Chapter 5
Carla was up and out early the next morning. It was a particularly chilly morning and she embraced the cold weather on her short walk to her office, hoping it would help her concentrate and keep a clear head. Give her some distraction to the hazy thoughts of last night that were threatening to cloud her outlook on her working day ahead. It had been an emotional night but she felt like her and Lisa had achieved something and afterwards, once getting home, Carla had managed to sleep really well, all things considering. She wasn’t quite sure if it was the fact that Lisa was back in her life, or whether it was down to their heart-to-heart. It had been surprisingly easy to get Lisa to open up, Carla had underestimated the blonde. But then again, Carla felt Lisa had seemed a different person since coming back. Good different, of course.
Once Carla reached her office, she switched the coffee machine on and logged into her laptop to check her e-mails. She had an e-mail waiting for her already from the PM’s wife that had arrived in her inbox during the early hours of the morning. It was under an alias, as her client couldn’t risk using her private or her professional working email to contact Carla, couldn’t risk any contact with a PI entering the political world. Her every move was generally watched, and if any journalist got wind of anything then everything could be blown out of proportion.
Although the email was brief, the attachment it held was like gold dust. It was just what Carla needed to kick-start her investigation into the PM. Quickly, she printed the document from the printer across the room and sent Lisa a quick text.
Hey, are you free this morning? I have something I need to show you. C x
While Carla waited for Lisa’s reply, she decided to try and dig further into her client’s life. At first, all Carla found was that she’d been born into a loving and supportive family. Both parents had respected backgrounds, both doctors with a dedication to charitable work. She was an only child and spent all her educational years at private schools, having excelled educationally. She’d studied Politics at University and spent all her free time doing charitable work, much like her mother and father.
Her mother and father, back then, had both received CBE awards from the late Queen for their significant contributions to charitable causes and it seemed their daughter, the PM’s wife, was wanting to follow in their footsteps. Her life seemed to have no faults, no flaws, having graduated from university she gained her position in the political world through working for non-profit organisations and had met her now husband, at a political fundraiser for a mutual cause they both believed in. 20 years on, her husband had become the youngest man in history to become the Prime Minister, at 41 and they shared two young children together, both under the age of 5.
-- -- --
Lisa was having a quiet morning. Well, all her mornings were quiet lately, especially since she’d arrived back in Weatherfield to be closer to Betsy again. She too had slept well and it was the first time in the last five years that she doesn’t remember waking from a nightmare. Lisa doesn’t think too much into this, doesn’t want to get her hopes up too much, but she does feel something sitting differently with her in re-connecting with Carla. Just as she’s about to get carried away with her own thoughts, her phone pings and her face lights up when Carla’s name flashes up on the screen. She was smiling as she opened the text from the brunette. Intrigued at what Carla had to show her, she quickly fired a text back.
Yeah I’m free, where do you want me? L x
Carla rolled her eyes at the blonde’s playful, innocent response.
My office. Just come when you can, no rush. C x
-- -- --
Lisa let herself in when she arrived. Carla looked up and smiled at her as she watched the blonde close the door behind her. Lisa’s breath hitched and she took a moment to very quickly gather her thoughts as she made her way over to Carla’s desk. If she was going to be seeing Carla this regularly, perhaps on a daily basis, she really needed to get a grip, but she couldn’t help be bowled over every time she saw the brunette. They say things get better with age, and Carla certainly seemed to fit into that category, very well.
“Hi” Lisa said, almost a whisper as she smiled at Carla.
“Coffee?” Carla offered.
“I’ll get it.” Lisa interrupted as Carla was about to get up. “Do you want one too?” Lisa offered kindly.
“No, I’m good ta. I’ve had two already. I’ll be bouncing off the walls with any more.”
“So, what have you got for me?” Lisa asked as she held the steaming cup of coffee between her hands. Relishing in its warmth as she was still trying to shake off the chill of the late morning weather that she’d left outside.
Carla slid a piece of paper across the desk to Lisa, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
Lisa cocked her eyebrow, looking up at Carla once she’d scanned the page. “What’s this?” She asked, inquisitively.
“That. Lisa Swain, is the PM’s unofficial schedule. Everything that’s not available to the public.”
Lisa’s eyes widened. “How did you get your hands on this? This is incredible.”
