(you drive me) crazy

The next day was such an adventure for Marlene, because her biggest goal of the day was to avoid Dorcas at all costs. She couldn’t believe that the only time she decides to do something stupid, she ends up acting… weird with her coworker. So what if Dorcas has a girlfriend? So what if she kisses women? So what if she was kissing a woman that wasn’t Marlene?

Scratch that, Marlene didn’t care about that.

She decided to act normal in case she ended up seeing Dorcas anyway, she could be casual, right? She had been acting casual with her for almost a year now and just because of one night she wouldn’t be able to act like a person around her? Nope, Marlene was absolutely professional and composed, she would never let that get on her way.

Besides this new face of the problem, Marlene was chosen to train the new member of the editorial team of the magazine, Regulus Black, what are the odds, right?

“Morning, Regulus!” she said excitedly.

“So you’re the famous and infamous Marlene Mckinnon” Regulus said shaking her hand “Nice to actually meet you, I’m Regulus Black”.

“Sirius talks that much about me? Never got over me, poor thing”

“Not only Sirius talks about you, Marlene” Regulus says and smiles slyly, right when Marlene was about to ask what did he mean by that, Dorcas quickly arrived coming their way and Marlene wished so hard that the floor could swallow her up, so she wouldn’t have to be a part of that conversation that was about to start “Hello Dorcas”

Jesus FUCK.

“Hi Reggie!” she smiled brightly and oh lord Marlene wanted to cry “How are you finding London?”

“Delightful, except for the fact that my older brother is already pestering me about my flat and how far it is from his and-”

“Oh! Good morning, Dorcas!” Marlene said desperate, turning their focus to her, Regulus was about to blow her fake boyfriend cover, and she needed it for a bit longer “Sorry to interrupt, but I should go on training Regulus, there’s so much to learn and so little time! Come little Black!” and pulled Regulus by the wrist until they entered the storage, “Oh fucking fuck”

“Well, I can’t say I didn’t see that one coming” he smiled wickedly and Marlene hated him just like she hated Sirius “You and Dorcas, huh?”

“No, there is no me and Dorcas because of many reasons, first I do not like women like that”

“That’s what you tell yourself every night before bed?”

“Shut up” she sighed “Jesus you’re almost as infuriating as your brother, and he is the most annoying person on earth”

“I’m quite competitive, I might be on a fight with you on that” Regulus said “Well, since there isn’t any you and Dorcas then why did you drag me here and, oh please do tell me this one, why did you tell her your boyfriend is my brother’s boyfriend?”

“She just caught me off guard and scared me”

“On a gay bar”

“I was very aware of where I was, ok?”

“Oh, really? That’s why she scared you”

“Little Black, I do hate you” she sighed “Now go see if the coast is clear, so we can go back there”

“Jesus” he opened the door and Marlene wasn’t very sure if she should trust him, he was evil just like Sirius, almost twin brothers sharing the same evil ovary “You can come out, Dorcas isn’t here”

Marlene walked slowly out of the small room and when she saw that Dorcas probably went to her office, she walked back to her desk, with Regulus right behind her, and started to explain to him the way the magazine worked. Back in college, Regulus worked a bit with the editorial of the school journal, so he had a bit of knowledge of how things would go, Marlene showed everything to him and then helped him set up the desk right in front of hers. She spent the rest of the day telling him about the people of the magazine and how the meetings happened, she pretended to not blush when she told about Dorcas’ role on the meetings and Regulus had the decency to not call her out on that. 

Turns out that Regulus was actually quite fun to be around, he had invited her to have a couple drinks after their shift because he was celebrating with a few friends and even said he invited James, Sirius and Remus. Marlene almost freaked out when he said Remus was invited because of the small boyfriend incident that had happened last night with Dorcas.

“My dearest Marlene” he squeezed her hand as they were turning their laptops off “Dorcas already knows he is not your boyfriend”

“S-she does?”

