"Hi Grey!"
The skirt felt itchy against their bare knees as they stared enviously at a nearby student's trousers. However, tugging at it only earnt them a sharp slap on the back of their head from the matron.
"Stop fidgeting," She hissed.
But they didn't listen, still trying to adjust the awkward garment so it at least felt comfortable. It would never be perfect - skirts were beastly creations and Maria Willow hated them down to the last fibre. If only they had been allowed to wear trousers. Maybe they wouldn't feel so alien in themself for a change.
Behind them, Elodie finally made it through the barrier, bright-eyed and smiling. She looked positively radiant in her uniform and neat braids. Maria's braids were lopsided, with strands of untidy hair falling everywhere. The matron always complained that the naturally grey tangles were untamable and yet when Maria stole scissors to cut it short, the staff went mad. Short hair was so much easier to manage, Maria didn't care that it was 'unladylike'. Besides, they thought that they looked much better with a boy's haircut.
"Right, are you both ready?" Matron asked briskly.
Maria gave the scarlet engine a side-eyed glance. Anything would be better than the orphanage.
"Maria, I asked you a question."
They sighed.
"Yes ma'am, I'm ready."
"Good. Mr Nott will make sure that your luggage is onboard. Now, hold hands and go find a compartment. Remember, this is an excellent chance to make new friends." Matron recited.
Besides them, Elodie was giddy with excitement.
"Why do we have to hold hands?" Grumbled Maria.
Matron shot them a fierce look.
"Just do it, Maria," She muttered disdainfully.
Maria complied, taking Elodie's outstretched hand with stifled disgust.
"All right then, I will see you both at Christmas and I look forward to receiving owls from the headmaster about how you're settling in. Goodbye for now."
Elodie practically dragged Maria onto the train. Thankfully, it wasn't too crowded yet as the matron had decided to drop them off early, so they quickly found a free compartment. Maria sunk into the seat by the window, relishing the rare opportunity to relax and slump their shoulders. Already in their robes, with pockets of wrapped sandwiches, the two were ready for the journey ahead.
Across from them, Elodie was still fidgeting with excitement.
"I can't believe we're finally here!" She giggled.
Maria rolled their eyes. It wasn't as if this was all new to them. At the orphanage, they'd both witnessed half a dozen children do their time at Hogwarts and they were fully engrossed in the wizarding world anyway. Perhaps they would share Elodie's excitement if they were muggleborns or from a muggle orphanage. But as far as Maria was concerned, not much would change at Hogwarts. They would learn, they would work and they would be punished when they made mistakes, just like usual.
"What house do you think you'll get sorted into?" Elodie pressed, ignoring her companion's silence.
Maria shrugged.
"I hope I'm put in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, but the others wouldn't be too bad." She rambled, "I reckon you'll be put in Ravenclaw or Slytherin. I heard that apparently, you can spot mermaids from the Slytherin common room, isn't that exciting?"
Maria tuned her out.
The train journey continued in a similar fashion. Elodie would attempt conversation and Maria would respond with the bare minimum. Honestly, Maria wasn't sure why she was bothering - the two hadn't been friends. Just because they were both eleven and starting at Hogwarts, didn't mean that suddenly had changed.
However, by lunchtime, Elodie had given up on her attempts. They ate their dry sandwiches in silence and eventually, Elodie excused herself and went to explore the train and meet people. She'd always been the braver of the two.
But Maria was content in their solitude. Watching the countryside race past the window was a very relaxing way to spend their time. They found themself slipping into daydreams, imagining what it would be like to fly alongside the train or look down at the beautiful scenery through the eyes of a bird.
Only when Elodie returned, as the sky began to darken, were they forced to abandon the blissful pastime.
"I met so many people," Elodie gushed, "Most of them were nice, although, there was this one first-year boy who totally ignored me."
Maria didn't respond, earning a chuckle from the girl.
"You and he could be friends, Maria." She joked.
But Maria just frowned.
"Don't call me that," They huffed.
"What? Maria? But it's your name."
"Yes, well, I hate it," Maria grumbled, returning their attention to the window.
It was a pointless endeavour though because it was too dark now to see beyond it.
"Would you rather I called you Grey?" Elodie teased.
Maria's head snapped round to the girl.
"How do you know about that?" They demanded, thoroughly unnerved.
