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September 1st 1975
When I opened my eyes the air was surprisingly warm for this early in the morning. I stepped out of the chimney dragging my luggage behind me.
Regulus was standing in front of me, knocking the coal dust of himself.
Right this second Sirius stumbled out of the chimney after me, his black long hair disheveled, his starling blue eyes glowing with excitement. It was like this every September first. Sirius was the happiest I would see him all holidays. But I felt the same way. We were going back home.
“Are my eyes okay?”, he asked me, grinning bright.
He had dark long eyeliner on his eyelid, perfectly even.
“You know it looks good, you just want to hear it from me again”, I replied rolling my eyes.
“Hell yeah, I look good”, he said dramatically, putting on his leatherjacket.
I rolled my eyes once again.
We started walking in the direction of kings cross.
A young man, maybe 20 years old walked past us. He was good looking and Sirius certainly thought so too, staring at him without any sort of shame.
“Whatcha lookin at fag?”, the men spat walking past Sirius trying to get away from us as fast as possible.
“Oh he wanted me”, Sirius laughed jumping up and down while walking, his Dr. Martens clattering when hitting the pavement, his chains and earrings jingling.
“Would you stop?!”, Reggie scoffed annoyed.
I looked over at him.
His dark short fair was falling into his face. He had grown tall over the summer, even taller than Sirius and his voice had changed a lot since he had found an old spell to deepen it.
“Oh c’mon little brother you thought he looked good too”, Sirius joked, laying his arms around Reggie’s shoulders, but Regulus pushed him back almost immediately, his cheeks burning red.
“Get off me. And don’t say that. I’m not a fuckin’ poofter.”
And he stormed off.
Sirius stopped walking, looking after him.
“Merlin, puberty is a difficult thing!”
“Sirius, you are a year older than him”, I scoffed and he puffed himself up proudly.
“And yet I’m the most grown up of us all”
“You’re a twelve year old boy in the body of a sixteen year old dude!”, I corrected him and he grinned his infamous Sirius black grin.
“Maybe. C’mon sis. We’re gonna miss the train. And I’m sure you are as keen as me to go back to the grimmauld place because we weren’t on time.”
It was 10:47 when we walked onto the train.
I saw Regulus talking to two of his friends, Barty Crouch jr. and Even Rosier.
The I heard Sirius yelp running away from me and right into James potters arms. James was a Somali boy with short coffee-like curls, brown skin and round glasses and I couldn’t help but looking at the scenario with a sting in my heart. Sirius had never hugged me like that. Had never been this exited to see me. James was his real brother after all.
Then another boy walked up to them. It seemed he had already been on the train. He had light brownish short hair that reached the tip of his ears, white skin that was tanned from the sun and huge scars over his face as well as over his arms. On his hand was a new bandage. No one was exactly sure where Remus Lupin got his scars from, but over the years everyone had learned that It was better not to ask.
“Don’t you dare to hug me”, he grumbled as his greeting. He did not succeed.
“Remu”, Sirius yelled out, grabbing his arm and pulling him into James’ and his hug.
“MOONY”, James screeched excitedly and Remus let out an annoyed groan as Sirius and James both wrapped their arms around him.
“Isn’t it pathetic?”, Regulus, who all of the sudden stood next to me with a sour expression on his face, asked.
“James and Remus?”, I asked confused.
He shook his head turning away from the Marauders.
“Them”
I followed his gaze outside. Hundreds of parents were standing on the Plattform 9 ¾ hugging their children goodbye.
“At least they care enough about their kids to bring them to the train. Or to say goodbye”, I replied thinking about our parents not losing a single word the night before about us leaving for half a year.
“Whatever”, he shrugged walking of again, but I knew he thought about the same thing.
In that second the compartment door opened and a gorgeous brown girl my age stormed in.
She had dark curls going down to her shoulders, surrounding her face like a cloud and the brightest smile I had ever seen.
“VEGA”, she shredded in excitement throwing her arms around me and kissing me on the cheek.
“How ARE you!”
Mary MacDonald. Gryffindor, year 5.
