wanna be yours
It was the start of his 5th year at Hogwarts when Evan realised he was— much to his own dismay— very gay.
He had been sitting in a train compartment with Dorcas and Regulus, the latter of whom he had boarded the train with, when one Barty Crouch Jr stepped inside. He had been dressing in progressively more extreme fashions since 2nd year (in an attempt to piss off one Barty Crouch Sr). Barty’s hair stood up at all angles, as if he had attacked it with scissors the night before. A loose-fitting black muggle shirt with the arms cut off exposed Barty’s boney shoulders and stopped just high enough that Evan could see a happy trail leading below his best friends pants. Needless to say, Evan Rosier was unequivocally gay and at the very least in lust with his best friend.
“Evan? Evan? EVAN! ROSIE, PAY ATTENTION,” Barty was clicking his fingers wildly in Evan’s face— when had be entered the carriage?— trying to get his attention.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. Your ass is just taking up the whole seat.”
Evan shuffled over just as his sister came into the carriage. She had been staying with their grandmother in the French countryside in an effort to make her more of a ‘proper Rosier woman,’ especially as she had been sorted into Ravenclaw and had been associating with too many ‘lesser wizards and blood traitors’.
“Hello, Pandora. How was dear grand-mère?” Evan asked his twin.
“Oh, don’t give me that. You know the mad woman is just thrilled to have someone to torment other than her house elves. She had me writing lines or playing piano until my hand cramped. She deemed my outfits ‘trop viril’ and called me ‘la pute’ all summer,” Pandora sighed dramatically.
“How was the rest of you lots’ holidays?” She asked, addressing the rest of the group and taking a seat between Regulus and Dorcas.
“Some old, same old. Worse now that Sirus isn’t there, though. She’s getting more desperate, I think. No more spare,” Regulus said, eyes glued on his book. He never spoke about his family, especially his bother, so this was the most they where going to get from him.
“Dorcas?” Pandora asked, shifting the focus away from Regulus, who looked immensely grateful.
“Oh, not much really. Same old, same old. Barty?”
“You lot will love this,” He said, wringing his hands together, eyes glinting with trouble. Evan wanted to pluck his eyes out and watch them sparkle forever.
“Oh no. Who do you reckon he killed?” Dorcas joked, and Evan snorted.
“No, even better. I went to this muggle bar— I went there most nights, you see— and there was this girl,” Evan could feel his chest squeeze with envy. Fuck. “So, she and I were both there most nights, and we went this motel a few blocks down— now you guys have to know I’ve had blowjobs and whatever else before, but this—“
“I think that is enough detail now, Barty. Reg looks like he’s about to pass out, and/or sew your mouth shut” Evan said. Regulus had, in fact, sunk further into his corner of the carriage.
“Prudes,” Barty scoffed. Despite this, they fall into comfortable conversation, casually steering clear of Barty’s holiday escapades.
It’s not until he’s lone in his dorm that it fully hits Evan what this morning’s epiphany really means, and— well, fuck. He’s so fucked.
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The first Quidditch match of the season was a few weeks later. It was Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw, and, Regulus insisted they all watch it. He treated sport like a battle. A battle he was going to win by finding and exploiting his opponents weaknesses.
The five of them trudged their way up the stands on the freezing cold Scottish morning. Barty clung to Evan for warmth the whole time.
Hooch blew the whistle and they were off. It wasn’t that Evan didn’t like Quidditch. It was fine, really. He just didn’t possess the devotion required to be on the team. The game was well underway, Gryffindor ahead by 30 points, when Evans’s eyes drifted to his friends. Regulus’s eyes where studying the game, watching for mistakes. Pandora was dozing off on Dorcas’ shoulder. Speaking of whom, Dorcas appeared to be entranced, fixated on a single spot on the field. One of the beaters?
“Hey, Cas. Who’re you looking at?” Evan asked, nudging her with his elbow. A barely noticeable blush spread across her dark cheeks.
“No one. Just the game,” she replied, shaking her head.
“Mhm. If you say so,” Evan hummed, turning his attention back to the game.
