HOGWARTS, 5TH YEAR
James hopped off his broom, sweaty and exhausted. The golden snitch in his hand, he looked over to his team and beamed, waving it in the air. Mary got to him first, tackling him into a tight hug, quickly followed by the rest of the Gryffindor quidditch team. They proceeded to lift him in the air, chanting his name. James couldn’t be happier, this was what he lived for: the quidditch, the people, the fame.
Later on, there would be a party in Gryffindor tower with ungodly amounts of firewhisky. People would toast to their victory against Slytherin with Sirius’ vinyls blasting in the background. James had a love-hate relationship with them. He secretly liked them, but knew Sirius would never leave him alone if he openly admitted that. After all, he was all too reluctant in 1st year, when Sirius talked about his “muggle music”. And yet, this year, there was something else on his mind. Something new, something different. And it wasn’t just him, his fellow Marauders too. They got busier, had less time for pranks. School was getting harder, that bit was clear. The upcoming war created tensions too. But it wasn’t just that. There was something else, the air was growing thicker between the Marauders. It wasn’t the same, and James didn’t know if that was for the better or for the worst.
He didn’t let that consume his mind too much though, as his team pushed him towards the locker rooms. When he got out, freshly showered, reeking quidditch uniform and broom in hand, he crossed paths with Regulus, his rival seeker. James always felt odd around him, especially since he was in Slytherin's quidditch team. He was his best mate’s brother, yet he was loyal to the Blacks, who had abused Sirius so much. He was his rival in quidditch, and he wanted to believe he was all bad, he didn’t deserve mercy because he never did anything to stop Walburga Black. Yet, deep down, he couldn’t hate him. Even Sirius didn’t hate him, when he had all the reasons in the world to. There was something else to Regulus, there was something kind behind those conflicted gray eyes and that hauntingly pale skin. He knew it, yet he ignored it, just as he ignored the younger boy getting out of the lockers.
—
Sirius loved quidditch. But what he loved even more than quidditch was the after-victory parties. Alcohol, a smoke, and loud music. Dancing bodies he could lose himself into, and forget who he is for a night. He loved the feeling of firewhisky burning down his throat. He loved letting himself go.
It didn’t take long for Sirius to get a bit tipsy, along with most of the partygoers. He went to the side of the dance floor, where James stood, one of the rare sober people in the room, a can of coke in his hand. He was looking at the sweaty bodies crashing one into the other, twirling, jumping and dancing. But he was watching a certain redhead. Lily Evans. Ever since 2nd year, James only had eyes for her. Sirius could see the appeal, that much was obvious, but he never understood his best friend’s undying love for a girl who couldn't be bothered by a bloke like James, that much was made clear the hundredth time she rejected him. He was popular, he could get almost any other girl, so why stay obsessed with her? Was it because he only wanted what he couldn’t get?
Sirius decided that James needed to just go dance out there and forget Lily, for the night, at least.
“Hey Jamesie, why don’t you go dance? Cmon, it’ll be fuuun” slurred Sirius, a lot louder than necessary. James agreed: he knew he didn’t have an excuse and that Sirius wouldn’t let him go. He couldn’t spend the whole party pining on Lily Evans, and maybe thinking about his raven-haired rival. He pushed that last thought away to the back of his head.
Quickly, the two boys lost themselves to the music, moving their limbs to the sound. James found his place in the crowd, jumping to the rhythm. After a few minutes, they parted ways on the dance floor, James moving towards the center, Sirius towards the edge of the dance floor.
—
Remus was having an alright time. He wasn’t the best at dancing; he found it awkward with his hip, and didn’t want to move too much, in case his shirt rode up and exposed some scars. Parties were to relax and have fun, not to answer stressful questions. He was chatting with Peter, who was a bit hammered. Remus was a few glasses in too. Not enough to be fully pissed or sick, but enough to be bold. They were talking about Pete’s girlfriend, most importantly his plans to see her for the summer. She lived a town away, so their dates would require a bit of logistics, but nothing too unbearable in Remus’ opinion. He was trying to push away thoughts of St Edmund’s, and how isolating it could be to be the only wizard there. He was happy for his friend, he truly was, but he was also a bit jealous of Peter’s proximity to the wizarding world and all his friends. Could he not see he’d still have everything, everyone, within his figertip’s reach?
His reflection (and Peter’s blabbering about the summer) was interrupted by Peter’s girlfriend’s arrival, which led to Peter painfully obviously making an excuse to go snog her. Remus rolled his eyes at his mate’s blatant lie, a lopsided grin on his face.
Right as Remus sighed and sat on the windowsill, to people-watch and daydream, Sirius came by. Without asking, the fair-skinned boy sat next to him. They both sat still in silence for a few minutes, not daring to speak as if it would shatter the instant.
Remus lifted the spell first and spoke softly, as to not startle his best friend.
“So, what brings you here, Padfoot? Thought you were the life of the party, or something.”
“Well, I still am, but it isn’t a party when a Marauder is sulking in a corner now, is it? Come on Moony, let’s dance!”
Sirius shot up while talking, to, for once, tower over an unbothered Remus.
Remus didn’t mention that Peter too had escaped the party. He knew it wasn’t about that.
“And what do think you can do about it, posh boy? You’re not a pretty girl asking me to dance, so why even should I dance, without a partner?”
“Who said you didn’t have a partner?” Sirius said, extending his hand to Remus
Remus sat there for a second in shock, before shyly smirking up at Sirius and taking his hand, getting up in the same motion.
“If you insist, I guess I can take a pretty boy as a dance partner”
Sirius looked away, flushed, before letting go of Remus’ hand. They had to look like they were friends. Just friends.
—
Still, they danced like they were the only ones in the room, the only ones in the world. Letting their bodies move to the rhythm of the music, they could forget about their surroundings. For once, they felt unperceived, along the moving bodies they toned out. Burning skin brushing on burning skin, nothing mattered anymore. They danced like this a long time, exhausted but exhilarated. They were just friends, innocently dancing together. Nothing queer about it.
Until a slow track played. They had been bold and brazen all night, the liquor probably helping quite a bit. But they weren’t that bold, they just couldn’t be.
Remus was the one who backed down first, slowly walking away from Sirius. The latter’s gaze went down again. He knew, he understood, he stepped back too. But oh how he wished he didn’t have to. It was the last party of the year, and Sirius Black was in for another summer of yearning, only this time at the Potters, at least with James to distract him, if only he knew. Remus Lupin was in for another summer at Saint Edmunds, under Matron’s iron fist. Another summer of rugby and petty theft. Another summer alone.