Porcelain King

Lily had been exited to get the invitation for tea.

Not just because it meant seeing Remus, which was not easy to do these days, as he was always busy with his duties. But also, because she was very curious to properly meet this new King. The person who brought change, by just existing, by being an example of this kind of relationship. She wanted to help make him feel comfortable in his position, be a friend to him if possible.

Nonetheless, it was quite uncomfortable at first. They were seated in a beautifully, richly decorated sitting room, surrounded by a number of servants, a harpist playing in the background. Remus, standing behind Regulus, clearly trying not to cringe at the awkwardness.

They were both sitting in silence for a bit, sipping tea from time to time, until Regulus looked up at Lily.

“How is the tea? Is it to your liking?” His voice steady and neutral.

“The tea is good, Your Majesty.” Lily tried a smile, purposefully not looking at Remus as to not start laughing at her own nervousness. Instead, she looked around for something to say, settling on the tiny dog sitting on a stool beside Regulus, that Lily thought was quite ugly.

“What a beautiful dog, Your Majesty.” She hoped to sound genuine, though she saw Remus hold in a laugh out of the corner of her eye.

“It is a deformed bunny.” Regulus said shortly.

“Oh. My mistake, Your Majesty.” She grinned, relieved that he shared her opinion on the dog.

“It was kind of you to invite me to tea. Are you meeting each of your ladies and lords in waiting individually?”

Remus had told her in his letter that she was the only guest, but he hadn’t bothered to include the reason. It was fairly odd for King Regulus to invite anyone on his honeymoon at all but maybe he just wanted to get a head start and King James had been busy for the day.

“No.” Regulus just said.

“Oh.” That was odd.

“Remus said you’d be the most discreet because I am on my honeymoon. And also that you two are friends.” Nodding up at Remus, still with a neutral expression.

At that Lily finally did look up at Remus, who grinned at her sheepishly. What was going on?

“Well, yes.” Was the only thing she could think to say.

“Which is going wonderfully, by the way. It is a splendid honeymoon. My husband is the best of husbands. He gave me this beautiful bunny thing.” Regulus’ voice had a sour twist at these words, clearly in distress.

For a moment Lily looked up at Remus again, looking for any sign of what to do or say but he just nodded encouragingly. So she looked back at Regulus.

“May I speak freely, Your Majesty?” Her eyes pointedly indicating the many servants standing around them.

Regulus and also Remus luckily got what she was getting at and after a nod from Regulus to Remus and from him to the other Servants, they filed out.

With only Remus left, Regulus nodded at one of the chairs beside them and he took a seat, clearly dropping some of his staged etiquette and relaxing. Lily took this familiarity in, a bit surprised, but relaxing a bit herself with her friend sitting beside her.

Regulus seemed to calm a bit as well, though his posture stayed perfect.

“Please speak freely. No one else, or not many else do.” looking at Remus with the smallest of smiles.

At that Lily couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Yes, he is good at that, other than most at court. But I am known for that as well, so let me tell you, first, you are a terrible liar. I did not believe a word you said about your honeymoon. Do not try that again in front of society. It will cause scandal. The Mother and Father of the Crown are very kind people who did their best while they were reigning, and still are, but even they can’t do anything about the gossip.”

“Oh.” Regulus looks at her, clearly out of his depths with society.

“My honeymoon was a disaster.” Lily quickly adds. “My wedding night,” she cringes at the thought, earning herself a sympathetic look from Remus. “I did not know what to expect. He was old and impatient. All of it was painful and quite terrifying. It is alright if your wedding night was not perfect or splendid.” She doesn’t really want to think about that night or any after that with Severus, but if she can help Regulus feel seen, understood, it would be worth it. But at the look she gets from him and Remus, she seems to be looking for the wrong problem.

Remus just looks disgusted at any mention of Severus, which is fair. But he also looks like there is something else that is going on here. And just the same with Regulus. He just looks down at his hands, avoiding her eyes, nodding.

“Your Majesty.”

He looks up at her, “Regulus, please.” correcting her quietly.

“Regulus.” She nods, smiling at him. “You did have a wedding night?”

