A phantom

Remus heard a scratch on the door. It’s late in the evening and he certainly didn’t expect someone visiting him. At first he believes he might have imagined the noise, since it is raining outside, as usual during a summer evening in a suburb of London. But then the scratching continues, more firmly, desperate this time. Remus decides to put down his cup of tea and leave his comfy couch and walks towards his front door, stumbling over some books he didn’t bother to tidy up. He swears quietly as the scratching grows louder. “I’m coming, I’m coming”, the man grumbles towards the door. His eyes widens as he opens the door. At first he is confused when he sees a wet, black dog in front of his doorstep. The dog whines and sits down, looking at Remus expectingly.

That’s when memories come back to the tall man. “Sirius Black?”, he asks but doesn’t actually need a confirmation. He’s already sure that his once best friend is right in front of him.The dog nods, as he obviously understands the werewolf.
“Come in.” Remus opens the door and holds it open for Sirius. The dog quickly hushes inside, while Remus looks at him worried. “You look very thin and exhausted. Please, have a seat.”

Remus points towards the living room. Sirius quickly obeys and jumps onto the couch, almost knocking off the teacup, as he forgot about his tail.
Remus shuts the door and follows Sirius into the living room, then he turns to him. “How are you?” He asks with a concerned look in his face and eyes.
Sirius turns back into his human form. He sits on the couch, his body completely turned towards Remus. His knees are pulled up. “I’m okay I guess”, he answers.
Remus nods and sighs a little. "You don't look okay at all". As he talks, he sips on his tea.
Sirius doesn’t answer for a moment. Remus notices that he’s much calmer than Sirius was in his memories.
“And what about you?”, the smaller man asks instead. Remus smiles and leans back in the couch. “I am fine. I live here as you see. Sometimes Tonks visits me. I also visit her every now and then.” He takes a long sip of tea before continuing. “My life is pretty calm, nothing exciting happens. I am pretty lonely, actually.”
“Tonks?”, Sirius repeats surprised.
“As in Nymphadora Tonks?”

Remus nods and smiles. “Yes, she visits me quite often.” He sips on his tea, not noticing Sirius’s confusion.
“Why’s my cousin’s daughter visiting you?”
Remus freezes for a second. His head turns slowly to Sirius, a hint of a confused smile appearing on his lips. “Your cousin…?” He tries to process what Sirius has said for a moment before finally it dawns on him. “You mean Andromeda?” He asks, his eyes widening.
Serious nods. “Yeah, Andromeda Black… or well, Tonks after she got married.”
Remus is quiet for a moment, trying to think. He feels his heart beating faster and faster. His eyes don't leave Sirius. “Andromeda Tonks… your cousin… is Tonks mother?” He repeats slowly, as if to confirm what he is thinking. “Yes”, Sirius repeats.
Remus’s eyes are still locked on Sirius face. His eyes are wide with shock and confusion as he processes all of this.
“So… that means that Tonks is your second cousin?”
“Yes”, Sirius confirms. Remus swallows. “That means that you and I are family now?” He asks slowly, sounding just as confused as he feels.
“What? What do you mean?”, Sirius asks confused, as he obviously didn’t hear the news yet. Remus raises his eyebrow at Sirius’s question. He takes another sip of tea and decides to explain. “Tonks is your second cousin. Andromeda Tonks, Tonks mother, is your first cousin. That means that I’m going to be your in-law. I am dating your niece, you know.”

“Y-You’re dating my cousin?”, Sirius stutters and sits up straight. He looks at his old friend shocked. Remus nods. “Yes, she is my girlf— I mean fiancée.” He chokes on the word 'fiancée' before managing to continue. “We will officially be family soon!” He chuckles awkwardly.
Sirius’ face stays shocked. He doesn’t know how to respond to these news and just stares at his friend.
The room is silent for a moment. Remus finishes his tea and looks at Sirius who is still quiet. Remus sighs and takes another sip of tea. “Did you know Tonks is pregnant?” He asks out of nowhere, deciding to change the subject of their conversation since Sirius obviously was shocked and still trying to process the news. But instead Sirius seems even more shocked now.

