Chapter 3
“Hey, Siri” Darla, his manager, said, poking her head round into his studio.
“Hey Darling” he said, pulling his gloves on and smiling. “New walk in?”
“Yeah, asked for you specifically for my name. Kinda looks like you too. Weird.” she said, laughing, but Sirius’ heart dropped into his stomach. It couldn't be.
It was.
Regulus walked into his studio, shutting the door softly behind him and dithering in front of it, looking everywhere but Sirius.
“Reggie.” Sirius said shortly, anger lacing his tone.
“Hey, brother,” Regulus said, quietly.
“What do you want? I thought you’d given me up with the rest of them.” Sirius said, turning his back to his brother and cleaning his station.
“I thought it would keep me safe,” Regulus said quietly.
“Is that supposed to imply it didn't?” Sirius said, still not facing Regulus but voice going tight with worry.
“Well I’m here, aren't I?”
Sirius huffed. “I’m not sure I understand”
“I’m gone too. They’re naming Bella the official heir.”
Sirius stopped dead. “What the fuck. How did the golden child piss them off that much?”
“Just let me stay with you, please?” Regulus said. “Please?”
The second plea was broken, tears threatening to spill out. Sirius was reminded of the small boy who used to follow him everywhere, dark eyes full of awe and admiration. The small boy who would climb into bed with Sirius after nightmares and cling to him all night. The boy who promised Sirius they were in the fight against their parents together.
He thought then of the older boy who turned his back. The surly young teen who acted like Sirius didn't exist, who scoffed when Sirius was punished, looked on stony face as Sirius prodded the puffy split lip courtesy of their father’s signet ring. The boy who watched Sirius leave without saying a word.
“Fuck, reggie” Sirius breathed out, finally turning back. “Fine, you can stay. you’re not forgiven.”
Regulus nodded and bowed his head. It was only then that Sirius noticed the huge backpack he had with him, likely filled with all of Regulus’ worldly goods.
“Sit in that corner. I’m off in two hours.” Sirius bit out brusquely, before going to tell Darla to send in his next appointment.
He ignored Regulus entirely as he worked, only addressing his presence by telling his clients “sorry, it’s my kid brother, forgot his keys, so he’s hanging here for a bit. Ignore him.”
The only time he addressed Regulus was brusquely asking him to leave the room when a girl came to get her nipples pierced.
At the end of the day, he was silent as he got the bus home with Regulus, jaw clenched in stress and anger, refusing to even look at his brother. He tore off the bus and stopped short, causing Regulus to bump into him.
“They don't know where I live. They will never know where I live. If they find out, what they have done to you will pale in comparison.”
Regulus went pale and nodded quickly. Sirius felt a flash of guilt, but he had worked too hard for too long to distance himself from all things Black for his brother to come in and ruin his life… again.
He turned heel and walked up to his front door. He unlocked in and walked straight to the kitchen.
“Hey Padf- oh. Regulus. Quelle surprise” James said, his voice going flat as he came into the entryway after coming to greet Sirius.
“Reg is here. For reasons unknown. Indefinitely” Sirius said, before walking to their tiny utility room to grab a bed set to make up the sofa for his brother.
As he made up the bed he spoke to Regulus in short staccato sentences, still refusing to look at him. “Right, house rules. You will not get a key. You will not tell anyone in the family where I live. You will not leave without me knowing where you’re going. You will not talk to me until you’re ready to tell me what happened. Anything you need, you ask James, who will ask me. Right, I'm going out. Don’t wait up.”
He grabbed his bag that he had dropped by the door, and left.
--
He ignored all the texts from James, trusting his best friend to look after his brother properly but being entirely incapable of coping with the situation himself. He wandered around, walking from Brixton to Kennington, from Kennington to the river, down the southbank and up to Covent garden. Night fell, blanketing his shoulders in its comforting blackness, embracing him in the peace it provided. Few people were out, given it was late on a sunday, and he basked in the emptiness of London’s streets as he walked, welcoming the ache in his feet.
He checked his phone periodically, surprised when he saw a notification from Lily, reading “hey, James said something happened and it's hard for you to be at theirs right now. Bed is waiting on Remus floor if you need.”
Touched by the sentiment, from both James and Lily, Sirius walks with purpose for the first time in hours, heading to Waterloo, catching the bus back to stockwell and desperately trying to remember Remus and Lily’s street name.
