Chapter Five
However Mia was expecting to spend her Saturday, it wasn’t throwing the snitch up in the air for James Potter to catch on a perfectly good sunny morning that could be spent inside sleeping on her mattress. The boy had been persuasive, however, and Mia didn’t seem to have anything better to do but sleep, so here she was out on the pitch, holding a pretty sharp looking timer in her hand.
“How long did it take me?” James asks, jumping from his broom coated in sweat and panting like a dog that just got its head stuck out a car window. Mia purses her lips in disgust, but checks the clock.
The girl holds up five fingers with pursed lips.
James does not look pleased. September had finally bled into October and you couldn’t step outside without a coat on anymore. The boy still stood in his jersey while she was swallowed in a large sweater that used to be Remus’. Mia was sure James would end up sick by Tuesday with his reddish nose and teary eyes and the way he was pushing himself much too hard.
“Well, that’s rubbish.”
The brown eyed girl nods in agreement, not looking very sympathetic. James kicks a piece of dirt uprooted on the pitch field, then twirls his finger, signaling a fresh start of the game.
Mia sighs, but complies all the same, watching as James stretched out his limbs once more quite dramatically.
The eleven year old wouldn’t say it, but she quite liked watching James play Quidditch. It was mesmerizing seeing him fly and thrilling when she realized he’d finally noticed the snitch and would start barreling for it. If she wasn’t so lousy at flying, Mia would have liked to be up there too.
She didn’t like the idea of everyone watching her though. She just liked the idea of being good at something and people being in awe of her for it. Like James. He was only in second year but everyone thought he was destined to be Captain by sixth. He was the Golden Boy of Hogwarts and Mia sort of felt special just by being in his presence.
Not that she admired him or anything. It’s just that he had a way of making people shine like gold.
With the snitch in one hand and timer in the other, Mia makes sure James is watching before she sets the clock. When she knows he is, she opens the palm of her hand and lets the golden contraption fly, the countdown starting in her other hand.
It flitters through the air like a pesky fly and James is off, flying around as if unaffected by the wind. Mia watches, mesmerized at his clearly practiced movements. It seemed everything James did on the field was purposeful, a whole new demeanor from his usual clumsy one.
It reminded Mia of the split between her and the werewolf. Two different beings trapped in one body. The thought brings a hand to her eye, where the phantom touch of a bandage once resided, gone for days by now. A fresh scar took its place, forming a X with the other.
Mia brings her hand down and sighs, trying not to feel so gross.
“What’s got your wand in a knot?” A voice appears beside her and Mia jumps quickly, turning around to see a blonde girl next to her, her nose scrunched up in confusion causing wrinkles to form along her peppering of freckles.
Mia blinks, blinks again and just stares at the girl. She stares right back, not blinking and looking expectant.
“Are you deaf or something?” The girl asks, scratching her chin in confusion. She’s got a quidditch broom in the other hand, looking prepared to take on the world. Mia shakes her head, scowling a little at the blonde’s choice of words.
“Marlene, leave her alone,” James huffs, coming down from his broom and walking over to the two girls completely out of breath, “She’s Remus’ sister.”
Said Marlene’s demeanor completely changes.
“So you’re the famous Mia!” The girl exclaims, moving a hand to ruffle the brown eyed girl's hair that was plaited into two messy braids. Mia flinches away from the contact, stepping over near James, kind of uncomfortable and looking for something familiar.
She hoped her brother would appear sometime soon to guide her through this conversation. They were his friends after all.
“She doesn’t talk much,” James shrugs, “but she’s great! She’s been timing my quidditch.”
Marlene nods with a huge grin on her face and Mia’s never seen a grin like it. It was a cool one, the first she’s ever seen to actually seem, well, effortless. In fact, everything about Marlene seemed cool.
“Ah great! You think you could time me and James against each other?”
Mia shrugs, which meant yes.
“She says yes,” James translates because he’s spent time with Remus who does the same thing.