“So you’re telling me, that after I went to Azkaban for twelve whole years, for a crime I did not commit, you in the meantime proposed to my cousin and are expecting a child with her?!” Remus slowly nods, trying to sound reassuring. “I know it sounds crazy and I am sure that you have a lot of questions.” He glances over to Sirius, whose face is still frozen. It’s clear that he is still trying to process everything Remus has told him.
“Just ask away.” He says quietly, trying to fill the silence with some words.

“Did I mean nothing to you?”, Sirius asks out of nowhere, pain in his voice. He stares at Remus as if he’s trying to read his thoughts.
Remus is stunned at Sirius’ question. “Did you mean nothing to me?” He asks back quietly, his voice being barely above a whisper. “My best friend meant NOTHING to me?” He takes a deep breath in and tries to calm himself down. “What kind of question is that? You mean EVERYTHING to me.” Remus seems almost offended by the question. Sure, he didn’t see Sirius in a very long time, but that wasn’t by choice. Even if he had wanted to, no one goes to Azkaban by choice, at least no one with a sane mind.

“Well, apparently not. These past twelve years, Remus, you’ve been my anchor. The thought of returning to you saved me in Azkaban. I hoped nothing between us would have changed… but I suppose I was wrong”, Sirius stands up from the couch, angrily, and runs a hand through his long black hair. Remus is silent for a moment. He puts his tea cup on the table, his hands trembling a little. “Sirius… nothing between us has changed.” He says, his voice being quiet. “I have been waiting for you these twelve years. The waiting was painful but the thought of you staying loyal to me is what brought me the peace I needed to stay sane over the years.” He takes in a breath, gathering all his courage and then adds.
“But I am allowed to live my life.”
“I did not wait years for you to love me, just to come back and see that all we had meant nothing to you!”, Sirius raises his voice. Again, he runs his hand through his hair.

“It meant a lot to me!” Remus stands up from the couch quickly and walks over to Sirius. He is angry and offended too. “It meant everything to me.” His voice is more determined as he stands right in front of Sirius.
“But I wasn’t able to wait for you. I had to live.” He sighs a little and takes a breath. “Just like you did too in Azkaban. Would you have waited for me?”
“I did wait for you!”, Sirius now has angry tears in his eyes. “I did wait. Twelve years”, his voice breaks and he shakes his head. Hair is falling in front of his face.
Remus stares at Sirius with a heartbreaking expression on his face. “Then why are you so mad at me?” He whispers. “Nothing has changed, Sirius.”
He reaches out to touch Sirius’s arm.
“It hasn’t changed at all. We are still best friends, it just happens that your cousin also is my fiancée.” He adds with a small half-smile.
But Sirius just pulls away from him and glares at Remus. “You still don’t get it do you?!”, he says almost desperately.

Remus slowly shakes his head. Then he is quiet for a moment. He can feel the pain inside him, how he is torn apart on what Sirius thinks of him and that what he might lose.
“No, I don’t.” He whispers. “What did I do wrong?”
“I have loved you, Remus! I loved you ever since I first met you in Hogwarts!”, Sirius says desperately.
Remus freezes. He just stares at Sirius, his head turning slowly to the side as he absorbs these words. He is silent for a long moment, taking these words in. He didn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t believe it. But his mind knows it’s the truth. And slowly, he lets the truth sink in.
“Sirius… he whispers slowly, his voice breaking. “You… love Me?”
Tears are running down his cheeks.

