Rumors (Adele sang it best)

“Haven’t you heard the rumors?”

“What?!” Arcturus was staring at Neville with wide eyes, completely taken out of his focus on the book he was reading. “Potter had the map the entire time?!”

“I heard him talking about it in the common room with Ron and Hermione.” Neville flipped through the charms textbook. “Thought I’d let you know cause you didn’t really stop talking about losing a map.” 

It had been quite a while since that lesson Professor Snape had taught by Arcturus couldn’t quite shake the weird feeling he got whenever he’d catch him staring. To say Professor Snape creeped him out was an understatement by now. He shut the potions book and sighed. Even though Severinus told him not to because Snape could brew up some more wolfsbane Arcturus kept trying to find it. Only now he mostly wanted to prove to himself that he was better at potions than the teacher led him to believe. 

“What’re you two talking about? Sneaking Black into the castle, eh?” A Hufflepuff came up to the table with a wide grin. 

That’s right. The whole school has been buzzing with gossip because Sirius Black had been seen closer to Hogwarts than believed. Once again his name happened to be in the same sentence of the escaped prisoner, and once again he tried so hard not to care about it because when the next year comes no one would care about him or his name. Arcturus wanted to cram in some relaxing study time before he returned to class with Professor Lupin teaching this time. 

“Oh come on, it was a joke. Don’t look so serious.” The Hufflepuff ruffled Arcturus’ hair, then lost the smile on their face and leaned over his shoulder. “It’s not like you’re actually going to do it. You’d go to Azkaban too.” 

“Get away from me!” Arcturus shoved the boy's face away, his own contorting in disgust. 

“I just wanted to see what you were working on!” The boy retorted. 

“That’s it, I’m done.” Arcturus left the textbook lying on the table and stuffed his notebook in his bag as he slung it over his shoulder. 

“Wait, but we weren’t– “ Neville couldn’t help but pout just a little. 

“I’m sorry Neville, I really am.” Arcturus sighed and turned on his heel. Really, he was just trying to prevent himself from turning someone into a toad. 

He’d tried so much and fought so hard to make people see that he wasn’t evil, he was just anti-social. He preferred to have one of two friends as opposed to a whole group full of lying and deceit. When the bell rang he ran a hand down his face. The corridors hadn’t gotten less crowded since Sirius Black had been spotted in Duff town. Students huddled together, walked together, even stood in groups and blocked the hallways. Everyone was afraid to be on their own and get picked off. Today Arcturus stood behind a group of first year Ravenclaws who were quaking in their shoes because they knew he was behind them. Instead of letting him pass they just continued to walk at that slow agonizing pace. 

“Can’t you just move?!” It was what he was thinking and it slipped right out, the three girls turned back to look at him and then practically ran away. 

This time people didn’t whisper or try to hide they were talking about him. He couldn’t help but catch wind of the things they were saying. 

“I heard he called a girl a mudblood.” 

“If there weren’t witnesses he would have killed them.” 

“He’s just holding back, wait until he hexes someone.” 

“I don’t understand how anyone could hang out with someone so scary.” 

“He’s terrifying, worse than Malfoy.” 

The words didn’t roll off his back like water, but it wasn’t like he was going to break down and cry in front of anyone. His mental breakdowns were scheduled for just before bed, even though Justin Finch-Fletchley was in the dorms with him he could care less because they didn’t exactly talk much still. He realized by now he was going to be late which means everyone would notice him walk in, which means the attention would be on him, which equals more whispering, which equals more looks. Arcturus sighed irritatedly and tied his hair up. 

He didn’t expect to be so drained by the time he finally got to set foot in the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Like he feared some people did turn around to look at him when Professor Lupin tripped over his words upon seeing him walk in. Quickly and silently he sat at the desk next to Parvarti Patil. She didn’t say anything to him and he didn’t say anything to her. 

While he took notes he doodled random things on the margins of his notebook, he was fighting falling asleep at the moment and doodles kept his attention for longer. Remus wasn’t a boring teacher. Remus actually made the material engaging enough. 

He was just very, very drained. 

By the end of class he found himself waking up with his face pressed against the desk. Wiping the drool from the corner of his mouth he noticed Neville was sitting next to him. His shy smile seemed to be the thing that woke him up fully. 

“I was going to wake you, but it seemed you woke yourself.” Neville had the kindest of smiles. 