—————————
From then on, Evan was conveniently able to ignore his own tragic love life, consisting of him fancying his most definitely straight best friend, by trying to work out who Dorcas liked and studying for his upcoming OWLs.
Evan wasn’t brightest of his friends. Barty was wicked smart, not that anyone would known seeing as he never payed attention in class; Regulus would probably live in a library if he could; and Evan’s sister got the brains for the both of them, enough to be sorted into Ravenclaw. Although Pandora, like Barty, put her brain to other uses like creating and modifying spells. Meanwhile, Dorcas didn’t need to do OWL prep, seeing as she’d done hers last year. This to say, with the five of them sitting in the library, Evan was the only one studying.
“C’mon, Ev. OWLs aren’t until after Christmas.” Barty moaned, dangling by the legs of his chair.
“You just say that because you don’t need to study,” Dorcas said.
“Yeah, why are you here?” Evan asked.
“To sit here and look pretty of course. Besides, you know I’d follow you anywhere, Ev,” Barty joked.
‘I’d follow you anywhere.’
It replayed in Evan’s mind. He knew Barty was joking. It didn’t mean the same thing to him. Barty was just being dramatic.
“Well, you swinging on that chair is making me nervous. Sitting and looking pretty implies sitting still,” Evan said, sticking his face in his charms book to hide the the fact his ears where turning red.
“Oi! Black!” Mulciber called, striding over to their little nook at the back of the library with Avery. Some of the older students had started showing more of an interest in Regulus, since Sirus’ very public disownment. Treating Regulus as the Black house heir he is.
“Mulciber,” Regulus said, disgust coating his voice.
“We’re throwing a party of sorts for the 6th and 7th years, though of course you are welcome to come.”
“You are, of course, alllowed to bring whomever you want,” Avery added quickly, glancing at the assembly.
“We’ll discuss it,” Barty said, still swinging on his chair, an air of arrogance surrounding him.
“Please fuck off now,” Dorcas said, causing Mulciber and Avery to finally get the hint and leave.
“So we’re going?” Evan asked.
“Yup,” Barty said popping the P.
“Sure,” Dorcas shrugged.
“Yeah, why not?” Pandora said flippantly.
“If I don’t go, one of you will surely cause a scene,” Regulus added.
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If he wasn’t obsessed with Barty before, he definitely was now. Barty has never needed alcohol to let loose a little, but it certainly helped. He had charmed some of the instruments lying about the place to play a classical rendition of a muggle song he’d heard at the club.
Barty swung his body, firewhiskey sloshing out of his cup. Apparently, Evan’s not the only one to notice this, as a blonde 6th year girl brushed past people to dance with Barty. Evan wanted her dead. Head displayed on a wall as a reminder that Barty is his. But he isn’t. Not really. Barty is his own person. Evan still wanted her dead.
“Your attempt to burn a hole in the back of her head is unsuccessful,” Regulus said, appearing beside Evan.
“I have no idea what you mean, Reg,” Evan said haughtily, sticking his nose up with all the pureblood snobbery he could muster.
“Whatever,” said Regulus, letting the silence sit between them comfortably.
Eventually, Barty stops dancing with the blonde girl, moving on to yet another 6th year girl. This time. one with with mousey brown hair. Evan has a steadily increasing list of people who he has a personal vendetta against.
“Regulus. I have a problem,” He said tragically.
“Mhm,” Regulus hummed, signalling for him to continue.
“I fancy Barty,” he declares.
“What do you want me to do about it? Eight ‘Hail Mary’s’ for being gay and six for having poor taste in men? I’m not a priest.”
“What do you mean poor taste?” Evan asked incredulously. “He’s fucking gorgeous, and the face he makes when he’s done something he knows won’t end well— I want to frame it and hang it on my wall.”
“You are truly the only person who would think that about Barty, Ev.”
“Clearly not,” He said, gesturing towards Barty and the brunette he was dancing with.
“Well, theres no accounting for taste,” Regulus muttered.
Evan knocked back the last of his firewhiskey and went to get another cup, cursing Barty, Reg’s inability to give good advice, and Merlin himself.
