Remus Lupin doesn’t pride himself in a lot of things, but one of them is how he has kept his secret of who he is, to literally everyone, a secret.
And who is he?
Well for starters, he’s a halfblood.
Which already brings up a bag of worms in the Wizarding world. Knowing full well, there are certain people who find his status disgusting.
But that’s not his secret that he hides from his best friends each month, every year.
His secret is something worse.
Hell, even his secret about liking boys romantically would be better than this one.
But no, Remus Lupin is a werewolf.
A werewolf who is seen as dangerous in every part of his world. Wouldn’t matter if he was just a muggle or even in the wizard world.
The werewolf that parents tell their children myths and stories about like Santa Clause but instead of sharing the story in a good light, the werewolf is seen as a killer to everyone he touches and should be locked up for everyone’s safety.
Most of all, Remus hates how this is every month. Every month he gets sick for a couple days, becomes this horrible monster, then has to heal, then back to being his Remus Lupin self, all while lying to everyone who asks why he was not in class or missed dinner at the great hall or many other experiences he can’t be a part of.
After all, he has been conditioned since four years old, to never tell a soul about who he is, as they could and would hurt him. Especially purebloods, and just his luck, his three best friends, are all purebloods, and could hurt him.
So the newly just turned thirteen year old Remus, has to get ready to find a lie out of James’s birthday week. A week James personally dubbed to be the best week ever. Especially on Wednesday night. The night he becomes a monster. But the week starts today, on a Sunday, James’s actual birthday.
“You done pondering in that head of yours or you going to continue to stare in space and not blow up these balloons?” Sirius says snapping Remus out of his thoughts, to which Remus turns and looks at Sirius,
“You didn’t even know what balloons were until me and James had to inform you what they were.” As Sirius looks at Remus dramatically,
“Hey! Peter didn’t know either.”
As then both boys turn to look at Peter who is busy looking up the spell to hang up the streamers, instead of doing it himself, mainly because he doesn’t want to deal with the heights,
“Don’t drag me into whatever you guys are squabbling over now. I’m busy looking for this spell.”
He then replies. As Peter then smiles wide,
“Found it!” As he then does the spell and the banner goes up in the air,
“Beautiful Peter!” Sirius says excited, as Sirius has never really celebrated someone else’s birthday in such high fashion.
He didn’t even know that was something done for birthdays but his birthday this year was something so special and yet so glorious.
“Ok so we just have to set up the balloons, what else?” Remus says thinking out loud,
“Well. Wake up the birthday boy.” Peter points out,
“Do we all have our gifts for him?” Sirius then says with an excited smile.
Gift giving and receiving honestly is the best part of birthdays and holidays Sirius would argue, Sirius even started to do that to his younger brother, who was so confused by the concept.
To which Remus and Peter both nod,
“Ok I’ll go wake him up. Should we do a spell so we don’t wake up the whole dormitory?” Peter says cautious,
“Probably should… we don’t want to be in trouble with professor McGonagall, again.” Remus says sheepishly,
“Oh please. She loves us!” Sirius says with a big smile,
“I’m going to do a silencing spell.” Remus says looking at Sirius, who just gasps dramatically. As then Peter smiles and rushes up the stairs to the boy’s dorm, to grab a not really sleeping James, he was too excited to sleep.
“Oh you guys didn’t have to!” James says genuinely touched at the thought.
“Happy birthday James!!” All three boys say at the same time, all with the same equal amount of excitement and happiness.
By the time the sun rises to actually start the Sunday, professor McGonagall sees a cake that only has one slice left, pillows everywhere but on the couches they belong to, and wrapping paper sprinkled across the common room, and four boys all sleeping in one big cuddle, causing her to smile fondly, and wrap them all up in a blanket.
James notices on Monday and Tuesday, how quiet Remus has been, how much Remus seems to barely able to stay awake in class and out of class. Which worries him, but whenever he would ask Remus if he’s doing ok, Remus would flash a smile, and try to assure James he was fine. But James never bought it. But he plans to talk more to Remus tonight alone in the dormitory, as he wants to help his best friend.
“Oh I’m going to be late to dinner tonight. So don’t wait up.” Remus says, as every boy turns to look at him.
“But Remus! It’s James’s birthday week!” Sirius says, genuinely perplexed to why Remus would just be late to an event.
“Everything going ok Remus?” Peter says in a gentle sincere tone.
“Yeah, I just have a late night conversation with professor Cuthbert Binns about a paper I submitted.”
Remus said not looking at anyone as he says it, as James looks at his best friend with a sad look, but then puts on a big smile. So no one can know it does deep down hurt him that one of his best friends won’t be there,
“It’s all good mate!” James says messing with Remus’s hair, as then Remus usually would appreciate the touch, but since tonight is the day of the full moon, he glares at James and James swears he could hear a little growl, confusing James more. But before he can question it or see if Peter or Sirius noticed it, Remus notices what he did,
“I’m so sorry. I have to go-,” Remus says standing up and before Peter or Sirius can stop him, Remus runs out of the great hall, leaving Sirius and Peter so confused about what just happened.