“Ah, Arcturus, could I speak with you in private for a moment?” Remus’ professional voice was never a good thing, it was hard to tell if he was angry. 

Standing up and following Remus into his office Arcturus braced himself for the worst. His jaw was clenched and he stood perfectly still, afraid that if he moved even just an inch he was going to get yelled at. It was something Walburga did often that carried through time. 

“Now, you’re not entirely in trouble.” Remus started with uncertainty, pausing to find the words. “You don’t have detention, if that’s what you’re wondering. This isn’t about sleeping in class.” 

“Oh.” Arcturus couldn’t calm the thumping of his heart nor the anxiety in his veins. 

“I am extremely disappointed, and I sent a letter to your mother.” 

“That… Seems worse than detention.” Arcturus chuckled, trying to lighten the tension. 

“What were you thinking?”

“Huh? Sorry, what is this about?” Arcturus asked. 

“It came to my attention that a map another student was caught with in his possession was a map that came from you.” Remus exhaled sharply. “That map detailed the entirety of Hogwarts grounds including secret passageways.” 

“Shit.” Arcturus eyes widened. 

“Do you know what could have happened if it got into the hands of Sirius Black?” 

“He could kill Harry…” 

“Exactly! Were you even thinking?!” Remus didn’t mean to shout but his emotions got the better of him. “This was very irresponsible! You should have turned it in!” 

“Yeah, I know…” Arcturus’ voice was quiet. He looked down at his feet, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I’m sorry.” 

Remus sighed and ran a hand down his face. 

“No, I’m sorry for shouting.” 

“You’re right, though. It was irresponsible, wreckless, stupid of me to keep that thing. Yet I did…” The word died down in his throat. He knew he was wrong for it but for some reason he was upset. Throwing himself a pity party. 

“Arcturus– “ 

“Just give me detention.” Arcturus crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Alright… Uh– Detention after school this Friday.” 

“Cool.” Arcturus picked his head up and walked out of Remus’ office. 

On his way out the door he grabbed his bag that was sitting by the desk and shouldered past Neville, knocking him off balance a bit. Looking back at the boy, Neville stalled for a second before trying to catch up with him. 

“Arcturus!” It was like the boy was running. 

“It’s so stupid I don’t get it!” Arcturus finally stopped in a vant hallway, his shoes squeaking on the floor and he threw his bag down. “I’m upset over something so silly!” 

“I mean, it makes sense to get upset when you get in trouble.” Neville said quietly. 

“But it was my fault in the first place!” Arcturus threw his hand up into the air and pacing around. “I had that map in my possession and it was due time my actions had consequences!” 

Neville stood there and listened even though he had nothing to say. Arcturus continued to pace and babble off about his feelings and how they weren’t valid at all. That he was a crybaby and nothing in the world could ever fix him from being an entitled little shit. Arcturus laughed at himself, pulled at his hair and smacked himself across the face whenever a tear or two would roll down his cheek. 

“Arcturus, look at me.” Neville grabbed his wrists before he could try to hurt himself again, courage bubbling in him. “Your feelings are valid, and they mean something to you.” 

“I don’t understand.” Arcturus mumbled, his lip trembled and he closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t be upset…” 

“It’s okay to be upset.” 

Arcturus sniffled and realized he couldn’t keep it in anymore. His head hurt and he just wanted to take a damn nap, or melt into his bed and forget the world existed. Neville didn’t expect for the taller boy to just lean into him and sob but he wrapped his arms around him and comforted him. Neville wasn’t exactly good with words but he was just fine with being there and holding Arcturus for however long he needed. Even though Arcturus tries to deny their friends he knew that they were, or else Arcturus may not have been comfortable showing this side of himself. Eventually the two were just sitting down against the wall. Arcturus with a tear stained face leaned his head on Neville’s shoulder and stared at the wall across from him. Wiping at his face once in a while he sniffled. 

“I’m tired.” 

“I get how that feels.” 

“But– you’re a good guy, everyone loves you.” Arcturus mumbled. 

“No one really notices me.” Neville chuckled weakly. 

“I would kill for that to be true for me.” 

“Then it would mean we wouldn’t be friends because I never noticed you.” 

“Yeah, why did you walk up to me in the library?” 

“Well, I knew about the rumors going around and I still wanted to find out for myself.” Neville shrugged. “It’s what my gran taught me.” 

