you're crazy for me
Wednesday night was the full moon. There had only been two fulls so far this year, and both had gone by fairly normally. One had landed right when Remus and Sirius were fighting in the beginning of the year, but Sirius had shown up in the shack that night regardless. Full moons were always a truce. Neither moon had been particularly bad, but Remus had to admit, fulls had gotten worse over the past 6 months. He supposed it was because he was getting closer to being of age - the older he got, the more the wolf wanted to escape.
It was for this reason that when he woke up on Thursday morning, he was shocked to see not a single scratch on him. He’d never come out of the full so untouched. He was exhausted, and confident that his eyes were bloodshot and his skin pale, but besides that, he felt normal.
What had changed? He thought back to the previous day, but all he could remember was that conversation with Sirius and Lucian. Remus blushed, remembering how bluntly he’d spoken, how he’d teased Sirius. It had felt good to be the one to shut up Sirius for once, rather than always being the one to blush at Sirius’s flirting. He’d liked being bold, and he’d loved flustering Sirius – watching the boy he had always thought so bloody cool become a stammering mess in front of him. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on with Sirius and him, but something had definitely changed since Sirius’s birthday. And, Merlin, that day on the sofa. Remus could still imagine Sirius’s lips and tongue on his thumb, and wondered what it’d be like to have Sirius’s mouth on other parts of him.
As if reading his mind, Madam Pomfrey walked in with McGonagall in tow.
“Everything alright?” she asked kindly.
“I– I’ve got no scratches.”
Madam Pomfrey beamed at him. “I know, I’m not still sure how it happened, but this is good, Remus. Maybe now we can figure out how to control the fulls.”
And Remus couldn’t help it, he beamed right back.
McGonagall whispered something in Pomfrey’s ear and she turned to look at Remus again.
“Oh, yes. I almost forgot.”
“What is it?” Remus asked curiously.
“Your Sirius is here,” Madam Pomfrey informed Remus.
“My Sirius?” Remus asked drily.
Pomfrey pursed her lips, while McGonagall tried (and failed) to hold down a smile.
“Shall I send him in or not?”
Remus shrugged at her, attempting to hide just how excited he was to see Sirius.
Moments later, Sirius walked in. His tie was loose around his neck, his uniform shirt crumpled. He still had sleep in his eyes and it was clear he hadn’t gotten many hours since the moon had set.
“You look like death, Sirius.”
“Sure, and you look like the cover of Rolling Stone.”
“Shut up, I just turned into a werewolf and howled at the goddamn moon all night.”
At this, Sirius blushed. “Not exactly.”
Remus blinked at him. “What do you mean, not exactly?”
“You didn’t exactly do a whole lot of howling last night.”
“What did I do?” Remus asked cautiously.
Sirius seemed like he was choosing his words carefully.
“Well, we went out into the forest, like we usually do. We thought we’d have to chase you around, but you kind of just—”
“What?” Remus demanded impatiently.
“You just curled up next to me and we kind of, I don’t know, cuddled?”
“Cuddled?” Remus practically yelled. Fuck. If it was a secret that Remus loved Sirius before, it was even more obvious now. How had he let this happen?
More than that, Remus couldn’t figure out what had changed. He’d been in love with Sirius forever. Why had this moon been different? Unless, it wasn’t his feelings that had changed. Remus looked to Sirius, who stood, shifting from foot to foot. A for the first time in a while, Remus felt a bit of hope. It sprouted within him, and he couldn’t push it down. How Sirius had been acting, the birthday gift, and now this. Maybe there was a chance after all.
But Remus wasn’t going to be the first to admit it. Because if he was wrong, it would never be the same. He’d have to get Sirius to crack.
_________
That afternoon, Remus sat in the greenhouse with Regulus and Evan, passing around a spliff. Somehow, Evan and Reg always proposed their smoking sessions on the day after the full moon. Remus knew this wasn’t a coincidence. If anything, he loved the boys even more for not saying it. They were there when Remus needed them, even if they thought he didn’t know.
“Do you want to tell us why you and Barty were eye-fucking at Halloween?” Remus asked Evan bluntly.
“What the fuck, Lupin?”
“You know, I’m quite curious myself,” Regulus drawled, “considering that I’ve witnessed that and more in our dorm room.”
“Nothing is going on with me and Barty,” Evan replied curtly. “We’re friends, who sometimes like to glare at each other. Let’s not act like you both don’t do the same.”
