C'mon, Baby, Let Me Get To You

James has surely done it this time. Why he couldn’t have said literally anything else – or even just nothing – he’ll never know. At the hospital wing, Regulus had climbed down and then sent James straight off, saying his ‘services [were] no longer needed’. Halfway back, he’d run into Sirius, who had seen his friend looking upset, but had assumed Regulus had been to blame. James has ruined everything.

He expects to find his package returned, untouched, this morning, but Regulus is at breakfast, same as ever, receiving praises for his ‘dance performance’ the night prior – the package either still in his possession or incinerated by now. 

What James does get is a glare from all of Reg’s friends and a note from Pandora.

What the hell happened?  -PL✿

James wastes no time in writing back.

I’m an idiot! I panicked and said the wrongthing. Now he won’t speak to me. Help! ☹︎

Let me think. Will get back to you. ✿

She follows this up with an encouraging smile when passing the Gryffindor table, ushering Evan, Barty, Dorcas and her friends out the door to avoid a scene. Regulus doesn’t so much as look his way. 

James can only hope there is a solution.

Sirius, after determining his friend to be semi-alright today, has had his head too deep in the clouds to notice James’ fretting. The entire time he and Pandora had been rather conspicuously sending an owl back and forth, Sirius had eyes only for Remus Lupin at the Slytherin table. The two are sickening, taking turns to stare at each other when they think the other isn’t looking. James has never seen Sirius so lovesick before. 

“Gents. Ladies.” Marlene nods at James and Sirius, and then at Lily and Mary, coming to take a seat opposite them and effectively blocking Sirius’ view.

Utterly shameless, Sirius cranes his neck to see around Marlene, to which she responds by turning to follow his gaze – right to Lupin. She practically flings herself back around, outrage painted on her face as she gets Sirius’ attention.

“Black, you must be out of your fucking mind,” she hisses. 

Sirius frowns, but doesn’t let up his craning. “What are you on about, McKinnon?”

“Lupin,” she keeps her voice down.

Defeated, Sirius finally meets her eyes. “What about him?”

Marlene looks around conspiratorially, leaning over the table to drop her voice even further. “He’s a werewolf.”

“And?” is Sirius’ response, while James is finding a lot of questions he has for Lupin answered. 

Marlene frowns deeply, retaking her seat. “What do you mean “and”? He’s a dangerous, violent animal that Dumbledore’s let into the castle, and now you’re having a crush?”

“Merlin, McKinnon. Who knew you were such a bigot?” James pipes up, put off.

She throws up her hands in exasperation. “Why does everyone keep calling me that? Werewolvesaredangerous. They’re bloodthirsty beasts—”

“Yeah?” Mary cuts in from next to Sirius. “So are you with a Beater’s bat, but we let you play on the quidditch team. Lily’s cat can turn on us all anytime and murder us in our sleep, yet we still let her live in the dorm with us. Lupin can’t help what he is. It’s lovely they’re taking such good care of him in Serbia. And you’re a lesbian, McKinnon. You ought to know what being called ‘dangerous’ and ‘predatory’ feels like, and you expect fairness and equality. How about you get your head out of your ass, babe, yeah? It’s not a hat.”

James chokes on his juice while Marlene’s face turns an impressive shade of crimson. Her gaze swivels from face to face, eyeing all her friends for some sort of support and finding none.

“I spoke to him during Potions for a bit,” Lily recounts. “Asked him if Dumbledore takes care of him and the other boys while they’re here. None of them are a threat to anyone in the castle. They spend their full moons in a safe space, and Remus cares for ‘the two pups’,” Lily smiles here, making air quotes. “His words.”

“He’s a good guy, Marls,” Sirius adds his two Knuts. “I feel like Britain could learn a thing or two from how the rest of Europe treats their magical creatures. I know it can be scary to think about, but Mary’s right: queer people are called predatory enough for you to know how much that sucks. You’re not being fair.”

With a big exhale, Marlene’s shoulders fall and she looks dejected. She’s staring at the tabletop when she speaks.

