Chapter 3.
“So.” Dorcas begins, lying on her stomach with her legs swinging in the air. “You going to tell us what that whole thing with Potter was about Black? I was in the room, you know.” They’re hanging out on the rooftop of Pandora’s apartment. They do this a lot, finding random rooftops and hanging out there. It’s always been their thing. Pandora looks down at him quizzically. Barty, with his head in Dora’s lap, raises his eyebrows. Evan is busy doing Dorcas’s hair but he still looks up at him.
Regulus groans. “Cas shut upp. Nothing happened. Literally nothing. I don’t even know Potter, he’s my brother’s best friend, he’s obnoxious, and I feel nothing towards him.”
Barty, the dickhead, smirks. “No one suggested you felt anything for him Reg, you're red though hm??”
Regulus slaps his head. “I am not. Fucking liar.”
Dorcas and Pandora laugh. “Reg I was there. You were staring at him during the whole meeting, you walked in with him, and he stopped you to talk at the end. And don’t think I didn’t see your last little stunt, you thought we were busy but I saw it, you lunatic. You kissed him.”
Pandora gapes and him, Barty and Evan cackle, and Dorcas smirks- all proud of herself.
Regulus couldn’t roll his eyes harder. “On the cheek. Dorcas I kissed him on the cheek, and it wasn’t even anything. It never happened.
All his friends are grinning like maniacs. When did he sign up for this?
Evan is the first to burst into laughter, then everyone follows. Regulus wants to be annoyed, he really does, but it is hard to not laugh with them.
Pandora is the first to calm down slightly. “Okay, okay- tell us why. Why the hell would you be into James Potter.”
Regulus sputters. “I am not into James Potter, Dora!!”
She gives him an unimpressed look. “You idiot. Fine, then what in the world made you decide that kissing James Potter would be a good idea.”
Regulus rolls his eyes, even if he knows she’s kind of right, he will never admit it. “I just did okay? He asked me to come with them for dinner, I said I had plans, and he just- he looked so sad, for fuck’s sake. Like he was beaming and he fully just, deflated. Ridiculous honestly. So I just did something okay? I really don’t know, shut up.”
He’s rambling, he knows he’s rambling, but he gets interrupted by Barty. “God Reg that’s so stupid. You are definitely into him, you blushing rambling mess.” Regulus opens his mouth to argue but Barty raises his eyebrows at him, unimpressed. “So tell us, what is it about Potter that piqued your interest? He’s quite hot but I mean-”
Regulus scowls at him. “Fuck off Crouch. I am not into James Potter, and he’s not hot, and we’re moving on.”
Pandora hums thoughtfully. “I don't know Reggie. You’re quite flustered.”
“I’m not flustered! All of you stop.”
Dorcas rolls her eyes and looks up at him. “Please Reg, spare us. You barely know the guy and you looked bewitched at the meeting. Just tell us. Why’d you show up with him anyway?”
Regulus scowls, slightly resigned. “I was visiting Sirius and obviously Potter lives there, and he came home, and we were playing chess, and he was at the gym, and then his hair was wet, and his shorts were so short, and his- his abs. Oh my fucking-”
Everyone laughs at him, he puts his face in his hand. He detests himself.
Pandora is the first to pull herself together. “Oh my god Reg. You're hopeless and you don’t even know the guy.”
He flips her off with his face still in his hands.
She starts laughing again. Oh they’re all laughing.
Barty dries the tears in his eyes. “Oh he’s so prettyy and hott and his shorts and abs oh my godd-” he mocks, pretending to swoon on Pandorahis hand on his forehead and all.
Regulus groans. He peeks out from behind his hands. “I fucking hate all of you. I’m not friends with any of you.”
Evan looks at him slightly apologetically, before promptly bursting into laughter again. “We’re sorry Reggieee- but that’s fucking amazing.” He says through laughter.
Lord, Regulus is so sick of the universe. “Alright, we’re all going to shut the fuck up about Potter. Thank you goodbye.”
Everybody is bright red and can barely breathe from laughing so much- though Regulus is red and losing his ability to breathe for an entirely different reason.
Dorcas looks at him bewildered, still with humor in her eyes and a grin on her face. “Why, though Reggiee? James Potter? Really?? We’ve never seen you this flustered, what did he even do.”
Barty looks up. “Yeah, yeah seriously? What’d Potter do to deserve feelings of THE Regulus Black.” he says smirking. “Cause he can let me knoww,” winking at Regulus
Regulus rolls his eyes. “Oh shove off. He’s just…I don’t know- pretty? Cute?” That sets them off again. Pandora throws her head back laughing, Barty and Evan cackle again, and Dorcas chokes on her laughter.
Regulus has a migraine.
Eventually, Evan recovers. “CUTE?” he looks at Barty and smirks. “THE Regulus Black called someone CUTE?”
“And prettyyy,” Dorcas adds, batting her lashes.