While James just observes, getting even more worried for his best friend.
Remus can’t believe he got upset at James like that, he’s never once ever gotten that upset at someone like that, the most he would do is glare at his mam during full moons but never growl. He is a monster for that. How would either one of them look at the same way after that?
“You’re here early dear.” Poppy says in a soft voice, seeing Remus enter the infirmary in so low of spirit, so low of life, to which he only nods. Which breaks her heart to see him in this way,
“How about I get you some tea and chocolate to drink and eat before then?” Poppy then says to which he nods again, as he then goes to sit at a window seat, to probably look at the sun beginning its descent to night.
“This isn’t right! Remus should be here!” Sirius says annoyed and upset, his best friend isn’t here.
“Yeah it isn’t fair. Remus always does his assignments weeks before their due. He shouldn’t be forced in a office meeting because of a paper!” Peter says as then James will admit, he too thinks it’s also unfair, but that’s just probably because of the hurt that he feels. But he isn’t going to admit that to the other two.
“We can pull a prank and then get him out of there?” James then suggests with a smirk.
“That’s a glorious plan!”
Sirius stands up declaring, as all three are ready to break their best friend out of that meeting.
But, to their surprise, Remus isn’t there, in fact, he’s nowhere at his regular spots, which only confuses James more,
“Where could he be?” Peter says after they looked at the regular places, for the third time that night. As then James looks around to make sure no one is watching, for what he is going to show them,
“What’s up with you?” Sirius says confused,
“My dad gave me this… as an early birthday gift. Had to promise I wouldn’t tell mum, or she’d have a heart attack.”
As James then pulls something from his pocket.
“What good is a cloak going to do when finding Remus?” Sirius says completely baffled as Peter gasps,
“He gave you his prized cloak?” Peter says at the same time. As then Sirius looks at Peter more confused before looking at James who puts on the cloak causing Sirius to look shocked.
“James… your body… you’re invisible!” Sirius says surprised,
“That I am… and ok I can fit all three of us in here as long as we all stay quiet.”
James says as Sirius looks at him,
“You don’t think something sinister is happening do you?” Sirius says suddenly serious. As Peter also turns to look at James who only can give the two boys a shrug.
“Just don’t you both find it awfully odd that Remus is never here at the very least once a month? I don’t know mates. I just worry that what if he’s even more sick then he says?”
“Especially with all those times he says he has to go back home to his mam…” Peter says softly. As all three boys look at each other worried.
“Ok. We will be quiet,” Sirius says as then Sirius and Peter enter the cloak, as all three boys be worried for their best friend.
All three boys have to walk very slowly, but not without mistakes of stepping on feet, or hitting someone’s back. When suddenly there’s an abrupt stop and before Sirius can speak his mind and get upset, James puts a finger to his mouth, as then he points to Mirnerva McGonagall drinking some tea with Poppy Pomfrey who just sighs,
“It’s breaking my heart, Minnie. He’s just a boy.”
Poppy says with a sad tone, as they all see their professor nod,
“I hate that everyone be treating like that boy’s suffering is the work of a damn ghost and that Dumbledore supports that theory.” As then James turns to look at Sirius and Peter, as Sirius mouths, ‘Remus?’ As then they all three turn back to the ladies.
“Just wish they’d make a cure, so the dear boy wouldn’t go through this every month. Or at the very least not hurt himself…” Poppy says shaking her head with a sad look. As she then looks at the clock on the wall,
“Going to get him?” Minnie says to which Poppy nods,
“Need help?”
She then shakes her head.
“But I’ll let you know if I do.”
As then all three boys look at each other and give a silent nod to signal their going to follow her, as then they very quietly do, feeling their body get tense making sure Professor McGonagall doesn’t spot them, as then each boy’s eyes widen, as they see Poppy Pomfrey going to a tunnel, to which the boys don’t even have to look at each other to signal, their going in, for Remus.
Remus feels the hard floor, that’s what he always feels first. The harsh floor that is always cold, no matter the month, it’s always cold. The second thing he feels is some blood running down on him, sometimes it’s an arm, sometimes it’s on a leg, sometimes he can’t even tell where. The third he feels is the pure exhaustion his body feels after going through his bones changing, and his body mass increasing and decreasing.
But the first thing he hears, is the door opening, and a soft voice speaking, either if it’s one of his parents or now Poppy, it’s always a soft voice, and he can never fully hear what one of them says, even with his werewolf hearing, but that’s purely because he’s just too exhausted to attempt to try.
