Secrets in the library
Regulus has been obsessed with making James Potter since his third year. Things changed when Sirius ran away and James Potter decided to steal Regulus’ brother forever.
And yet, Regulus found himself glancing at the loud Gryffindor boy’s way a few too many times since sixth year started, listening a bit more intently to conversations where James’ name was mentioned and slowly but surely changed how he thought of the other boy.
Regulus is sitting in the library, swishing a cup of now-cold tea in a beige porcelain cup, a book on Advanced Potions open in his lap, and a finger bookmarking the last read chapter about Asphodel in Potion making. His eyes are jumping between his two unlikely friends sitting before him, talking about his love life.
“Reg, come on! Tell us who’s on your mind” yelps Lily Evans for the hundredth time that evening, leaning forward and baring her teeth in an eager smile. She and Regulus had experienced a range of emotions in their relationship. It started with Regulus glaring at and hating her for even daring to be this beautiful in the vicinity of James Potter and his wandering eyes. It then continued with Lily trying to understand why Regulus wanted her as far away from himself as possible, and since Lily Evans is a force to be reckoned with and doesn’t settle for anything less than what she wants, she eventually annoyed Regulus enough that he started to enjoy her bothersome company.
Remus Lupin is sitting with a coffee in his hand at 11 in the evening, which Regulus used to make fun of but quickly learned was a sensitive topic “Regulus, you’ve been way too distracted lately. Even for you.” Remus smirks and rests one arm above the armchair he is sitting in.
Regulus looks at him with a raised eyebrow and a faked frown, holding his middle finger up in Remus’ general direction. “Shut up, Lupin.” He adds, even if he knows his friends have a point. He’s been flunking classes, which in his case means not everything he does is one hundred percent perfect, but still.
“I’ve been perfectly normal.” The Slytherin boy says, nodding his head once as if to convince himself
Remus and Lily share a knowing look between each other before turning back towards their friend “All right, then.” Lily smirks “If that’s so, then what was Remus saying before we entered the library.”
Regulus jogs his memory, trying to figure out what Lupin could have been saying a few hours ago. Admittedly, he had been preoccupied with looking down the hall, tracing a certain boy’s arms as they flexed while crossing over that certain boy’s chest, and the laughter that had seemed to penetrate Regulus’ soul and spill through every crevice in the school. So maybe, Regulus was busy.
He rolls his eyes and lets himself sink back into the soft couch “Probably something about my brother again.” Regulus sighs as he answers Lily’s question. The odds are good; he thinks to himself. Remus, annoyingly, hasn’t stopped talking about Sirius since their first official date last Saturday in Hogsmeade.
Regulus and Sirius still aren’t what they used to be. They’re still not what brothers should be. Things are better, admittedly, but it will take them a long time to rebuild what had started deteriorating before it even had a chance to bloom in that house. So for now, they’re amicable at best.
“Lucky guess.” Lily rolls her eyes and giggles lightly as she notices the pink color decorating Remus’ cheeks and neck.
Remus clears his throat and speaks up, trying to stir the conversation in a different direction “Point is, it’s painfully obvious what’s happening Regulus.” A raised eyebrow, a slow smirk. They know.
Regulus thought he has been very subtle in his reignited affections. Apparently, his, dare he say, best friends had apparently read right through his lies and deflection.
He’ll still try to fight it though “I do not know what you could mean.” He tries, hoping they’ll just let it go. But Remus and Lily are scarily observant and persuasive on their own, but together, well…..
“Okay, whatever.’ Lily says, casting a sneaky glance at Regulus, seeing how he has physically pushed himself further into the couch, trying to escape the confession that is bound to happen. “Hey, Remus!” She exclaims, turning her body slightly to the left to look at the other Gryffindor. “Did you see that one cute boy that was talking to James the other day?”
Regulus’s attention is immediately snapped into the conversation, cursing himself for his own weakness. He doesn’t remember any cute boys approaching James in the past week, though he can admit there might be a possibility as he’s had to hex quite a few boys and girls in the past few weeks on James’ behalf. Still, Regulus doesn’t dare say anything as he watches the two Gryffindors exchange playful smiles.