"What? - that you get the younger kids to call you Grey? They're children, they didn't exactly keep it secret."
Maria sunk deeper into their seat, feeling sick. It was supposed to be kept secret. But Elodie was right - children were hardly trustworthy.
"Why do you get them to call you that?" Elodie asked casually.
Maria chewed the inside of their cheek and shrugged, certain that Elodie wouldn't understand. It was tricky to explain. They didn't have to elaborate with the younger children, just pretend it was a game and they won't question it. The name 'Maria' had always made their skin crawl, like when they had to wear skirts or dresses and keep their hair long. It made them feel deeply wrong. But how do you explain something that you don't even understand yourself? Getting called 'Grey' helped ease the discomfort.
While they squirmed under Elodie's gaze, the girl sighed.
"I think Hogwarts will be good for you," She mused.
Maria tasted blood in their mouth.
"Why?" They dared to ask.
Elodie smiled sadly, "It's a fresh start, somewhere you can be yourself."
The train began to slow and Elodie gave them a loaded look, one that Maria didn't understand the meaning of.
But they didn't have time to dwell on it because the train had rolled to a stop. Instantly. Elodie's features were overcome once more with excitement.
"You ready?" She squealed.
"I guess."
She leapt up and grabbed their hand.
"Then let's go, Grey."
Something warm sparked in them and they let Elodie drag them outside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taking a boat across the lake was truly breathtaking, though Maria wished there had been no clouds so they could see the stars. However, the wonder was quickly replaced with nerves as they were led up to the castle. Maria had lost Elodie in the crowd which made the whole experience extremely worse.
They could barely focus through the introductory speech and even the sorting hat's song couldn't pry their attention away from the hundreds of watching faces. The first child to get sorted was put in Gryffindor, which earned them a huge cheer from the scarlet table. But then came the wait. Having a W surname made the experience unnecessarily agonising.
Finally, Elodie was called. The professor (Dumbledore if they remembered right) moved the hat towards her head. Instantly, almost before he'd let go it shouted "GRYFFINDOR!".
The smile on Elodie's face was infectious as everyone clapped.
"Maria Willow."
They froze. Everyone's eyes swivelled to them. It took every ounce of willpower to urge their feet forward to the stool. As they sat, Maria was forced to look at the watching faces. They wished they could just shut their eyes but logic told them that would only make the situation more embarrassing.
Suddenly, the hat was placed on their head. It was so large that it slipped down over their eyes, a welcome escape. Until the voice filled their head.
"Hmm, very interesting, aren't you just one mystery on top of another," The Hat mused.
Maria wished it would hurry up.
"So much potential," It continued, "And a desire to prove yourself. Perhaps Slytherin would suit you? But wait -"
Maria felt thoroughly exposed as the magical garment rummaged through their mind.
"What's this? My my child, you really don't know who you are - a pity. But you have a deep hunger to understand all these mysteries. But where to put you?"
This was taking too long. Maria just wanted to be sorted, not insulted by a piece of clothing.
"Not a bad brain, perhaps if you applied it then you would find the answers you seek. Better be - RAVENCLAW!"
The combination of the hat being removed and the deafening applause disoriented Maria, so much so that the professor had to point to which table they should sit at. As they found their seat, they pondered the mysteries the hat had mentioned.
It was true, they didn't know who they were. But being an orphan was something Maria had long since excepted. Their parents had clearly not wanted their child, so why should their child want them? But, Maria felt in their gut that lineage wasn't the real mystery. Elodie's words from the train echoed in their head-
"It's a fresh start, somewhere you can be yourself."
The mystery was clear - who are they?
The food appeared and they barely registered what they were eating, too wrapped up in the thought.
Who are they?
They knew who they wanted to be. Maria wanted to be Grey. They weren't sure who Grey was yet but 'Grey' definitely wasn't the little girl they had been born as. Yet, nature dictated what they were. It puzzled them that something 'natural' could feel so profoundly wrong. Was it possible for nature to make mistakes?
As dessert materialised, Maria decided. Nature had got it wrong, they weren't a girl, they couldn't be. Satisfied that at least part of the mystery was solved, Maria took a generous helping of apple pie. They even smiled at the girl who passed them the cream. The rest of the puzzle would have to wait for now as the food was too good to ignore. Maria mused that the orphanage house elves could take some tips. Usually, they only got food this good on holidays.