“Your gran?”

“Yea, I live with my grandmother.” 

“What about your parents?” Arcturus asked. 

“They– they uh– When I was a baby they got tortured with the cruciatus curse.” Neville stammered. 

“Oh.” 

“They’re not dead! They just live in St. Mungo’s now. I see them on holidays and before school starts.” 

“Why are you telling me this so easily?”

“Because you asked, and because we’re friends.” 

“We’re friends?”

“Yeah. Are we not?” Neville turned his head to look at Arcturus who wiped at his face again. 

“We’re friends.” Arcturus confirmed. 

“Hey, do you want to go down to the black lake?” 

“Why?”

“Why not? It’s nice out.” 

“Sure.” 

If Arcturus was drained before he was most certainly drained even more now. Crying took a lot out of him and as much as he wanted to power through it he ended up falling asleep after a while. He and Neville just sat and studied by the black lake and filled their time up with trying to get work done. When Neville noticed Arcturus had fallen asleep he hesitated for a moment. He wanted to wake him up but at the same time Arcturus just looked so peaceful when he was asleep. He didn’t look like he was fighting his emotions or biting back words. He just looked so damn peaceful laying down in the grass. So, Neville didn’t bother him. 

When Arcturus woke up he was a little grumpy. He was never really a morning type of person, well, not a just-woke-up type of person. Rubbing his eyes and groaning groggily he squinted when the sun shone his eyes. He was merely out for an hour, his books lying open on different pages because the wind had moved them. He rubbed his eyes again and then looked over at Neville who was writing something down. Of course, the quill he was using and the uneven ground made it harder to write. Without skipping a beat Arcturus pulled a zipper case out of his bag and he grabbed the first pen he saw. Neville looked up when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, noticing the pen first he gave the Hufflepuff a confused look. 

“What is it?” 

“A pen.” 

“Why are you handing me a pen?” 

“Cause quills suck.” 

“Everyone uses one.” 

“Well yeah, but you have to keep an ink well on you at all times, and then sometimes you might just lose the quill itself. What if the ink spills on you?” Arcturus kept his arm extended. 

“...Okay.” Neville looked down at his quill and then at Arcturus’ pen. “I’ll give it a try.” He took the pen and stared at it confused.

“You just click the button at the end.” Arcturus chuckled.

“Thanks,” 

“Don’t mention it.” 

“You really are a great friend.” 

Arcturus kept the small smile on his face even though for some reason Neville’s words felt like a knife driving through his heart. Like someone twisted the knife in his back or threw salt in the wound. Yet his eyes dulled and the Gryffindor seemed to notice very quickly, his smile falling. 

“I’m sorry, I– “ 

“Whatever,” 

Arcturus picked up his textbook and flipped the page he left off at. He was staring at the text on the page trying to ignore the weird feeling that was bubbling in his chest. Was he happy? Was he proud? Did he hate it? He didn’t recognize the words on the page but that was because he wasn’t paying attention at all. He was simply just trying to ignore the way Neville looked at him, silently hoping that whatever he was feeling would go away soon. 

“Bloody hell! Finally I found you two!” 

Sev sat himself right in the middle between Arcturus and Neville, taking off the cloak and setting his bag down as he looked between them. 

“What? Not going to say hello?” 

“Oh, I– Sorry.” Neville looked away, fidgeting with the pen in his hands. 

“I never say hello to you.” Arcturus rolled his eyes. 

“Well then, you’re in a happy mood.” Sev scoffed, crossing his arms. 

“When am I never in a happy mood.” Arcturus flipped through his text book. 

“Have you two really been out here studying this whole time?” Sev asked. 

“Well, Arcturus fell asleep an hour ago but I’ve been studying.” Neville smiled at Arcturus who buried his face in his book again. 

“Since when do you fall asleep?” Sev nudged him. 

“I was tired, I had a long day.” 

“Of course you did. When do you never have a long day?” The Slytherin mocked with a grin. 

“You suck.” 

“Oh yeah, like I believe you mean that.” 

“Well, believe it. You suck.” 

“Wow, since when are you so moody?” Sev chuckled. 

“Piss off.” Arcturus grabbed his books and his bags and got up. 

“Wait– “ 

Sev and Neville shared a look as Arcturus headed toward the castle. 

“Was it something I said?”