Dear Diary

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July 13th, 1971

Dear Diary,

           Today I woke up to a new gash on my chest, as well as a few on my legs and the usual on my arms. I think I broke my finger. I'm gonna have to ask Papa to fix it, if he can.
          The wolf felt more anxious than usual last night, almost as if something was about to change. I don't know what, though, my life is as bland as ever.

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Remus groaned as he sat up, his body aching, trying to rebel and lay him back down. He looked over himself, wincing as he saw all the fresh scrapes and scratches. 'Great.. more scars..' Reaching over, the child grabbed the first aid kit out of the corner of the dark, dingy basement, opening it and holding back tears as he dressed his wounds, messily bandaging the majority of the worst ones.

After cleaning the rest, the boy limped over to another corner of the basement, finding a pile of fresh clothes. Carefully sitting, Remus slid on the loose sweatpants and oversized t-shirt, hiding the rough scars of his torso.

Walking up most of the stairs, the sandy haired boy grabbed his notebook and quill before knocking on the charmed door, letting his dad know he was ready. "Papaaaa, I'm all dressed, just like you taught me!"

A few seconds of silence before the wolf in Remus could feel the magic barrier lift off the door, and he turned the knob to open it. Light flooded into the darkness of the basement and the kid hissed as he shielded his eyes in pain.

The basement had no windows, meaning the wolf couldn't escape, but that also meant there was no sunlight. There had been a light on the ceiling, but after a particularly tumultuous full moon, Mr. Lupin hadn't bothered to fix the bulb, leaving the room to plunge into full darkness.

This never bothered the wolf, the heightened senses allowing it to see everything in the room still. However, while Remus could see most things in the dark, he had preferred having a light, but he understood that it would be expensive for his dad to keep getting new light bulbs every month.

"Hey, Remus, you have a letter here." Lyall called from the kitchen as he heard his son walk(limp) out of the basement. "How are you feeling? Any major injuries?"

Remus shrugged, his eyes still squinted as sunlight poured into the kitchen. His shoulder ached, but it wasn't too bad. "My- I think I broke my finger," the kid muttered, carefully plopping into a chair next to his dad.

As he held out his hand for his dad to inspect the finger, Remus looked at the envelope placed in front of his seat. "Is this it, Papa?" It looked fancy. Upon his father telling him to open it, he did, pulling out the crisp piece of paper and reading every bit.

"Dear Remus Lupin,

We are proud to announce that you have been accepted into the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft And Wizardry. We expect an owl from you no later than July 31st. Start of the term is September 1st. The Hogwarts Express will leave from Platform 9¾ on that day. A list of all necessary and optional school supplies is included, as well as a list of rules for every first year.

Yours sincerely,
Minvera McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress"

"Papa, is it true? I'm gonna go to Hogwarts??" Remus couldn't believe it. The boy had never gone to school before, his monthly issue hadn't really allowed for that. Lyall had tried to homeschool the kid, but he was so busy with his work that he barely had time to help. Remus had resorted to learning from books, reading the few books they had at home, and eventually reaching out to the small public library down the street.

His dad nodded. "Yup. Dumbledore reached out, and thought it would be good for you to go. We discussed it, and he said he has a safe plan for full moons." he explained, putting a splint on his son's finger. "We'll have to get you a few things, but that's okay."

Remus nodded, his eyes droopy from the long night but his mental energy was running a million miles a minute. Lyall noticed, plucking the letter from his son's hands and patting his shoulder. He didn't notice the little wince tumble from the child's lips.

"Take yourself up to bed, son. Try to get a wink of sleep, alright?" The scrawny 11 year old nodded, rubbing his eyes and standing up, limping his way to his room, his notebook in hand, crawling into bed and barely pulling the covers up to his nose before drifting off into slumber.

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July 25th, 1971

Dear Diary,

           It's been a week since I received my letter. Today, Papa and I went down to a small town called Diagon Alley. I'd never been before. There were so many shops! Most things I got were second hand, but that's okay! I've got so many new books to read.
          There were so many other wizards and witches around! We passed by quite a few other families with kids my age. Papa didn't let me stop to talk to them. I didn't mind though, they'd probably just have made fun of my scars.

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Remus had a pained look on his face as he kept his arms up as long as he could. "Papa.. is this really necessary?" He asked, his arms starting to fall from the weight of gravity. He got scolded very quickly from the seamstress, and he pulled them back up into a t-pose.

"Yes, Remus. You need these robes for school. Besides, they'll help cover...things.." Lyall explained as he took a glance around the store. No, he didn't notice his son's ears flush with embarrassment at the mention of his problem.

The seamstress finished taking measurements and patted the scrawny boy's shoulder, drawing a wince out of him. Remus hopped down from the pedestal and looked out the window with a longing gaze while his father chatted about the purchase.

The kid watched as people trickled past the shoppe on the street, talking, laughing, waving to other people. Remus sighed, his mind wandering to a place where he could have that.

He didn't notice when a tan boy with messy black hair and wide rimmed glasses tapped on the glass, his face covered with worry. He didn't realize when the boy had looked up at his mum and pointed to the doorway of the boutique, an odd request tumbling from his lips. He still didn't come too when the bell rang as the door opened and the boy ran inside.