“The PM’s wife sent me it last night and I picked her email up this morning. If and when she can, she always contacts me out of hours, under an alias that can’t be traced. However, if it’s urgent she can call me. Again, on a burner phone. Untraceable. It’s the only way to really keep this going. She can’t afford for anything to be scrutinised. It could cost a whole lot more than what we think.”
Lisa raised her eyebrow at Carla’s admission. She knew Carla’s behaviour wasn’t always within the law, but she’d never been privy to it or witnessed it before now. Carla had only ever contacted Lisa for information before, and so Lisa hadn’t really been as present as she was right now, professionally anyway, and what she didn’t see or hear, she didn’t miss. Lawful or unlawful.
“I know, I know.” Carla muttered, taking Lisa’s expression as a soft telling off.
“Just be careful. Please.” Lisa’s voice was stern, tinted with an edge of concern.
“I will. I promise. Besides, I have you by my side this time don’t I? Extra protection. Extra eyes. You’re like a bodyguard, but in disguise.”
Lisa rolled her eyes, chuckling softly.
“What are you thinking?” Carla asked the blonde as she was scrutinising the PM’s unofficial schedule more closely, against that of what was available to the public.
“I think we need to be at that black tie event on Friday. That’s supposed to be huge. It’s a charity fundraiser so all attention will be on the PM. If he’s involved in anything or anyone, I could probably guarantee they’ll be there. But it will be ticket only, reckon you could get us in through the wife?” Lisa asked hopeful.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll do my best.” Carla smiled. Excited at the prospect of going undercover, getting to dress up and act all posh for one night but also overwhelmed at the thought of all that, with Lisa.
“But for now.” Lisa continued. “We need to get some rest, because we’re going on our first stake-out tonight.”
“We watch. From a distance. Just watch their home. Look at all movement coming and going. Anything out of the ordinary. It might lead to nothing, or we might have to do it a few times, but something’s bound to come up at some point. Somethings bound to slip. It always does. Secrets don’t stay hidden forever.”
Carla cocked her eyebrow at Lisa’s words. The double meaning. Sure, Lisa’s secrets had all come out, or Carla hoped that they had anyway. She had her own secrets too. She had things she was keeping from Lisa, protecting her from. It was only a matter of time before she’d have to confess too.
“How is the digging on the wife going?” Lisa asked hopeful, but her expression soon changed as Carla admitted all she had found had been all good and rosy, but she promised to leave Ryan on the case to keep digging further under the surface, just to make sure nothing was left uncovered.
“Okay, so I’ll pick you up at 10pm, get some rest Carla. It could be a long night.” Lisa got up and headed for the door. “Thanks for the coffee.” She whispered softly as she closed the door behind her.
— — —
True to her word, Lisa arrived at Carla’s flat at 22:00 hours. Not a minute earlier, nor a minute later. They were both dressed in black, wrapped up well due to the long, cold night ahead of them. Carla handed Lisa a hot steaming flask of coffee as she put her own in one of the coffee cup holders in the central console. Lisa smiled softly at the idea that Carla had thought about her too, and popped her coffee in the other holder, next to Carla's. She couldn’t shake all the things that she was noticing about Carla more and more. It was as if she was learning all the things she had lovedliked about Carla all over again.
They’d been sat watching the PM’s residence for the best part of an hour. Coffee’s warming their insides and the radio on low. Other than the soft tunes of the wind-down hour playing through the speakers, the night was quiet. Occasionally they could hear a rustle of leaves and the distant sounds of the city in the background. The air was thick with unspoken words and Lisa sensed that it was a quiet, sensitive enough time to try and encourage Carla to address the weight of her own past. The five years that Lisa had missed out on.
“Carla, what happened?” Lisa asked softly, threatening to break the silence.
Carla frowned, unsure what the blonde was referring to.
“What happened while I was gone?” Lisa’s voice remains soft, concern etched in her voice.
Carla doesn’t dare to look at the other woman, knowing that what she’s about to say isn’t a pleasant listen.
“It’s not easy to talk about.” Carla swallowed hard, hesitating as her heart raced. She sat quietly for a moment, contemplating how to share the truth with Lisa. The memories of the past five years felt heavy and it was a time that Carla would rather blur out and push away, but she knew if her and Lisa were ever going to move forward, together, whether that be professionally, personally - or both - or more - that she too needed to be honest.