Regulus glares at them. “You are not helping Meadowes. All of you can go jump off a bridge. I don’t like any of you.”
“Homophobic.” Pandora says, disguising it as a cough.
Regulus turns to look at her so fast he’s sure he heard something snap. “DORA?? I’m literally gay you melon.”
“Did you just call me a melon!?” she sputters.
Regulus sighs. “Yes. I called you a melon.”
“You’re a melon!” she exclaims.
The others burst out laughing again, Regulus rolls his eyes. “Dora, care to tell us about your little crush??”
Pandora blushes bright red. “What could you possibly be on about Reg?”
Regulus smirks. “Oh you know- a certain green eyed red head perhaps?”
They all laugh, Pandora buries her head in her hands. “God she’s just so pretty you guys. You don’t even understand.”
Dorcas smirks at her now. “As a fellow lesbian, I very much understand. My girlfriend is wonderous.”
Pandora groans. “Her eyes fucking sparkle and her hair is so perfect I would die just to touch it and her SMILE oh my fucking god. It’s angelic and beautiful and she is just so funny and I haven’t even spoken to her but-” she groans again. The rest of them laugh.
“You know..” Regulus muses. “I’m going on tour with Sirius and their lot, and they’re all good friends with Evans. Maybe you could meet her?”
Pandora flushes again and slaps him on the arm. “Oh don’t be daft Regulus. It’s just a celebrity crush. She’s- she is like a goddess. Even if I had the chance to speak to her I would simply pass out.”
Regulus rolls his eyes at her. “Dora you’re famous as well love. It is not that hard to get in touch.”
Barty grins, “Yeah Panda, Reg will ask his golden boy to get you in touch- and all of you can get a good thing goingg-” he winks at her. Regulus and Pandora both glare at him.
Regulus sighs. “We’ll work on it. Anyway Dora, can you show us the collection? I’ll see what I can model.”
Pandora looks slightly lost for a second before realizing. “Oh!! Yes absolutely, thanks for reminding me Reg. Yeah I think almost all this collection will look great on you- Dorcas designed a lot of this one.” Dorcas hums as if to agree. “Alright let’s head to my apartment guys let me show you.”
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“Potter, what are you all smiley about.” Sirius says condescendingly.
James sighs dreamily. “He’s so pretty, he kissed me you know,” his eyes glazed over.
“WHAT!” Sirius yells, Remus’s head spins towards him, and Peter gapes at him. “WHO KISSED YOU?” Sirius continues.
“Keeping secrets from us Prongs?” Remus says smirking
After a moment James realized what he’d just said and groans, putting his head in his hands.”Can we just pretend I didn’t say that?” He looks at them pleadingly. Sirius glares daggers into his head, Remus continues to smirk at him, while Peter raises his eyebrows at his expectantly.
“James. Now.” Sirius continues, glaring at him.
James panics a little. “Okay so Sirius you know how I love you so so much and you will always be my favorite and my soulmate and you’re irreplaceable and I love-”
“PRONGS! Stop distracting me!!!” Sirius yells, amused. Peter tries to hide his laughter behind his hand, Remus doesn’t bother.
James is very stressed, so he just blurts it out. “It’s your brother!! Listen he was just sitting there all pretty and he like flipped back his hair and his eyes, oh god his eyes Sirius it’s-”
“Prongs.” Sirius interrupts him, faux anger in his eyes as he tries not to laugh. “I’ll give you a headstart.”
James bolts. Sirius bolts after him. Remus and Peter cackle and eat chips.
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James Potter ☑ @theprongs_potter • 10:38 p.m
🎶 my best friend’s brother, my best friend’s brother 🎶
Replies:
@thisonegirl: REMUS AND PETER DON’T HAVE BROTHERS WHATHWATKAEHSFS
@bennyboo: REGULUS? REGULUSREGULUS???
@pakiprincess: “MY BEST FRIEND’S BROTHER IS THE ONE FOR ME???” #jegulus DRJHSGSBHJ!?!?!?!?
@regulusblackno1fan: #jegulus OMGOMGOMG YES.
Remus Lupin ☑ @remus_lupin • 10:41 p.m
Prongs you fucking idiot 😭
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Friday, February 27th
9:24 a.m
The Marauders
Padfoot: POTTER WHAT THE FUCK.
Prongs: ….
Prongs: ………
Prongs: …………….I DIDN’T MEAN TO I SWEAR
Padfoot: HOW THE FUCK? “#JEGULUS” IS TRENDING RIGHT NOW!?
Prongs: I DON’T KNOW MARY SAID WE CAN HINT AT THE REGULUS THING SO I JUST
DID.
Moony: James. You know I love you. But that was so fucking stupid 💀
Prongs: HOW.
Moony: Prongs. When Mary said “hint”, she meant hint at touring with Regulus. Not make people believe you’re DATING him!?
