“Bloody fucking hell.” Sirius curses under his breath before breaking into sobs. Why would he tell Severus? Why’d he have to blab his fucking mouth and screw up the only good things he had going for him. He walked over to his nightstand and sat on his bed, opening the drawer. He wanted to stop replaying Remus' words in his head as he grabbed his dagger.
“What the fuck compelled you to tell him? I trusted you?”
His words played like a symphony in his mind, as if he was locked in an opera house and it was the climax of the song. Sirius held his dagger in his right hand and his left hand rested on his knee, awaiting the piercing feeling he would inflict on himself. He stared at his wrist, looking at the extremely faded words. He could make out some words he had etched into his skin ‘disappointment’ ‘stupid’ and so many pink and white lines going in every direction.
Sirius had stopped this habit months ago, upon Remus finding out. Now he didn’t have Remus, he didn’t see any other option. He pushed the tip of the blade to his forearm, seeing red droplets pore out of the sides of the cuts almost immediately The bitter sweet relief of his relapse clouded his head and seemed to erase all thoughts of Remus. He drew another line, and another, and another, until his arm was thoroughly covered in red lines.
He sat and quietly let his tears fall onto his pillow, occasionally glancing through the gaps in his curtains seeing if Remus was back yet. He checked the time. 2:03 in the morning. Sirius was exhausted at this point, but he was so utterly disgusted at his actions he continued with his blade and ripped more scars into his skin. He went over old cuts and fresh ones. He went over new spots of his arm that had not yet known the pain that Sirius was able to inflict. He heard Remus walk in and he cried harder, trying to be as quiet as possible. Sirius finally put the blade down as Remus sat on his bed.
(Like 10 minutes prior)
“What the fuck compelled you to tell him? I trusted you?” Remus shouted at his friend in the astronomy tower . The hurt he felt, Sirius was his best friend, he loved him more than he’d ever loved anyone else.
“Moony I’m so sorry I-“
“Don’t call me that. I- Just, just go” Remus says, gesturing to the stairs. “Remus I-“ Sirius pleaded
“Just fucking leave!” Remus shouted.
Sirius ran off hiccuping and sobbing while Remus pulled out his lighter and lit a cigarette. Why couldn’t Sirius just shut up for one minute? He felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away before bursting into sobs. He missed Sirius. He missed what they had. He turned around and looked for his Padfoot. He was already gone. Remus cried harder, tears blurring his vision. He fell to his knees despite the astronomy’s railing he tried to hold himself up with. He wailed, he cried only slightly quieter than a scream. He was praying that no one else could hear his sobs over the thunder that echoed outside.
He was now sitting down with his knees tucked to his chest. “Fuck.” He sighed checking the time, it was 2:00 in the morning. He got up and started walking to his dorm, walking down the steps and through the corridors.
He finally arrived at the dorms, slowly opening the dorms so as to not wake anyone. Although it seemed someone was still awake. Remus listened to the loud sobs that came from behind the curtains that draped over Sirius’ bed. He scoffed before hearing Sirius sob louder. Remus went and sat on his bed that was beside his friends.
He had been staring at Sirius' bed for a good while before seeing a small gap in the curtains. He then saw Sirius place the blade down on his pillow and rest his head on his headboard. “Sirius what the fuck!”
He snatched the curtains open revealing a puffy eyed Sirius, who was bleeding profusely. Remus immediately rushed Sirius to the bathroom, and began cleaning his cuts.
“I’m sorry moon- remus, I didn’t- I don’t know why I told him. I’m sorry.” Sirius uttered sobbing even harder than before. Seeing his best friend like this broke Remus. He grabbed the gauze from under the sink and put it down on the counter.
Remus occasionally glanced at Sirius, looking for any sign of how he was feeling. Sirius looked numb. He looked like he looked when he came back to Hogwarts from summer, the first time Remus had found him with the knife in his hands cutting deep lines into his pale skin.
Sirius rested his head on Remus’ shoulder, hesitating at first, but soon he leaned into his warmth. Remus carefully bandaged his cuts, being extremely gentle as to not injure him even more. “Sirius I, I thought you stopped. How long has it been since last time?” Remus asked, wondering if he’d been cutting all this time. Sirius sighed before responding “it’s- it had been months, I don’t know. I’m sorry.” He apologized and soaked Remus’ shoulder with tears.
Remus finally finished wrapping Sirius' arm up, he put the gauze away and washed his hands. He slowly approached the crying boy, a sense of uncertainty in his steps. He held out a hand to his face but Sirius pulled away.
“Padfoot,” he muttered, voice barely above a whisper. Another tear fell down his cheek and Remus couldn’t take it anymore. Instantly, Remus’ arms were around Sirius’ neck, hugging him tighter than he ever has.
“God moony!” Sirius cried out, wrapping his bloodied wrists around Remus’ waist.
“Moony I- I missed you so much I,” he half sobbed half hiccuped before Remus cut him off.
“You have no Idea how much I’ve missed you.” He half sobs, half laughs.
“I love you Sirius ” Remus mumbled. Sirius’ breath hitched hearing those three words as his mind tried to gather a response.
“I love you too Moony”