When the feast was over, Maria joined the huddle of Ravenclaw's first years following their prefects. They didn't make conversation as they ascended the many stairs. Maria quickly realised that being a Ravenclaw meant a lot of walking. But they distracted themselves with the possibility of finding some scissors and cutting their hair again. Maybe the Hogwarts professors wouldn't react as harshly as the matron?
Finally, they arrived at the bronze eagle knocker guarding the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room. Maria was delighted to learn that to gain entry, they must first answer a riddle - they loved riddles.
The common room itself was stunning. Maria particularly loved the astronomy motifs used in decoration. Combined with the blues and soft bronze colouration, the aesthetic was incredibly comforting to the young first year.
Their prefects came to a halt by two dividing stone staircases.
"These are the entrances to your dormitories," The boy explained, "Girls are to the left and boys to the right."
A stir of nausea spiked in Maria. But they didn't have a choice, all they could do was go with the girls. With a sigh and one last wistful look at the common room, Maria followed the girls towards the stairs.
But as they took a few steps up, something unexpected happened. The stairs promptly smoothed out into a slide. Maria couldn't contain their gasp of surprise as they tumbled down in front of the shocked prefects.
They quickly got to their feet, sending a questioning look to the older students. However, the prefects were baffled. The boy only gaped, but the girl managed to get over her shock and speak.
"You are a girl, right?"
Her tone was one of harsh accusations as she scrutinized Maria.
"What?" They asked, thoroughly confused.
The girl narrowed her eyes.
"Well, the stairs only do that if a boy tries to go up them." She explained.
Nameless excitement sparked in them at her words.
"What was your name? Maria was it?" The girl asked suspiciously.
At those words, everything clicked perfectly into place. The mystery was solved, and Hogwarts itself had done it.
"No!"
The girl raised an eyebrow at the first year's sudden boldness.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said no. I'm Grey, my name is Grey."
The other prefect shook himself out of his stupor.
"No, you're not. We watched you get sorted. Your name is Maria Willow, we heard Professor Dumbledore say it."
"No, my name is Grey! I'm a boy - look."
It all made sense now. Grey was laughing as he spoke. He darted to the girl's stairs and tried to climb them again then laughed louder as he slid back down.
"See! See -" He beamed, "Even the castle thinks I'm a boy. I'm a boy!"
The euphoria of finally understanding was intoxicating. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much.
He was a boy!
That's why he felt so uncomfortable all the time - he was living in the wrong body, as the wrong person.
But now he had been freed.
All the arriving students and first years were watching with curiosity and horror.
"Go get a teacher Garrick!" The prefect girl ordered another student, who quickly hurried away.
But Grey wasn't frightened by the threat of authority. They couldn't make him pretend anymore, not now the castle was on his side. Grey grinned wider as the crowd began to wait and whisper. Let them talk, for now, he didn't care. He knew who he was at last, and nobody could take away the joy he was currently feeling. It was difficult resisting the urge to go back to the girl's stairs and rub all their noses in it.
After several minutes, the student returned with multiple teachers rather than one. Grey recognised Professor Dumbledore among them. Aside from him, there were two other men and a woman. The first unnamed man spoke, taking in the scene.
"Mr Greengrass, what is the problem?" He asked, eyeing the beaming Grey among a crowd of frowns.
"Professor Elks, this first year, Maria Willow, is claiming to be a boy called Grey. But she is clearly a girl." Greengrass explained curtly.
The professor looked perplexed.
"What?" He spluttered after a moment.
The prefect went to repeat himself but Grey promptly interrupted.
"You may not believe me, but the castle does," He smirked, hopping up the girl's steps to prove his point.
Immediately, they once again turned into a slide. A gasp resounded from the teachers.
"How can this be?" The other unnamed male professor grumbled.
He surveyed Grey with a stern eye.
"It's impossible. I may not be a Ravenclaw, but I know a girl when I see one."
"Maybe you don't know everything about girls then, sir," Grey snapped back.
Instantly, he regretted the comment. The professor took a threatening step forward.
"Why you insolent, little - "
"Marin! Enough." Elks stepped in, "While the comment was uncalled for, Mr Willow is in my house, not Slytherin."
Grey smiled at the use of 'Mr'. But the Slytherin teacher was not impressed.
"'Mr'? Surely you aren't buying into this delusional nonsense Wilford, the child is clearly deranged," He scoffed.