“Oh yes.” Remus answers, not nearly as enthusiastically as Lily, but still with a tone of mischief ringing in his voice “He was a Hufflepuff, right? Oh, he was cute.”
“Careful, Lupin. I’ll tell Sirius.” Regulus warns, deciding this would be the easiest way to participate in the conversation without letting something about James slip.
Remus quickly shuts that down, however “Oh, Sirius would understand.” The Gryffindor waves a hand in dismissal “I mean, that boy was..” He says looking at Regulus and nodding his head as if trying to convey the importance of his words “Well he was the hottest person I’ve seen in this damn school. Well except me, of course.” Remus adds in, not a single trace of a smile on his face, completely serious.
Lily giggles and covers her mouth with the back of her hand “Oh he was, wasn’t he!” She exclaims, a slight blush covering her cheeks. Regulus feels his heart thump a bit faster, intrigued beyond belief in what has now turned into a very unpleasant conversation. “Oh, now what was his name?” Lily muses
Remus pretends to think for a minute and then points a finger in the air, which Regulus thinks is quite cartoonish. “Diggory! It was Amos, I believe.” He concludes, and Regulus sees Lily’s lips spreading into a slow, calculated smile.
“Diggory?” Regulus hears himself ask before he can stop himself. It’s like an instinct that kicked in, and sure enough, he can feel the coils of jealousy tightening in the pit of his stomach.
Lily smirks at his whispered answer and turns to look at him “Yeah, do you know him?”
Regulus blinks a few times, then shakes his head a bit frantically “N-no, no, I don’t” He says, his mind running a thousand miles per hour as he tries to figure out when James was out of his sight for long enough for Amos to approach him. Then he catches how unnervingly creepy that sounds and quickly cuts himself off.
“Well, I mean, I’m not surprised.” Lily sighs wistfully “James is an amazing boy, I guess Amos just saw that and pounced.” She says and Remus lets out a breathless laugh
“Yeah, he is,” Regulus whispers but apparently, Evans had heard him because she smiles wickedly and leans forward putting her butterbeer down that has been swinging around with her gestures all evening long.
“Really? Why do you think so, Reg?” She asks, waiting for an answer she can use
Regulus looks at Remus for support but the latter just shrugs and sips his coffee, amused at how this evening is going. The Slytherin looks back to the girl in front of him and tries to pick his words carefully “Well, you know. He’s James. He’s annoyingly bright.”
“Bright? What do you mean?” She asks, tilting her head to the side
Regulus takes a shallow breath and as per usual once he starts talking about James Potter, he can’t stop “Well, he’s kind, even to those who don’t deserve it, even to me. He’s warm and safe. He’s like a ray of sunshine, he’s always there for everyone, even when no one sees he’s also struggling. He’s so selfless that it drives me mad.” He knows he’s rambling, but his heart doesn’t really care. He could talk about James and how much he deserves all day “He’s just way too good for Amos, he’s too good for anyone, really. James deserves someone who will care just as he does.” Regulus finishes his little James-induced rant with a big breath, his mind finally catching up to his heart. Did he really just say all of that out loud?
Lily and Remus both seem to be a little speechless as they stare at the boy sitting in front of them with a mixture of pity and smugness at being right. “And who would be good enough for him?” Lily asks softly.
Regulus knows they want him to say his own name, but he won’t. Not because he’s stubborn, but because he doesn’t think he deserves James either. He meant what he said, No one can be good enough for James. Even if he and the Gryffindor boy with bright smiles, had gotten really close in the past few months, with James finding him in the most obscure places out of nowhere and keeping Regulus company, even as the latter tried to push him away by being mean, then with Regulus tracing James’ every move and making sure he had someone to talk to when needed, and also with both of them making an effort to talk about the past, trying to heal and build together. Even now, Regulus believes James deserves better than him.
“I don’t know.” He answers quietly, but apparently, he took too long because Lily places a hand on his knee and leans forward to whisper “Reg….”