There is silence for a few seconds. For a moment, she is scared she might have overstepped, she looks over at Remus, seeing him just shrug unhelpfully. But then, Regulus exhales, finally slumping a bit and some of the frustration he clearly must be feeling seems to be allowed in his voice.

“He was mean and rude and selfish. He just wanted to leave. He felt bad, I suppose. He did not seem to understand why I did not want him to live at Kew while I am stuck here like a Bird in a gold cage. And then, he gives me that beast, as if that is to make everything better, but that does not make up for leav—“

“Regulus.” She interrupts him. “I am still allowed to speak freely?”

“Yes, of course.” He says, avoiding her eyes after his outburst.

“I am talking about consummating the marriage. You and King James did consummate the marriage, did you not?”

Regulus just stares at her in confusion.

Remus avoids her eyes.

Bloody unhelpful that one at the moment.

“You see, you have to…” she doesn’t know how to say it. Shouldn’t he know? Men always seemed to know this, be taught or something, or just find out somehow before marriage. But this one doesn’t seem to.

“Regulus, if you did not consummate the marriage, you are not actually married to Kind James. Your whole position is in danger. The Great Experiment is in danger. You did consummate right?” She stares at him in disbelieve, looking over at Remus. What was going on? Did she really have to write it out for them both?! The life of so many people were on the line with this. She did come here to be there for Regulus but the Experiment, their Marriage being a success… it was vital. Maybe then, less and less people would end up like her. Stuck in a Marriage she didn’t want to enter in the first place. But people loving who they do openly, marrying them. Marlene and Dorcas wouldn’t have to hide anymore and so many more wouldn’t either. This was important.

“You do know what I mean when I say consummate?”

Regulus just stares at her with question in his eyes.

“Perform the marital act?” She tries, pointedly staring at Remus to help her out.

“I know some of it. Does it have something to do with this Great Experiment?” Regulus asks carefully.

Lily can’t help but snort, rubbing her hand over her face in exasperation.

“Alright Remus, would you get us some paper and charcoals. And don’t think you can get out of this! Don’t you dare just slip out and send another servant in with the utensils!” Squinting at Remus with a warning look. “I will need your expertise in these kinds of relations as I do not have the same parts as I presume you two do.”

Remus did get up, looking a bit horrified by the whole situation but thankful for Lily’s clear instructions. He did always seem to appreciate her hands on, problem solving approach.

“Alright then, let's do this.” She smiled reassuringly at a wide eyed Regulus.

After Remus had come back with the required items, Lily begun to draw, with Remus’ partly helpful, partly comical remarks.

“So will he have to insert it?” Regulus asked, horrified, after being explained what happens in more detail. It was clear that he wasn’t told specifics.

“Not necessarily.” Remus said in a calming voice. “Who does what is decided between the partners. It depends on what you are comfortably with and what you want to do.”

“Yes, that is the best case scenario. I guess how it should be. But I did tell you I would be truthful with you. And there are more than enough people that do not care about what you want. Including in the bedroom. Some men, too many, see it as their partners duty to please them and in some cases produce an heir. That last part of course won’t concern you but I do want you to be prepared.”

“James wouldn’t do that!” Remus immediately exclaims, coming to his friends defence.

Carefully Lily looked at both men. “I hope not. I know he is your friend Remus, and your husband of course Regulus, not to forget our King. But it doesn’t always mean that just because you know one part of someone that that is all there is to know. I truly wish that it is different for you than it is for me, I have never enjoyed it myself, but I want you to be prepared you see? I have always seen it as a chore and that helps me. But I have heard that if it is with someone you like, it is possible to enjoy it.”

Lily did feel bad about her gloomy words that made Regulus look more horrified by the second, but she did not want him to go in unprepared. It was all she could do to help.

But she was also thankful for Remus’ words of positivity, though very unlike him, it was quite good to have someone balance her out in this moment.

“It is quite pleasurable with someone you like. Both parts in it. Though they are not the only things that are possible to do. It is really about feeling good and making each other feel good. I imagine it to be even better if it is with someone you love…” at those last words, Remus starts to blush lightly.