Marlene gives her a thumbs up, ruffles her hair again and sets herself right on her broom; James following suit as if gearing for competition.
This time with even more excitement, Mia sets her watch, eager to watch a girl play Quidditch. There weren’t many on the teams and that was disappointing. The eleven year old was glad to see someone like Marlene on a broom who seemed so confident and prepared to take over a game with ease.
When Mia releases the snitch, she watches as Marlene and James weave in and out from each other, both focused and content in the skies off the ground. It was their element, Mia could tell. Her eyes were wide in amazement and some jealousy. She wanted to find something like that. Something that made her feel like that.
“Why are you gawking at my friends?” Remus calls suddenly, walking over from the edge of the Quidditch Pitch. Mia glares at him, sticking out her tongue. When Remus comes over, he bops her chin gently so she’ll bite on it. Mia winces, then shoves her brother. He doesn’t falter but his shoulder moves a little bit back.
“No, but seriously, why are you gawking at my friends?”
Mia holds up the wrist watch in her hand and Remus lets out a small laugh.
“Godric, they have you working that thing? Usually they make me or Sirius do it!”
Mia looks around, raising an eyebrow to question where said boy is.
“With his brother,” Remus replies, a little snippy. Mia raises her arms up in surrender, clearly a touchy subject but she couldn’t imagine why. Mia had figured that Remus was closest with Sirius in the friend group and they seemed to do everything together. Maybe that was becoming an issue? Whatever. Mia didn’t care. She wasn’t about to get involved with her brother’s drama.
Mia looks behind Remus and around, specifically for one boy. Peter. She liked Peter and his arid quality. He was easy to be around because he didn’t do much but make you laugh and say stupid things.
Remus, as always, reads her thoughts. “Listening to his cassettes,” he responds, shrugging. Mia nods. She forgot that Peter was a halfblood like them. Both the siblings and Peter were raised by a muggle mother, unlike their friends who were mostly all purebloods. Sometimes when Mia was listening to Pandora, she was shocked to hear about her homelife. The Sacred Twenty-Eight lived like royalty and there was some sort of secrecy about them Mia couldn’t get behind.
Mia didn’t like secrecy.
“Oi! Remus, when did you get here?” James calls, jumping down from his broom with the snitch in his hand. He looks over at Mia with an expectant look and Mia holds up the time, exactly five minutes on the dot.
His face becomes crestfallen.
“We suck,” Marlene comments, coming to stand next to the dejected, sweaty boy. James nods in agreement.
“I got here seconds ago, James,” Remus answers, successfully bringing the conversation back from the depressing direction it was heading, “Why do you have my sister timing you?”
“Found her before I found you,” James shrugs, “it only seemed right for a Lupin to have the honors.”
Honors. Mia lets out a snort then covers her mouth in embarrassment. Remus elbows her in the shoulder and she elbows him right back.
“And she’s nice to hang out with,” he adds when he notices the eleven year old’s face. Mia nods her head in approvement.
“No she’s not,” Remus denies, fulfilling his obligation as her brother. Mia pinches his shoulder and he flinches away, sending her a scowl.
“You guys are cute,” Marlene smiles, moving to ruffle Remus’ hair this time. He slaps the girl’s hand away and she sticks her tongue out at him. Mia turns scarlet at the word cute. The only person to ever describe them that way was their Mum and it probably should stay that way.
“It’s Hogsmeade weekend by the way,” Remus reminds his two friends, giving them a look, “aren’t we planning on going?”
“Oh right,” James huffs, slapping his hand onto his forehead quite dramatically, “Just let me get a shower in then we can go. Sirius and Peter coming?”
Remus shrugs, “No.”
“Can I come?” Marlene asks with a smile, shaking out her blonde hair like a dog after a rainstorm. Remus purses his lips, not answering.
James fills in, “What my pal Remy here means is that of course you can!”
“I told you not to call me that,” her brother scowls, side eyeing Marlene.