He sighs and looks up to see Remus looking at him with an understanding smile. Regulus had discovered that he and Lupin were actually quite similar, especially in thinking they weren’t good enough for those whom they desperately wanted to please. Lupin nods “We know, Regulus.”
Regulus nods as well, he knows they know, but it’s still so difficult to say it out loud. He never has. He’s comfortable with loving in silence, with stolen glances and hidden meanings. He’s never been good with the openness of emotions. “Well, I…..” He says, secretly appreciates the weight and warmth of Lily’s palm on his knee, it grounds him, gives him something to hold on to “I may not…you know,” Regulus tries again “hate him.”
“Regulus.” Lily says, a bit more sternly, but still not pushing. They know him too well. He has to do it on his own.
Regulus takes a deep breath and lets it out, taking his time and weighing his options. There’s nowhere to hide anymore. He shouldn’t want to hide, after all. These are his friends. So he takes another breath and rushes “I think I like him. Like like him.” He says and immediately wishes he could take it back. His eyes are squeezed shut and when he opens them he sees his two friends sharing gleeful smiles and then turn their attention back on him.
“Finally!” Lily calls out, taking her hand away, only to excitedly start clapping like a child in front of Honeydukes.
Remus laughs lightly at his friend and then glances at Regulus “Thank you for sharing.” He whispers softly.
Regulus’ face is still flushed, but his heart feels lighter “You made me say it.” He frowns even if his face wants to spread into a grin.
Lily stops clapping and looks at her friend in mock offense “Nuh-uh. We didn’t force you to do shit.”
Remus grins and then adds “That is true Regulus.” His face then takes on a more serious tone “So, are you going to do anything about it?”
Regulus' eyes widen, unprepared for the question, though he probably should have seen it coming “Definitely not.” He sputters. He doesn’t know how he’d live through the mortification of telling James
Lily, seemingly anticipating the same answer, tilts her head and muses “And if he does?”
“James?” Regulus checks, scoffing at the mere idea and Lily nods her head thoughtfully “He won’t”
“Why not?” The Gryffindor girl asks but then nods “Scratch that. What if he does do something?”
Regulus can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea that James might like him back, let alone make a move. But he’ll bite. “Well, he won’t,” He says pointing a finger at Evans “But obviously I’d be happy if he did.”
Remus and Lily smile mischievously and a silent conversation passes between them. They make silly faces and gesture wildly toward Regulus a few times. Eventually, they seem to settle on an agreement, even if Lily doesn’t exactly look pleased.
“What if he did thou-“ Lily starts but is quickly cut off by Remus sending her a glare and a sharp “Lily.”
She understands even if she looks a bit dejected.
Regulus watches all of this, wondering what was so secret that they couldn’t tell him. Remus speaks up next.
“We need to go and get dinner.” He explains matter-of-factly as he glances up at the magical clock floating behind Regulus. He shoots Lily a meaningful look and then puts his cup down, a house elf immediately showing up to gather it. Before they can leave, Regulus gathers his cup and Lily’s bottle and hands them to the little elf with a smile “Here you go.”
The elf seems ecstatic at being provided with an ounce of help, no matter how small. His squeaky voice lets out an excited squeal “Thank you, Sir.” They say and bow a little. Regulus smiles even more brightly then and with a snap of his tiny fingers, the elf disapparates to the kitchens.
As Regulus turns his attention back to his friends, he sees them looking down at his crouched form with sweet smiles. Lily shakes her head lightly as she laughs “And you think you don’t deserve him.”
Remus doesn’t give Regulus a chance to deny the redhead’s statement as he extends a hand toward the Slytherin boy and another to Lily. They both take his hands and he starts pulling them to the library’s exit and then to the Great Hall.
Regulus smiles to himself as his friends seem to excitedly talk about a future Quidditch game and their respective guesses on the match’s outcome and as they all enter the Great Hall for dinner, his eyes meet a certain brown pair filled with mirth and something sweet swirling through them. Regulus can’t help but smile brighter.
Lily notices that and with a snicker to herself, she thinks;
Oh this is going to be so fun.