Carla took a deep breath and turned to face Lisa, only the light of the dashboard illuminating her striking features. Carla always found comfort in Lisa’s face, especially her eyes. She had kind eyes, that added a subtle softness to her face. Most would argue that when Lisa was in DS Swain mode, but Carla always saw the softness, regardless. Maybe only the privileged got to experience this.
“About four years ago now, I had a kidney operation.” Carla paused a moment to let Lisa process what she’d just said before she continued. “Not long after that, my brother Aiden, who gave me his kidney, he…he, um, he committed suicide.” A lone tear fell down Carla’s cheek as the last three words spilled out. Carla managed to hold herself together, not taking her gaze away from Lisa, still finding comfort there.
“Oh Carla. I’m so sorry…” Lisa’s eyes formed her own tears and her heart sank at the revelation from Carla as she tried to process the enormity of Carla’s loss.
“I didn’t know how to deal with it. I felt so lost without him…so…so I came looking for you again.” Carla admitted. “That’s how I knew you’d left the force. I came to the station you worked at and I asked for you, but I was told that you’d taken early retirement and they wouldn’t tell me why. Some confidentiality bullshit. Then I was going to try your home address, but I was sure I’d seen another family look like they were moving in and so I chickened out of that one.”
They sat in silence for a while, tears silently falling heavily for both of them. Lisa reached over and laced her fingers inbetween Carla’s, who welcomes the connection. The warmth of her touch grounding her.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Lisa muttered, between sobs. “So caught up in my own pain and grief that I neglected everyone around me. I neglected you and you needed me more than anything.” Lisa’s sobs were bordering on uncontrollable now. She was constantly punishing herself. Constantly. Surely at some point, it had to stop.
“It’s okay Lisa, you’re here now. Do you think I find it easy that you had to cope with Becky’s death all on your own? We were a team and I should have been there for you. I should have fought harder to find you. I shouldn’t have just given up, but I was scared and confused. Most of all, I was angry at you. So, so angry at you Lisa…” Carla's voice trailed off.
Lisa went to retract her hand, but Carla wouldn’t let her, gripping it tighter. “And now?” Lisa asked softly, it came out almost like a whimper.
Carla smiled through her own tears. “Now, I just want no more secrets. I want to move forward, together, with you, but we both need to open up if it’s going to work.”
Lisa nodded, smiling through her own tears. “Carla I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve you back in my life.”
They both sat there silently for a moment, fingers still firmly laced in each others.
Carla glances at Lisa, her heart racing. It was as if each vulnerable moment between them drew them closer together, though the force holding them together was still invisible, unseen. Much like their unheard, unseen feelings for one another that lay dormant beneath the surface, perhaps almost ready to erupt at any moment, but at the same time, not quite there yet.
Carla had openly admitted to Lisa that there’d been no one since Peter, but she hadn’t risked admitting why and for some reason, she was desperate to know if Lisa had seen anyone since Becky. Unsure really why she was going to put herself through the agonising pain of finding out, she decided to take the leap anyway.
“Has there been anyone else since…since Becky?” Carla’s voice remains steady but her heart is pounding fast. She’s just about to be hanging onto the edges of every word to pass Lisa’s lips.
Lisa can feel Carla’s eyes boring into her, but she doesn’t assert her gaze from the property they’re watching from across the street. Instead, she lets the question hang in the air for a moment, only a moment, before a small smile plays on the edge of her lips. Lisa knew what her own relief felt like when finding out Carla hadn’t been with anyone since her divorce, and even though she had no right to be jealous of any sort if there had been someone else, she still couldn’t help but revel in the overwhelming warmth that she’d felt to learn that Carla had kept her heart to herself, guarded, protected.
Lisa had too done the same. Kept her heart guarded, protected, safe. For different reasons of course, but there was still something bubbling under the surface, perhaps tucked away in her subconscious that her heart did belong to someone, if that someone would ever want it.
“No, no there hasn’t.” Lisa spoke softly, but clearly. Her gaze remaining away from Carla. She didn’t dare to look at the brunette just yet, in fear that she might expose all of her secrets, especially those she wan’t ready to part.
Carla feels a small flutter in her chest, her own lips curving into a smile. She looks away from Lisa, pleased that the blonde isn’t looking at her too, in fear that Lisa would have seen right through to her soul. The joy of her own expression would betray her, Lisa would know. Lisa would see the pleasure seeping out of Carla’s pores at the admission that Lisa hadn’t shared herself with anyone else.