“Yes, you dickhead! Everyone knew and I thought you just chose to ignore it. Why else did you think I flirted with you? Or kissed you? Or slept in your bed?”
Remus is quiet for a long time. He slowly nods and blinks. It all makes sense now. The things that happened, his behavior sometimes, the words he had said or not said. It all adds up. Now, he understands. And he feels a new form of pain breaking inside him.
“I….” He isn’t able to get a single word out. He just stares at Sirius, completely speechless.
“James, Mary, Marlene, Lily, Regulus, Peter even fucking Evan Rosier and Barty Crouch Jr knew!”, Sirius adds upset.
Remus shakes his head slightly, his eyes filling with tears. “Everyone?” He asks with a faint, but pained voice. “You love me and everyone… knew?” He swallows and nods. “And you really think I ignored this on purpose?” He adds quickly.
“It never was a secret. I told you so many times too…” Remus is completely silent. He takes in deep breaths and tries to process everything Sirius is saying to him. He shakes his head slightly, before a thought occurs to him. “… You were… serious all along? Every time you said those things, you meant it?” He finally asks.

“Yes! I meant every single word I said to you. I mean it when I said I like your scars because they make you special. I mean it when I said that I even like the fucking smell of cigarettes on your sweaters that I stole. I meant it when I said that you’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen”, tears keep running down Sirius’ cheeks. Remus stares at Sirius. He has to take deep breaths to calm himself. He feels his heart breaking as he slowly nods. All that time they had spent together, all those nights where Sirius had been with him in his bed, all of his teasing and flirting, the little things he had done, it was… all true.
“I am… a dumb idiot. Or maybe i just choose not to believe that you could actually mean this...” He whispers. “Why didn’t you ever do more? I mean, we were alone so many times…”

“What more were I supposed to do?”, Sirius asks angrily. “I literally told you that I love you. I cuddled with you and I even kissed you! What more do you need to hear Remus?!”
The tall man is silent again for a moment, thinking. His mind racing around. He tries to think back to everything they had done. The way they shared a few small kisses… the teasing, the flirting, all those nights spent together in bed… Now, he understands. He feels his heart beating rapidly.
“I am stupid, Sirius.” He whispers quietly. “But you’re right, it was obvious. It always felt so real. When I had nightmares, you stayed with me to comfort me… I just didn’t think it could be true.”
Sirius look at him quietly, he can’t bare his own pain. “I should probably leave now. Congratulations for your child. Please don’t invite me to your wedding”, he says and walks towards the door
Remus can’t believe what Sirius is saying and how he is acting. There had been a time where he dreamed that Sirius would confess his love to him so often that he believed it was gonna happen one day. But he couldn’t have expected how it would come true.

“Sirius-“ Remus whispers and takes a step forward. He just can’t let him leave like this. “Please. Don’t go like this. Not after I finally got to know the truth.”
“You knew the truth all along, Remus. You just chose to ignore it”, Sirius says and opens the door.
“I know”, Remus whispers quietly and slowly walks over to Sirius and grabs his arm before he even manages to step outside. He pulls Sirius back inside the house. “I know, but I am not letting you leave now. Not when everything you ever said suddenly is the truth. Do you think it’s easy to hear words like this from you after so many years of silence?” He says with more force than he intended.

“You’re ridiculous. There never was a silence! You were the one who was silent. If any of our friends would still be alive or not a fucking traitor, they would tell you the same!” Remus swallows and closes his eyes. Everything he heard from Sirius was true. And he knew this. He knew that Sirius was right. That he let him flirt with him, let him kiss him, let him stay in his bed all these years, knowing how Sirius felt. Remus’s eyes were filled with tears, his thoughts rushing around. He felt like a fool. But he just couldn’t let Sirius go. He couldn’t.
“Sirius-“ he whispers quietly and grips his arm a little tighter. “Do not go.”
“Too late”, he turns back into his animagus form so Remus is forced to let go of him. Sirius runs through the door. It’s raining outside but it doesn’t stop him. His paws are hitting the muddy ground. Remus chases after Sirius. “Sirius! Sirius! Come back!” He yells, running after him. He doesn’t think twice about going outside in the rain. He just wants to catch Sirius and make him talk to him.