“I was awful to him, before the first task. Dumbledore had to threaten me with disqualification to get me to shut up. All my life, my mother has been chasing down Greyback and his pack, and I was raised with stories about how he goes after the weak and vulnerable – children especially. I guess I never saw the correlation between Lupin’s situation and mine, because my parents always made us out to be so different from people like Greyback. But, of course, not everyone is like him. It was ridiculous of me to generalise like that; to not give Lupin a fair shake. I owe him an apology.”

Lily reaches over the table to take her friend’s hand. “As long as it’s coming from a sincere place, he’ll listen, Marls.”

Marlene looks over at Sirius. “Sorry for yelling at you, Siri.”

“You were only being a good friend,” he smiles at her. 

* * *

First-period Arithmancy should be illegal. Remus doesn’t like maths on the best of days, but first thing in the bloody morning? Child abuse, that’s what that is.

Thank Merlin he’s not alone in his misery. Dorcas comes sauntering over to him, looking downright morose, but before she can reach him, a flustered Marlene McKinnon comes sprinting down the corridor, dodging milling students impressively. She almost knocks into Dorcas, though, who glares at the back of her head as she comes to a halt at Remus’ side.

“Hi!” McKinnon says, cheerily enough.

“Come to call me a stupid beast some more?” Remus doesn’t meet her eyes. “Be rich, actually, because I don’t see you in Arithmancy.”

“I, uhhhhh… definitely deserved that,” McKinnon concedes, sheepish. 

“Self-flagellation means shit to me, Hogwarts. How’s about you piss off instead?” Remus bites out as the teacher finally appears to unlock the classroom.

“Lupin.” She puts a stilling hand on his arm. “I’ve come to apologise.”

He glares at her hand until she drops it. “Yeah? Get on with the pitch.” 

She doesn’t waver or hesitate meeting his gaze. “If there’s one thing I pride myself in, it’s having great friends. They showed me the error of my ways this morning – that I was indoctrinated by my Auror mum who thinks she’s the paragon of law enforcement. Anyway, I was absolutely every bit the bigot Meadowes accused me of being. I didn’t know better then, but I do now, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

Remus has probably never gotten an apology that sincere before in his life. Not one he didn’t scare out, anyway. He holds out a hand to Marlene and she grasps it firmly.

“I forgive you,” he says, shaking on it. “Thank you.”

She smiles, smacking him on the shoulder as she dashes off to class. “STILL KICKING YOUR ARSE IN THE TOURNAMENT.”

“GIVE IT YOUR ALL!” he returns, smiling despite himself.

* * *

“You’re concentrating awfully hard, considering it’s only History.”

Remus smiles, finishing his sentence before looking up at Sirius across the table from him.

“Sirius,” he says by way of greeting. “Never seen you in here before.”

Sirius glances around the library before leaning his chair back on two legs and crossing his ankles on the table. “Place is for swots and squares. I only come here if all the other snogging places are occupied.”

Remus sets down his quill and stretches his shoulders, having been hunched over his essay for the better part of an hour now. He knows he’s only working this hard out of habit – the standards here are lax compared to Durmstrang. But if impressing old Gandalf has him more favourably scoring Remus in the tournament, he’ll do whatever it takes. Especially if the second task is what he thinks it is. 

Sirius’ dismantled uniform affords Remus far too much skin to think clearly, anyway. His trousers are rolled up sloppily to reveal ankles as dainty as his wrists; his shirt showing off toned forearms and stacks of metal bracelets. The best part, however, is his hair: kept in an elaborate knot around his wand, the stray loose strands feathering his flawless porcelain skin calling for Remus to lose his fingers in them. And that neck. This boy is going to be Remus’ end. 

“So, you’ve come to seduce me? Because this bloody paper is grating on my last nerve, I tell you. Any distraction would be welcome.”

Sirius smirks, levelling his chair and leaning across the table some. “Now, Remus, what would my schoolmates think of me fraternising with the enemy?”

“‘Fraternising’?” Remus quirks a suggestive eyebrow. “You let me get you alone, darling, and I’ll spill all my secrets.”

“You definitely seemed quite eager at the party,” Sirius returns, dragging his eyes down Remus’ front lazily, so obviously mentally undressing him.

Leaning a bit closer himself, Remus murmurs, “Run it by me again why I can’t take you in these stacks right now?”

“You know the game, hot stuff. I can’t date until my brother does, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Reggie is a particularly hideous breed of bitch,” Sirius vents, picking at the woodgrain on the table.