Regulus and Remus exchanged a glance. Both of them knew there was more to the story, but clearly Evan was unwilling to admit it yet. Barty and Evan were two of the most stubborn people Remus knew, so he expected it would take them a long time to figure it out.
Not that he was much better. He’d been in love with Sirius for years.
And, speak of the devil, there was Sirius, marching towards them.
“Remus Lupin, are you smoking weed with my baby brother?”
Remus looked at the spliff shockingly, then turned to Reg and Evan. “Did you both know this was weed?”
Regulus shook his head solemnly. “I had no idea. God, what will I ever do?”
“Jump off the astronomy tower, I suppose.” Evan put in.
“Are you three quite serious?” Sirius asked, looking between them irritatingly.
“No, you’re Sirius,” the boys chorused, completely sober, of course.
After a moment, Evan elbowed Regulus in the ribs.
“What the fuck, Rosier?”
“Come on, Reg. We have that big project to work on, remember?” Evan gave Regulus an exaggerated wink, before pulling him off the counter he was perched on.
“What in Merlin’s name are y–” Regulus started, but Evan slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Well, we’ve got to go! Bye, Remus! Bye, Sirius!” Evan practically sang, dragging Regulus away from the greenhouse.
“That one is about as subtle as Dumbledore’s hat,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes.
Remus laughed. “What’s going on, Sirius?”
Sirius reached into his robes, bringing out a bar of chocolate. “Looks like you’ve already got the spliffs covered,” he said, nodding at Remus’s hand, which was still holding the spliff he’d shared with Regulus and Evan.
“Quidditch tower?” Remus asked, and Sirius nodded.
“And don’t think I’m gonna forget how you corrupted my baby brother.”
“Sirius, you started smoking at the same age. He’s sixteen, not ten.”
“But he’s–”
“Regulus is very mature. And smart.”
“I don’t know about that last part.”
“He gets better marks in Potions than you.”
Sirius clutched a hand to his chest dramatically. “God, how will I ever get over the embarrassment? My own brother, making a better sleeping draught than me!”
Remus shoved him playfully. “You’re such a drama queen.”
They arrived at the Quidditch tower, settling down near the lowest platform, feet dangling off the edge as they passed the spliff back and forth.
“Chocolate?” Sirius asked, bringing out the package again.
“Caramel?”
Sirius scoffed. “As if there’s any other type.”
They broke off pieces of the bar, licking their fingers and softly inhaling smoke. These were Remus’s favorite moments with Sirius. Just sitting in each other’s presence, mildly high and staring out at the landscape.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now, Sirius?’
Sirius pouted. “Transfiguration is no fun without you, Moony. How am I supposed to be entertained without you raising your hand and acting all swotty?”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m sure you would’ve survived.”
They sat there for a few moments more, before Sirius turned to him.
“I don’t think your lycanthropy makes you unlovable, Moony.”
“What?”
“The other day, you said that you couldn’t have a boyfriend because of your lycanthropy. That no one would want to date a werewolf. But if– if someone loved you enough, they would love you in spite of it. No, not even in spite. Because of it. It makes you brave, Remus.”
Remus just stared at him, unable to respond.
“Me, Pete, James, Lily. We all love you. We didn’t stop once we found out you were a werewolf. It’s not impossible.”
Remus wasn’t quite sure what to say. Sirius frequently got sappy and emotional when high, but he’d never deflected it onto Remus like this. He was touched, but also a little sad. Sirius spoke about it as if it would be someone else loving Remus unconditionally, someone else in the future. But in reality, all he wanted was for it to be Sirius.
He couldn’t tell him that though.
So instead he turned to Sirius and smiled.
“Thanks, Padfoot. You’re a real mate.”
“Mate, yeah.” Sirius replied, standing abruptly.
“We should go, Moony. Prongs is waiting for us.”
____________
The night of Sirius’s birthday party, Remus decided that it was a very good idea to go full drunk Remus.
This conclusion was made after seeing Sirius’s white t-shirt ride up as he applied eyeliner, exposing that sliver of skin above his jeans. Yes, this was a lovely night to get drunk.
It helped that it was still only two days after the full moon, and Remus was exhausted. He hadn’t had any scratches, sure, but being awake all night still wore him out. And the transformation took every bit of energy he had in him.
For good measure, he smoked a spliff before heading down to the party. 5 shots and 1 spliff to go before he became fully drunk Remus. He’d discovered the combination with some of the local boys at home the summer before fifth year, and it had never failed to get him absurdly drunk.