Mia looks at her brother in confusion. If they were in second year, how were they going to take a trip to Hogsmeade? All three of them, somehow and in someway, must know what she’s thinking because they give her a look like she might as well be fresh out of the womb at her confusion. Mia hates it and scowls down at the perfectly green grass.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Remus smirks, giving his sister a onceover like a typical thirteen year old boy. Mia kicks his shin in spite.
Whatever, she didn’t want to know anyway!
“Blah blah blah! I’m going to go shower, thanks for all the help Little Lupin!” James grins, patting Mia on the shoulder. Mia just shrugs, scowling at the three friends before she turns on her heel and walks away, ignoring their shouts of goodbye. She was headed for the library or anywhere she could get some peace and quiet that was far away from annoying twelve and thirteen year olds.
The week quickly passed and Mia spent most of it reading in the dorm, neglecting her homework or watching Pandora do her own. Every day seemed to recycle its plot and Mia was beginning to get a bit sad about it all. She always got sad when the weather got cold and this year's October seemed to be the coldest of all.
Mia’s hands were drying up so bad she refused to take off her gloves out of embarrassment. Her whole identity seemed a bit embarrassing, honestly.
“You’re doing the spell wrong,” Pandora huffs, gently grabbing onto Mia’s wrist to guide her movements with her wand. Mia frowns, giving her friend a look. Pandora backs off, wincing. Pandora Lestrange was the nicest person Mia knew but also the most controlling. She had this way about her where she needed things to be perfect and in place, sorta like a scientist. Mia didn’t mind it most of the time but other times it made her feel a little crazy. They both worked in the way they both needed things to be neat to think straight but their definition of neatness seemed totally wrong from the other.
While Pandora needed everything organized alphabetically, Mia needed things to match with what felt right. One was clinical, the other experimental. At first, Mia had never expected her friend to be so organized with her flippant qualities but as they got more comfortable with each other, Mia soon began to realize that Pandora’s nonchalance was just a mask she put up to hide how chalant she actually was.
“Sorry,” the blonde flushes pink, “I’m just stressed, s’all.”
Mia nods in understanding, patting the blue eyed girl’s hand nicely. Pandora sends her an appreciative look.
“You were doing the spell wrong, though,” she cracks a smile and Mia playfully rolls her eyes, flicking her finger against her friend’s shoulder.
Focusing back on her wand, Mia tries to focus on the movement Pandora directed her towards. A swish and a flick. It seemed so simple but Mia couldn’t get behind it. Maybe if she had done the Charms essay she would understand but she hadn’t so Mia didn’t understand.
The brown eyed girl huffs in frustration. How was she a Ravenclaw?
“Spongify!” Pandora sings from beside her, successfully moving her wand in the right direction so the wooden block in front of her turns rubbery and soft. Mia widens her eyes, looking disappointedly back at her own wooden block that was still splinter heavy and as stiff as a board..
“Well done, Ms. Lestrange! Well done!” Professor Flitwick cheers, walking over to them with a proud grin on his face so that his mustache stretches farther across his ageing expression. “Once again the first to succeed with the charm!”
Pandora shows a small smile, nodding to her professor, “Thank you, sir.”
Pandora looks over at Mia as Mia stares down at her wooden block. When Mia turns to send Pandora a smile, feeling her stare, the silver haired girl has already looked away.
“And, Ms. Lupin,” Flitwick’s demeanor changes a bit, though he still looks kind, “I still need that essay from you. I don’t want to have to start taking points from my very own House.”
Mia nods, embarrassed at the stares she receives from her fellow Ravenclaws that all seemed very, very disappointed.
“I’ll give it to you tomorrow, sir,” she nods and Professor Flitwick bows his head before walking away to another student who needs his help.
“The essay wasn’t so bad,” Pandora smiles, “I’m sure you’ll get it done in no time.”
Mia shrugs. It wasn’t that she thought the essay was difficult, she was sure she could figure it out if she put energy into it, but that was the thing, Mia had no energy to give. She was so exhausted and she hasn’t even been doing anything but sleeping and reading.