By the time he reaches their house, it's almost midnight, and he had gotten off work at half seven. He knocks on the door hesitantly, and it immediately opens, warm yellow light spilling out into the street as Lily pulls him into a tight hug. She’s back in her dressing gown, hair in a messy bun for the night, and she looks like the human embodiment of ‘home’.
“Come in, we have food if you’re hungry” she said, taking his arm and tugging him up the stairs and to the front door to their flat proper, shoving it open with her socked foot and pulling him into the warmth.
She went into the kitchen to heat him up a bowl of rice and chicken, and he drops a quick text to James saying where he’s staying, that he just went for a long walk, and that he's as close to okay as possible.
James replies with a “he’s ok. Seems shaken. Love you” and Sirius smiles, kicking off his boots and settling into the sofa.
“Rem has gone to bed because he’s up at seven for school tomorrow, but the bed’s on his floor. He left pyjamas and towels for you in the bathroom. Here you go, love” Lily said, emerging from the kitchen with a steaming bowl and mug on a tray for him, which he accepted gratefully, wrapping his hands around the fragrant, steaming mug of herby tea he had been given.
He eats slowly and methodically, realising he hadn't eaten since his croissants with Remus that morning. It felt hard to believe it was the same day. Regulus’ arrival stretched like a chasm between his morning and his now; an unbridgeable gap between a time when all he could think about was making Remus laugh, and now, when he was racked with tremors whenever he thought about the fact that Regulus might leak his address to his family.
“Thank you Lily. I can’t thank you enough, you’re an angel” he said hoarsely, looking up at her when he had finished eating.
“Thank James. He really loves you, you know? He was really worried. I hate to pry but this isn't anything between the two of you, right?” Lily said, speaking fondly of James but asking her question cautiously.
“No, no. Nothing could ever come between Padfoot and Prongs” Sirius said, trying to smile. He did not succeed.
“That’s good,” Lily said, sitting down next to him on the sofa and dropping her head onto her shoulder. “Good you have him. You have us too now, yeah?” she continued, taking one of his large, long-fingered hands in her much smaller, softer palm. Her skin was soft and smooth where it connected with his and he felt grounded for the first time in hours. He let out a long breath.
“Do you want to go to bed, or is company something you need right now?” she asked quietly. His heart clenched at the care in her voice. He was so used to seeing James and his parents as the only three people who ever cared for him, even a little bit. Seeing the evidence that he could add at least two more people to that little group made a warm feeling rush over him, and he took some deep gulping breaths to dampen the emotions that threatened to consume him.
“I don’t know,” he replied hoarsely. “There’s too much uncertainty for anything to help me right now”
“Would talking about it help?” Lily asked, and Sirius was about to open his mouth when the living room door opened, and Remus padded softly into the room.
“Hey. I couldn't sleep, and I just wanted to check you were okay, Sirius” he said, deep voice soft and gentle. He sat on the floor by Sirius’ feet, leaning his head against his knee.
“He’s okay,” Lily said, whispering, and rubbing her thumb in soothing circles around the back of Sirius's hand.
“Don’t let me keep you up, Rem, please. I’m fine, yeah? I’m here, and I've eaten something” Sirius said, patting Remus’ shoulder. He tilted his head up to look at Sirius, his face looking so inviting in the low lamplight.
“I think, maybe, we should all go to bed,” Remus said haltingly. “Unless you know that wont help?”
Ordinarily, Sirius would hate to be treated in such a fragile manner, with such softness as if he was being handled with kid gloves, but the earnest concern radiating off of both of them meant he could only feel grateful. His therapist would be so proud, he thought wryly. He had finally decided to accept help when it was offered, just a few years too late. He hadn't seen her in a few months, having been on an even keel, and happy this past year, but he debated emailing her in the morning, but decided he would think about it later.
He nodded at Remus and stood, pulling out his phone and calling James.
“Hey. this will sound crazy but I won’t be able to sleep otherwise. Could you ask him to block them all? Or just, take his phone, write down their numbers and delete the contacts? They can’t know, James. They can’t”
His voice broke at the end, and he took deep breaths, closing his eyes, and he felt a large palm in the small of his back and he used the touch to ground himself.
James’ voice came, tinny through the phone. “He doesn’t have a phone, Sirius. I checked his pockets and i’ve been through his bag. He said they broke it. I think…” here James took a deep breath, “I think he’s telling the truth. He’s got bruises, Pads. like yours. He’s real shaken up. He keeps asking for you. He needs you. Don’t stay away too long, yeah? I need you too.”