The next thing he always feels is being picked up. As he can’t walk, not without potentially damaging his body. But this time, as he’s being picked up, and doing his annual ritual of trying to sleep, from the exhaustion, instead of smelling just Poppy and her distinct sugar cookie and sweat blood mix scent, he smells three very distinct and familiar scents, the scents of cigarettes and peppermint, hair gel and coffee, and honey and body spray, as he tenses up a bit, because even though he can’t prove it, he knows those scents, there are three people he know who has those specific scents, even when neither one of them have had the food items, they always have it in their scent. But before he can freak out, he feels his eyelids close, from exhaustion, and he doesn’t fight his body to keep smelling those scents.
Sirius almost exposed the three boys once he saw Remus bleeding, as something in his stomach, felt the need to protect Remus and take care of him. But almost like James could read Sirius’s mind, had stopped him, but now all three are back in the castle, more importantly in the infirmary, but still hidden.
“Oh Remus honey,” Poppy says placing a rag on his fresh cuts.
“How is he Poppy?” McGonagall says looking at Remus then at Poppy, as she shakes her head,
“The werewolf got him quite bad last night…” she says very soft, as then all three boy’s eyes widen,
“Werewolves are at school?!” Sirius says without thinking, when both James and Peter close his mouth a second later, but to their relief, none of the women notice the noise, as they are more worried about Remus.
“Just wish we could do something for him.” Poppy says placing a cold rag on his forehead.
“Me too, oh, have you seen Potter, Pettigrew, and Black? They never came back to the dorms last night… the last thing Remus needs is those three being tangled up into this mess.” McGonagall says, as Poppy shakes her head,
“I’ve not seen them all night... I do know Remus mentioned how they were celebrating James’s birthday week. He was looking forward to it.” As James feels his heart ache for his best friend, but all three look at each other and do a nod, as Sirius then does a spell that makes a firework sound, near the great hall.
“I swear if those boys have done another prank… I might as well as resign.” McGonagall says as Poppy smiles softly,
“Oh you love it.”
As McGonagall just shakes her head, and goes to the firework noise, as then all three boys take off the cloak, and hide it as discreetly as they can, as McGonagall comes up to them,
“What are the three of you doing, so early in the morning?!” She says as Sirius gives a shrug,
“We wanted to make sure the whole school knew about James’s birthday. That’s not a crime I believe professor.” Sirius says
“But fireworks are not allowed on school grounds.” She says unimpressed.
“It’s nowhere on the rules.” Peter says with a grin.
“You can check if you want.” James then says with a smirk. As she looks at the three of them, not amused.
“Well then care to explain where you three were last night?”
She then says with her hands on her hips,
“Oh. Setting up well-,” Sirius says as then right on cue, a bunch of bunnies start bouncing around,
“Turns out having a mommy bunny and a daddy bunny around, they make a lot of babies.” James then says as Peter smiles wide,
“And their just so cute!” Peter says as McGonagall would murder those three on sight, but has more
Important things to do, as she then starts to run after the bunnies.
Once she’s out of earshot James gives Sirius a high five,
“Good last second pulling.”
As Sirius would usually grin back, but he can’t stop but think about Remus and werewolf being in one sentence.
“So… do we think Remus is what they say he is?” Peter says seeing Sirius’s face,
“No. He can’t be one. He can’t.” Sirius says shaking his head,
“I mean… it would explain the disappearances…” James then says as all three boys look at each other. Not knowing what to think or feel. Unsure what to do next. Unsure of everything.
James, Sirius and Peter on Friday know they need to get going to go back home, but they all have to check on Remus, before they leave for Easter holiday. Not a single one of them have talked about that Wednesday night, Thursday morning, they have also rarely seen Remus, not out of fear, but more not knowing what to do or say. But they all need to visit him, so with their luggage, they go down the stairs and to the infirmary.
Remus smells the same scents again, as he then opens his eyes, and sure enough each one of them is looking at him. He feels his heart is going to jump out of his body. There’s no way those three weren’t there. But how? Remus can’t figure that one part out. But he isn’t focusing on that. They know. They must know. That’s what he is focusing on.
As he then makes sure to eye them and their Wands, how Sirius’s is in his hair, James’s is in his back pocket, and Peter’s is on top of his luggage, nothing out of the ordinary there. But he still eyes it, just in case he needs to shield himself or disappear quickly.
“You ready to go home for Easter holiday?” James says softly, finally getting himself to say something. As someone had to say something. Before the silence would swallow each one of them whole. While Remus had a whole lie all set up, for why he wasn’t riding on the train back with them. But he can’t. Not right now. Not when his throat feels like closing and his heart leaving his body. As his hand starts to shake, as the fear is starting to spread around him.
“W-what do you guys k-know?” He finally says, stuttering on the words what and know. As then all three boys look at each other for a second then back at him.