Lily grinned at him knowingly.

“Well, I do not like James,” Regulus said decidedly, pulling Lily’s attention back towards him. “So I do not see why we should need to bother ourselves to do this at all.”

“Regulus… This is Britain. I do not know how things work in France but here, there can be no question about your union. You are the first of your kind. A royal, The King, marring another man. It has the potential to change everything. But if there are questions about its success, it could topple everything.”

“Yes, but this is not my failing!” Clearly scared, but not wanting to admit it. “I mean, he clearly does not want me and I cannot and will not force him to want to do this with me. And maybe that is a good thing. If we are not married. Then maybe we can forget all about this and I can… go home.” His voice growing wary at his last words, clearly no sure if that is something he would want.

Lily takes a second to answer, but Remus is faster.

“It is a Pomeranian.” Both, Lily and Regulus staring at him as if he just lost his mind. Nodding at the dog, he continues. “Your deformed bunny.” He starts grinning. “It is a dog. A very ugly dog, I won’t lie. I could truly not tell you how James got the idea for that. But it is a purebred, very rare Pomeranian. He means well, and he does like you. I can tell.”

Regulus still doesn’t look sure about any of it, but there is a spark of something different in his eyes. Hope? Gratitude? It is not completely clear, but it is a start.

—

He was lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. The conversations with Lily and Remus were still ringing in his ear.

He still wasn’t sure about this whole situation. He was angry. Angry at Sirius. Angry at James. Angry at this dog whining in his ear. But he was also scared. Did he really have to do these things with someone who felt so far away from him?

Of course, there had been the moments in the garden and the wedding itself, the kiss…Regulus softly brushed his lips with the tip of his fingers, his eyes closed. But that was before it all. Regulus forced himself put his hand down, trying to keep calm and neutral. It had felt real at the time, but that doesn’t have to mean anything. People can fake lots of things.

‘But Remus did say he liked me’ a voice in his head reminded him.

‘That doesn’t mean anything. He would want to spend time with you then. But he has Sirius. He doesn’t need you.’

Regulus closed his eyes, forcing himself to stop thinking, stop feeling. It does not work as well as it used to. Retreating back into his mind used to come easily, used to be one think he could always rely on. When he had heard his mother’s shouting or Sirius’ screaming or felt the stinging of the stick connecting with the back of his hands.

It was always easy to dampen it by shutting himself off.

Well, not in his younger years. He didn’t like to think about it but there had been a time when he had reacted and felt quite strongly. Up to when he was about 10, he’d start crying at the smallest things. When he knew he or Sirius had done something wrong and they’d get punished or when he was made to eat snails by his parents. But it had never done him any good, always ending in more anger from his Mother. So at some point he had learned to suppress it, getting comfortable in a neutral face and a neutral emotional state. Sirius had made fun of him for it of course, calling him names, clearly trying to get him to show some kind of reaction. But Regulus had just rolled his eyes at it.

The only time Regulus had started to cry after that had been when Sirius told him he would leave. And in the weeks after he had left him alone in that house. But their Mother had quickly shown him that this would not be tolerated, trying her best to eradicate any trace left of Sirius or the shame he had brought upon them.

She still would let her own emotions roam free of course, letting Regulus feel her anger about Sirius leaving. Regulus would just take it, waiting for the night to let his tears flow freely, muffled by his pillow.

So now, instead of thinking about his confusing feelings towards James, he thinks about his hate for Sirius. That is clear. There is only hate for him. Nothing else.

~James’ Estate, the Garden~

Sirius was waiting in the gardens for Remus to arrive. They hadn’t seen each other since their talk about a “gesture”.

As he sees him walk up, carrying this tiny dog in his arms, he can only grin. At seeing Remus of course, that always puts him in a good mood, but also at the ridiculous sight of him with this creature.

Of course James had told him that he wanted to send Regulus a dog, something to keep him company. And Sirius had thought it a good idea. As a child Regulus had always liked animals after all, even though they weren’t allowed a pet.

But he had pictured a big, majestic dog, not something like this… It was sure to say that Regulus would find this utterly ridiculous.