Sirius' heart rate calmed somewhat at the knowledge that Regulus couldn’t contact their parents. He felt sick at the idea that Regulus hadn’t been lying and Sirius had just… left, but the words of his Therapist, and all three of the Potters came back to him. He had to put himself first, and right now, not being with Reg was what he needed, and so that’s what he would do.
“Everything okay?” Lily asked when he hung up the phone. He nodded, and walked into the bathroom. Unthinkingly, he went through the motions of changing, brushing his teeth and hair.
“Actually, Remus?” he asked as he emerged from the bathroom. “This is so embarrassing, but could you plait my hair? The way you do for Lily?”
“Yeah, of course” Remus said, sitting on the edge of his bed and gesturing for Sirius to sit on the floor between his legs. Sirius let the gentle touch of skilled fingers fluttering over his scalp ground him, the gentle tug of the braiding process providing a central point for him to focus on, ignoring the pain and worry swirling around his brain.
When done, he clambered into the bed and stared at the ceiling. When he felt his eyes start to tug closed he grabbed his phone and texted James. “Tell Reg I love him.”
James replied; “he knows. I’ll tell him anyway.”
--
He awoke at eleven. He called in to work to say he had a family emergency and would be out for a few days at least, and then emerged from Remus’ room to an empty flat and a note on the kitchen counter saying that Remus and Lily were both at work. He remembered that Lily worked as an art teacher at a primary school for children with learning disabilities, and wondered why she didn't also tell him she had to get up for school the next day. He realised maybe it was her trying not to make him feel like a burden, and he felt so grateful that James was with someone so generous and caring.
In thanks, he cleaned the flat up best he could without getting in the way of whatever system was inevitably in place. He left another thank you note, and slipped out by one, heading home to confront his brother’s presence, and hopefully be to Regulus what the Potter’s had been to him.
He entered his flat and was met with silence. James would have gone to work for the day, and Sirius went straight to his room, bypassing the looming closed door of the living room, behind which sat the prodigal brother. He changed into his own pyjamas, knowing he needed comfortable clothes for what was about to come.
He made two cups of tea and slipped into the living room to see Regulus staring out the window, eyes blank. The telly was on low in the background, but Regulus’ body was angled in the other direction.
“Hey” Sirius said softly, sitting on the sofa next to his brother and pressing a warm mug into his hands. Regulus took it and turned wide, scared eyes to Sirius. “Where did you go?” he whispered. He was shocked by how young Regulus looked. At twenty two, he still had a rounder face, with large eyes. He looked like a child, fear and confusion written across his face.
“To stay with a friend. I needed time to myself to think and breathe. Will you tell me what happened?” Sirius asked gently.
“I went to live with them after uni. Dad needed to train me for the business, right? But, but God, Sirius they were so mean, so so mean” Regulus said, before whimpering.
“Nothing I did was good enough. They hated my uni friends. Whenever I came home from seeing them they would shout about how it was indecorous, about how I was letting them down. Eventually they stopped me all together. They trapped me in that house Sirius, and Dad forced me to do the accounts for him. He would hit me if I got the maths wrong. I didn't study maths. I didn't know what I was doing. I don't know what I'm doing.” Regulus' voice was soft, with a far-away quality to it, like he wasn't quite there, in the moment.
“You weren't there as a shield anymore. I didn't realise how much you protected me from. I didn't realise how bad it was for you. I’m so sorry, Siri. I'm so, so, so sorry.”
Tears were freefalling down his face now, and Sirius’ stomach twisted painfully.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Reggie.” he said, setting the mugs down and pulling his brother into a tight hug. “Reggie I love you and you're here now and it's okay. You’re safe”
“I’m going to run you a bath, okay? And make some lunch?” Sirius said, stroking his hands firmly up and down his brother’s back. He left Reg on the sofa as he walked to the bathroom, and he turned the taps on, the room soon filling with steam. He left it and went back to the kitchen, pulling meat out of the freezer and bread and veg from the fridge to make a warming stew that James’ mum had given him the recipe for. It always reminded him of her, and made him feel better.
He then went back to the bathroom, and turned the taps off, before getting his brother from the sofa. Regulus seemed somewhat shellshocked, and Sirius helped him undress before helping him into the tub. He then settled behind his brother, kneeling on the cold tiled floor and leaning over the bathtub and washed his hair, taking his time as the room filled with the scent of his fragrant sudsy shampoo and conditioner.
