The fine art of bullshit
Marlene McKinnon screamed at the top of her lungs. Fucking Dorcas and her stupid fucking big mouth. She’s so lucky Lily stopped her or she would’ve beat the absolute shit out of her. “I hate her, I swear to everything out there that someday I’ll knock her out of her high horse”. Lily was trying to calm her down, but of course, it wouldn’t work when the literal devil on heels had just left.
“Someday?” Mary said, fixing a loose curl. “Why wait, we should do something today.”. Marlene wasn’t so sure. Mary could be a tad crazy when she was mad, and it was very scary.
“No! Not again” Lily yelled. “I let it pass when you charmed Snape into saying ‘I am a dick’ every time he talked. But Meadowes is a dangerous terrain, didn’t you hear what she did to Mulciber?”. They both shrugged. “He said some stupid thing about Pandora Rosier, so she left him in the infirmary… the muggle way.”.
“If she wants to fight we will fight, but we have to do something.”. Mary’s sweet smile slowly turned creepy. “And I have an idea.”.
******
When the carriage stopped in front of the castle Marlene was ready to go to war. Mary’s plan was complicated, but it was something they had to do. So she went directly to the only people who would believe a word out of her mouth, Sirius and James. They the masters of spreading fake information so they would help with the holes in their story. Lily would talk to Remus, Emmaline, and Benjy. They were smart enough to give veracity to their story. And finally, Mary would speak to Rita and Peter. The most gossipy bitches of all Hogwarts history. If the three girls played their cards right, Dorcas Meadowes would be kicked out of Slytherin tomorrow.
“Marls!!” James shouted when he saw her approach. He opened his arms with a big bright smile, Marlene couldn't help the little smile that crept on her lips.
James and Marlene were very close friends. They had met at one of Mrs. McKinnon’s meetings with the healers of the area. Euphemia Potter was always there, so when her mom entered her room with the absolutely stunning woman beside her, she wasn’t surprised. But then a boy appeared from Effie’s behind and it piqued young Marlene's interest. This boy had huge glasses and unruly brown hair. Her mom told her to be polite and say hello, but when she tried to stand up she fell, and this boy laughed his ass off, revealing a chipped tooth. Marlene laughed a little as well, then she stood up and her way-too-big Holyhead Harpies shirt caught the boy’s attention.
“You like Quidditch?” he said, his eyes glowing with hope.
“Duh?” She replied. He then proceeded to run towards her grab her hands and talk about the latest game, and that went on for like an hour. They had been friends since children.
“What brings you here Marly?”. James said.
“Well, I recently stumbled on some information about one of the Slytherins.”. Sirius then passed his arm around her shoulder.
“Now you have our attention Marls.”. She grinned.
“You know Dorcas?”.
“Of course, we know Dorcas” Sirius said. “You’d have to be living under a rock not to.”.
“You know how her family home is really close to a muggle town?”. They both nodded. “Turns out, last summer she sneaked out of her house and went to a muggle party.” Sirius's eyes were opened like plates at this point “There, she shagged one of the muggle boys and caught a disease. I think they're called STD’s?”. James was so pale it looked like he might faint and Sirius barked out a laugh. It was just how Mary said it would happen.
Okay, Marlene knew spreading a rumor like that was a horrible thing to do to anyone. But come on! Dorcas is a cunt and everybody knows it. She has no respect for people outside of her friend group, she literally fought a third-year kid, and she thinks rules don’t apply to her. Plus she’s annoyingly intelligent and powerful, she’s absurdly beautiful, she has so much talent, and just because of that, she thinks she’s the best thing to ever walk the earth.
So yeah, it was a shitty thing to do, but life had to throw something at her.
“And how did you find out?” James said once he collected himself.
“Remember our muggle friend Alex?”.
“Oh, do I remember Alex.”. Sirius said, regret decorating his voice. The fact that Sirius and Alex had a thing a few years ago was actually part of the plan. Mary said that if they told them any other of their muggle friends they would ask them personally, but with Alex was a different story. You see, Remus and Alex were close friends, so much so that Remus told him about his (love) crush on Sirius. And even with that knowledge, Alex flirted with Sirius non-stop until he managed to snog with him… right next to Remus. Remus was furious, it was scary, and ever since Remus had broken his nose and blown out a tooth Alex didn’t talk to them anymore.
Lucky for her, Alex still gave her information about parties, and that was common knowledge.
“He told me that at the last party, he went there was a chlamydia outbreak, and he knows Dorcas because when we were closer I told him about her, I showed him pictures and everything.”. That was also true. According to Mary, Marlene had an obsession with Dorcas and needed medical help. “Well, he told me he saw her going outside with the person that had chlamydia in the first place, and he also said he saw them ‘going at it’ in the alley.”. Sirius laughed even louder. “Oh, I need to tell Moony about this.”. He grabbed James by his wrist and as they left he screamed “See you Marls!!”.
