my eyes and buried my face in my hands, trying to block out the light. There was so much light in my apartment that it filtered through my fingers and eyelids.
“Here you go,”
I glanced up to see him back in front of me, holding out my cup of water which was now full.
“How long have I been asleep for?” I asked, taking the glass from him. I was squinting, trying to avoid the most light possible.
“Like ten or fifteen minutes,”
“Okay,” I yawned, “will you shut the curtains before my head explodes?”
“Aw, I wanted to see that!” Evan joked but he walked over to the windows and pulled down the curtains.
“You should really eat,” he said as he turned back, “it should help.”
“Okay,” I whispered. Then I glanced up and saw that Evan was just standing there, staring at me. It wasn’t a bad staring, it was almost as if he was lost in thought. He looked almost starstruck… entranced maybe.
“Are you going to just stand there?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” he laughed, shaking his head and snapping himself out of whatever trance he was in. He stepped forward and sat down next to me.
“Are you okay?” I asked, taking a bite out of the toast he had made for me.
“Yeah, no, I'm fine,” he smiled, shaking his head and smiling. Maybe I was just good at reading people or maybe Evan wasn’t good at faking emotions but I could tell that he was faking this smile. I opened my mouth to say something then closed it again, deciding that I didn't have the energy to ask him about it. It was unlikely that he would tell me anything anyway.
“How’re you doing?” he questioned, switching the conversation from himself to me.
“I still feel like shit but a little less than before,” I shrugged. I turned towards him, tucking my knees into my chest.
“Well, I suppose that’s good?” he laughed, “Or better at least.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I smiled, not meeting his eyes, “could be a lot worse I suppose.”
We sat in silence for a little bit as I ate my toast, the sound of my rapidly beating heart filling my ears. It didn’t help my heart ache but no matter how hard I tried to calm it, nothing seemed to work.
“Evan?” I said, breaking the silence.
“Yeah?” he asked, tilting his head to the side as he turned to look at me.
“Thank you,” I said softly, staring down at my knees, trying not to meet his eyes. Those stupidly beautiful eyes that would make my lungs stop working. “for being here and for inviting me to that party and just, i don’t know, not being a jerk..?”
“Oh, well you’re welcome,” he shrugged, “it’s really not that big of a deal.”
“Of course it is! You don’t see anyone else here!” I exclaimed, gesturing around the empty room.
“I- well-”
“Evan just take the compliment,” I laughed, rolling my eyes, “you’re my first friend that i’ve made here okay? And I really appreciate that.”
“You’re scaring me,” he said slowly but I could hear the joking tone in his voice, “the Barty I know doesn’t do heartfelt thank yous.”
I just glared at him as I took another bite of my toast.
“You’re welcome Barty,”
—----------------------------------------
“You’re still here?” I asked slowly as I stumbled back into the living room.
I had gone to take a shower and I assumed Evan would take that chance to leave and make up some excuse that he had places to be. But no, here he was, still sitting on my couch with his phone in his hand.
“Did you expect me to leave?” he questioned, arching his eyebrows as he met my eyes.
“I- well- yeah I did,” I admitted, glancing away.
“Well no, I'm still here,” he laughed, “unless you want me to leave…?”
“No, no!” I exclaimed, then pulled back slightly. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice my little outburst,” no, it’s fine,”
“I had no were else to be,” he shrugged, “besides, I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“You do have other friends, you know,” I pointed out, plopping down on the couch next to him.
“Yeah but you’re my friend too,” Evan shot back.
I tried not to smile as he spoke, his words sending a chill down my spine. I hated but also loved the word ‘friend’ coming from him.
Half of me loved it because I loved the fact that he would consider me a friend. But I also hated it because I knew that I probably wouldn’t be considered anything more by him.
Everything about my relationship with Evan was so hard. I hated and loved every single word that came out of his mouth made my heart ache.
“Are you okay?” he asked, breaking my thoughts. He had his head tilted to the side slightly as he watched me, his bright eyes searching my face.
“Yeah, no, I'm fine,” I lied, shaking my head.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Not much better,” I laughed, grateful for the change of subject, “less ... .sticky i guess. Like I'm not covered in alcohol.”
“Well that’s something i guess,” he smiled, shaking his head.
I crossed my arms on the side of the couch, laying my head on top of them. I stared over at Evan, barely able to keep my eyes open.
“Tired?” he whispered, noticing my almost inability to keep myself awake. He rested his chin in his palm, his elbow resting on the side of the couch.
“Maybe,” I whispered back, yawning right after I spoke.
I glanced at my phone to see that it was almost 9:30 pm. I normally have trouble sleeping so falling asleep anytime before 1am was unusual but I was exhausted so maybe I would be able to fall asleep now. Honestly, I tried my best to get any sleep possible as I normally got none.
“Come on,” he said, standing up. He held his hand out towards me and I took it, letting him pull me to my feet.
I yawned again, following him towards my bedroom. I tried not to think about the fact that we were holding hands. Friends did that right? I wasn’t sure what the line between friends and something more was as I didn't happen to have many.
But it was something that friends did, it must’ve been.
I shook my head, trying to shake the thoughts from my head. I was too tired and hungover for all these racing thoughts.
I threw myself back down on my bed, burying my face in a pillow.
I sat up slightly, reaching for Evan’s hand. I managed to grab it and I tried to pull him down next to me.
He laughed at my attempts and then sat down next to me while still clutching my hand.
“Stay until I fall asleep at least, will you?” I asked, my voice barely audible through the fabric of the pillow.
“Okay,” he whispered, “now go to sleep. It should help.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed, closing my eyes, “Good night Ev.”
“Good night Barty,”