“Yeah, I caught that,” Remus says, getting an idea. “Why is that, exactly?”

Sighing, Sirius sits up to level with him. “Unsolved mystery. Used to be quite the charmer when we were younger, but then he seemed to get sick of it…or something. Theories abound as to why, but I reckon he’s just incapable of human interaction.”

Treading carefully, Remus puts in, “Well, he looked pretty cosy with your friend the other night.”

“James?” Sirius frowns. “No way! Jamie’s seen his shit firsthand for years. Knows exactly what he’s like— And he stuck his neck out for Regulus anyway. Remus Lupin, you’re a genius!”

Lupin smiles, feeling his chest heat up at the praise.

“We’ll have to approach this very delicately. It’ll take some persuading, but Jamie’s a good sport. He’ll help me out. I’ll help him with his homework or something…” Sirius muses.

“I’m in the library every day. You can always send the lad my way?” Remus offers innocently.

Sirius’ big, grey, adoring eyes pin Remus in place. “You’d do that for me?”

Taking his hand, Remus brings it up to press his lips to it. “I’d slay dragons for you, dollface.”

When Sirius heads back to tea, Remus whips out a note for Potter detailing the new developments. Things might just go their way yet!

* * *

“You humiliated him!” Pandora had explained. “He was already vulnerable and then you went and made him feel mocked – right after he admits he likes you back.”

“I panicked!” James protests weakly. “I panicked and I was so stupid. Fuck. What do I do?”

“The only way Regulus is going to believe you’re serious about him is if you embarrass yourself, too. Put yourself out there to be laughed at, the way he was mocked by the Slytherin seventh years and Durmstrang. Your feelings for him have to matter more than public opinion.” 

So, James goes to work. It helps that he now has both Sirius and Remus Lupin on his side, as Sirius is a soppy romantic and Remus is a fantastic writer. Not to mention, they’re both so clever, it should be illegal. Altogether, preparations take them about three days, making the plan ready for execution on a Friday morning – right before a Hogsmeade weekend. 

“It’s now or never,” Sirius declares, clapping him on the shoulder.

“If I throw up or pass out, incinerate my body and tell my parents I love them,” James requests, already green around the gills.

“We got you, mate. You’ll knock ‘em dead!” Remus cheers him on. 

James simply cannot exhale all the anxiety as he watches the Durmstrang leave with James’ first envelope to Regulus. One of two poems he’d agonised over. After Remus’ edits, it’d come out as follows:

I hate the way you talk to me
and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you fly your broom.
I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots
and the way you fill my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around
or blow me off in the halls,
but mostly I hate that I don't hate you;
not even close; not even a little bit – not at all.

Pandora Lovegood is waiting for James at the doors to the castle the following morning. 

Gryffindor practises quidditch in the early morning, to keep their resilience for tough weather up, as well as their energy levels during training. Or that’s James’ vision, anyway. The rest of the team always looks ready to commit mutiny this early, but Marlene insists they couldn’t hope for a better captain than James. So, they endure.

“What did you do?” Pandora demands, rushing him, eyes wide.

James freezes, his heart stopping dead in his chest. “Why? Does he hate it?”

“Decidedly not,” Pandora lets him inhale again. “He got your poem from Remus Lupin last night, read it, promptly burst into tears and then broke curfew to come barrelling into Ravenclaw Tower. Did you seriously write that?”

James blushes something furious, hand going up to massage the prickling out of the back of his neck. “Yeah. I mean, Remus edited it a bit, but…”

“Oh, James. It’s utterly darling,” she insists, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

He can see what Regulus likes about Pandora. She’s a genuine, unbridled sweetheart. 

Exhaling his stress for now, he says, “That was only step one of the plan. Actually, you’re a supremely talented witch, if my intel serves me. Do you want to help with step two?”

“If I haven’t proven myself a complete romantic by now…” she retorts, giving him a look.

By lunchtime, the rumour has spread all over the school: James Potter is courting Regulus Black. Ducking and diving questions and comments has been mental. Unfortunately for James, however, he’s in this for the long haul. 

So, it seems, is Remus, who has been joining them at the Gryffindor table, much to Sirius’ elation. 

