Dew
In the summer before his sixth year at Hogwarts, Remus received many letters from his friends. He didn’t respond to any of them.
To everyone’s surprise, they had left each other on good terms, with tentative goodbyes after a train ride devoid of its usual holiday enthusiasm. Peter’s leg had been bouncing the entire time, James and Sirius had nervously made small talk about what they would be getting up to during the summer, and Remus had stayed quiet, only speaking when spoken to.
Although he had forgiven Sirius for divulging his most precious secret to Snape, of all people, Remus could not shake the numbness that had been following him like a shadow ever since. It lingered and clouded his brain, reminding him it was the first time someone had broken his trust. This kind of thing tends to stay with you.
The letters were filled with shallow news about James’ distant cousin’s friend’s wedding, Peter’s cat running away for two days, and other mundane information. Every single one of them was boringly similar, only a few lines long, ending in ‘how are you’s?’ and good wishes. Remus had ignored them.
Truth be told, he didn’t know how he was doing. Ever since he had come back from his second year at Hogwarts, he had almost constantly kept to his room. After his friends had found out Remus was a werewolf and had supported him unconditionally, he had realized his parents were not the only people in the world who cared about him anymore.
Even while homeschooled before the age of eleven, Remus enjoyed the peace and safety of his own space. But this summer, he had only come downstairs to eat his meals, then had gone right back up and locked himself in his room, either to read or do his summer assignments. He hadn’t told his mother about the events that had unfolded a few weeks before the end of term.
Hope Lupin was such a happy person. She had always been for as long as Remus could remember. Even through all of their hardships, when they had to learn to navigate his condition together, her spirits had never once crumbled. Hope only wanted the best for her son, and he knew it, so he tried his best to stay up to her standards and make her proud. He would’ve despised himself had he put her through the misery of knowing he was anything less than happy when away from her.
He had already hurt her far more than he would have wished for.
As a child, he had received his fair share of insults and bullying from children of his village. They didn’t need to know that he was a werewolf to find other reasons to dislike him; he didn’t go to school with them and his father didn’t work so they were not as well-off as some other families. That was more than enough to make him a different type of threat in their eyes, a threat that the full moons didn’t need to bring out of him. Kids are cruel. No one likes differences.
Not to mention, Remus had injured himself more times than he could count during his transformations. He was nearly certain that was more painful to witness to his parents than any outside force’s impact.
And so he had ignored the letter asking him to join his friends in Diagon Alley to purchase their school supplies at the end of August. He made the choice to go another day entirely, despite knowing he wouldn’t be able to wish Peter an early happy birthday and buy him a present in advance, as he usually did.
The previous year, Sirius had paid for said gift, and hadn’t touched upon a word to either James or Peter about it. The action touched Remus. Although everyone knew he couldn’t afford a brand new set of gobstones, it was nice to receive warmer thanks than when offering a few chocolate frogs. He had felt like the others, normal, even for just a second.
But this year, Remus went with his father, Lyall, and bought Peter chocolates. Because he could not afford anything else. And everyone loves chocolate.
On the last night of the summer vacations, Remus thought of Peter, and of the chocolates lying on his bedside table. A twinge of guilt sneaked up his neck at the thought of giving Peter his gift a day late, for the first time since first year.
He thought about the chocolates as he absentmindedly looked in the mirror, running a finger down a new scar he had given himself at the beginning of July, a fine line that creeped its way from his lobe and down his neck, barely intruding on his jawline. He traced it a few times in increasing frustration, imagining he could simply will it away if he tried hard enough.
He didn’t sleep that night.
Remus kind of wished he could will away his parents as well, the following morning, as people rushed past him to gather their trolleys and suitcases before boarding the Hogwarts Express.
He couldn’t see many students above the age of thirteen getting hugged for more than a minute straight, and his ears felt hot with embarrassment.
Over his mother’s shoulder, however, he noticed Walburga Black with a black haired boy, on the other side of the platform.
It wasn’t Sirius. The resemblance was startling, but it wasn’t him. Although he had grown almost four inches during the summer, held himself much straighter than he used to, looked much paler and sullen than before, and had lost any of the last boyish traits he still remotely sported last year, the boy was indeed Regulus Black.
Remus looked around frantically, not listening to his mother’s safety suggestions and wishes as she unwillingly detached herself from him. Sirius wasn’t with his family. Sirius wasn’t there at all. An owl flew right by Remus, followed by a gesticulating young girl running so fast he almost missed the panicked look on her face.
Where were his friends? The train would be leaving soon now… Remus turned around to look at the massive clock on the brick wall, anxiety starting to settle in his stomach. His gaze instead fell upon the Potters and the Pettigrews, followed by… Sirius.