By about 1am, Evan found himself thoroughly sloshed and dancing with some 6th year he didn’t know. She smiled at him and it was too shy. Her hair was too dark. But it would have to do.
She kissed him and it was fine. Mediocre, really. It wasn’t a long kiss, messy and ruled by the alcohol in both of their bloodstreams. He not so secretly wished it was Barty. Fucking hell, Evan was pissed.
Evan pulled away rather quickly, making some excuse and ducking away, returning to his comfort of his dorm. Reg had left to party a few hours earlier, claiming to be heading to the astronomy tower, although Evan suspected he was meeting up with someone. It didn’t really matter, and it wasn’t his business anyway. Reg would tell when he was ready. Maybe.
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The five of them where in Regulus, Barty, and Evan’s room, as was tradition at this point. Regulus was sitting on his bed with Dorcas, Barty’s head was in Evan’s lap (on Evan’s bed) as he listened to Pandora wax poetic about the stars or something, sat between the beds.
“Hey, guys,” Dorcas said, interrupting Pandora’s thoughts on different interpretations of Orion’s belt. Dorcas looked at Regulus and he nodded at her, sharing a message the others where not yet privy to.
“We— I have something to tell you” She said.
“If you’ve killed someone we can always help you hide the body,” Barty volunteered with a wicked smile that never failed to make Evan’s heart flutter.
“Not murder. I just thought you should know that I’m— I think I fancy someone. It’s, um— fuck, I didn’t think this would be so hard.”
“As long as it’s not a Marauder will support you,” Evans said. He’s suspected this for a while.
“No, it’s just— well, it’s a girl,” she said. Evan doesn’t think he’s ever seen Dorcas look so nervous before.
“If any of you have an issue with this I will not hesitate to kill you,” Regulus said, voice scarily calm.
“Hey, no— good for you, Cas. Besides, I don’t know what I’d have a problem with. I’m an equal opportunity sort of guy myself. Ass is ass. So, who is it?” Barty said from Evan’s lap, who felt like he was in danger of having a heart attack.
Dorcas looked a lot more sure of herself now, “Marlene. You know, the one in my year.”
“MCKINNON? The beater?” Barty asked, jolting up in surprise.
“Yes.”
“I take it back. I am now violently homophobic,” Barty said melodramatrically, flopping back down into Evan’s lap.
“She does have quite nice eyes. I would have gone for Lily personally, though,” Pandora mused.
“Do we have any straight people in this group? Reg?” Barty said, causing Dorcas to chuckle.
“You know something we don’t, don’t you, Cas? Well, feel free to share with the class,” Evan said, gesturing at their little assembly.
“I’m gay,” Reg said, not looking at anyone. Evan gets it, he really does. All that pureblood programming makes you really loathe yourself, especially when it comes to this.
“None of you even bothered to ask me,” Evan said in mock offence.
“We didn’t ask Barty either, he just supplied the information to us,” Regulus said, eyes glancing between his roommates.
“Yeah, Ev, we didn’t need to,” Barty said, leaning up and licking Evan’s cheek.
“Barty that was gross” Said Regulus, rolling eyes. Evan was too preoccupied thinking about how Barty’s tongue felt on his face. His mind jumped to all the, quite frankly, sinful thing Barty’s tongue could do if given the right direction.
The room divulged into giggles.
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Regulus, Barty, and Evan had all suffered from nightmares, thanks in large to their wonderful parents. This meant that since 1st year, the three of them had been crawling into each other’s beds when things got bad. After Sirus ran away, Regulus, and by extension, Evan, practically lived in Barty’s bed.
“Hey, Barty, I’m going to try my own bed for tonight. Just so you know,” Regulus said. He’d been trying to slowly get better at sleeping alone in the last month or so.
“Yeah, all good,” Barty waved his hand dismissively. Evan pulled himself off Barty’s bed, assuming this meant they were all going back to their own beds, when he felt Barty’s hand reach out and grab his wrist.
“Stay. Please,” Barty said.
“Are you sure?”
“I can’t sleep when I’m alone. Too many thoughts. It’s been getting worse, too,” Barty confessed.
“Okay,” Evan relented, slipping into bed with his best friend.