He tried not to dwell on the bruising across Regulus’ abdomen and back, and he rubbed arnica on them when his brother stepped out of the bath. He was grateful to see a lack of the cigar burns that adorned Sirius’ upper arms, though.
He gave Regulus a set of his own pyjamas and thick socks, and let him nap in Sirius’ bed as Sirius cooked.
He left Reg asleep and the stew bubbling as he made a quick journey into town to buy Reg a new phone. He was grateful he had saved Alphard’s inheritance for a ‘rainy day’, because he had the feeling it was going to potentially be a rainy few months.
He set the phone up for his brother once at home, entering his and James’ numbers, the numbers of where he and James worked, and Sirius’ address so Reg could find his way home if lost.
He then checked his own phone, and saw a message from an unknown number. It read:
“It’s Remus. Lily gave me your number. We’re sorry we couldn't be there when you woke up. I hope you’re okay and I'm here if you need me. If it would help, I could pop by after work to check in? If yes, I get off at 5. Let me know, Rx”
Sirius was touched, and so desperate to agree to the offer, but he was hesitant to introduce Reg to anyone knew in his fragile state. He agonised over it until the stew was done, and then he returned all his attention to his brother. He gently shook Regulus awake, and gave him the phone and explained the contacts while they ate. Regulus seemed hesitant to accept it, as if Sirius was like their parents and would take it away again the moment a slight was perceived.
He eventually accepted Remus’ offer, and told James to spend the night at Lily’s- that he deserved it after babysitting a traumatised Regulus with no notice.
--
Sirius was still in his pyjamas with his hair braided back when Remus knocked on the door.
“Hey” the tall man said softly, squeezing past Sirius in the tiny entryway.
He was in a blue button down and smart trousers, and looked so different to the cosy Remus Sirius was accustomed to. He had a leather satchel slung over one shoulder.
Sirius led him to the kitchen- Regulus sleeping in his room again.
“Hey, so. My brother is staying with me right now” Sirius said by way of greeting.
“The one you don’t get on with?” Remus clarified.
“I only have one” Said Sirius, huffing a laugh. “Two if you count James.”
“It’s all a bit complicated, and his unexpected arrival threw a bit of a spanner in the works and dredged up some old shit for me” Sirius said, fiddling with the bottom of his jumper, which was actually one of James’ school rugby jumpers.
“Ah,” Remus said softly, nodding in understanding.
“Thanks for taking me in last night. I couldn't face him at such short notice, and I- my parents don't know where I live, and I was so scared he would tell them, and then I'd have to move.”
“Have to move?” Remus said, disbelief written across his face.
“Yeah. It's a long story, but they cannot know where I live, or work. The closest thing they have to me is knowing where James’ parents live, and that's where I spend holidays, and even that is too much for my liking” he explained.
“Dinner?” he asked, getting up and abruptly changing the subject. “I made stew earlier, for Reggie. It’s James’ mum’s recipe”
“I’d love some,” Remus said, and Sirius set about re-heating the pot on the stove. As he was doing so the door creaked open and Regulus shuffled in, wrapped in a blanket he had obviously found in Sirius’ cupboard.
“Don’t go through my things, Regulus.” Sirius said sharply. “I still don’t trust you yet”
“I was cold,” mumbled his brother. Sirius softened.
“Then ask me, Reggie. I haven't seen you since you were thirteen, really. I’m letting you into my house as a stranger. Act like it.”
Regulus bowed his head, cheeks flushing in shame and sat down.
“Regulus, this is Remus. Do you want any more to eat?”
Reg eyed Remus warily but nodded to the question, and Sirius got two bowls out of the cupboard.
“It’s nice to meet you, Regulus” Remus said softly, as if talking to a spooked horse.
Regulus mumbled something that sounded vaguely like ‘you, too’ before staring determinedly at the wall. Sirius sighed. While never outright homophobic like their parents, Reg had always been a bit weird around Sirius and boys, and Sirius had never learned why.
“Remus is my friend. He lives with James’ girlfriend” Sirius said, hating that he had to say it, but needing Regulus to act a bit more normally. He was acutely aware that this was the first time Remus had ever been to his house, and he felt irritation bubble up at the unwanted circumstances. He probably looked like shit, and smelled of lamb stew. His brother was being an arse-what was new- and he had ended up airing all his personal dirty laundry in front of Remus, who looked distinctly uncomfortable at the dynamic between the two brothers.