A chill ran down Remus’ spine as he stared into Sirius’ eyes. Sirius gave him a weak smile as he moved towards him, visibly uncertain of how to proceed after his radio silence over the summer.
But Remus was not thinking about the unanswered letters at all, they were so unimportant, they seemed like ages ago. He scanned Sirius for a few more seconds, noticing that Hope and Lyall had stopped talking and were instead waving enthusiastically at Fleamont and Euphemia Potter, then Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew, and he understood.
Sirius looked different. He looked more free, liberated of a weight Remus had forgotten even affected him physically. Small black hoops were dangling from his ears and he was wearing a loose t-shirt instead of the usual button up Orion Black usually made him wear everywhere he went. A spring in his step translated this newfound confidence.
Regulus was now an exact copy of what Sirius had been, five years ago.
And Remus understood.
He only had half a mind to greet James’ parents, who hugged him warmly. Never once his eyes left Sirius.
Sirius seemed to be growing more nervous by the second, running his hand in his hair so many times it could have fallen off. Remus finally turned to his other friends. Peter was awkwardly shifting from one leg to another. James, on the other hand, did not seem to mind being ignored by his best friend for two months straight. He shot Remus a quick “Hey! Missed you!” and in his turn hugged him like they had left King’s Cross only the day before.
Remus spoke first. “Hey guys. I’m sorry about the letters, I just… didn’t know what to say.” And it was true. He had never meant to be petty or fulfill a vengeance of sorts for what had happened last year. He was simply at a loss for words, as if strangers were writing him and he didn’t know how to make a good impression on them.
James, Sirius and Peter let out a sort of collective sigh of relief. They boarded the train as it gave its last whistle, signaling that it was departing from the station.
In no time, an entire summer’s worth of catching up filled the compartment they plopped in. And there was a lot of catching up to do, considering it was probably the most eventful summer the other three boys had ever lived. Remus felt that the moment they stopped talking, the silence would break whatever fragile truce they had fostered.
A few pleasantries later, Remus excused himself to go into the Prefect’s compartment, admittedly a few minutes late, and he listened to the same speech they had given them the previous year. All the while, Lily kept throwing him side glances to get his attention. Remus chuckled and made it his life’s mission to agree to everything being said in an effort to end the talk earlier.
Once they were free to go about their business, Lily marched down towards Remus and yanked him into an empty compartment. She whispered, “Do you know what happened? James said they haven’t been able to get a hold of you this summer, and you never sent an owl back about the Potions essay,” she said very quickly, as she had been refraining herself from blurting all the words out for an hour. Remus was sure she had been about to implode.
He grinned at the thought, then his expression fell. “Yeah, they just filled me in on everything. It’s awful to think a parent could do that to their own child. It makes me think…” he trailed off, biting back on the broken shards of guilt that threatened to fall from his mouth.
Lily eyed him curiously, nodding emphatically, the only encouragement he needed to continue.
“Maybe if I’d forgiven him quicker last year, after what happened… Maybe he wouldn’t have acted out this summer and…”
Lily gasped, horrified. “Remus! You can’t blame yourself for what happened, you know the Blacks are terrible. And from what I gather, they’ve always been terrible. You had no way of even knowing what was happening, there’s nothing you could’ve done to prevent it!”
Remus sighed at Lily’s definitive tone. He leaned back against the wall, playing idly with the hem of his shirt. “Yeah, but I could have done something last year.” He fought the frown that tugged at his lips. He felt like a small child getting chastised for playing somewhere he shouldn’t have been.
“That’s simply not true though, is it?” Lily put her hands on her hips. “Sirius hurt you, you had every right to be angry with him. And you know, all you can do now is be there for him. He’s gonna need you. Now more than ever.”
Remus knew she probably meant all of the guys and not just himself, but he still felt a hint of pride at the thought of Sirius needing his support.
He nodded in response, a bit bewildered at Lily’s wisdom. How was a girl the same age as him already as intelligent as an adult?
They spent the next few minutes talking about other topics, catching up on their summers. Lily had a lot more to say than Remus did, her sister had met a despicable boy who was constantly over at her house. She went on and on about him, disapproving of her sister’s choice. Then they each went back to their respective compartments, Remus waving at Marlene and Mary on his way back to the Marauders.
James immediately jumped to his feet when Remus walked in. “MOONY!” he practically screamed.
Taken aback by the shift in the mood since he had left, Remus blinked and sat down next to Peter. He never knew what to expect whenever James was so passionate about something. It wasn’t always good.
Sirius’ eyes were on him, a glint of mischief in them that Remus hadn’t seen since May. He was sitting next to the window, and the passing shadows of stray trees along the rails made Sirius’ eyes shimmer every time the sun hit them again.