At that, Professor Dumbledore interrupted.
"I expected you to be more progressive, Marin," He sighed calmly, "Don't you remember Sirona Ryan, who owned The Three Broomsticks when we attended Hogwarts? She was like Mr Willow, born in the wrong body. These things aren't unheard of. Besides, the castle itself believes Mr Willow is male. We cannot argue with that."
Grey sent the professor a grateful smile. Professor Elks was smiling too.
"Exactly," He agreed, "We cannot argue with a castle. Mr Willow is clearly a boy, so we must help him be who he wants to be." He finished, beaming at Grey.
The Slytherin professor scoffed, storming out of the common room. Many of the older students, with varied looks of confusion and disgust, also dispersed, leaving the professors, prefects and a group of confuddled first years, all staring at Grey.
Grey looked to his head of house for direction.
"Right, well, if we get you settled in the boy's dormitory - "
"Actually, um, sir - " One of the first year boys had stood forward, Grey couldn't remember his name from the sorting.
"The other boys and I don't really feel comfortable having someone like her, um-"
Professor Elks sent him a stern look.
"-Sorry, um - him in our dorm. We are just not comfortable."
Professor Elks sighed, "I feared as much. Perhaps - "
He was interrupted by a low rumble. The ground shook slightly, and everyone turned to look at a small door forcing its way out of a blank wall by the stairs.
"What in Merlin's name?" The professor exclaimed.
Someone chuckled behind them and Grey turned to look at Professor Dumbledore.
"It seems the castle really has a mind of its own," He mused.
Professor Elks approached the door and tentatively opened it.
"Well, I'll be damned - " He murmured.
Grey hurried to look. The door revealed a little single dormitory, with a cushioned window seat, chest of drawers, bed and bedside table all decorated in the same academic style as the common room.
"It seems this solves your sleeping arrangements."
Grey grinned, seeing the other first year's jealous looks.
"I suggest we arrange a meeting with the headmaster first thing tomorrow," Elks decided, moving to leave, but he paused.
"Perhaps Professor Merrythought could help Mr Willow find some more suitable uniform?" He asked, addressing the female professor.
"Of course. Mr Willow, if you come with me."
Grey hurried towards her, not forgetting to thank the other professors as he passed. She led him out of the common room and into the maze of corridors.
"As Professor Elks said, I'm Professor Merrythought. I'll be teaching you Defence Against the Dark Arts." She chatted.
"It's nice to meet you, ma'am," Grey smiled politely.
"This must be very overwhelming for your first day," She sighed.
"It is a little, but mostly in a good way, ma'am."
She smiled gently at him and led him into a storage room of sorts. She rummaged through some boxes and pulled out several pairs of trousers.
"These look about your size, eventually, you'll even learn how to transfigure skirts into trousers, like this -"
With a swish of her wand, Grey's uniform transformed. Instantly, he felt more comfortable.
"Not that clothes matter of course. If a boy wants to wear a skirt, I say let him," She rambled on and handed him the trousers.
"Anyway, I'm assuming you'll be needing some pyjamas too."
She pulled a few pairs from another box.
"These should do until you can get your own."
Grey took them too.
"Now, what about your hair?"
"My hair?"
Her get-to-the-point attitude was confusing him.
"Yes, would you like me to cut it for you? You needn't worry - I used to do it for my brothers all the time." She explained.
Grey's heart leapt.
"Oh, yes please!"
"Wonderful!"
With another flick of her wand, she conjured a small stool. Grey sat down and was surprised to find her using her wand to cut his hair.
Watching the grey locks fall away was a joyful experience. She cut his hair very short but Grey was overjoyed. When she handed him a mirror, for the first time he felt like he was actually looking at himself, not someone he was pretending to be.
"Thank you, professor!"
"You're welcome."
Grey couldn't stop smiling as she led him back to the common room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The week that followed was exceptionally difficult. It took most people a lot of time to come around to Grey's true self, even the headmaster took some persuading and some people refused to accept it at all. But, Grey remained vigilant. He was finally confident in who he was and nobody was going to change that. Even the howler he received from the matron didn't sway him.
But by far, the best moment was when he passed Elodie in the hall for the first time. Without questioning, or missing a beat, she smiled and said "Hi Grey!" before continuing down the corridor with her friends.