December 1971
Sirius looked out of the window. Snowy fields and frozen lakes rushed past. With every move the train carried him further away from his safe place and closer to London, to his parents’ house.
His mother hadn’t answered most of his letters, his father hadn’t written at all. He knew they were still mad; Regulus had told him, and he feared their anger.
Both parents were furious. Sirius had tried to calm them in his letters, had told them about how marvelous Gryffindor was, how friendly everyone had been and how happy and home he felt there. It had been the wrong thing to tell his parents.
He knew that now.
Ending up in detention quite a few times and having been called into Dumbledore’s office twice already hadn’t helped to improve the tense situation.
Brooding he kicked the bench opposite his own, where Remus sat. The quiet boy was reading as always. He only sat with them because they had shared a carriage to the station, but he hadn’t said much and mostly kept to himself as usual. James and Peter were playing exploding snap. They were all happy to go back home.
James knew a little about Sirius’s situation at home, however, Sirius hadn’t told the whole story. He didn’t want James to worry, and it sounded as if he was whinging or exaggerating if he was telling the truth.
Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad, Sirius thought.
He thought of the Quidditch world cup last year in Egypt, where his father had brought him and his little brother, together with his uncle Cygnus and two of his cousins, Narcissa and Andromeda.
It had been one of the few happy memories with his father, who was usually distant and not very caring.
Sirius remembered sitting high up in a private lounge, together with the Malfoy and Crabbe family, cheering at the Scottish team against Uganda. He stood at the balustrade, waving a Scottish flag with his brother, cheering and screaming madly, all happy to be able to see the final match, he had looked back over his shoulder for a moment to see his father. Orion had stood in the second row with Uncle Cygnus, all straight and formal as ever, never uncontrolled, never showing the slightest bit of emotion, but this once his cold grey eyes had lit up a bit and a rare smile had appeared on his face as he had nodded encouragingly and even winked at his eldest son.
Sirius remembered how truly happy he had been at that moment, and he felt his eyes swell up in tears.
Quickly, he wiped his face with his sleeve and got up. Remus looked up from his book in surprise as Sirius quickly climbed around James to not destroy his and Peters game of cards. Before one of the boys could ask why Sirius was leaving or where he was going, the deck of cards exploded and showered the compartment and the three boys in it in cards. Sirius took advantage of the chaos and slipped through the door and into the hallway.
He took a deep breath, swallowed down his tears and made his way towards the next carriage with no specific destination ahead. He knew that he would start crying if he continued thinking about his parents or going home or even thinking about Christmas. So, he just walked past several compartments, his hands deep in his pockets, kicking against the walls as he walked, barging against fellow students. He didn’t care. He didn’t pay attention of where he was going until he walked right into Menowin Crabbe, a broad third year, who had just walked out of a compartment with Avery and Carrow, two Slytherin boys one year above Sirius.
Sirius looked up at Crabbe who blocked the corridor with his broad features. Avery and Carrow where behind him now, blocking his way back. He sighed.
“Look who we have here. The white sheep of the Black family.” Crabbe’s voice was merely a whisper. Amycus Carrow cackled, he was standing uncomfortably close behind Sirius.
“Let me pass, Meno,” Sirius said. He was related to this big pile of meat via his grandmother and had visited him and his sister Dilia throughout his childhood.
“I don’t think I will.” Crabbe crossed his arms and smiled viciously.
All the kids he had played with before coming to Hogwarts had turned their back on him, probably on command of their parents who didn’t want to associate with a Gryffindor. He didn’t mind the fact since James Potter was his best friend now. It still stung though to be treated as scum by everybody he knew since his early childhood.
Sirius felt his tears come back. To prevent himself crying in front of the older boys, he clenched his fists, pressed his jaw together, leapt forward and punched Crabbe right in the face.
The bigger boy stumbled back, taken by surprise but recovered quickly. His lips curled and he raised his muscled arms to hit back while Avery and Carrow leapt forwards to hold back Sirius’ arms.
