Guilt
A tall figure with a swishing bead and robe stepped through the fog in a direct bee-line towards Remus. He looked like a ghost as he quickly drifted nearer.
God?
Everything was so confusing, colors floated away from objects like globs in a lava lamp and latched onto others. He felt so dizzy. He wasn’t quite sure if he was awake or dreaming or dead.
Perhaps a combo of all three. He barked out a rusty laugh as the purple tendrils worked their way up his neck.
He closed his eyes and let out a shaky exhale with an audible wheeze.
Hands were on him.
His eyes shot open blindly and he trashed his head around as much as he was able.
“No no no…please,” he wasn’t sure what he was even begging for. He just knew that he needed to be left alone. He lifted his head slightly and let it hit back against the ground as hard as he could. Go away go away go away-
“Shh shhh shh my boy.” A cool touch to his forehead and Remus felt his neck muscles relax slightly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
But the voice was hurting him. Everywhere his hands flitted around his body replaced the blissful numbness with a searing pain worse than any transformation he had had so far.
Remus started crying. He felt like he was five years old in Saint Mungo’s all over again.
“I know- I know it hurts,” the voice words seemed to catch in his throat. “I’m so sorry this has happened to you.”
“Do you think I’ll go to heaven?” Remus suddenly asked. “I’ve done so many bad things…”
He tried to focus his eyes, but the owner of the soft voice just looked like an amorphous silver and tan blob in his ever-whitening vision.
The hands stilled and the pain stopped for a moment.
“Child…” The thick voice didn't seem to know how to respond as it resumed making the not hurt areas hurt.
By now, Remus guessed who the voice was.
“I’m sorry, professor-'' he sputtered. “Please don’t expel me- this won’t happen again. I won’t let this happen again-" Dumbledore placed a gentle hand on the side of the boy’s head, on his missing ear, and wordlessly placed a numbing spell over it. Remus turned his face towards the wrinkled hand’s warmth and let out a whimper.
“You’re too young for this…” he muttered to himself. And then louder, “This is not your fault Mr. Lupin-
"I need to be here," Remus continued to rant, using up all his energy on his voice. "I can be chained next time. I’ll be better sir,” His voice broke. “I swear, I didn’t mean to- '' His irises were a foggy white as the poison spread.
“Shhh,” Dumbledore waved a hand over the child’s head, causing him to immediately close his eyes and go limp. “ Levioso, ” he muttered.
He lifted the cursed boy’s frozen form in the air and guided him back to the school.
Where he belonged.
****