“Potter,” Mary says, taking a seat opposite James, “I didn’t know you were a poet.”

“I’m sort of offended, actually,” adds Lily as she joins her girlfriend. “You never wrote me any poetry.”

“Never hated you that much, I guess,” James winks at her.

Sirius smiles wryly as Remus chokes on his pumpkin juice.

“Regulus Black, though?” Mary looks incredulous. “Have NEWTs entirely tanked your sanity?”

Sirius interjects here. “Reggie’s a sweetheart, really. Or he was. I reckon if anyone can soften him up again, it’s our Jamie.”

“You mean, the same way Remus wants to soften you up?” Marlene quips, rushing to make herself a sandwich so she can get on with an essay she’s writing at the table.

Remus chokes on his pumpkin juice again, though more violently this time. Sirius only rubs his back awkwardly, blushing into his plate of fish fingers. James, on the other hand, almost bites clean through the insides of his cheeks to keep from snorting with laughter.

When Pandora hands Regulus his second envelope, James knows, as the entire Great Hall falls into a loaded hush. James had gone a little harder with this poem, admittedly, but he had promised Pandora public humiliation. So, hopefully, this does it.

I used to tell myself
it wouldn’t matter what you looked like.
I’d love you just as much regardless,
because looks don’t matter to me.

then, I met you,
and suddenly they mattered very much,
because now I know the most beautiful person in the world
and my heart is made all the lovelier for it.

So thick is the silence that there’s no mistaking Dorcas Meadowes’ squeal of delight when the gift James had asked Pandora to fine-tune slips out after the poem: a sliver of glass that appears to have depth, showing the constellation Regulus’ namesake is found in. Pandora’s touch had been to make the stars shimmer and spin and move in real-time, glowing and ageing as their interstellar counterparts do. It’d been Sirius’ idea – the bookmark to end all bookmarks. Or a particularly detailed night light, if Regulus so chooses.  

Across the Hall, Regulus makes eye contact and James winks at him, grinning. Regulus only shakes his head, suppressing a smile of his own by dropping his head onto his arms. This is taken advantage of by Pandora, who shoots James a sunshine smile and a discreet thumbs-up.

“You take him to Hogsmeade this weekend,” Sirius says. “Buy him anything he wants. There’s a poetry reading in Tomes & Scrolls, and then you two can hit the quidditch shop together.”

“Anything he wants?” Remus gives Sirius a horrified look. “Where’s James supposed to get the money?”

James and Sirius give him twin looks of mild surprise. 

“You haven’t heard?” James asks, turning to Sirius. “Usually, they’ve heard by now.”

“Oh, Remus isn’t much of a gossip,” Sirius shares, proudly.

“Heard what?” Remus presses.

“James and Sirius are rich,” Lily drops, matter-of-factly.

“Loaded. Silver spoon. Utterly flush,” Mary emphasises.

“Marlene, too,” James adds, trying to throw the attention off himself.

“If anyone needs a Sugar Mummy, you know where to find me,” Marlene says, without looking up from her essay.

“If we go to Hogsmeade, will you get me whatever I want?” Remus asks Sirius.

Sirius smirks up at him and says, “We can hang back in the empty castle and I’ll give you everything you want right here.”

“And that’s our cue,” Lily decides, dragging Mary up by the hand and heading for the door. 

“I’m not a bitch like Evans,” Mary says, yanking them to a halt. “Tell me everything afterwards.”

Sirius drops her a wink. 

“Feel free to tell me absolutely nothing!” Marlene counters, packing her essay in her bag. “Good luck with your date, though, Jamie. If he even glances in the direction of being mean to you, snog him.”

James considers this. “Solid advice.”

“Hang on,” Sirius interjects. “Who said anything about snogging? You cannot snog Regulus. It’s Regulus.”

James sees this as his cue. 

“I’m kissing the living daylights out of him. With his tendency toward total dickery, maybe I’ll get lucky and he’ll like it rough,” James smiles, stepping deftly out of the way of Sirius’ swipe.

“JAMES POTTER, YOU TAKE THAT BACK,” Sirius orders, flinging himself at James who darts away lightly.

Sirius gives up almost immediately, seething too much to set chase. Remus’ laughter follows James out into the entryway.