Remus felt a small tap on his shoulder, causing him to jump out of his headspace and whirl around to the boy with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to startle you," the boy started, putting his hands up on either side of his head. "I just saw you.. uhm, staring at the window, and I wanted to ask if you were okay?"

Remus blinked, the words taking a minute to process. "Er.." This kid was worried about him? Why? They didn't know each other. "Y-yeah.. 'm o'right-"

"Oh, good." The boy let out a sigh of relief, and Remus was still very confused. "My name's James, James Potter! Are you attending Hogwa-"

"Remus," Lyall called, reaching a hand out to his son when he looked up. "Time to go, son." Remus nodded, glancing back at the raven haired boy in front of him, giving a small wave, before walking over to his dad and walking out of the shoppe with him.

While being led out of the building, the sandy haired boy glanced over his shoulder to look at the other kid once more, before sighing at what he couldn't have, and following his father down the street.

A bell dinging above him caused Remus to look up at the next shoppe he entered with his father. The walls climbed as high as he could see, filled with long skinny boxes. A few dusters floated around, charmed by a flying spell, cleaning at the top of the piles.

"Careful, Rem.. Don't step on any boxes," Lyall called out, pointing out a few boxes on the floor the child hadn't seen.

"Sorry, Papa." Remus replied, resolving to stay where he was. The scent of magic filled his nose, and the hair on his arms stood up on end. Before the shop keeper even came out of the back, the scrawny boy glanced at a pile of boxes, sensing one specific box. There was an invisible pull, and the kid tried to stumble over to the pile carefully.

"Ahh, it seems a wand has already picked you, my boy." A voice startled Remus out of his thoughts. He looked up, his eyes wide as he stared at the adult that had walked out from behind the counter. The kid watched as the shopkeeper walked over, greeting his father.

"Why don't you try it out, kiddo?" Remus looked at the box again, then picked it up.

"I-I..uh..I don't..I dun' know.. Papa?-" The child looked up at Lyall, who nodded.

"Try a simple spell, Remus. Remember I showed you the Lumos movement?" Remus nodded, taking the wand in his hand. He took a minute to just hold it, looking at it. The magic made his skin tingle, but not in an annoying way.

Remus held up the wand, closing his eyes and following the same movements the memory of his father did, saying the word 'lumos'. He could feel a more intense tingle run up his arm and into the wand, the spell creating a bright light that could have blinded him if his eyes hadn't been closed.

"Woah, woah, not so much power, Remus!" Lyall yelled, covering his eyes with his hands. The child opened his eyes slowly, releasing the tingle from his hand and the wand.

"Sorry, Papa.. Can I get this one?" As the light went away, Remus looked up at his dad, then to the shoppe keeper, then back to his dad.

Lyall hummed, nodding. "I reckon we can work something out. You alright with second hand books, son?" he asked quietly, ruffling his kid's already messy hair.

Remus huffed, trying to dodge his papa's hand. His ears were slightly flushed from the question, but he nodded. If it meant he got this wand, he didn't care what condition the books were in, as long as he could still use them.

"Alright then," his dad smiled, looking up to the owner. "How much, Ollivander?" And at that, Remus drowned out the conversation, looking down at his new wand, inspecting it.

"Isn't it exciting, Reggie??!" Remus heard a voice from behind him, and he twirled around to see 2 young boys enter the store behind him.

They both had wavy, black hair, though one’s was shoulder length, whereas the other's was about the same length as Remus' own, if not slightly longer. Their milky skin contrasted with the dark hair. The slightly taller boy had sharp high cheekbones that were currently accentuated by a smile, turning his eyes into crescents as well.

"I finally got my own wand!!" The taller one was obviously excited, Remus could sense that much. A glance at the shorter boy standing with him, though, told him that he was not quite as excited as his counterpart.

"Y-yea, so exciting, Siri.." The younger whispered, glancing around the store. Remus didn't have time to focus on too much more of their conversation, however, as his dad had purchased his wand, and they were off to the next store.

The rest of the shopping trip had gone similarly, his papa discussing purchases with the shoppe keepers, while Remus watched longingly out the windows or towards other families in the same stores, wondering why his cruel twist of fate had meant he couldn't have that.

'Because you're a monster.' The small voice in his head often told him when his thoughts drifted. The scrawny boy sighed, fidgeting with the sleeves on his jumper.

He knew it was right. The way he could smell just about every person in the Alley, the way he could listen to their conversations on the other side of the street-if he had wanted to-the way he could feel their emotions. Remus would have to be careful at Hogwarts, especially since he wouldn't be coming home for quite a few months.

He wondered what plans the Headmaster had for the Fulls, how they planned to keep the other students safe.

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September 1st, 1971

Dear Diary,

           Today's the day! I'm on the train right now. Merlin.. there's so many families, so many kids. I wonder how many are in their first years, like me.
          Papa's taught me a few things since the trip to Diagon Alley. Like about the different houses, mostly. He reckons I'll be a Ravenclaw, like him. It'd make sense, but he said you gotta be smart for that house, so I dunno.
          I don't see myself as a Hufflepuff. I'm too short tempered, 'specially near full moons. I guess Slytherin might be cool, though the lion mascot seems pretty fierce. Wolves and cats don't mix though.