When class was over, Mia sent Pandora a wave of goodbye and headed toward the library where Frank was waiting for her. Frank’s mum had finally found the time to send him over his jewelry making kit and he’d invited her over to make necklaces with him on the pretense she wouldn’t tell anyone about his top secret hobby.
Mia hadn’t taken Frank as a very creative person so finding out he made necklaces was sort of shocking. He’d shown her the necklace he wears under his robes, a pretty leather bound one made with ruby red and dark purple beads. Mia had wanted to make one exactly like it so Frank was now going to fulfill her wish.
“Oh good, you’re here!” Frank grins his familiar grin, sitting up from where he lay sprawled along the window bed. His hair was unbrushed and he was wearing his uniform of baggy jeans and a crewneck, sort of twinning with Mia herself. Mia’s heart warms at the sight of him. Sometimes she thought about talking with him because Frank made her feel safe like that but other times she didn’t know.
One day she would. That was for sure.
“I didn’t think you would be able to find me because I sorta hid from everyone,” the boy stammers, bringing a hand to the back of his neck nervously. Mia just gives him a smile and shrugs, plopping herself down onto the window bed so her legs were draped against his own.
“Anyway, this is the treasure right here,” he grins, holding up a sturdy box with a lock. Frank digs his wand out of his sock as Mia looks at him with slight disgust and puts it against the box, whispering a charm that the girl did not know yet. Alohomora. All she knew was that it was the password to get into the common room.
Just as he says it, the box opens up with a click! and Mia watches with a grin, giving her friend an excited look.
“Learned that one in charms, I’m finally paying attention!” Frank says it like it’s the biggest deal in the world. Mia rolls her eyes at the words. It sort of was. Mostly Frank spent his time skipping class to go sunbathe next to the Black Lake or secretly make jewelry in his habitat (also known as his dorm or, apparently, this corner of the library.)
“Anyway,” the thirteen year old says again, “I got you a silver chain because I figured it matched you more,” he hands her said silver chain and Mia admires it in her hands, feeling it’s coldness settle on her gloved palm, “and I have my leather ones because it’s my signature.”
Mia nods in agreement, giving the boy a thumbs up. He sends one right back.
“In here we have all of the beads and jewels,” Frank explains, settling the hefty box in between them and flinging his hand around to gesture for her to look at it. Mia does, peeks into the box’s depths and is met with all its shining glory. Beads on beads on gems on jewels. It was beautiful and shiny and Mia had the urge to sink her hand in and feel the contents of it all like you would a pool of water or blades of grass.
“Beautiful,” she breathes before she even realizes it. Her eyes go wide and she doesn’t dare lift her head, feeling Frank’s legs tense beneath her own. Had she really done that? Mia had said it without thinking, without anxiety, without anything. Mia waited for the panic to seize her. Waited for her scars to burn with anger.
“Wow,” Frank blinks, stunned. Mia looks at him, eyes wide. She’s bracing for the attack, for Fenrir to come find her, but nothing happens. The anxiety doesn’t come. It is just her and Frank and the beads in the grandness of Hogwarts library.
It’s like he notices her discomfort because then Frank says, “They are beautiful, aren’t they? Pick whatever ones you want.” As if it wasn’t a big deal. As if it was all alright. Mia nods, trying to pretend it was all alright too. Her heart was racing so fast inside her chest she was scared it would fly out and thump right onto the cold, hard ground.
She looks back at the beads, focusing on their beauty and not her chapped voice. She picks out a moss green one shaped like an oval shell and slips it onto her silver chain with a smile. The two of them work in silence, entangled together on the window bed as the sun sets outside and the floating candles light up the library in orange, glowing light.
It is the most content Mia has ever felt after talking. She closes her eyes and tries to remember this. The warm light, Frank’s jeans and the feeling of the smooth beads.
When she opens her eyes, Frank is looking at her with his familiar smile and she smiles back.
He gives her a thumbs up. She gives one back. Everything is alright.
On Friday, Mia wakes up to find something with a letter on her bedside table.