“You’re right, you’re gonna need to sit down for this one,” James said, nodding in solemn approval. His unkempt hair was bouncing with every word. “Hear me out. We’re friends again. Everyone needs to be reminded that we are a force to be trifled with. You hear me, Moony? We need to do something big.”
Remus sighed. He braced himself for the gigantic stupidity that was about to come out of James’ mouth. But, to his surprise, Peter spoke next.
“We’re transfiguring Dumbledore’s owl lectern into a lion, during the start of year feast,” he announced shyly.
Well, that was unexpected. Remus didn’t know whether he should laugh. He was anticipating something a lot worse, like the time they had charmed all of the armor suits and statues in the dungeons to sing insults at the Slytherins when they passed by. But, he supposed, seeing as it was their first prank since the one that had gone bad, he could see how the other boys wanted to stay out of trouble. Still, James had sounded so proud of their idea, Remus was just about saddened by the thought of the disappointing reaction the joke was sure to elicit from everyone – students and professors alike.
After a moment’s consideration, Remus smiled carefully. “Of course I’m in. But don’t you guys think we could go bigger?”
Sirius gasped in faux amazement, lightly kicking Remus’ leg. “Why, Moony! Don’t tell me you’ve gone all bad boy during the summer.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “Of course not, don’t forget I’m a prefect and should be taking points from you just for talking about this in front of me.”
James and Peter laughed uproariously at Sirius’ offended glare.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about going bigger, Moony Moons dear,” James said mysteriously.
“Right, we’ve got all year to be a menace to the entirety of Britain’s only magic school,” Remus retorted.
James and Sirius were practically vibrating in their seats by the time the final first year, a tiny blond boy, was sorted into Ravenclaw.
Their transfiguration had worked flawlessly, but seeing as Dumbledore hadn’t even gotten up from his chair yet, no one could have noticed the change. The shape of the object in itself remained the same, and even under normal circumstances, you had to focus hard on the bronze sculpture to even realize it was an owl.
When the Sorting Hat was finally out of the Great Hall and everyone was seated, Dumbledore walked to his lectern and magically amplified his voice. “Welcome, all!”
Peter nervously grabbed his fork and pressed it so hard into the table Remus could see a dent.
Remus looked to the rest of the table and saw that everyone seemed to be as bored and impatient to eat as ever. Dumbledore began his speech and Remus glanced above his friends’ heads. The other tables didn’t seem to have noticed either.
Then a few laughs erupted from the Slytherin table, followed by some others from the Gryffindors. Remus snapped his head back at Dumbledore, who stopped in his tracks and peered curiously at the once-owl lectern. The bronze lion had detached itself from the stand and was now marching imperiously in front of the Headmaster, roaring small red and gold sparkles. The sparkles grew larger and larger, floating higher in the air, to form the word ‘MARAUDERS’.
James and Sirius stood up and cheered loudly. Peter quickly imitated them, then everyone was rising up and whooping. Mary bumped into Remus and very nearly made him topple over. The pure joy that radiated in the Hall almost made Remus forgive his friends for omitting all the details of the prank.
At the front, the lion shook his head and roared louder, as if trying to match the volume of his audience. He wagged his bronze mane, spreading it in a halo around his head and sending even more sparkles flying above the tables, amidst the floating candles.
Everyone clapped at the sight, aside from the Slytherins, who had bitterly sat back down after realizing who the authors of the prank were. Dumbledore allowed himself to laugh with the students for a few moments, then vanished the sparkles and turned the lion back into an owl, which ceremoniously flew back to its previous location.
With a few words about the event, he asked the students to remember that Hogwarts was a place of learning and education. Nevertheless, he encouraged the young minds to use their creativity, albeit to less chaotic ends, if they ever so obliged. He then finished his speech as usual and the tables filled with food.
The Marauders laughed to no end, James and Sirius clapping their backs like they had just single handedly won the house cup.
“See! I told you it would be grand!” James yelled, and a few happy faces turned and laughed with him.
Remus finally allowed himself to be amused. “Yeah, well you could’ve told me what your real plans were before a sparkle burned a hole through my collar,” he said, trying to sound annoyed.
“And ruin the surprise! You wound me.” Sirius falsely sobbed into James’ shoulder.
“We didn’t even get into trouble!” Peter bounced in his seat excitedly.
At the same moment, Remus saw a hand grip Peter’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Mr Pettigrew,” professor McGonagall said, her lips stretched into a smile she couldn’t contain. “You four will serve detention after the feast, Peeves was kind enough to greet the first years by throwing entire sacks of glitter at them, this year. If our janitor tried to clean it by himself, I dare say he would still be at it by the end of the week.”
