Being Selfish ft. My Friends, and a Particularly Angry Dude
“Don’t do this to yourself, Regulus.” Barty’s words were kind, but they didn’t help.
After everything, Regulus had made his way back to the dorms, and promptly told Barty everything. About midnight walks and talks, about days spent secretly kissing, about hours spent in the astronomy tower, about falling in love with James and about breaking up with James.
Barty was Regulus’ best friend, not that he would ever tell him that, but still. He was a pureblood with a shitty Dad. So they had that in common. He knew he could trust him with this. “I miss him,” Regulus admitted, his breath shuddering, his hand shaking and his eyes wet with the promise of tears. Barty nodded, but said nothing.
“I think I’ll always miss him, you know? But I’ve got to just get over him, I need him to be happy, and Sirius deserves to be happy too. And I just think it’s easier for some people that I’m not around.”
Barty shook his head, he spoke this time. “I don’t think so. It’s not easier without you, at least not for me. Same for Evan.”
“That’s just because I let him copy my homework,” Regulus chuckled wetly. “That definitely makes my life easier, he’s fucking annoying when he’s stressed out.”
“Look, Black, I’m only going to say this once, and I’ll fucking murder you if you ever repeat it to anyone. You are my best friend, and my life is better with you in it. I think Sirius is a dick that needs to get the fuck over himself, and you need to be a little bit selfish here, Reg. You keep talking about how James needs to be happy, and Sirius needs to be happy. But you know what? You need to be fucking happy too, you deserve to be happy.”
Regulus sat there in compete and utter shock, his mouth open in surprise. "I think that's the most I've ever heard you speak to me." Then he cried. Barty wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Easy there, Black. Easy there.”
The boys sat there in the cold dark abyss of the dorms arms around each other. Everything quiet except for the sound of Regulus’ soft sobs. Regulus reckons he’s probably got a pretty good best friend. Barty was more of a brother than Sirius was.
“You’re kind of my best friend too,” Regulus huffed out between sobs. “Oh, I know.” Barty said arrogantly. Regulus smiled.
Maybe, just maybe, things could get better.
~*~
Barty woke up to – darkness. Oh, well there’s a surprise.
He go out of bed, and went to check on Regulus. The boy lay awake, staring at the ceiling. “Hey there, Black. How are those emotions doing? You still got them?” Regulus glared at him, but there was no heat behind it.
“You coming to breakfast?”
“No,” Regulus sighed. “I’m not hungry.” Barty scoffed, “I don’t believe you, not hungry my ass. I’ll grab you breakfast and bring some up here, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Barty turned around to wake up Evan, “Barty? You’re a pretty great friend.” Barty felt heat blossoming in his chest, he fought a smile, he liked being appreciated. “Don’t go getting soft on me, okay, Black?”
Barty woke up a snoring Evan and practically had to drag the nosy bastard away from Regulus’ bed. “Keep to yourself, alright?”
“Fine,” Evan grumbled, “Don’t know what the fuck is going on with you two, but you’re both acting weird.” They made it to the Great Hall, and Evan sat down immediately starting to eating. “You’re going to fucking choke, Rosier.”
“Didn’t realise you cared, Crouch,” Evan snarked.
“I don’t. Fucking choke, see if I care.” Evan laughed softly, “You’d miss me.”
Maybe he would.
He piled food onto a plate and left, ignoring Evan yelling at him. He left and turned the corner only to run straight in to the fucking Marauders.
“Just my fucking luck,” Barty grumbled.
The five of them stood in the corridor, none of them moving. He really shouldn’t say anything. Regulus would kill him.
“Hey, fuckwits.” Oh well, he’d forgot his Transfiguration homework, so death probably wasn’t the worst option. “Who do you think you’re talking to, Crouch.”
“You, Sirius Black, a selfish egotistical dickhead.” Barty stuck out a long bony finger, and pointed it at Sirius Black. “You just couldn’t be happy for him – for them, could you? It all just has to be perfect for you, right?”
Sirius looked thunderous, Remus looked nervous, Peter looked confused, and James – Jameslooked distraught. “Watch your tongue-”
“No it’s fucking true, Black.” Barty turned, face-to-face with James Potter. “You love him right?” James nodded, “More than anything, he – he’s my whole world. I love him, I’m in love with him.” His voice sounded wrecked, clearly James Potter cried. Good, Regulus was fucking worth all of his tears.
“See, you fucking selfish bastard, your best friend is in love with a boy, and you won’t let them be together because you think you’re the centre of the fucking universe.”
Barty shook his head, “Whatever. I’m not going to waste anymore breath on you. I have a best friend to get back to, so go. Enjoy your life. Is it easy knowing that you’ve hurt two of the people who love you most in the world? How do you fucking sleep at night?”
He stormed away, his emotion raging beneath his skin. He was angry, fuck, he was furious.
~*~
Sirius Black stood outside the Great Hall in absolute shock. Nobody had ever spoken to him like that before. Not really. Nothing as brutally harsh yet honest as that. Crouch’s words had been icy daggers to the heart, sure. But he could see the truth in everything.
“Sirius,” Remus spoke tentatively, “He was harsh, but he was right, and I really hope you know it.” Remus bowed his head, clearly nervous, and Sirius knew then how much he’d fucked up. The mess he had made.
“James-”
“Not right now, Sirius.”
“James, listen to me. No, Remus, I need to say this. And James you need to hear this. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry I hurt Regulus. You guys are both my brothers, and I was being a ‘selfish bastard’ because – because, he’s my past. He’s a reminder of everything, and I was scared of having him back in my life. But I should have told you that, I shouldn’t have been such a dick. You deserve more, you deserve to be with Regulus. I’ll do it different this time. I want you to be happy.”
The four boys stood in a stunned silence. James and Remus stared in shock at Sirius, and Peter nibbled at the arms of his jumper. James eyes watered a bit, “You mean it, Padfoot?” Sirius nodded, “Yeah, I mean it, brother.”
James jumped at Sirius, engulfing him in a hug. Sirius could feel James shaking, hear him sniffling, oh bloody Merlin he was crying. “Don’t fucking cry about it mate.”
“I’m not crying, you’re crying,” James sniffled. “Yeah, maybe a little bit,” Sirius snorted.
A peculiar noise to the right of the boys startled them from their hug. “Oh not you too, Moony,” Sirius laughed, because Remus Lupin stood there tears leaking profusely from his eyes. “I just – you’re so fucking stupid. And I missed you guys, I missed this.”
“Me too, Moony.”
“Prongs, go get my brother back. Fucking hell, prongs, don’t cry again. Go get him.”
So he did.
He fucking ran.