He keeps chasing after Sirius, yelling his name. “Sirius, Sirius, please!” He runs as fast as he can, but he isn’t anywhere near as fast as a dog. His face is full of determination as he tries to catch up to Sirius but he is slowly losing sight of him.
Suddenly he hears a dog squeak. “Sirius”, he whispers shocked. “Sirius!”, he yells worried and runs towards the noise.
That’s when he finally finds Sirius. His friend is back in his human form, hanging on the root of a tree, holding on for his life. Beneath him is the tossing river and sharp stones, ready to spike him up. Remus stops and watches Sirius with tear filled eyes. Everything Sirius had just told him hits him like a boulder and he slowly shakes his head in disbelief. He looks down the cliff and sees the root. He takes in deep breaths and wipes away his tears.
“Sirius….” He whispers quietly to himself, watching Sirius for a moment helplessly.
“R-Remus! Help me please!”, Sirius begs afraid and looks up to the men. His body his trembling and it seems like his arms are shaking and getting weaker with every second that passes.
Remus looks at Sirius and then at the rocks below them. His chest tightens seeing how dangerous the situation is. He can’t let Sirius fall. “Sirius, grab my hand!” He yells and reaches his hand out to him. He is worried sick that Sirius doesn’t grab it and just falls instead.
The black haired man has tears in his eyes and tries to reach for his friend’s hand.
Remus grips Sirius’s hand tightly and pulls him back onto the cliff. He lets out a small sigh of relief. “God, Sirius! You could’ve died….” He says while he gently pulls Sirius up. He grabs him and pulls him into a hug. Remus feels hot tears running down his cheeks and his heart is beating rapidly.

Sirius starts sobbing and they both fall down onto the ground. Remus hugs Sirius and holds him tightly. He can’t believe how close he was just to loosing Sirius just like that. He just can’t let that thought settle in and pulls Sirius closer to him and his chest.
“I almost lost you, Sirius.” Remus whispers quietly as his chest rises and falls. He feels a slight wave of relief when Sirius hugs him tightly back. He feels Sirius’s tears against his neck. This all really just happened. All the things Sirius said earlier, the moment where he almost fell to his death, all of it just happened.
“I still love you, Remus”, Sirius cries and his body is still shaking from the fear that he almost died. “Why do you have to be engaged? It hurts so much.”
Remus feels his heart breaking when Sirius mentions that he still loves him. He slowly kisses his cheek and takes in deep breaths. His mind is still racing around. After twelve years, Sirius finally told him how he truly felt, but it still wasn’t enough. Sirius was hurt. He didn’t get what he wanted. He wants him.
“Sirius, I….” Remus sighs and takes a deep breath. “Listen to me now, alright? I need you to listen closely to what I am about to say.”

“I love you.” Remus whispers and strokes Sirius’ hair, his tears still falling. “I always did, I just never dared to tell you. You told me you loved me and all I kept doing was teasing, kissing, flirting.” He pauses and grips a hand of Sirius tightly. “I didn’t dare to say it. Not after all those years. I didn’t want us to loose each other as we had. I wanted to keep everything the way it was. But it wasn’t enough for you. I understand that now.”
“I wish you would’ve just rejected me and let me move on. Instead you’ve let me suffer”, Sirius sobs. “I never wanted to let you suffer.” Remus answers quietly. “I wanted to keep you close to me. I just never dared to tell you how I truly felt. You made me feel safe and so good. I just didn’t want to risk losing that.” He pauses for a moment. “I see that I made a mistake.” He then looks at Sirius and slowly kisses him on the cheek. He then takes in deep breaths again, trying to calm down. “I love you too, Sirius.”
“Don’t say that. You’ll make it hurt more”
Remus sighs, there really is nothing he can do. Sirius is hurting, no matter what he does. He sighs and strokes Sirius’s hair softly.
“I always loved you, Sirius. I always have, you know? That days at Hogwarts were just the cherry on top of everything else we had done together.” He looks down and feels Sirius’s hair between his fingers. “I don’t know if you believe me, but I never had a lover before. I was waiting for you to be the first and last. You are the only one I have ever loved. But then you went to Azkaban. We lost James and Lily… I had to keep living, Sirius. Then Tonks came into my life. But she didn’t change the way I feel about you, Sirius.”
Sirius grabs his shirt and pull him closer so him, so his head rests against his chest.
“Why can’t you just reject me?”
Remus feels his heart beating more and more rapidly when he feels Sirius pull him closer. He grips Sirius’s waist and holds him tightly.
“I wish I had the power to do that. I will never reject you.” He whispers gently and kisses Sirius’s forehead. He slowly closes his eyes, feeling Sirius’s head against his chest.

