Tables stood in lines up and down the great hall equipped with people from different careers here to talk about what was so great about their job. Students bustled from table to table chattering with professionals and receiving information about what their future could hold. A future Harry could not imagine. Which was why he was frozen at the entrance of this career fair staring at all of the options he never thought he would have. He never thought he would live through facing Voldemort. He never planned life beyond getting through the day, then the next as he struggled to survive in that wretched tent. But now it was October of his eighth year at Hogwarts and he was alive. Alive to decide on a future he had never planned for.
Looking around he saw Hermione interrogating some law wizards that work for the ministry, probably going on about S.P.E.W. Hermione had also compiled an unreasonable amount of pamphlets that she had shoved into her bulging book bag. Meanwhile Ron was having a rowdy conversation with a strapping young lad at the aurors table. Ron had been talking about joining the aurors since school had restarted and wanted Harry to join with him. Ron envisioned harrowing adventures together and bringing dark wizards to justice. Other students wandered around going up to different tables, considering their options and what would give them a happy and promising future. And Harry stood stuck to this spot having never thought of a life beyond Voldemort and how could he think of a future when there was so much noise and when so many people were dead and what was he going to do with his life?
Not approaching a single table, Harry spun around and escaped the great hall at a swift walk trying to appear okay and not like he was having an internal crisis. Bursting through the front doors of the castle, he broke into a sprint towards the forbidden forest. Breathing hard, he whipped past branches in the direction of a clearing he had discovered in second year. Harry had used the invisibility cloak to wander the forest at night to take a break and escape the scorn and accusations heaped on him. And one night he wandered into a clearing that he found himself returning to over and over. It was where he met the delightfully odd first year Luna. She introduced him to the Thestrals that gathered there, helping guide his hand to stroke their leathery necks and showing him how to feed them raw chunks of meat. It wasn’t until 5th year Harry could fully appreciate their beauty.
Reaching the clearing, he tumbled on to the ground in an overwhelmed sprawl. Curling into a ball on his side, he pushed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Thoughts swirled through his head and his breathing continued to speed up even though he had stopped running. What was he going to do? All he had thought about for so many years was the dark lord and surviving and keeping his friends and not disappointing dumbledore and powering through trauma after trauma. He could join the aurors, but he was so tired of fighting. So, so tired of seeing an enemy and being told, “you are our only hope. You, a child, are the only one who can save us. Save us, Harry. Save us!” But, what else was he supposed to do? Being the savior was all he knew beyond being the freak of Number 4 Privet Drive. Thoughts of the future swirled until he heard twigs snap behind him.
Uncovering his eyes, he twisted around and saw Luna followed by two Thestrals glide into the clearing.
“Hello Harry, you seemed in a hurry to go somewhere and I thought you might want some company.” Luna walked around in front of him and sat down cross legged. Harry guessed his casual escape of the career fair was not as unnoticeable as he had hoped. Or maybe Luna was just being her usual acutely observant self. She was always noticing Harry’s moods and needs, even when he was trying to pretend he was fine. Always being there or leaving him alone depending on what he required in the moment. Taking him to the Thestrals or on a walk around Black Lake if he needed a break from people. Or on a trip to the kitchens to get a snack if he had been too caught up in his hectic life to remember to eat.
Harry sat up mirroring Luna in a cross legged position. Studying the Thestrals, he noticed a foal and an adult walking toward him and Luna. The foal nosed at a bag Luna had set beside her, probably containing meat as Harry and her had fed them in the past. The youngling tried to munch on the outside of the bag, but the elder one made a disapproving sound and stamped their foot. The foal looked up a little chastised and backed away.
“So, what’s on your mind Harry?” Luna asked, somehow knowing this was a time he wanted to talk about things, not just sit and take comfort in each other’s company.
Harry thought for a few minutes, trying to pull his scrambled thoughts together into words that made sense while Luna started taking out pieces of meat and feeding them to the Thestrals.