Sirius struggled to get free, fought against Avery’s tight grip while Crabbe’s massive fist crushed against his jaw and aimed at his left eye next.
“That’s for getting me into trouble back in November, git.” Crabbe muttered close to Sirius’s ear before boxing into his stomach. Sirius groaned and bent over, twisting his right arm. Amycus Carrow couldn’t hold him any longer, so Sirius broke his arm free, rammed his shoulder against Crabbe’s massive chest, punched Avery in the face to get his left arm free and threw himself onto Crabbe who was on the floor now, taken again by surprise.
Sirius felt all his frustration and anger burn inside as he tried to hurt Crabbe who had quickly gained the upper hand in this brawl and rolled onto Sirius’s smaller body, almost crushing him.
Sirius heard the door of the nearest compartment open and saw two feet next to him. He looked up and into the face of his cousin Andromeda.
“Menowin, stop it right now!” she demanded, and Sirius felt the pressure on his ribcage loosen as Crabbe got up to his feet.
“Didn’t do anything,” he mumbled and kicked Sirius in order to make him stand up.
“What is the meaning of this?” Narcissa walked towards the little group with her boyfriend Lucius Malfoy and Avery’s elder sister Heloise.
Sirius tasted blood in his mouth and used his sleeve to wipe it off his lips. The left side of his face hurt, and he knew he would be sporting a proper black eye and some bruised ribs by the time they reached London.
“It was nothing,” Sirius mumbled as Narcissa reached him. She shook him by the shoulder and made him look up at her. He felt miserable. She could see the tears in his eyes, and he quickly looked back down at his shoes.
“Amycus, Hunter, go back to your compartment.” Narcissa spoke in a cold and dismissive way and the two boys grumbled but left the scene. Heloise quickly followed her little brother and they started arguing in hushed voices. Malfoy leaned against the open door of a compartment, a smug smile on his face, evidently enjoying the situation. Sirius clenched his fists again, but Andromeda stepped forward towards Crabbe now and pushed Sirius gently out of the way.
“Don’t you dare attack him again, Meno,” she said angrily. Crabbe who was bleeding as well, merely shrugged.
“Maybe there would be no need attacking Sirius if he would be a bit more on our side,” Malfoy said from behind Narcissa. The two sisters winced slightly, Menowin grinned broadly now showing some crooked teeth.
“He is still one of us, regardless which house he is in. He is family.” Andromeda sounded firm and matter-of-factly. “You will leave him be, understood?”
“Fine.” Crabbe screwed his face up in a grimace but nodded and pushed past Andromeda to leave. She rolled her eyes and turned to Sirius just when he saw James jogging towards him.
Sirius managed a grin, when James came to a halt in front of him, panting.
“What in Merlin’s name happened? You look like shit,” James said. His eyes fell on Malfoy who put on an arrogant face.
“Cissy, let’s go!” Narcissa stood for a moment unsure if she should stay, looking softer than usual and delicate but then she met Sirius’s eyes and said, “you better stay out of trouble, Sirius. We don’t need you to step on our old name and disgrace us in front of the whole school.” She turned on the spot, her blonde hair brushed Sirius’s face and she left with her boyfriend.
Andromeda, James and Sirius stared after her, thunderstruck.
Andromeda was the first one to find her voice. She shook her head as if to shake the situation off and put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder.
“Don’t mind them.” She smiled at him. “I mean, you could do with less trouble.” Sirius chuckled and Andromeda mussed up his silky black hair affectionately. “Are you alright?”
Sirius nodded but didn’t look at her. She sighed and glanced at her watch.
“We are almost in London. You better head back to your compartment or do you want to sit with me and my friends?”
Sirius shook his head.
“All his stuff is in our compartment. We just head back, thanks Meda,” James said and pulled Sirius on his sleeve. Andromeda nodded. “See you at Christmas, cousin,” she said and smiled again.