*******
Once Marlene sat down to eat the rumor was already out, and she was already feeling like shit. Mary was perfectly fine, but Marlene was sure even if she felt like the worst person on Hogwarts she would never show it. Lily on the other hand was about to throw up.
“Remind me again why did I let you convince me about this?”. Her hands were shaking as she held her chamomile tea.
“Because deep down you know I was right, that she’s a cocky bitch.”. Mary said. “And because you also know we won’t really hurt her, everybody knows she’s a racist lesbian so it’s almost impossible she gets chlamydia from a muggle.”. Wait, what?!
“She’s a what?!” Marlene said, spitting all over the table.
Mary raised an eyebrow. “A cocky bitch?”.
“No the other thing.”
“A racist”
“No the other, other thing.”
“Oh, a lesbian.”. Marlene’s eyes almost popped out of her sockets due to the shock. “What you didn’t know?”.
“Good God.”. Lily almost screamed. “So not only are we ruining her reputation but we’re also invalidating her sexuality.”. She drank all of her tea in one big swallow. “Do you think if I mix chamomile, passion flower, and lemon balm I will make a super, anti-anxiety tea?” Marlene was pouring a cup of tea for herself at this point.
“I would add a bit of weed as well, that would make the tea relaxing”. Mary slammed her hand on the table.
“Look, we can debate all day if what we did was right or wrong, but it’s done nonetheless. What we need to do now is pretend like nothing happened or Dorcas will figure out it was us who told everyone, and then we’ll be fucked.”. She was right, of course. Still, that horrible feeling in Marlene’s gut didn’t fade. Actually, it got worse when Dorcas entered the great hall, whispers surrounding her, still she held her chin up high and sat down on her table like royalty. Marlene felt a coldness creep around her back, she looked up and found Dorcas giving her the dirtiest glare she had ever seen.
“Mary.” She said, anxiety bubbling in her insides. Mary didn’t pay her any mind, she was way too busy eating. Marlene made eye contact with Dorcas, and for a second the world stood still. It was just her and Dorcas and nothing else. That moment of vulnerability was all it took for Meadowes to read her like a fucking open book.
“Mary I think Dorcas is angry at us?”. Mary looked at her, confused.
“And how do you know that?”. Marlene pointed across the room.
“Well, you can notice how she feels because she’s practically fuming and she’s coming towards us while she takes her earrings off.”. Mary was standing up in less than a second, she was the next to stand up, followed shortly after by a panicked Lily.
“I knew you were a sick bitch Mary, but you really outdid yourself this time.”. Dorcas said once she was close enough. The whole hall was silent, except for a few murmurs, or at least that’s what Marlene felt. Dorcas stood tall before them. She still looked ridiculously beautiful, like a fallen angel (literally, because you know, she’s a demon), but her eyes were different, cold, and calculating. Those eyes were something Marlene had never seen before, amazing. It made something click inside her.
Marlene was too lost in those black eyes to notice that Pandora and Zabinni appeared beside their friend.
“Do what?” Mary, of course, played the dumb card. Dorcas looked at Mary intensely, like she was asking for a reason to kick her teeth in. Something inside Marlen begged her to say something just for those eyes to look at her instead. Marlene drowned that thought
“¿Do you think I’m stupid?” Mary shrugged and was about to answer. “I know that you were the one who told everyone that I had a muggle disease.”.
“Oh, if my memory doesn’t fail me I think it wasn’t any disease.”. She moved closer. “It's STD. You know, the one you get when you fuck a sick muggle.”. Mary almost screamed the last part. All the professors were standing up by then, Marlene could see it from the corner of her eye. She could also see that James was saying something as well, but she wasn’t able to hear a single thing besides the interaction between Dorcas and Mary. However, she clearly missed something, because suddenly Dorcas launched at her. Dorcas wasn’t like any Gryffindor when she fought. She didn’t take steps back, or flinch, or even doubted for a second. Dorcas knew what she was doing, she had thought about it over and over again, and she was sure of her actions. That made her dangerous.
Before Marlene knew what she was doing she stepped in front of Mary, the punch landed just below her right eye, and it hurt like a bitch. For a second Marlene thought she saw regret in Dorcas’s eyes, but that was impossible. The punch woke her up, and all of a sudden she heard the commotion that was happening in the Great Hall. Pandora and Zabinni were holding back Dorcas, who was shouting that she was going to hex Mary’s face off. Emmaline Vance and Alice Longbottom were beside Mary in a split second, screaming bloody murder. Lily was cradling her face, she still looked like she was about to faint. Her whole head throbbed, and she was getting dizzy. Dorcas Beater's strength wasn’t something you wanted to mess with, trust her.
Suddenly, Dumbledore’s voice boomed and everyone shut up. He told Lily to go to the infirmary with Marlene and told Dorcas and Mary to go to his office.
When Marlene was walking away, a cold feeling ran through her back. Marlene knew what that meant, Dorcas was looking.