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Remus sighed as he watched out the window of the train car. Just as he had at Diagon Alley, the boy gazed as parents and children alike fluttered about, saying goodbyes and giving out hugs.

His own dad had run through the barrier with him, but then very quickly patted his shoulder-not without a wince from the boy-told him to get on the train and have a good school year, and had disappeared again. This didn't bother Remus too much, it was just how his papa was.

He had pulled out his notebook and scribbled a few notes of observation, not wanting to forget a single thing. This was the most exciting thing to happen to him since- well, since forever, really.

Now the notebook was in his robes pocket, hidden behind all the extra fabric. Of course his dad had bought robes a few sizes too big, allowing for Remus to 'grow into them' over the years, and not need new robes every single year.

A few seconds later, his compartment door slammed open. Remus looked up, startled, seeing the same boy from the robes shoppe standing in the doorway. The boy seemed to recognize him as well, if his outburst was anything to go by.

"Hey, it's you! The boy from Diagon Alley!" the tan boy sat down in the seat across from Remus, who started fidgeting with his jumper sleeves out of habit. "What was your name again? Reyy-? No, wasn't it like-"

"Remus." The blond boy huffed quietly, not really wanting to hear the other butcher his name.

The raven boy smiled widely, snapping his fingers. "That's it. Fine name, Remus. I'm James, if you don't remember. Nice to officially meet you!"

Remus nodded quietly, not entirely too keen on social interaction. The only person he ever really talked to was his Papa after the... incident... plus he couldn't remember much from before it happened.

Sure, he talked to the librarian down the street, and, yea, a few kids that came looking for school books had tried making small talk. They were never mates, though. Never talked more than the occasional 'Nice weather, eh, Lupin?' or 'That'ne looks dashin', wassit 'bout?'. Hardly anything Remus could use now.

The other boy seemed to notice his quietness, but didn't seem to pry too much into it. Instead, he kept a conversation rolling on into a less sensitive topic. "So, you excited for your first year, Remus?"

Said boy shrugged, nodding a bit afterwards. "I guesso. You?" he cringed inwardly at his own awkwardness, but he didn't really have much to say on the matter.

James, however, never got to answer, as the compartment door flew open again, just as the train started rolling, revealing the same pale, black haired boy that Remus had seen in the wand shoppe.

"Hiya, boys! Care if I join ya? Neither of you are my cousins, right?" The boy glanced between the two, plopping himself down next to Remus.

James shook his head, thinking for a moment. "Don't believe so, James Potter. Pleasure to meet you, er.."

"Sirius. Sirius Black," the boy smiled widely, adorning his high cheekbones and hiding his eyes into crescents, just as he had done in the wand shoppe weeks ago. He turned towards the lanky kid next to him, still smiling. "What about you, Quiet Kid?"

Remus' ears flushed at the attention being on him, and he noticed himself pulling on one of the tattered threads of his sweater sleeve. "Er.. Remus, Lupin.."

"Perfect." The boy-Sirius-looked back towards James. "Talking to you is sure to piss off my mum." he mentioned, with a prideful smile. Remus noticed a grin spread across James' face as well, the boy pushing the glasses up his nose.

Tuning out the rest of the conversation, Remus pulled a book from his trunk, and opened it to a bookmarked page, starting to read. It had been an interesting book, and he was near finished.

"Watch'a reading there, Lupin?" A voice pulled Remus from the world of the book, and he glanced up to see two striking blue eyes looking over the top of the book, a sea of black hair falling in front of them like a curtain.

The sandy haired boy sighed, closing the book. " History of Magic. " he replied curtly, hoping the boy would take that as enough of an answer.

An exasperated sigh left the pale boy's lips, and he leaned back. At least he was out of Remus' personal bubble now. "You're doing your homework before we even get to school? Merlin, Lupin." He wasn't being rude, Remus could see a little smile poke through his teasing.

Even James seemed to stifle a small chuckle, and Remus couldn't help but let a small smile past his lips as well. He shrugged, replying with the same teasing tone.

"Better to start early than to struggle to keep up, Black."

Just as James was about to intervene, probably to spew another joke, the trolley had arrived, and Sirius perked up, dumping almost all of his pocket money and buying almost every sweet on the cart.

"Merlin, Black, save some for the others," James chuckled, throwing some of his own money onto the cart.

Remus watched this, his book now long forgotten on his lap. The amount of money he had seen James and Sirius pull from their pockets was more than he'd ever seen in his life, he reckoned. Then he watched the amount of sweets that money had bought the two boys, staring wistfully at the chocolates.

"You want some, Remus? There's plenty here, I don't think Sirius and I could eat all of this on our own," James smiled, gesturing to the huge pile on the table. The sandy haired boy looked up at him, eyes filled with a silent question. Potter nodded with a gleeful smile, and Remus wasted no time digging into the treats. He'd have to find a way to forgive the 2 for their kindness.

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