“What was that?” James asked as they made their way back.
Sirius grunted.
“Who punched you? And why did you leave the compartment in the first place?”
Sirius shrugged but still didn’t say anything. He felt as if he would either start crying or punching someone again if he opened his mouth, so he just pressed his teeth together as the train came to a halt at Kings Cross Station.
James grabbed Sirius’s shoulder and forced him around to face him. “Is it because of your family?” he asked, and Sirius felt his lip tremble. He shrugged James’s hand off just as the doors to most of the compartments opened and students piled into the corridor and towards the doors. Chatter filled the train, happy chatter of kids who couldn’t wait to see their families.
Sirius pushed through the crowd and jumped out onto the platform. James followed suit. Sirius knew the house elves would get his luggage; he also didn’t care. He spotted his little brother and his mother next to a large stone pillar. James appeared at his side.
“It’s only two weeks. Maybe you can ask your folk if you can visit me?”
“Maybe,” Sirius mumbled. “Sorry for running off.” He didn’t look at James.
“S’alright,” James said. “You look like you could have needed a hand.”
“Crabbe’s a prick. He’s still not getting over our prank in November,” Sirius said, and James grinned.
“We get back at him after Christmas. Your black eye will be avenged.”
Sirius grinned.
“Bye, James,” he said.
“Bye Sirius.” And James disappeared back in the carriage to fetch his trunk.
Sirius looked over towards his mother. Walburga Black was a tall woman, very elegant, with high cheek bones and a perfect appearance. Her mere presence was intimidating, demanding. She was the kind of person no stranger would dare to approach, and she liked to keep it that way. Before talking to someone Walburga always checked the blood status and family background, often enough she would consider the other person not worthy enough of her company. She was however currently talking to Druella Black, Sirius’s aunt while waiting for her son to exit the train. Regulus next to her was small, pale, almost invisible in her shadow. He however scanned the crowd for a sign of his brother. The shadow of a smile rushed over Sirius’s face. At least his brother was happy to see him.
Sirius sighed and took a step towards his family.
From the corner of his eye he saw Peter Pettigrew, the odd little boy from his dorm, stumble and almost fall as he tried to drag his trunk towards his parents. He spotted his cousin Cissy and her slimy boyfriend Malfoy exchange a kiss before she headed towards Walburga and Druella Black. Sirius took another step forward. Students in the crowd elbowed him as they hurried past towards their loved ones. He looked back to watch his friend James hug his parents, both elderly as James had described them. Sirius felt his hands clenched into fists again as someone pushed against him. He turned on his heel to see Rabastan Lestrange, a fourth year Slytherin.
He knew Rabastan since they were small children, their parents were friends. He had never liked him much though for Rabastan had always had a morbid sense of humor and tendency for violence, killing little animals and pranking muggle children.
Rabastan grinned.
“Sirius”, he started but before the older boy could give Sirius the chance to start what would have been the second fight for the day, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Andromeda smiled down at him.
“Come on now, we want to leave”, she said pointedly. “Where is your trunk?”
“in the carriage. Didn’t have the time to fetch it.”
His cousin looked at Rabastan.
“Would you go fetch the trunk? I’ll take yours over to mom. Now hurry boys, we don’t want to be the last on the platform!”
Rabastan threw her a filthy look but did as he was told.
“He’s joining us home?” Sirius asked bewildered.
Andromeda chuckled but steered him firmly towards the pillar where his mother stood. Rabastans and her own trunk were floating beside her.
“Well, yes, it’s his brothers and Bellas engagement party tonight. Didn’t you know?”
Sirius didn’t respond. He had caught his mothers eyes and the sense of rebel and anger he had felt minutes ago had faded in favor of fear. He looked down onto the floor to stop himself from crying.
When he and his cousin reached the two women, Regulus jumped out of the shadow of his mother and started to run up towards Sirius excitedly.
“Sirius!”
Sirius looked up and smiled at his brother.