“Of course she does, I tell her all the time about how Sirius and Remus are completely and disgustingly annoying together” Marlene felt all the colour of her face vanish and she was as white as a corpse “Don’t worry, she will just laugh and make a joke about it at best”

“At best” 

Turns out that Marlene would also have to do her best to avoid Dorcas at all costs on the bar.

Marlene saw herself in a very amusing situation, apparently Regulus was very into James and was doing anything on his power to keep his attention on him, Sirius was watching the scene with a huge pout on his face that only made Remus laugh of how silly he was being. Regulus other friends were quite lovely, Barty and Evan were a funny couple, they had an argument every five minutes, but always ended them kissing like there was no one else in the entire bar, Dorcas always rolled her eyes at them. Since she crossed Marlene’s mind, she was looking absolutely stunning, with a beautiful dress that made her look even more fabulously beautiful, it was getting harder and harder for Marlene to keep things like that.

She couldn’t really understand how easy it seemed to everyone else to accept, but why with herself it was the hardest thing she ever had to do? It was completely confusing for her the concept of liking women, she never had deep desires for them in a sense that would make her fall in love with them, but at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to think she could fall in love with a man either. But then, ever since she started working with Dorcas everything was different from it was with other people, she admired Dorcas work, but it was a different admiration, when she saw the final designs her eyes got hypnotized and every time Dorcas explained to her the process she always saw herself so involved in the explanation. Her beauty was different for Marlene, sometimes she saw herself torn between wanting to be her or being with her, the ladder used to scare Marlene to the hills the first time she thought she could like Dorcas like that, as a girlfriend and not a friend. She still can’t admit it that she wonders how it feels to hold her hands, or to hiss her forehead, to give her flowers just to see her smile.

Why was so hard to admit she wanted those things? Marlene knew she wanted them, but every time she tried to put those feelings out, it was like her tongue was tied, and she couldn’t put the words out. 

She tried to hang out a bit longer, but she started feeling so uncomfortable in her own skin, like she just wanted to run away and never have to speak to another soul ever again, hide in the mountains and bury all her feelings there. Dorcas tried to talk to her a couple of times and Marlene, almost dying out of embarrassment, spoke to her as normal as possible, although she felt her cheeks burn every time Dorcas eyes landed on her. No one made her feel so seen like Dorcas did, she couldn’t quite explain why she always felt like that around her, it just happened.

Marlene arrived on her flat at almost eleven, and she saw Lily lying on the couch, asleep with some papers on the small coffee table they had on the living room, she smiled fondly at how much she loved Lily, because of course she would sleep on the living room waiting for her to get home. One thing about Lily Evans, is that she wears her heart on her sleeve, she always tries to take care of Marlene, as if they were actual sisters, she always felt quite boring when she said it like that, but it was how Lily acted. She was always looking out for Marlene, despite what they were doing or how much they were talking, she liked to make sure that Marlene knew she was right there.

“Hey, Lils” Marlene whispered sitting on the floor, right next to her and patted her hair “Lily?”

“Oh, you’re home” Lily said groggly, she usually wakes up in the most terrible of moods, especially when someone else wakes her up, but she seems happy that it was Marlene the one to wake her up “Where were you? I tried to call your office but it was closed and Sirius said he was in the middle of an older brother emergency”

“Sorry, I tried paging, but you weren’t home by the time I left the office” she said entering the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea for both of them “Mary’s home too?”

“Nope, off to Emmeline’s” Lily said and slowly got up from the couch “Marls, bring some of the cookies on the jar when you finish tea please? I’m quite hungry”

“Sure thing, sugar” Marlene finished their tea on the french press that she totally convinced Lily and Mary that they needed after reading an article about its many functions, and they pretended to believe in her “Rough day?”

“Just professors being assholes, why do they seem to think I have to know everything? Please, sometimes I want to sing that sont to them, I’m just a girl in the world” she giggled and grabbed the cup of tea and the plate of cookies “But I got them to wait till the end of the month for a thesis update, so that’s good I think. What about yours?”