“You have to Remus”, he whispers. The rain is pouring down on them, but none of them seem to care. “I can’t stand to watch you marry Tonks” Remus can almost feel Sirius shaking. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at Sirius. He looks hurt. Remus can see in his eyes how much he wished that he, Sirius, would be the one Remus married instead of Tonks. He feels his heart breaking, but he also knows that it is too late for that. He can’t do anything anymore.
“I love her, too.” He whispers quietly, his chest still rising and falling rapidly. He doesn’t know if he will regret those words later.
“Then reject me, please!”, Sirius pleads more firmly as he grabs his wet sweater. Remus sighs deeply and pulls Sirius closer to him. His grip on Sirius is tight. He looks into Sirius’s eyes, looking for an answer he knows he won’t find there. He doesn’t want it to end like this. Not like this.
“I… cannot… reject you…” He whispers quietly as he slowly kisses Sirius’s shoulder. Remus just wants to comfort him and hold him tight now. “Please. I need it to move on, Remus!”
Remus’ eyes are filled with tears. He can understand how badly Sirius needs it now, but he feels like he just can’t do it. He doesn’t believe that Sirius truly needs it to move on. But Remus loves him and will try to give Sirius what he craves for.
“I reject you, Sirius.” He whispers, his voice breaking. He holds Sirius tightly, as if this will help Sirius feel better. “I reject you.” He whispers quietly.
Sirius’ body starts shaking and he just starts sobbing. His face is buried in Remus’ shoulder. There are hiccups coming from him every now and then.
Remus pulls Sirius closer and gently strokes his hair. He watches Sirius’ body shake and just doesn’t know what to do right now. Everything Remus just did, everything they talked about, it hurts deep inside his chest. But it was what Sirius wanted.

“Please, just let go of me, Sirius.” There are no words of comfort he can tell Sirius now, not now. Remus whispers slowly. His grip on Sirius’s hair is shaking. He just feels helpless.
Sirius nods and keeps sobbing. He turns back into his animagus firm, hoping that Remus won’t see him cry any further this way. But his friend could see the way the black dog suddenly seemed so tiny and was shaking. Small whimpers escaped his snout.
Remus starts stroking Sirius’ fur. He doesn’t know when it all went wrong after so many years of being close to each other, but here they are now. Sirius is hurt and Remus broke his heart. Remus just sits there and holds Sirius close. He watches him turn into his animagus form and feels a deep wave of guilt and shame wash over him. “I’m so sorry, Sirius. I am so, so sorry.”
Sirius doesn’t answer. He doesn’t even look at Remus anymore. It’s like he is back in Azkaban again and the dementors were tormenting his soul. He was kind of hoping that it was the case. Even though he wanted, no, needed to be rejected by his oldest friend, it hurt him more than anything he ever experienced in his life. His parents’ torture was nothing in comparison to the pain he was feeling right now.
Remus continues to hold Sirius as a dog in his lap. He feels the rain pour down on his head but he doesn’t mind. He just holds Sirius close. His hand shakes while he strokes Sirius’s fur. Remus stays where he is, just holding Sirius and watching him silently.
He then slowly kisses Sirius’s head and whispers. “Sirius, I need to get you home. Can you change back into your human form?”