“Do you mind eating this in the living room, Reg?” Sirius asked, handing Regulus his bowl and a spoon on a tray. His brother nodded, jaw clenched and made a swift exit. Sirius collapsed into a chair and groaned, banging his head on the table.
“I’m sorry he was such a dick.”
“It’s nothing, honestly. This is delicious by the way. You’re an amazing cook” Remus said, and Sirius could have cried at how grateful he was for the subject change.
“Yea, I never got to do it at home but when I moved in with the Potter’s Euphemia took me under her wing and taught me everything. James was never much interested and she lived vicariously through me as a second son.”
“The Potter’s have interesting names, huh. Euphemia and Fleamont” Remus said, tearing off a hunk of bread.
“Yeah. I can’t really talk, though. In my family we have star names. Sirius is the dog star. My cousins are called Bellatrix, Narcissa and Andromeda” Sirius said.
“Yeah, we have a wolf theme in the family. Mine and my father’s names, and thus my brother’s as well, all mean Wolf Wolf. it’s like a family in-joke that isn't as funny as we think it is.”
“No, no I like it. I think interesting names are the best names, you know? I wanna lump my kids with the most obscure names possible. James disagrees and his poor kids will be named something plain like Harry or Rosie”
Remus laughed, and Sirius felt a little bit better than he had all afternoon. When Remus had finished, he washed the plate up and made a hot chocolate for his brother, who he found sat still, staring out the window again.
“Here, Reg. drink this'' he said gently, wrapping his brother’s hands around the mug. They shook as Regulus brought the mug to his lips, and Sirius wondered if he had seemed this damaged when he left. He knew James would probably say yes.
“I’m sorry I was rude” Regulus whispered, still staring out of the window.
“New people at home always meant bad news”
“That's not your home anymore, okay? This is. And new people here will always be friends, and if they’re not I’ll warn you beforehand. Remus is lovely, and has been very good to me these past two days. We can trust him, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay” Regulus breathed, finally turning to look at Sirius. His stare was so vacant and hollow. He looked like a bird with an irreparable broken wing. Unable to look at him any longer, Sirius brushed a kiss to the top of his head and left the room again, returning to Remus in the kitchen.
“It must be hard, seeing a man in the place of the thirteen year old you remember,” Remus said when he returned.
“Yeah” Sirius breathed, slumping into a chair. “He’s still a child, to me at least. God knows they would have treated him like one. He’s had no opportunity to grow up.”
“You can say no, but can I ask who this mysterious ‘they’ is? You’ve mentioned them several times now” Remus said, leaning his elbows on the table and propping his chin on his hands.
“Walburga and Orion Black. Regulus’ parents” Sirius replied.
“Not yours?”
“My mum and dad have been Effi and Monty since the day I moved in. but yes, ‘they’ are our parents.”
Remus nodded, sensing he shouldn’t press.
“Hey, I have some marking to do. I can do it here, if you’d like the company?” Remus said, bending down and picking his satchel up from where he left it on the floor.
“Yeah, that would be nice, actually.” Sirius said. He stood quickly and collected his laptop from his bedroom, and returned to the kitchen. As Remus worked silently on his essays, Sirius penned a quick email to his therapist, Hiba, explaining the situation, and asking if she would potentially see Regulus as a client as well. He then texted James’ parents, not just letting them know, but thanking them for putting up with him, if he had been anything like how Reg was now.
He texted James, letting him know everything was okay and that there would be left over stew for dinner for days to come, and then pottered about on his computer for a bit, emailing his regular clients about why he wouldn't be in for a bit, letting their landlady know they had an emergency extra tenant. Sirius loved their landlady, Minnie. She seemed severe and terrifying but was so, so lovely. She emailed back almost immediately saying she had a proper camp bed if their guest didn't want the sofa. He accepted, and she said she would bring it round the next day.
He then cleaned up the flat while Remus worked, and spent more time than was proper admiring the man as he marked, the tight stretch of his work shirt over his shoulders, the line of his hand and wrist as he wrote, the way he would mouth along as he read. With every second he spent with Remus, Sirius was more and more gone over him.
He knew he couldn’t act on it, not yet. If Regulus hadn't arrived he would have probably invited Remus for drinks by now, but his brother’s presence and mental state had Sirius feeling a little bit like a father, and he knew that he couldn't split his attention between the two men and give either of them the focus and time they both needed. Regulus had to be his priority for now, but as soon as that changed, Sirius would be on Remus like a whippet.