“Oh little Black is starting at the magazine, did you know? I’m training him until he gets the ropes of everything” Marlene then wanted to tell Lily, just talk to her and explain, but she got so chocked up with anxiety about talking that she only felt like tears pool on her eyes “I-”

“Oh, Marls” Lily rushed to hug her and somehow that was all Marlene needed these last months “What happened, sweets?”

“T-there’s this thing that has been h-happening to me” she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her blonde locks falling on her face and making her look like even more of a mess, she pushed all her hair back and took a sip from the tea to calm herself down “Well, remember that woman I’m always talking about that is the head designer of the magazine?”

“Yes, Dorcas, isn't it? Did she do something to you?”

“No, I mean, she didn’t do anything” Marlene took a deep breath, the first time saying things always seemed harder than she expected “I think I might have feelings? For her?”

“REALLY?” Lily sounded excited and Marlene looked confused for a bit “Sorry, every time you talk about her, you seem so enamoured by her but I thought you would take a little longer to think you have feelings for her”

“Well, it was almost an entire year”

“Mary and I had this bet” Lily said and Marlene rolled her eyes “Don’t do that face, the prize was a piece of cheesecake from the Great British Cheesecake Company. Anyway, I thought you would take less than a year and Mary said you would wait a year”

“I want the cheesecake!”

“Sorry, sweets, I deserve it after listening to you say Oh Dorcas made my show pictures look so amazing or the Dorcas is so talented, she always knows how to organize my pieces”

“I don’t talk like that!”

“Oh, you do!” she laughed “But I’m very happy you trusted me to tell this, Marls, we all know how hard it is to come in terms with our own sexuality, I mean, I thought for years that I would fall in love with James”

“Worst years of my life, honestly, you two were best friends playing house basically” Marlene laughed “I don’t know why I find this all so difficult, it’s not like any of my friends are going to lash out on me, you are all gay”

“I know, but the thing is you have trouble accepting yourself, but when you make peace with the fact and allow yourself to feel things it’s quite magical”

“Wish I could just ask her out, or talk to her without panicking every word” Marlene groaned, it felt quite good to talk about it with someone else “I suck at being queer”

“None of that” Lily shook her and then her entire face lit up like she was a child on christmas day “You know Pandora, right?”

“Yep, she works at a coffee shop, right?”

“She does, and she’s friends with Regulus, Barty, Evan… and Dorcas” Lily giggled already getting way too excited “Ok, I have been going on dates with her for the past month and I wanted to introduce her to you and Mary, so why don’t we just put two and two together?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to suggest her to us go to some club on the weekend, and tell her to please ask Dorcas to come along”

“Do you think she would go?” Marlene said, she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she would really love to go to a club with Dorcas.

“Well, you’ll never know from me, but Dorcas does like you like would love to talk more”

“Oh”

“Oh, indeed”

The rest of the week went by on the slowest pace possible, but Marlene was learning to deal with her thing, she thought that not calling it a problem would be better. When Mary arrived she joined Lily and her to the conversation and Marlene finallytold them what she had been carrying around on her head for almost a year, to which Mary said to her: you have the most gigantic crush on earth on that woman and then her and Lily dedicated the next hour telling her about what she could do to prove to herself, she had a crush on Dorcas. 

Regulus also sensed the change in Marlene, to which he said “I’m just good at reading people”

“That’s bullshit”

“It’s not completely a lie” Regulus said “I know you’re acting giddy since yesterday because you all are going to the club on saturday”

“Did Pandora tell you?”

“Nope, Dorcas did, and she is very thrilled be sure of that” Regulus and Marlene blushed a bit, she wasn’t a person that got flustered easily, but lately anything about Dorcas just made her cheeks red and her voice stutter, she was completely ruining her reputation (on the best way possible) “Glad you moved on from your i will never kiss another woman speech”

“Never said that, just said that I didn’t really think I was queer” she huffled “Did you finish your piece on the UK Hot Songs?”