He has been holding Sirius close to him for so long that his arms start to ache. He wants to sit down and continue to hug Sirius but his muscles slowly protest his movements. He can feel the burn in them. He slowly relaxes but still doesn’t move an inch. He will just sit here like that with Sirius in his lap, even though it hurts.
Eventually, Sirius turns back into a human and lets his head hang down.
Remus slowly relaxes his arms and puts Sirius back down on his own feet. He looks at Sirius, who just stands there in front of him. “Come on Sirius, you need to go home now. It’s too late for you to be out here in the rain.”
He holds off from hugging Sirius again. He wants to hold onto him and hug him for the rest of the weekend, but he knows he can’t. It would only hurt both of them more. Remus wants to hold him, to kiss him, to make everything better…
“I’m going to stay as a dog for a while”, Sirius whispers, his voice still filled with pain and turns back into his animagus form. It’s comforting to him, since he can’t show emotions and can’t speak to Remus.
“Alright.” Remus answers quietly. He isn’t in the mood to argue with Sirius right now. His voice is sad and quiet.
He slowly stands up and walks to the door, but stops before entering. “You are staying here for the night? Right?” He turns back around and looks at Sirius, not really wanting him to leave, but still knowing that Sirius has a house to go home to. He wants to hold onto Sirius but knows that he shouldn’t. He doesn’t want to hurt him more.
Sirius nods slowly and follow him inside. His black fur is completely wet by now when they enter the house.
Remus sighs deeply. He walks inside after his friend and looks over at Sirius’s wet fur. “Come on, you can’t be staying like that.”
Remus goes into his bedroom and comes back with a towel. He wraps it around Sirius’s torso. “Here, please. Use this.” He softly starts to dry off the dog with the towel but Sirius shakes his head eagerly.
He turns back into his normal appearance and takes the towel from Remus. He slowly starts to dry off his hair on his own turning his back to the werewolf.
Remus’ heart breaks once more over witnessing that. He wants so badly to do more then just dry Sirius’s hair. He wants to hold his head against his chest and never let Sirius go. Remus feels his heart ache inside his chest.
He takes the towel from Sirius once he is finished, folds it and puts it on a desk in the hallway. “Can you just tell me that you want to stay here for the night?” He asks quietly. It’s clear that Remus wants Sirius to stay but it’s Sirius choice to make.

“I-I don’t know if that’s a good idea… if you get caught hiding me, it will bring you, Tonks and your unborn child in danger”, Sirius whispers, even though moments ago he was hoping to spend every day with Remus again. The taller man knows that it’s just an excuse and he can’t exactly blame Sirius. But he isn’t ready to give up on him yet.
“I don’t care.” Remus answers without hesitation. He doesn’t want to argue with Sirius about this anymore. He wants Sirius with him, now. “We will make sure that nobody finds out you are here.” He looks over to Sirius and grabs his arms slightly. He just doesn’t know what else to do right now. “Please, Sirius. Please! Just for one night.”
Sirius hesitates and then sighs. “I’ll leave tomorrow morning…”
Remus sighs relieved and nods. “Thank you.” He releases Sirius’ arms and walks into the kitchen again. He just wants Sirius to feel comfortable and safe here, even for just this one night. Even though he knows that after tonight, all that will change again and everything will go back to normal, they will start to drift apart again. And they most likely will never be as close as they were right now.

Remus doesn’t turn back towards Sirius to watch him. He feels Sirius’s presence in the other room. Remus just wants to feel Sirius close to him.
Once again Sirius turns back into my animagus form and lays down on the guest bed. Remus looks over to Sirius and sees him lying down on the bed as a dog through the door. He sighs and tries to push the memories and doubts aside and just focus on Sirius. He sits down on the couch in the living room. He knows that it’s important for Sirius to rest now. But Remus can’t fall asleep. He just thinks of all that just happened between them and feels guilty for what he has done to Sirius and to Tonks. But now he also feels lonely. So he grabs a blanket and goes over to the guest
Remus watches Sirius sleeping and strokes Sirius’s back. His fingers move through Sirius’s wet fur, which slowly makes the water fall off him. Remus looks over to Sirius and thinks of how many times he had seen him sleep. It feels weird to be at the end of the bed now. He had always been the one sleeping. But here he is, lying next to Sirius and just watching him. It makes Remus question everything again. If he could only turn back time.