The four boys groaned. Remus hadn’t truly taken part in the prank. He hadn’t even known what it was going to be until it had already happened!
“You’ll be helping him without the use of magic, of course, as you’ve proven just now you are more than capable of using it.” She stared pointedly at the four boys. “I do have to say though, excellent charms work, Mr Lupin,” McGonagall added, and if he didn’t know better, Remus would have said she had thrown him a wink before walking back to the teachers’ table.
Remus shot the others an appalled look. “I didn’t even do anything!”
James was just as offended. In between two mouthfuls of mashed potatoes, he cried, “Why did she assume you were the one who charmed the lion? I mean, it really was Padfoot, not me, but still!”
Remus shook his head sadly. “I shouldn’t even be getting a punishment at all.”
Peter threw his hands up, nearly knocking his cup of pumpkin juice over. “Don’t be daft, Moony, this was about getting the Marauders back together. We all get detention together or we don’t get detention at all.”
The other two agreed quickly, and Remus admitted himself defeated.
They stretched their meal for as long as humanly possible, forcing third servings of every course down their throats just to try and delay their fate. Eventually, when more than half of the school was back into their common rooms, professor McGonagall watching the Marauders like a hawk all through their charade, they gravely walked to the Entrance Hall.
Filch was waiting for them, a broom in his hand, accompanied as ever by Mrs Norris. She was perched on top of a big wooden box and was diligently licking her paw, unbothered by the boys’ presence. The two of them looked weirdly out of place amid the multicolored floor and walls.
Filch was already covered in glitter, his large nose glistening in bright pink. He pointed the Marauders to the box and ordered them to start sweeping, before turning on his heels and going to “get more supplies”. The ugly grey cat jumped down from her seat and followed him down the corridor.
Sirius was the first to reach down into the box and grab a broom. The others followed reluctantly and started cleaning. It was a hard task. As soon as they swept glitters in a corner, they seemed to apparate right back to their starting point.
The boys soon found out that the glitters were splattered on both sides of the great doors and reached all the way to the stairs, outside the castle.
Interrupting a new chorus of complaints, Peter suggested that they split into two groups and work on each side of the door, if they wanted to be back in their dorm before curfew.
That's how Remus and Sirius found themselves in the pelting rain, which made their work all the more difficult, because the water moved the glitters or made them stick to the stone, impossible to budge.
After an hour, it was clear that Filch was not coming back to help. Sirius had checked in on James and Peter twenty minutes before, and they seemed as hopeless as Remus felt, if not a little less wet. The glitters seemed to multiply. He was almost sure the big green spot above his head, directly on the wall, was not there a few minutes earlier.
Soaked to the bone with rain and sweat, Remus was starting to shiver. “We’re gonna spend the whole night out here, aren’t we?” He sent a discouraged glance at the bucket of glitter. It didn’t seem any fuller than when they had started, if not for the water that somehow found its way under the stone ledge they’d used as a cover for it.
“Wow, you sound so disappointed. And here I thought we were spending quality time together.”
Remus looked up at Sirius and his stomach made a special sort of flip. He first noticed his playful smile, then his hair, which was slicked back from the downpour and his habit of running his hands through it. Small rills of water were making their way from his forehead and glistened at his jaw. Droplets were caught in his eyelashes, and he was squinting a bit to keep them from falling into his eyes. The water made him glow from the soft blue light cast by the moon.
He looked gorgeous. More so than Remus had ever seen him. Of course, he had always thought Sirius was objectively handsome, just like he knew James was good looking. Everyone knew James and Sirius were the hot ones of the group.
But in the rain, panting from the effort of running up and down the stairs so many times, Sirius looked more beautiful than ever.
Remus’ breath caught somewhere in his throat as his eyes trailed down. Sirius’ robes were open and his button up shirt was clinging to his body. His tie was loosened, exposing an inch of skin that usually wasn’t visible.
Holy shit, Remus thought. He was definitely attracted to his best friend.
His thoughts were interrupted by James and Peter opening the doors and peeking their heads through. He didn’t even remember what Sirius had said before Remus started staring so unabashedly at him. He tore his eyes from Sirius, ignoring the hotness of his cheeks, and turned to look at his friends.
“We’re done here!” Peter called. “The rain should probably wash the rest of it down during the night, we should be good to go.”
Remus swallowed and nodded.
Remus stared at the ceiling, blinking hard, trying to make the image of his friend in the rain disappear from his brain, but whenever he closed his eyes, it came back more vividly. He had known for years that he was attracted to guys, had known for even longer that he wasn’t attracted to girls. But he had never felt such an intense feeling. He tossed and turned, fighting to stay awake, but eventually his mind gave way to the previous night’s sleep deprivation.