“You won’t run away from me forever, I’m quite persistent” he punctuated and passed to Marlene the piece “There you go boss”

“You coming saturday? For the club thing I mean”

“Oh no, and don’t invite me or James, but please do invite Sirius and Remus, keep them very busy and very far from my date”

“You’re going on a date with James Potter?” she wanted to yell, but it wouldn’t be very professional, “Since when you two are dating?”

“Well, we will go on a date when I ask him” Regulus said and Marlene laughed “Stop! I have it all planned out”

“You’ve been on my ass about how slow and dumb I am for not realizing, but you’re going for the second most oblivious person on earth” she laughed a bit more and Regulus frowned “Since you helped me a bit with Dorcas, I will offer you my James Potter knowledge to help you out”

“Please do”

“James is dumb” she says plainly “He won’t ask you out until you tell him you want to go out with him, then he will ask you on a date”

“Noted, I have to humiliate myself to get him to go out with me”

“Exactly!” she clapped her hands softly “You’re acing on the James Potter subject”

Marlene then fought the urge to look at Dorcas’ office the entire week, every time she arrived she started saying Morning Marls instead of the Mckinnon, and even if Marlene missed the old greeting, when she said her nickname it made her cheeks redden a lot more. Dorcas was also smiling more at her, which made Marlene brain fry a couple times until she got a little used to the beauty of it. They also exchanged numbers on thursday, because according to Dorcas, it would be easier to communicate if they could call each other. They have been calling each other for different subjects, not only for the club on saturday. Marlene was getting to actually know Dorcas now, her favourite colours, habits, favourite film. 

It was quite magical the feeling when her pager showed the name Dorcas, and they spoke to each other for long hours. Marlene never felt like she ever had a crush that made her feel like that, she constantly felt like she was sixteen and holding hands for the first time in her life. She kept wondering how would it feel to hold Dorcas’ hands and to kiss them.

Everything was doing good until saturday.

On saturday, Marlene wanted to die.

Her dress, a black little dress, weren’t looking the way she pictured on her head and that really made her want to cry. Despite that, her hair was not cooperating with the hairstyle she was trying on it, kept falling down her face until she gave it up and moved on to her makeup. It was an absolute disaster, really. At some point she heard Pandora and Dorcas arriving, but she was lying on the floor of her bedroom, contemplating telling them that she had broken a bone while sleeping and wouldn’t be able to go.

Marlene knew that she could sound vain when telling her troubles of the day, but she had a right to be upset about those things, right? She just wanted a perfect night and to spend a lovely time with her crush. How silly that she was acting like that because of a crush. She then heard a knock on the door and immediately thought it was Lily rushing her, or they would lose the happy hour.

“Lils I think I’m broken, can’t go because I look terrible”

“It’s Dorcas” now Marlene could end her life and rot on earth, “Can I come in? Highly doubt you look bad”

“Oh, sure thing!” Marlene sat the moment she heard the door open, “I’m sorry for the mess, I’m having a day”

“I can see” she giggled and oh Marlene was so gone, she looked absolutely gorgeous like the only woman on the planet, the only beautiful human being, and she was looking at Marlene like she was a pretty flower on the garden “You do look pretty, by the way, gorgeous even”

“Thanks love” she said and when she noticed the pet name she blushed and so did Dorcas, but decided best to ignore that she had said it “I feel awful and then I tried to put some glitter on my eyes and looked awful”

“Let me help, I’m quite good with makeup” Dorcas offered her hand so Marlene could get up from the floor, she put some of her blonde strands behind her ear and analysed Marlene’s face “You have such a pretty nose”

“T-thanks, I really like yours too” she touched lightly the bridge of Dorcas’ nose, paying extra attention to the tip, a perfect place to kiss “Sorry, hm, where do I sit that is better for you to glitter me?”

“Right on your bed is good, I’ll be there in a sec” Marlene went to her bed and sat there staring at Dorcas, should she do something? She was dying to kiss her on the spot when she was touching her nose, Marlene wanted to cover her with kisses until she couldn’t feel her mouth any more “Close your eyes for me please?” with eyes closed things weren’t much better, Marlene felt her mouth dry, and suddenly she had to give extra orders for her brain to not let her hands snake their way to Dorcas’ waist, that seemed like a very hard task at the moment. She felt Dorcas spread something on her eyes and she was so close.