“We know… that you’re… you’re… a werewolf.” Sirius finally lets out, as he still can’t believe it himself but he isn’t going to show that to Remus. He would never. As Remus feels like he could pass out from fear. Before anyone in the room can say anything else,
“Boys! The train is going to be leaving without you guys, come on. You four can catch up after Easter.” McGonagall says, as each boy wants to say something, anything to each other, but they are pushed to the train before a word can be spoken about what just got said.
Sirius wished he stayed put, yes he would have been punished to hell and back, if he stayed put, but he just left Remus there, after saying he knew his secret, he just left him and abandoned him. Yeah Remus is a werewolf. But he’s Remus. His Remus. The boy who, only a day into knowing Sirius, gave him the right answer to a question being asked by passing him a note. Remus who always without saying a word, would see Sirius shrink in fear over something breaking, and would put all the pieces back together and then would reassure Sirius that he did nothing wrong. His Remus.
Peter knew the stories of the dangerous werewolves and how they hurt anyone on sight. His mum and dad told him since he was little, all about those stories, merely as just a bedtime story. He also knew Remus Lupin was probably the kindest person he has ever met. And his best friend since three years old, is James who could never hurt a fly Potter. Remus in their first year even a day after being in the infirmary had helped Peter on an exam. So is it possible, those two things can exist? Remus being a werewolf but also being a kind human. Peter thinks to himself as he looks at the food his mum is cooking for Easter dinner continuing to ponder that thought.
James has been told his loyalty is a gift and a curse. That he will stick by someone’s side no matter who they were. That if he chose you, you would be with him till the end. And that’s never been tested. Never once has his loyalty been tested. Even now, with all the things he knows about werewolves and Remus being one. So he’s already made his decision, that Remus Eugene Lupin will stay his best friend, no matter what.
Remus’s parents could tell their son was even more silent than usual after a full moon. He wouldn’t even light up talking about his best friends. Something that always lit up his face. And Hope even tried to do one of Remus’s favorite muggle Easter traditions, which is make him a Easter basket with a lot of his favorite chocolates and candy and a little (cheap) gift. But that didn’t light up his face. Nothing would. And if she asked him about it. He’d just shake his head and say he was ok. Which they both knew was a lie. But nothing could be done to open him up the entire holiday.
Remus almost wanted to cry begging to his mam to let him just stay for the rest of semester. But he would have to say why, and he doesn’t want to be in trouble for people finding out about him, and move again to start over. Especially as his mam was happy to declare there were only two boxes left to unpack. As he then observes everyone getting on the train, no one is looking at him in horror, or in general, that’s a good sign, but the question is, is the booth Sirius dubbed their booth, going to still welcome him in, or are they going to torture him first and then send him to the ministry?
According to Sirius’s baby brother, Regulus, he’s never seen Sirius so full of energy on a morning, especially for school. Their cousin Bellatrix thought it was hilarious seeing it. But he didn’t care for their comments.
All he cared about was Remus and going to Remus. In fact he probably hit many people rushing through the train, to the booth, the booth he and James want to decorate and make it known as theirs. He finally gets there, and sees James and Peter, and his heart sinks, what if he messed up everything? What if Remus is now in trouble? As his head thinks of more possibilities. As he then sees James and Peter’s eyes both widen, confusing him, as he then turns around, and sees Remus there, one hand shaking another holding his suitcase.
Remus looks at the three of them, scared,
“If you guys don’t want me here. I can just go somewhere else, and tell professor McGonagall to assign you guys another roommate.”
Remus says trying to hide the fear in his voice. As then without thinking, James whispers a spell to close the doors, then Peter whispers a silencing spell so no one can hear them, as Sirius wraps his arms around Remus, holding onto him for dear life. And for Sirius Black, to hug someone so tightly, is something he’s never done to someone before. And Remus knows this, he knows how Sirius doesn’t just give out hugs freely like James does. So he allows himself to hug Sirius back, as he then looks at James and Peter, who come up to the two of them.
“Mate. I’m speaking for everyone here but we don’t care about you being a werewolf. Well, we care but like more about how to help you.” James says as Remus looks at them, while still allowing Sirius to hug him,
“Is that why you’re always sick?” Peter then asks to which Remus nods. As then Sirius finally unhooks from the hug, and looks at Remus,
“I thought I lost you forever.” Sirius says very soft, so soft that James and Peter can’t hear what he said. But Remus did.
“I thought you guys would never want to see me again.” Remus says softly as each boy shakes their head,
“We are best friends.”
James says with a big smile,
“Until the end.” Peter then adds. As Sirius just shakes his head. Not being able to picture a world without Remus in his life.
As then Peter hugs Remus first, then Sirius, as James smiles so wide and bright,
“My wonderful and beautiful boys!” James says wrapping his arms around all of them in a big warm hug, as Remus just releases a exhale and feels the most safe he’s ever felt in his entire life.