Keys
Clank
Clank
That’s the first thing Sirius heard when he woke up. He was no longer warm. He was cold, freezing actually. Like he was outside, this mid November night. He shivered. He needed Remus. His Remus. His Moony. To keep him warm. He needs him.
Sirius opened his eyes finally. He was not in him and Remus’ flat in China Town. Nowhere near there. It was dark, cold, sad, alone. He got up, Sirius was also not wearing his warm clothes he had put on, he was wearing a baggy black and white striped jumpsuit that’s slowly fading.
He got up from the bed, and walked to the bared window. Why was it bared? Where was he? Why was he here? It was still night, the moon was still out. Almost full, Moony is probably feeling like shit right now. He thought to himself. Remus always felt like shit the day before the full moon, and the day after.
But back to what he was thinking before. Where is he? Why is he here? What was the clanking? He look’s around again. And again. Then it hits him.
He knows exactly where he is.
Azkaban
He’s been for the last 5 years…
It was all a dream…..
All of it. Every single bit.
Remus is not here, why would he be? Remus hates Sirius for what he thought Sirius had done. It wasn’t true. Then something else hit him. It made him mad. Furious. He remembers why Peter wasn’t there at the party. Well fake party. Peter was the spy. Peter killed James and Lily. Peter framed Sirius for it all. Peter is the reason Sirius is here. Peter is the reason Remus hates him.
His ferry disappeared and turned into sadness.
James and Lily were dead. But they weren’t the only ones….
Marlene, Dorcas, Regulus, James, and Lily. All of them. Sirius hasn’t seen Harry since his first birthday. 5 years ago. He has no idea if Harry still looks like James. He has no idea if Harry has James’ terrible eyesight.
Em. Oh Em. He never met her. He never met Emily. No one ever met her. She was never born. Marlene was due to have her in October 1981. It never happened. She died that July.
Regulus…..his little brother. His baby brother. It wasn’t much of a lie. Regulus and Sirius never were the same. They were acquaintances for about a little less then a year. Then. Then they were worse. Regulus got the mark. Sirius hated Regulus for it. He hated him for it. Sirius said terrible things about Regulus. And in that moment he said it. In that moment, he meant it.
Thinking about what he said now. He hates himself for it. He said some really shitty stuff about Regulus. He didn’t deserve it. What if he was forced it?! What if Sirius would have been forced it if he hadn’t ran away?!
STOP!
Stop thinking about all the ‘what if’s’ they are worthless pieces of shit! They’re just things your brain makes up to make you feel better! They’re aren’t real! Not true!
He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t deserve to be here. He didn’t even have a trial. He wants to be in him and Remus’ flat. Safe, warm, loved. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants Remus. He wants his Moony.
That’s not possible. Remus hates him. Remus thinks he killed all their friends. He thinks Sirius is a murderer. Remus, the love of his life, one of his best mates since they were 11, his Moony, thinks he’s a murderer.
Sirius feels a drop of water on his chest. Is he? Yes, he is. Sirius is crying. He does a lot when he wakes up from these dreams. He hates them after. Not during. He doesn’t know they’re dreams when they are happening. They feel SO real. He LOVES them during. He loves the comfort and warmth of how his life could have been if the stupid fucking war never happened.
Clank
Clank
It’s back, the clank is back. What’s making it? Who is making it?
As it gets louder Sirius moves closer to the cell bars.
Clank
Clank
Sirius is can touch the bars he’s so close. Who is it? Is is Remus to bust him out?! Is it an Aura to get him out because he finally had a fair trial?!
Clank
Clank
It was a Aura! He was not there to get Sirius out though. He was doing the nightly patrols. The clanking was his keys on the bars.
He raised an eyebrow at Sirius as he walked past. Sirius didn’t say anything, he raised an eyebrow back at the young Aura.
Sirius sat down back on his stiff Azkaban bed when the Aura was out of sight. He sat there, on his bed, in the cold, alone, sad. Thinking. Thinking about what he’s done wrong in life. Thinking about all his loved ones that he doesn’t have anymore. His Moony.
He sat there until sunrise. He won’t be able to sleep tonight. He knows that. Me never was able to sleep on full moons. Hopefully and wishing that Remus was okay, and didn’t get too beat up, without the rest of the Marauders.
Sirius sits there. Tears falling down his face. As the sun rose, the morning light shined on his face. Tears glistening in the light. The light, the sun, that was always James. James was the sun. He still thinks of James when he sees the sun. Just like how he thought of Remus when he saw the moon.
He wants his sun and moon.
He needs his sun and moon.