So close.

And then she stop suddenly.

“My eyes are that bad to apply glitter on?”

“What? Oh no love”  Dorcas giggled “I’m just trying to get an angle to do it properly”

“I have an idea just… hm… sit on my lap?” Marlene said, her cheeks started to burn with Dorcas staring at her and she opened her eyes slowly to look at her “S-so I just lay down and you can apply it, it’s no big deal! I mean, if you’re not comfortable we don’t have to do it, but my part, the lap, I don’t really mind”

Dorcas only laughed really loudly and Marlene couldn’t put her finger on if Dorcas was laughing of the lap idea or the rambling she just did to justify her ideas. It didn’t matter because she smiled so fondly at Marlene that all  anxieties she had just vanished into the air. “Don’t worry, Marls, I don’t mind sitting on your lap, a lovely makeup chair you are”

“Oh, I’m nothing but a chair for you to do makeup on then, is that it?”

“Course not silly” Dorcas then gently went to sit on Marlene’s lap and she should have calculated the implications of that ask, specially when Dorcas kissed the corner of her mouth “You’re also a great subject that I can try makeups on, I’m already visualizing many things to do in your eyes from now on”

“Glad to know I’m at service whenever you need me” Dorcas gently pushed Marlene until she laid down in her bed, the blonde strands spreading on the sheet and suddenly she felt again so seen, they were completely dressed, but Marlene could swear that Dorcas was able to see everything inside her.

“Close your eyes for me, please?” she almost whispered and Marlene complied “You do have a pretty eye shape, next time I’ll do a very colorful makeup on you”

“Already thinking about next time, Meadowes?”

“Shush you’re interrupting my art” she continued to spread the glitter meticulously and Marlene felt cared for, she felt like that too when Lily or Mary helped her with makeup, but the way Dorcas was doing it, was like she wanted to touch every part of Marlene’s eyes and engrave it on her brain forever. She could get used to that, to learn every bit of her skin slowly and attentively. “All done! You look even more dashing, I believe I’m quite talented at this”

“I bet you are” Marlene said dreamily.

“Let’s just switch this, my back is killing me” Dorcas rolled to lay down next to Marlene on the bed and they stared at the ceiling together “I like your room, is very you”

“Any notes on how it could be better?”

“Maybe a picture of me on your nightstand would make it even better, maybe there where you have clothes on the chair, could have some of mine”

“Making plans to move in already, Meadowes?”

“Oh I have had those ever since I met you” Marlene turned to her side to stare at Dorcas, her eyes were glistening and she had one of those dashing smiles only she could have. Marlene didn’t believe in falling in love fast, but the amount of pining she felt for Dorcas without knowing the name for it maybe was just the preparation for the actual falling. 

She then touched Dorcas' braids carefully, and her thumb caressed her cheek feeling the smooth skin under it. She felt lovely and Marlene’s eyes fell into her lips. She wondered how soft they would be, how they would taste and if she tried would she ever be able to let go of Dorcas. Marlene slowly leaned in, closing her eyes on the process and getting closer and closer, until she felt Dorcas’ hands on her face pulling her closer until their lips met, on a sweet and delicate kiss. 

Marlene never felt like that before, it was not fireworks or the time stopping, it was something else so much more and she couldn’t even define it. Because it was an entirely new feeling and the more she kissed Dorcas the more she wanted to get close to her, touch her and live like that forever. Dorcas' hands settled on Marlene’s waist and lightly squeezed there, making her gasp into Dorcas’ mouth, eliciting a giggle from her.

“You two done we have to- OH GOD MARLENE LOCK THE DOOR” Mary yelled when she came to call for both of them and Marlene jumped from the scare “Jesus fucking Christ you have no boundaries, Lily come here”

Marlene would have plenty of time to be embarrassed about it, to feel shy. But now, Dorcas was pulling her back for another kiss. And who was Marlene to say no?