She was the kind of person that made you smile no matter what. She was probably the bubbly-est person that I knew. Some people might thought it was annoying. But I didn’t. She was sweet and kind. And her aura was like the sun.
“Hi Mary”, I smiled.
“You look so good! And where is your brother, oh SIRIUS!”, she blurted on and ran over to Sirius excitingly jumping up on him and hugging him. “Ohhhhh look at your hair and omg is that eyeliner?!”, I heard Sirius laugh and show off his newly learned make up skills as a curvy girl with an equally wide smile as Mary’s got on the train. Her red long hair shone in the sun like fire. Her white skin had been tanned by the sun over the summer as well as Lupin’s and her freckles that covered her nose and pink cheeks had seemed to get s little darker. She was wearing a white crop top and a long black skirt, as well as huge earrings and a bunch of jewelry.
“Lils!”, I laughed, hugging Lily Evans. She smelled like summer and flowers. Lily Evans, who was also part of Mary’s friend group, was a proud 16 year old Gryffindor, also in 5th year.
“You look so good!”, she said kindly.
“Thank you. So do you. How was your summer?”, I said honestly, looking at her. She was beautiful. It was one thing I loved about hanging out with all of them. Not just Mary or Lily but also everyone else. How they were all of beautiful in their own way. Maybe not to other people or in a classical way. But I thought that ever single one of them was beautiful to look at. How I could’ve looked at them forever.
While Lily started to go on about her sister Petunia and her shitty new boyfriend as well as Mr Evans finding a new job the third girl of the Valkyrie friend group stepped in.
Marlene McKinnon.
She was incredibly good-looking, a white girl with a blond wolf cut, her tips were dyed pink and her green eyes were glowing. She wore black tall boots and a dark long sleeved shirt that allowed one to see her black bra. She wore a bunch of earrings (at least 3 on every ear) and
“Omg”, Lily said taking a step forward to stare at her.
“Dude did you get a septum?”, I asked looking at the small ring under Marlene’s nose.
“You like it?”, she grinned, her voice as rough as usual, and when I stepped closer I could smell the cigarette she had just seemed to finish.
“Yeah. It looks amazing. Really suits you!”, I said in awe.
“Thank you!”, she said, smirking. The girls started a conversation and I silently walked away.
We might were good with each other or even casual friends but we weren’t friends fiends. At the end of the day I liked to be alone, anyways. At least I told myself that.
***
When the train arrived it was already dark outside. I had spent my time reading my new book about astronomy. It had always fascinated me. The stars. The universe. Constellations. Planets. Other worlds, far far away from ours. Space. A calm void where you could float around and it would be quiet and beautiful and you could look down onto our earth and it would look so small, like a little blue dot in a black emptiness. And all of the sudden it did not matter. Anything. Because it was so tiny, so irrelevant. I bet from up there all my problems would look so much smaller. So much smaller that I wouldn’t care anymore. I would not care that I had two brothers that did not like me, and I would not care that I had parents that I loved despite everything, and I would not care that my parents weren’t loving and supportive, and I would not care that I actually did not have friends and I would not care that I was all alone in this dark world and I would not care. I wouldn’t.
I would.
I would just be Vega.
And that thought calmed me. So whenever it was to much. I’d close my eyes and imagined being in space. Floating. Living. Existing in the best and calmest way possible.
I opened the door, the cold air rushing trough my hair. I saw Regulus standing from afar with his friends, looking rather expressionless. But I knew what that meant. He showed his true expression. It meant that he was calm. Not scared, not in survival mode. That he felt safe with his friends.
I stared over at the five teenagers, a rather unlikely friendgroup. Barty and Evan, two loud lads that most people (me included) would probably describe as arrogant wankers, my brother, quiet and rude. Barty a fair-skinned boy with a brown mullet was freakishly tall while Evan was a short guy with bronze skin and buzzcut that really brought out his face. It seemed that he had dyed the stubbles of his hair blond over the summer.