So he just sighs, grabs himself a blanket and lies down next to Sirius. He notices that Sirius has already fallen asleep. As to expected of someone who probably ran for days after he escaped from the hell they call Azkaban. He has pity on the dog who seems so peaceful right now that he’s asleep. Remus always knew that Sirius was innocent. Of course he wouldn’t have killed James, they were more brothers than friends. James saved Sirius from his abusive parents, gave him love and a home. And when he asked Sirius to be the godfather for Harry, he’s never been more proud in his life before. He would’ve never done anything to hurt James, Lily or their son.

Remus watches Sirius sleeping and strokes Sirius’s back. His fingers move through Sirius’s still slightly wet fur, which slowly makes the water fall off him. He looks over to Sirius and thinks of how many times he had seen him sleep. And yet, for the fist time it feels strange and different for him. But here he is, lying next to Sirius and just watching him. It makes Remus question everything again. If he could only turn back time
Suddenly, he notices Sirius’s whimpering and turns over towards him. He knows that no matter what he does, Sirius’s nightmares are just a part of who he is. It’s been happening again and again. Even when they were children. And his time spent in Azkaban probably only made it worse. Remus’s hands move over to Sirius’s paws and slowly stroke them. “Sirius… shh, everything is fine. You are alright.” Remus whispers quietly and shakes him a little, in order to wake Sirius up, trying to make it sound calming and reassuring to his friend.
Remus strokes Sirius’s paws again. He hears the rain outside fall and slowly make its way to his window. He slowly cuddles up to Sirius and feels the warmth coming from his body. He strokes Sirius a bit more until he decides that he is now calm enough. He cuddles up to smaller man and wraps his arms around him, pulling him closer to his body. He kisses his forehead and closes his eyes.

He wishes for the moment to never end. Remus can feel Sirius’s body relax and his heartbeat slow down. He whispers a bit louder now, not caring about waking Sirius up. “Hey Sirius… I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will.” He pauses and cuddles up a bit closer to Sirius. “And no, I’m not rejecting you. I am finally telling you that I have been in love with you since we first met as children.” He whispers quietly. “I just wanted you to know the truth, Sirius. You should know the truth.”
There is no answer, just the steady breath coming from the dog. Remus sighs and turns around. His back facing Sirius now. He doesn’t notice that Sirius’ eyes are wide open by now and how fast his heart is beating. He doesn’t notice that the black dog doesn’t sleep at all that night.

No, instead Remus drifts off into sleep. When he wakes up the next morning, Sirius is gone. It’s like he never was there. A phantom.
The only thing that’s still there is some black hair his animagus form had left behind on the bed. At first Remus panics, wondering if Sirius has been caught while he was asleep. But he’s a light sleeper, always been. He would’ve heard if someone would’ve tried to take Sirius by force. So the only solution was… was that his friend left. He left without saying goodbye. Again.

Remus sits on the bed, staring down on his lap. There’s a knock on the door and he immediately jumps up and basically runs towards his front door. He smiles. “There you are! I’ve been wo-“, he stops when he notices that it isn’t Sirius who stands in front of his door. It’s Tonks, her belly grew even more since the last time he saw her. He tries not to look disappointed and smiles. “Oh hey, Tonks.”

“Oh? Who did you expect instead, Remus?”, she asks and raises an eyebrow. He sighs, shakes his head and smiles at her again. “It doesn’t matter. Come in. How are you feeling?”, he asks. Nymphadora starts talking and gets inside his house as Remus closes the door. That’s when he finds two golden eyes staring at him through a bush and he stops. “Sirius?”, he asks. “Huh? What did you say?”, Tonks asks confused and Remus turns towards her. “Nothing dear”, he says with a smile he turns back to the bush but the eyes are gone.