Thoughts semi-untangled, Harry began.“Well, there was life with the Dursleys, then there was life with Dumbledore and Voldemort, and now there is not life with either of them. And there is a future and I didn’t think. And Hermione and Ron seem fine and I don’t know. I defeated Voldemort, that was what I was supposed to do. And now what? Life or something? Where am I supposed to go now that I don’t have a purpose? What am I supposed to do now that my purpose has been fulfilled? What am I supposed to do?” Harry pulled at grass on the ground ducking his head as a few tears escaped. “What am I going to do Luna?”
Luna fed the last piece of meat to the foal then turned to him. “Well, what do you want to do Harry? Or maybe it would be easier to start with this: what do you not want to do Harry?”
Harry looked up at her, considering. “Well… I don’t want to fight anyone anymore. I don’t want to be a savior. I don’t want to be an auror. But I don’t know anything else other than that.”
Luna smiled at him. “That’s good Harry, we have some boundaries. And you don’t need to know everything right at this moment Harry. It may seem like others have their whole lives figured out, but everyone is afraid and uncertain of their future. Nothing about the future is certain, and that is scary. Now, what do you enjoy doing Harry? What makes you happy?”
“Our friendship makes me happy” Harry responded, making Luna smile at him sunnily. He stopped, trying to think of other things that have brought him joy. “Hermione and Ron make me happy sometimes. Quidditch, Thestrals, the black lake, magical creatures, um… treacle tart. In the past… Sirius and hedwig. I don’t know what else.” Harry turned his attention to tugging on grass again.
“Those are all lovely things. And you can choose to keep some of those things in your future. And Harry, although others are going to expect things from you, you do not need to take those expectations onto yourself. You have done enough. You have done enough just by existing and trying your best with the cards that were given to you. Defeating Voldemort did not make you enough, being Harry made you enough.”
Harry looked blearily down at his hands tangled in the grass blinking back tears and sniffling. He wondered how Luna always knew what his insecurities were and how to counter them. Looking back at Luna, Harry smiled weakly and exhaled. “Thank you Luna.” Luna reached out, taking his right hand in her left. Her hands were spelled clean after touching raw meat.
Luna observed the canopy above. “We can continue talking about this, but it’s such a beautiful day today. Do you want to go on a walk around the black lake? I think Francis is lonely and in need of a visit.” Harry squeezed Luna’s hand softly. Even though it was short, this chat had given him some things to think about. Somehow Luna knew more talking would have been too overwhelming. Harry followed Luna’s gaze to the trees above, noticing birds and other small animals flitting about. Clouds gathered overhead with no risk of rain. It was chilly, although the forest protected them from the wind Harry knew was blowing through the Scottish landscape. Harry really should have brought a sweater, but his stormy emotions prevented any foresight before sprinting outdoors. Listening to the forest ambience helped his breathing calm even more into a smooth deep cycle. Francis probably was getting lonely, everyone was too afraid to visit the giant squid.
Harry stood up, pulling Luna with him. “A walk sounds nice.” Luna grinned, then turned in the direction of the lake and headed off, guiding Harry along by the hand. Luna’s hand was very warm and soft.
Luna stopped abruptly. “Oh, I almost forgot!” She dug a maroon sweater of Harry's out of her bag, handing it to him.
Harry smiled in appreciation and tugged it over his head. He returned his hand to Luna’s and he gazed at her wondering what he ever did to deserve her.
“Hey Luna,” Harry gathered her other hand in his own. “The only part of my future I am sure of is that I want you in it. I would like for us to stay together, even though I don’t know how that will look. If you want that is…” Harry finished awkwardly, seeming to suddenly notice something very interesting on a tree behind Luna.
Luna beamed, pulling him into a hug. “Oh, Harry! Of course we will stay together.” She pulled back still smiling, then turned around to continue pulling him toward Francis and what ever unknown that was their future. Hopefully more Thestrals.