Grounding Warmth
"They will be fine James" Poppy says as she placed a calming drought on the bedside table, James gave a nod eyes still trained at Sirius' pale frame and Remus who's sleeping on a bed beside Sirius, probably pumped in sleeping drought and calming drought
This wasn't supposed to happen, Sirius wasn't supposed to be hurt, the aurors should've arrived early and helped. Why didn't they?
And Regulus… they'll hurt him, Bellatrix took him and, what if?
"James?" He snapped out of his thoughts when Madam Pomfrey called his name
"Oh, uhmm…"
"It's okay, you're all going to be okay"
"We almost lost him" I almost lost him
"We didn't, you were all very brave today, you mostly, they told me you were the one who healed the wound, that's advanced healing magic, you did very well" She said with a proud shine in her eyes and a small smile
"You think so? Because then, I thought, what if? What if it didn't work?" James bit his cheek
He was a healer, just before they went into hiding, he was training to be one, alongside doing missions for the order and going with aurors in which his healing knowledge was useful, he was able to pitch in the idea of having healers on every auror missions, for emergency and first aide, and yet despite the knowledge, James lost people, he had learned then, that no matter how skilled of a healer, they would lose a patient and James start to fear that one day it would be his friends, family, that he wouldn't be able to save
That fear almost came true today
"James, you saved him, he's alive and you did that, you saved him" He looks at Pomfrey, she looks at him, she knows, she understand
"I… Thankyou" She shakes her head
"Rest James, drink this calming drought, I'll leave a sleeping drought here as well, take them and rest, I'll see you three tomorrow "
She pulls the curtains around him close, and goes back to her office, James takes the potions, and lays, he's back in his thoughts again , relieving the events of both past and present
Did he somehow get himself caught in the web of what should and shouldn't have happened?
—------------
He wakes up hearing a rustle and clink of ceramics, he cracks his eyes open, only to see Peter, standing beside his bed wide eyed
"Am Sorry, didn't mean to wake you mate, just uhh… thought I might check on you guys" he says his hands fidgeting
"I uhh… brought hot cocoa, figured if any of you guys wake up you could use some, I put them on warming charms of course"
Peter rambled, James continue to stare at him, he wasn't able to face Peter for a week, not when he would look at him and see the pale faced, cold eyed Peter that sold them to Voldemort,
Sweet innocent Peter, Who brought hot chocolate because he thought they might wake-up and look for something to drink, sweet Peter who grew up with James and Marlene
What had caused him to betray them? To sell them off? Why?
"I'm sorry James,If only I didn't go back early with Benjy, I could've helped, Sirius might not get hurt and I…"
James leans forward as he gathers Peter into a hug. "Were you scared?"
"I… I was scared that something horrible horrible would happen to all of you, And I could've been there to help"
"I'm glad you're not there" James tells him
"But …"
"I'd rather you not there and not hurt too"
This is their Pete, their Wormy, the one who's scared to lose his friends and brave enough to want to help despite the danger, Or perhaps it was that fear, the very same fear of losing someone that made him sell them out,
To weaponize that fear just to win, James never felt hatred for someone
"Are you alright?Should I wake up Madame Pomfrey?" Peter asks
"I'm alright, and if you wake up Madame Pomfrey she'll kill us both" James lets out a hushed laugh
"Well, I'll go back now, I'll be here by morning yeah? I'll see the three of you tomorrow, I'll bring breakfast "
"I'll hold you onto that Mate"
Peter smiles before transforming into his animagus and scurrying away, James lays back down, his eyes heavy lidded, yet his mind won't rest
James lays on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling, the sound of ticking echoes, it ticks as the seconds moves, it ticks to minutes and to hours until it reaches twelve
"The clock stopped again"
"I should tell them to fix it, stupid clock"
"I should tell them…"
"Tell them…"
"Tell them what?"
The clock starts to move again, the ticking is louder, and voices come in the mix, screams, sobs, James knew who they belong to and he wanted it stop as if taunting James about him complaining about it earlier, the clock ticks, the sobs grew louder
Then it stops and lets out a deafening ding
James wakes up from a fitful sleep, his head is pounding a bit and his eyes burned with exhaustion, there's sunlight peeking through the windows and he can hear a hushed chatter, stood up and pulled open the curtains
"SIRIUS!" he almost tripped as he ran and clambered up beside Sirius pulling him in a crushing hug
"I'm okay"
"You're okay"
"We're okay"
They stayed like that for awhile then Remus and Peter got pulled into the hug, it's like they're 13 again, seeing each other after the summer, their train cabin filled with chocolate frog wrappers and jelly slugs
James savors it, he noticed that these days all he does is relish and savor every contact from everyone that he holds dear
Your time is begged and borrowed
Tell them
"James!" He snaps out of it as he hears Sirius tapping his shoulders, his friends all giving him a worried look
"James, you've been like this for a week, what's going on?" Remus asks him with a light frown
"Been like what?"
"You've been out of it Prongs, did something happen?" Sirius now has a hand on his shoulder
Tell them…
"Nothing"
"James, I would've believed you if I'm only one of our classmates but I'm your best mate, I know you, I can see it"
"I can see it too… James it's like…" Peter tells him
"You have this faraway look in your eyes and whenever you look at us, it's as if we'll disappear"
"Like we're not real"
Tell them…
He wants to, but it's as if his tongue gets stuck on the roof of his mouth, and his throat constricts, should he tell?
That he's still grappling with notion that he'll wake up and he's in the middle of the war, three years from now his son and wife possibly killed by Voldemort, that their bestfriend betrayed them all and that everything is lost
Would he tell that he woke up three years in the past, with a knowledge of the future where nothing's left?
"I don't think I can say it, not right now"
He tells them, they looked at each other in understanding before they huddled close again for another embrace
They're right, James would look at them and doubt if all of this are real, but this warmth, it grounds him