Carla thought back for a moment, reflecting back on the last five years of her life. There hadn’t been anyone else since Peter. How could there have been? Part of me left that day, that day you ran away. I could swear you took a piece of me with you. But it’s not just that. No one else ever compared, not even close. I didn’t want to settle for anyone less than you. I wanted you Lisa, and it wasn’t just ambivalence. I knew that then and I still know that now.
Carla couldn’t admit something like that, she wasn’t even sure if she could ever admit tomsomething like that. Instead, she pressed Lisa further, for more confessions. Solidifying more of what she was desperate to know.
“Not even, casually? For attention?” Carla kept her tone steady, as she too kept her gaze away from Lisa. Focusing intently on the property they were now both watching.
“I’d be hopeless at casual Carla…I feel things too…too deeply.” Lisa looks at Carla now, for the first time since the conversation had shifted to her relationship history -or lack of- relationship history. Carla dared to return her gaze, the intensity of each others eyes sending a thrill through the one another. The moment was filled with both fear and excitement but they could both recognise the weight of their own words, so much so that it would be obvious to anyone else right now, listening and sitting in, that their connection ran far deeper than just attraction.
Lisa too thought back for a moment, reflecting on her own past. There hadn’t been anyone else since Bex. I hope you know that I left part of me with you that day, even though I hated myself for it, I couldn’t help it Carla. I was so conflicted. I’d just lost my wife, yet all these feelings I had for you had been swirling around inside of me since the day I’d met you. I couldn’t believe really how much the universe could hate me. But I suppose I deserved it, didn’t I? I know nothing ever happened between us, I know I never cheated on Bex, God knows I’d never, ever cheat on a partner, ever. But I did emotionally, in a way. I was drawn to you and you had a power over me that I wasn’t in control of and I needed control and so I was losing myself. I was losing myself in you. So that was it, wasn’t it? Losing Bex was my punishment for how I emotionally felt for you. God, Carla if only you knew. If only you knew how much I wanted to kiss you that night. I know you wanted to kiss me too. But because of Bex, I couldn’t let it happen. I didn’t want you to think it was just an emotional impulse, grief driven attraction. But I wanted you Carla, and I still do.
Of course, Lisa too could never admit to something like that. Outrageous, she thought. The silence between them was almost deafening, until Carla broke the spell.
“I guess we’re both hopeless then.” Carla says. “Maybe we should just stick to being partners in crime, eh?”
Lisa laughs softly, but the warmth in each others eyes tells them it’s more than just a joke. This unspoken bond between them continued to grow, both aware that the trust they were continuing to build was fragile, almost like glass, but it was powerful and it was becoming stronger.
All of a sudden, their silence is interrupted by a car pulling up outside. Lisa pulls her hand back quickly and notes down the reg, while Carla pulls her camera up and snaps some pictures. They watch carefully as the black car waits patiently and a figure emerges from the building they’ve been watching all night. At the same time, a similar figure gets out from the black car. It’s difficult to see who it is with the naked eye, especially from the distance they’re parked up at, but it’s no match for the lens on Carla’s camera. She snaps as many pictures as she can before one figure enters the building and the other climbs inside the back of the black car, before it drives off.
“Carla we’ve got to follow that car.” Lisa announces, her voice is laced with urgency as she puts her car in gear, pulling off after the car.
The black car they’ve been following about 20 miles across town, finally comes to a stop, allows the disguised hooded figure to climb out and then drives off.
“What now?” Carla asks Lisa as the hooded figure walks down the street, barely visible in the darkness, if not for the occasional street light shining down on them. “I’ve got the reg and pictures of the car.”
“Good. I think we need to let that go for now and keep watch of where they’re going.” Lisa says, gesturing to the hooded figure walking ahead down the street.
It doesn’t take long before the hooded figure they’ve been following turns down someone’s garden path, and walks up the staircase to a front door. There’s no lights on in this house but the front door was open as the hooded figure enters and disappears from their vision.
“Did you get all that?” Lisa asks intently as she looks at Carla, camera in hand, flicking through the images that she’d just snapped.
“Yeah, we’ve got enough. For now.” Carla replies back.
“I’ve got the address too, I’ll see what I can do with that.” Lisa smiled over at Carla, who looked bordering on exhaustion. The anticipation and excitement of not just uncovering further details in their case but also the growing tension that hung between both her and Carla.