handsome knights and shoe debacles
once upon a time, in a magical kingdom known as andalasia, there lived an evil queen. selfish and cruel, she lived in fear that one day one of her sons would marry, and she would lose her throne forever. to her, power was everything. and so, she did all that she could to prevent the princes from ever meeting the one special maiden with whom they would share true love's kiss.
♛ ⟡ ♛ ⟡ ♛
“SIRIUS, YOU FUCKING CUNT!”
regulus black does not tolerate singing.
he can appreciate a good book, even enjoys a poem now and then.
but singing?
hell. no.
recently, reggie’s beloved brother has taken to all-day jaunts in the woods, searching for his one true love or some bullshit. regulus wouldn’t care, as is his attitude to most things surrounding his brother, but sirius has decided that it’s absolutely necessary to leave at the crack of dawn, and, apparently, sing to the birds while doing so.
proper fairytale princess bullshit.
as regulus burrows his head deeper into his pillows, the loud, grating, infuriatingly vibrato-y voice drifts farther and farther from him. honestly, regulus would kill the crown prince if it didn't mean he’d have to assume the throne. or deal with his mother alone. but, alas. some sacrifices are too great for the selfish.
that’s when regulus feels it.
a hand.
fuck.
he sits up faster than he ever has before, and even the harsh light coming from the crack in his curtains can’t deter him from the task at hand.
“you need to go. right now.”
a tousled head of hair pokes up from under the covers, a pout already forming on the man’s lips.
“come on reg, 5 more minutes. you scream very loud for a prince.” regulus raises one eyebrow. “oh, come off it, babes. i didn’t mean it like that… but, y’know, if you wanted to go for round two-”
“out, barty.”
“alright, alright, i’m going.” regulus’ best friend and occasional more-than-friend rolls off the bed dramatically, landing right at regulus’ feet. the pout is in full effect, but reggie’s long since become immune. he kicks barty’s side gently, and when he still doesn’t move, hauls him out of the blankets and onto his feet. “see, you’re telling me to go, but this feels a lot like last night-”
“i said OUT.”
snickering, barty pulls on his discarded shirt. “bye, babes. i’ll see you soon, yeah?”
“my door is always open for evan pining.”
“oh, i love you too.” with that, barty saunters out the door.
regulus breathes deeply.
another great fucking morning.
♛ ⟡ ♛ ⟡ ♛
“and then there’s this dragon, right, so i draw my sword and BAM! there he is. this gorgeous knight, really just magical looking, i swear, and he just cut off the dragon’s head. gone! just like that! and he had these weird clothes on, too, but his tunic- thing looked so comfortable, i swear it must have been made of magic, and UGH. he was so pretty! and he just cut off the dragons head! like it was easy! i mean, i dunno if i should feel slighted because he didn’t think i could handle it, or thankful because h-”
regulus’s brother has been talking for an hour. he barged in here after dinner, blabbering on about some dragon in the forest and his damsel in distress practice, and he hasn’t stopped.
regulus has hated many people in his lifetime, but he’s never had quite the same combination of hatred, disgust, and begrudging love as he has for his idiot brother.
“and REGGIE! the eyes. the most warmest shade of brown-” not at all correct grammar.
“literally gorgeous. but then, guess what!”
he’s gonna punch sirius. he’s gonna ruin the crown prince’s face and he’s fine with the consequences.
“he disappeared. ugh, isn’t it just so romantic! him going off into the wind?”
“yeah, sirius. the man’s a romance fanatic, obviously.” or maybe he just didn’t want to start a conversation with you, you rambling bitch.
“ugh, i know! i’m swooning just thinking about him.” sirius falls backwards onto the bed.
regulus rolls his eyes, but follows suit.
“he sounds great, sirius. did you kiss him?”
sirius side-eyes him, raising his eyebrows.
“what about ‘he disappeared right after killing the dragon’ makes you think i did?”
“jesus, okay. no need to be rude.”
“politely correcting your dumb idea isn’t rude, reggie. it’s helpful.”
regulus pushes him of the bed.
♛ ⟡ ♛ ⟡ ♛
“LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
“SIRIUS, I SWEAR TO ALL THAT MOTHER LOVES, I WILL RIP OUT YOUR INTESTINES AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM IF YOU DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
sirius pokes his head into reggie’s room, smirking.
silence, for 15 perfect seconds, and then-
“LALALALAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”
sirius skips away, having his servant slam reggie’s door in his face.
regulus genuinely hopes that the knight decapitates his brother next.
he turns over, covering his head with a pillow and groaning, before he hears the sharp tapping of high heels on the hallway floor. oh, shit.
he dashes out of bed and pulls open his curtains, grabbing a book from the shelf and settling in the armchair next to the door.
regulus knows he has a fairytale life. he lives in a castle, he has people to do his laundry, people to make his bed, hell, he has people to bathe him. sometimes, though, he can’t help but feel discontent. in all of his books, the prince meets a girl, they fall in love, they have 12 babies and they live happily ever after. sirius is convinced he’ll get to have that - never mind that he’d rather meet a boy than a girl. nothing can touch him, and walburga knows it. he has the power, and he just has to turn 21 to claim it.
regulus, though?
he’s the spare. he’s collateral, something to fall back on if sirius fails. and his mother has all the power over him.
if she ever caught him in the act, he’d be dead. well, maybe not literally, as he has many years of swordplay training under his belt, but seriously in trouble.
so, as sirius goes gallivanting in the woods, reggie has to stay here, reading his stupid books about stupid romance and knowing he’ll never get to have that for himself.
suddenly, a shrill voice cuts through the room.
“regulus black. you are dead.”
♛ ⟡ ♛ ⟡ ♛
“harry, love, please. put the shoe on.” the toddler looks up, evil grin on his face, and just says…
“no.” james resists the urge to bang his head on the wall.
james potter is tired. he loves his kid, really, he does, and of course lily deserves to go on vacation and meet her girlfriends’ parents. but good lord. three weeks with the bugger, alone, is starting to take a toll on him.
“i need you to put the shoe on, mijo. there’s no choice. you won’t be able to see ron and hermione and those other ones if you don’t have shoes on. you’ll hurt your feet!”
“yes i can. i’ll just go no shoesies. ron does it allll the time,” harry claims, evilly. fucking ron. this kid is corrupting his perfect little angel (lie, and james knows it), and there was nothing he could do about it.
before he gets the chance to refute harry’s ridiculous claim, the door swings open.
“uncle moony!” harry runs to hug the tall figure at the door, who immediately picks him up and swings him around.
“hello my darling! how was your day yesterday?”
while harry babbles, remus, lifesaver that he is, hands james a bag of croissants and pats him on the shoulder.
“alright, mate?”
“yeah. i swear to god, this kid is gonna kill me someday. his shoe, remus. why doesn’t he just put on the shoe?” remus chuckles.
“want me to bring him to school?”
“oh my god yes. moony, what would i do without you?”
“yeah, i love you too.”
for some reason that james cannot comprehend, harry agrees to out on his shoe when uncle moony asks him. he bundles up in his coat and skips out the door when uncle moony tells him to. james hates his best friend.
“bye, prongs!”
“adios, puta.”
james turns around, croissant in one hand and case files in the other, and goes to sit.
that’s when he notices the man in his fireplace.