It’s a jar of cream and taped on its lid is a note with the pretty scrawl of Pandora’s.
‘For your hands,’ is all it says. Mia smiles, taking her gloves off and opening up the container to get a glob of the gelatin on her hands. She smooths it out onto the back of her palms and the tips of her fingers and feels much nicer. She wonders when Pandora had noticed that she’d been wearing her gloves so much and why she felt so funny about it.
Mia takes the note and tucks it into her sock drawer for safekeeping. It was three small words but it felt like a lot to more.
She puts on her baggy jeans and sweater then fits her robe on top, completely forgetting to brush her hair as she goes down to the Great Hall. When you don’t look in the mirror, it’s hard to remind yourself of small things like a hairbrush when it comes to your appearance.
In the Great Hall, Pandora is eating her toast and reading the paper and Mia slips into a spot beside her, sending a wave over to Remus who sends one right back but scowls while doing it. He was always scowling, so much so that Mia worried when he was thirty he’d be wrinkled between his eyebrows like an eighty year old man.
Mia slips a paper out of her pocket and slides it over to Pandora. It was a thank you letter. One of the first Mia had written in awhile. She was getting good at this whole communication thing. Maybe her Mum had been right about getting out of the house more and being out with people.
Pandora lifts her head up after reading it and sends her friend a gentle smile, “Anything for you, Mia.”
The brown eyed girl turns scarlet, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl to distract herself. She was starting to feel so sick around Pandora but a good kind of sick. Like eating too much candy or getting dizzy from swinging too high up at the park.
“I like your necklace,” Pandora comments, pointing at the chain around Mia’s neck. The girl nods in thanks, putting a hand up to touch the cool metal. It was very pretty and nice to wear. Whenever Mia wore it, she felt much calmer and much safer. It was a welcome feeling.
“I’ve never seen you wear it before,” the blonde continues, scooping up a glob of oatmeal and eating it quite gracefully. Mia shrugs, lips kept shut. She promised to keep Frank’s secret. Pandora notices her secrecy and moves on but Mia can tell she’s itching to find out. Like Mia, Pandora couldn’t handle secrecy all that well.
“Anyway, Halloween’s soon. My brother said there was going to be this Slytherin party, perfectly civilized of course, and that first years could come if they wanted. It’s mostly about networking, not necessarily a party,” Pandora goes on, twirling a strand of silver hair in between her fingers.
Mia scrunches her nose. It sounded like a total bore and something totally pure blood. But Pandora was describing this party like she wanted Mia to come with her and the brown eyed girl didn’t really know how to refuse her friend just yet.
“You’re probably not interested,” Pandora sighs, “But I kind of have to go. My brother says it’s important to keep my socialization up even if I didn’t get into Slytherin. He says my reputation’s already ruined because most of the families think I’m strange.”
Mia lets her friend rant and listens thoughtfully. What she’s heard of Pandora’s family so far has made Mia quite sad. If anything, her silver haired friend seemed like an outcast, constantly judged and reprimanded by those around her. Rodolphus, most of all, seemed set on trying to control the girl.
Maybe if Mia went to the party-networking-socialization thing, she could protect Pandora from this. Make her feel included. She would want someone to do the same for her.
So, when Pandora looks at her, waiting for an answer, Mia nods.
“You’ll go?” She says excitedly, eyes wide.
Mia nods again, a small smile spreading across her face. So what if it was boring? Maybe she’d have some fun.
She was not, in fact, having any fun at this party. Pandora had made her get dressed up in some of her fancy robes and also made her plait her hair into perfect tendrils. She no longer felt the comfortable escape of her knotted hair covering her scars. They were out in the open, ready for everyone to judge and see and examine.
Mia wanted to shrink into herself, hunching over her goblet of punch in the corner of the Slytherin dorm. All of the purebloods were around, lightly chattering and talking about who-knows-what. Pandora herself had disappeared, pulled away by the Evan boy from their boat ride to Hogwarts. Mia had gone to save her but Pandora had shaken her head.