He would have to talk to James about that. But how could he tell him? How could he explain that he knew Regulus would not like something like this? He’d still not managed to tell James that he was his brother, just couldn’t seem to know how to start the conversation. How do you do that?

'Oh hey James, remember that brother I told you about? The one I left with our abusive parents when he was 15 and who hates me ever since? So much that he didn’t answer any of my letters? Yeah that’s your husband now. Why didn’t I tell you sooner? Oh, I was so scared of seeing him and my mother again that I completely froze and pretended like everything is fine. Could you help me solve this mess please? I know you have a whole kingdom to rule and also your episodes that make it impossible for you to get out of bed some days but my family drama is also really important!‘

No, he couldn’t do that to him. Maybe he should ask Regulus to keep it to himself too. He surely doesn’t see them as being brothers anyway so that should be great for him.

Instead of telling Remus about all these thoughts swirling around his head, he just smiles at him.

„You are late. James will be up soon.“

„Oh, well you gesture has short legs, so I had to start carrying it after trying to get it to follow without success. What on earth made you choose this anyway?“

„Don’t put that on me! Prongs just told me about a dog, not that it would be this kind.“ adding after a second, „So he didn’t like it, did he?“

That just earns him an exasperated look. Sirius isn’t too upset about it though. The way Remus‘ brow was being furrowed just made him look more handsome.

Sirius really wishes he could just close the distance between them, pull Remus’ head down by the back of his neck and kiss him. To be held in his arms, intertwined with him, surrounded by the smell of old books and ink and chocolate. It would surely make his knees go weak. But at the same time, even the thought of it makes him go hot and energetic. He isn’t sure he could ever stop once he started.

Sirus hoped his face didn't show how hot it is growing, trying to distract himself by keeping on talking.

“So you let him have a visitor I heard.” He tries to sound neutral about it, like his interest is purely out of duty to the Crown.

“Just one. And it was Lily. She won’t go around talking.”

“She doesn’t need to. The servants talk. The palace and the other nobles know she was there.”

“Yes, well he was lonely. And neither James nor you seem to be wanting to go to him. What is wrong? What is keeping Prongs away? What is keeping you away?” Remus’ voice growing agitated, accusatory. “Are you trying to keep him away? I know you can be stubborn and you like to have James all to yourself but he is his husband. And I know he cares for him. They both do. In their own ways.”

The words cut deep, making Sirius recoil. His eyes narrow and his mouth twisting into a scowl.

“I’m not keeping him away or trying to have him to myself. What are you even implying? We are friends, best friends. And you don’t even know what you are talking about.”

“No, I don’t! So tell me! You’ve been secluding more and more in the last few years, leaving me out, avoiding me. And always out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s like we are all on the same page one minute and the next you two have your own language. Splitting me off. Then you only have eyes for him. What the hell am I supposed to think?”

At that Sirius just stares up at him. Is that what he thinks? That was so far from the truth. He always had eyes for Remus. He always looked at him, always wanted to talk to him. But James needed him more. It is true that there is an understanding between them. Sirius knows when James has switched, knows how to match his energy in a way that helps him. Keeping him company at his lows, making him eat and also celebrating his highs while keeping him safe.

It just comes naturally to him. But it always was platonic. They are like… like brothers. They just understand each other in a way only best friends can.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about Remus or that they want to exclude him. The opposite is the case. He cares so much about Remus, he couldn’t even put it into words. But James doesn’t want anyone else to know, to see. Even Remus.

So he just looks away. “It’s not like that.”

“Then tell me how it is!” Remus’ voice in between a plead and an accusation.

“I cannot tell you. I’m sorry.” He closes his eyes, willing the tears away.

At that, he just hears Remus scoff, turning on his heel and leaving, not saying another word to him. Sirius looks after him, feeling the distance as something more than just physical. He wants to explain, wants to tell Remus everything. Wants to call out to him, run after him and solve everything by just pressing their lips together and melting into one. But he can’t. So he just waits until he can’t see him anymore, turning to leave himself, finally letting the tears fall freely, at least for a second.