Prongs: How did I insinuate romance AT. ALL. 👀
Padfoot: It’s. A. LOVE SONG.
Wormtail: Doesn’t help that u totally have the hots for him.
Prongs: WORMTAIL!!
Padfoot: I’m gonna kill myself.
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Friday, February 27th
7:46 p.m
Slutty Skittles
Pandora: ……soo Reg? Are we gonna talk about it???
Regulus: Hm??
Evan: You cannot “hm?” over text Reg. You couldn’t have not heard the message, it’s right there.
Regulus: I am suddenly illiterate.
Barty: BAHAHSLRHLAERHJ- our Reggie has a cruushhhh.
Dorcas: Awwww look, he’s growing upp.
Regulus: I hate all of you.
Barty: Boo you love us 🖕
Pandora: Hey I haven’t done anything!!
Regulus: You started this. Miss “I would die if I spoke to her.”
Pandora: ….i was never here
Regulus: Mhm.
Pandora: 🙄
Regulus: <3🖕
Dorcas: …Kay anyways. #jegulus
Evan: #jegulus
Barty: #jegulus ‼️
Pandora: #jegulus fr 😊
Regulus: I will kill all of you.
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A week later…
Sirius looks up at James and smirks. “Mary’s gonna fucking kill you today Prongs.”
James groans. “Don’t remind me for the love of godd.” He puts his head in his hands and mumbles, “I really didn’t mean to.”
Sirius glare at him, of course it doesn’t hold any actual heat. “Well you DID and now “JEGULUS” is trending,” he makes air quotes around the word, “and Mary will drive you 12 feet under.”
James chuckles, even though he’s bright red. “Isn’t it 6 feet under??”
Sirius looks at him unimpressed. “You really gonna underestimate Mary mate?”
“Yeah nope okay that’s fair.” James responds, but his voice sounds rather uneasy.
Sirius looks at him concerned. “Hey Prongs you alright? You know Mary won’t actually kill you right…?” he starts hesitantly.
James sighs, “Yeah I know just-” he hesitates. Sirius gives him a look, urging him to continue. “Pads, are you alright with this? I don’t know why but I like Regulus. I don’t really know him well enough but I just- want to know him. But I really don’t want you to be upset and I- please, I need you to be alright with it?”
Relief washes over Sirius’s face, he smiles. “Yeah Prongs I am. I could see myself getting mad in another universe- but, honestly I’m just happy for you. You haven’t really liked anyone again since Lily and if there is anyone good enough for Regulus it's you. I know you’ll treat him perfectly.”
James feels like a boulder has been lifted off his shoulders, he barely knows Regulus but the prospect of Sirius being mad about them hurt him so much. He wraps Sirius in a hug. “Thank you Padfoot. I love you”
“Love you too Prongs. Now come on, Mary will really have your head if we’re late for this meeting.”
James laughs, more genuinely this time.
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“POTTER.” Mary bellows, marching towards them when they walk in.
James grimaces. “Look Mary I know I’m sorry, I didn’t-”
Suddenly Mary is hugging him rather aggressively. “YOU FUCKING GENIUS!!”
Well, now James is confused. They all assumed she would have his head for starting up such a stupid scandal like this right before the tour. He scratches the back of his head. “Erm- thanks? What did I…do?”
Mary rolls her eyes, even if she’s still beaming. “You created the PERFECT scandal to kick off this tour! With this whole ‘jegulus’ thing, people will be all over the tour. God I could kiss you Potter.”
James chokes. People really need to stop saying the word “jegulus”. He can’t handle it. He looks over at Regulus, who looks prominently flushed. Well, that makes him feel better. He grins at Mary. “Hey thanks!!” He looks over at Sirius and flips him off. “Hear that Pads, I’m a genius.”
Sirius laughs, baffled. “And here we were betting how far in the ground she would bury you.” He mumbles, smacking James on the back
of the head.
Mary still looks ecstatic, but she continues. “Now of course I’m not gonna ask you two to like- pretend to date. I don’t feel comfortable with that, but, I am going to ask you ti just lightly entertain the thought during shows and whatnot. Give people content.” She looks like she wants to say more but Dorcas smirks and whispers something in her ear, making her grin like a maniac and let out an audible ‘OH?’ “Nevermind then boys, looks like we’ll get all the ‘jegulus’ content we need.” smirking and making air quotes around the words. James is confused, and terrified.
“Oh no you don’t.” Regulus speaks up, glaring at them. “I don’t trust you two as far as I can throw you- what the fuck was that.” Dorcas just grins at him. Regulus rubs a hand over his face, “Meadows I swear to fuck-”
“Oh Reggie shush. It’ll work out, come sit everyone- we have much to discuss.” Dorcas says, still grinning.
James is flustered. James is so flustered. Regulus looked so annoyed, it was so pretty.
Merlin and Morgana both, he’s hopeless.