That sort of disappointed Mia. If she wasn’t here to watch out for Pandora, what was she here for?
A voice steals her from her melodramatic thoughts.
“What are you doing here?” Cecilia questions, sort of meanly, pouring herself a goblet of punch. Mia gives her a look, shrugging.
“This is a networking party and you don’t even talk,” Cecilia adds, as if it weren’t obvious. Sometimes Mia couldn’t tell if Cecilia was her bully or her friend. Most days it was hard to tell.
Mia shrugs again, slipping her hands into the pockets of her borrowed robes.
“You look nice, at least,” the blonde comments, taking a sip of her punch so it stains her already glossed lips red, “I still don’t understand this whole robes fashion. I mean the pockets are brilliant, but I just don’t get how the bodice is supposed to be flattering.”
Mia nods in agreement. She preferred Muggle fashion over anything. Mostly because her mother had raised her in it and jeans were her favorite thing on earth. Especially big ones and the ones that flared at the bottom.
“Well, it was nice talking to you, but I really have to go,” Cecilia sighs, finishing off her punch and plopping the goblet down onto the table, “I’ve befriended this Regulus boy. He’s quite nice, actually. I don’t think he cares that I'm muggleborn. Or he does, just doesn’t fuss about it.”
Mia raises her eyebrows and nods. She remembered Regulus. He’d been on her boat with Evan. She remembered his quiet amazement of Hogwarts and how Evan had shut him down. Him and Cecilia seemed like a good pair. Maybe they’d have the opportunity to be themselves while surrounded by people who didn’t get them. Maybe she was just projecting.
With Cecilia gone, Mia had no one to hang out with. She couldn’t find Pandora anywhere, either. She decided to walk around, not yet ready to walk back to the dorm and accept defeat. She went past a lot of teenagers that she almost matched height with who all gave her dirty looks. Mia didn’t like that much. She also didn’t like how her heart was beating so fast and it felt like her vocal chords were shrinking.
She needed to find Pandora. That was all she needed. Then none of their mean looks would matter.
The eleven year old found a hall off to the side where some of the younger crowd were hanging out, still keeping up some of the Halloween traditions of consuming mass amounts of candy, and Mia thought it’d be a good chance she’d find Pandora there.
Sure enough, making her way down the hall, she found Pandora in the corner, but her body was covered in that of a looming shadow. Rodolphus’ shadow. He was yelling at her about something and Mia realized they hadn’t yet noticed her tucked away in the dark corner.
“Why did you bring her here?! You know who she is,” Rodolphus growls out.
“She’s my friend. And I don’t care who you think she is,” Pandora begins to say, “She’s a nice girl and good company.”
“She’s a mute,” Rodolphus voice is flat, as if the words themselves could be weights that could drop onto his sister’s shoulders and sink her down into submission.
“Would you stop it, Dolphus?! You said I could bring someone,” the silver haired girl scowls, arms crossed.
“Father wouldn’t approve. You’ve already crossed him once by not getting into Slytherin,” he’s saying but Mia doesn’t bother to hear the rest of his sentence, already beginning to walk away before they spotted her. All of a sudden, she felt terribly sad. For Pandora. For herself. Even for Rodolphus.
She ends up buying a bag of candy off of one of the kids in the hall and sneaks out to her dorm. The girl doesn’t worry about running into staff or prefects. No one gave detentions on Halloween. In her dorm, Mia changes into her pjs, out of the robes that don’t quite fit her, and sits in the dark to consume her candy and think about life.
She thought about all the words the siblings shared and realized the only thing that actually mattered to her was that Pandora did not falter.
She’s my friend, Pandora had said. Did the rest really matter? That was enough. It was comforting to know Mia had someone. And it was even more comforting to know that Pandora had Mia herself.
Before her friend got back to her dorm, Mia put a handful of candy down onto her bed for the girl to have in case she was sad. She wanted to make sure the silver haired girl knew someone was looking out for her.
She wanted to make sure that Pandora knew that she was here, despite all of it. Despite everything.