It was the very first thing Sirius noticed.
He was so tiny.
His head was almost as big as Siriuś fist and his hands were even smaller.
Sirius wondered if he would always have such small hands.
He couldn’t imagine that they could get so big.
“Mother?“ he asked and looked up at her.
“What?“
“Will his hands still grow?“
She sighed.
That made him feel a bit ridiculous for asking…
“Oh, Sirius, think a little more. Do you really think his hands will stay so small? How ridiculous is that.“
She shook her head and turned back to the little one.
Sirius remained silent.
She hadn’t said no but also didn’t say yes.
So he didn’t know.
”Hold him, I have to discuss something with your father.”, his mother suddenly said and gave him the little creature in her arms before she quickly got up and went to the door.
Sirius’ eyes widened.
“B-but mother, I don’t know...“
The door flew closed.
Sirius gulped and looked down at his brother.
He had apparently noticed that he was lying in strange arms and was no longer sleeping.
Sirius was afraid he would start crying, but he only looked at him curiously from brown eyes.
Nevertheless, the older one panicked.
Why didn’t he do anything? Had he hurt him? He was so small, he had certainly hurt him.
But the little one didn’t make any noise.
He just looked at his big brother.
“Hello,“ he said nervously and smiled. “I am Sirius. Your big brother.“
No reaction.
But then the corners of his mouth lifted.
And the little one...started laughing.
He pedaled enthusiastically and laughed, with his eyes closed.
Sirius let go of a relieved sigh and also had to laugh.
He was happy to have a little brother.
He was happy to have Regulus.
~
“Sirius? Sirius!“ whispered a voice familiar to him.
This one yawned tiredly and turned around.
He recognized the silhouette of his little brother in front of his bed, feeling himself smile slightly.
“What’s going on?“ he whispered.
“I can’t sleep.“
That was a lie.
Both knew that.
Regulus had been plagued by terrible nightmares lately, but did not dare to tell his parents anything, which is why only Sirius knew.
“Jump in,“ he said, moved the blanket away and patted on his mattress.
Regulus immediately crawled to his bed and snuggled up to his brother.
“What was it about this time?“ he asked quietly.
“There were those black figures everywhere. They wanted to take me with them and grabbed me, I couldn’t run away,“ it broke Sirius’ heart to hear Regulus’ voice getting quieter and thinner with each sentence that the little guy spoke.
It got even worse when he began to sob quietly and tears reached Sirius’ pajamas.
He immediately wrapped his arms tightly around Regulus and pressed him against his body.
“That was just a dream, Reggie. The figures are not real. But I am. I’m here. And I’ll protect you from all the bad guys.”
Regulus sniffed.
“Promise?“
“Big promise.“
He couldn’t keep it.
“This isn’t your business.”
Sirius paused.
"What, please?"
“I said this isn’t your business.“, Regulus repeated, still not turning around.
Sirius shook his head and laughed sarcastically.
“It isn’t my business? What do you mean? You’re saying, it isn’t my buisness that you are covered in bruises fucking everywhere? It isn’t my buisness that you have a fucking scar on your cheek and that your hands are completely destroyed? It isn’t my business?“
Tears came to Sirius’ eyes.
It fucking hurt him to see Regulus like that.
And this one said it wasn’t his buisness. The older one felt a slight sense of regret in his chest, gnawing at his heart, pulling at his stomach.
Regulus shook his head, didn’t say anything which was even worse.
Sirius let out a frustrated sigh.
“Reggie, listen to me...”
“No! Shut the fuck up!”, he snapped suddenly, tears in his eyes, making Sirius’ mouth fall closed. “Go back to your family! Go back to your brother, your mother, your father, I bet they miss you! I did too, Sirius!”, he yelled and paused. “But not anymore. Now you care for me? Now? Why didn’t you do that the last years? You knew what is going on here. You fucking knew. You didn’t do anything. You ignored it. You ignored me, my letters, everything.”
He exhaled, trying hard to hold the tears back, the burning ache in his throat and the pain in his heart.
Sirius bit his lip, guilty. He wanted to say something, he wanted to help Regulus.
“I know you’re angry…”
“I’m not angry, I am in pain! And you put me here!”, his voice broke completely now and Regulus started trembling. “You promised it, Sirius. And you broke the promise. A million fucking times. I am not your brother anymore. Don’t blame me for this, you said it yourself. And it’s fine. If you don’t want to be a part of this family, it’s fine and understandable. Go ahead. But don’t yell at me for not telling you about my life. It’s not fair, Sirius.”
It’s not fair.
It was the most terrible thing Sirius had ever seen.
The most disgusting, the worst, nothing could top this, what Sirius was seeing there.
Next to him, James cried his eyes out, while sobbing extremely loud, but he only noticed that a little.
His eyes were focused on that something in front of him.
So ugly.
So disgusting.
He hated it.
Regulus Arcturus Black lays here.
Son, brother, faithful heir of the Black family.
It was disgusting.
It wasn’t fair.