Plus, he needed the confidence if he was going to keep flirting with Sirius. Remus was determined to figure out how Sirius felt, and at this point, all he could do was keep flustering Sirius until he cracked. Just one week, he thought, and if not, I’ll give up.
Remus wandered down the stairs towards the party, dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans. They were all dressed fairly similarly that night, as James had planned a glow-in-the-dark party for Sirius. The only way you could be seen in the dim, colored lights was by wearing white clothes.
James and Sirius were at the drinks table, in what seemed to be some sort of drinking game, spilling all over themselves in the process. Remus shook his head fondly. Idiots, he thought. Spotting Evan and Regulus on the couch, looking bored and less likely to ‘accidentally’ spill on Remus, he made his way over to them.
“Remus,” Evan raised his glass in his direction as Remus sat between them.
“Where’s your boyfriend, Rosier?” Remus asked innocently, a teasing smile on his lips.
“If you’re talking about Bartemius, he’s over there, drinking with your idiot friends.”
That he was. A crowd had gathered around the three boys, who were still head to head in a drinking game. It seemed like James was winning, though considering the empty bottle of firewhiskey on the table, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.
“You know,” Evan started, glancing at Remus, “your friend Potter is rather fit.”
Regulus made a choking noise. Oh. Remus shared a look with Evan. Is he– Yep. Oh, wow.
A slow smile spread across Remus’s face. “That he is, Evan. And he’s into blokes.”
At this, Regulus choking intensified.
Remus stared at him in amusement. “What’re you choking at, Reggie? There’s no drink in your hand.”
“Oh, shut up, Lupin.”
At that moment, Remus caught Sirius’s eye, smiling at him. Then, feeling bold, he winked at Sirius. Sirius’s face flushed, and Remus turned back, satisfied. One week.
“Hey, Reggie. Wanna get a drink?”
Regulus threw a glance at James, looking entirely tortured. “God, yes.”
Heading towards the drinks table, recently vacated by Sirius and James, Remus grabbed two cups, filling them to the brim with firewhiskey.
Regulus looked at him amusedly. “Someone’s trying to get badgered tonight.”
Remus downed his drink in one shot, lining up two shots of vodka.
“Have you met drunk Remus yet?”
_________
Remus was gone. Five drinks in, he’d disappeared to smoke his second spliff, officially awakening Drunk Remus. Tonight, Drunk Remus had a mission. Sirius Black.
He’d spent most of the night with Regulus, relishing in the jealous glances thrown at him by Sirius (and, interestingly enough, James). But now it was time to step it up. Drunk Remus had all the stubbornness and sass of regular Remus, with ten times the confidence. He didn’t come out much, but when he did, it was quite a sight.
As Remus came down the stairs from his spliff break, he spotted Sirius across the room, talking to a pretty blonde Hufflepuff. Hannah, he thought. Sirius was speaking animatedly, admiring something around her wrist. Sirius was holding her wrist.
Remus strutted over to them, throwing a casual arm around Sirius’s shoulder.
“Hannah,” he greeted.
“Hi, Remus,” she smiled. “I was just showing Sirius my new tattoos.”
As she chattered away about their significances, Remus moved his hand toward Sirius’s curls, absently twirling one around his finger and accidentally grazing Sirius’s cheek. Sirius’s jaw tensed and Remus heard him softly gasp whenever Remus’s fingers touched his face. Hannah, finished with her story, bid them farewell, heading back over to her friends.
Remus, hand still on Sirius’s face, pushed his chin towards Remus, forcing Sirius to look him in the eye.
Sirius stared back at him, fear and something else in his dark eyes. He took a few steps back, leaning against the wall. Remus followed, resting a hang above his head.
Remus met Sirius’s gaze once again, faltering a little at its intensity. Sirius wasn’t supposed to look at him like this. Remus swallowed nervously, Sirius’s eyes following the movement of his throat.
“Merde. Je te veux tellement.” Sirius muttered.
Remus' throat went dry. Fuck. He loved when Sirius spoke French. The first time he’d heard it in fourth year, he’d thought it was the hottest thing he’d ever heard. He still did.
“What’d you say?” Remus asked, a light smirk on his lips.
Sirius raised his chin, dark eyes boring into Remus. “You’ll see.”
Remus leaned in closer, lips brushing Sirius’s ear. He let his tongue dart across Sirius’s earlobe, feeling Sirius’s shiver. “Fancy a smoke?”