Then there was a girl I could not quiet name. I think her name was Dorcas Med-whatsoever. When I looked over at her she’s gave me a crooked half-friendly grin and I looked away. She was a dark-skined girl with braids dark as obsidian so long that they reached her belly button. And she was immensely pretty. Her black eyes, the full lips, the broad nose, the soft jawline.
All of them where Slytherin. The fifth and only Ravenclaw of the group was a blond calm girl named Pandora Lovegood. Her skin was pale, and her blond hair was so light that some people would probably describe it as white. Her eyes where lightblue like the summer sky and she always had a little smile on her face. She was a sweet girl, but even though she was part of my house I stayed away from her most of the time. I did not want to intervene with Regulus‘ friends. They probably had heard enough about me from him already.
As I started walking up the stairs towards the castle I bumped into the last boy of the marauders friendgroup, Peter Pettigrew. He was a short thick fella with blond hair that had grown long after the summer break. He was rather shy but quiet friendly, always reading, always carrying a book with him.
“Hey Pete. Good summer?”
“It was alright”, he murmured only looking up from his book for a second.
I took the hint that he probably just wanted to read in peace.
“See ya”, I said and walked up the stairs a little faster. My heart was beating more and more rapidly the closer I came to the castle. I only then had realized how homesick I actually was.
The doors were wide open as the students streamed into the great hall chatting loudly.
I sat down at the end of the Rawenclaw table, close to the doors so that I would be able to leave as fast as possible after the sorting ceremony. Huge crowds weren’t exactly my thing.
The hall kept filling up before Professor McGonagall stared to bring in the new first years. I stared at the nervous looking students that were about to be sorted into their houses. As I glanced at them I noticed that Regulus was staring at them with the same expression on his face and I realized that he was probably thinking about our sorting too. We had a brief second of eye contact and he looked away.
I did not want to thing about it, but the memories of our first day at Hogwarts entered my mind like water flooding away a weakly built dam. The day went trough my mind like a movie. The day that Regulus had started to hate me.
The pillow fort had been small, still Sirius and I had managed to crawl under the blankets together.
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”, he had asked me, his eyes glimmering in the dark.
“Horribly”, I had admitted and he had chuckled.
“You’ll be fine”
“But. But what if don’t get into the house I want”, I had whispered terrified, remembering how our parents had reacted when Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor a year before.
“Well what house do you want to get into?”, Sirius had whispered.
“Well mother and father would likely be mad when I don’t get into Slytherin so I”
“No Vega”, he had interrupted me. “What House do YOU want to be in?”
And eleven year old me had started to thing.
“I don’t know. What even is so great about the houses?”
“Well every house has its pros and cons. Slytherins are ambitious and loyal. So you’ll be likely to find true friends. And, you know, ambition can be a wonderful thing. But people often misread you as cruel. And some Slytherins are quite cruel. But you have cruel people in every house. Then there is Hufflepuff. They are quiet friendly but let’s be honest. Sometimes people run over you when you are too nice. But if you are a Ravenclaw it means you are smart, really smart and studious. But I know some Ravenclaws that are, well… so studious that the forget the people around them. They sometimes seem very lonely to me. And then there is my house, Gryffindor. And we are brave and courageous.”, he had explained to me, looking proudly while talking about his house.
“And what are the weaknesses of Gryffindor?”, I had asked curiously.
“Oh none, obviously”, he had said proudly and then laughed when he saw my face.
“No, of course we have a flaw too, Vega. It’s not always good to be only brave. Sometimes fear is a good thing. Sometimes it’s smarter to walk away from a fight than to run into it knowing that you can’t win just because you have the courage to do so. But Vega whatever house you get. They will be lucky to have you, okay?”
And then I had felt a little better.
Despite the little pep talk I had still been anxious the next evening, standing in the great hall, not ready at all to be sorted. When the name
“Black, … “, had been called Reggie had shrugged at the sound of his old name. Still he went up and whispered something in McGonagall’s ear. His face had been a mix of fear and defiant but then she had nodded and his face had grown into a little smile.
“It seemed there was a confusion. So the sorting hat will now sort Black, Regulus!”, McGonagall had corrected herself and a little murmur had gone through the crowd.
Reggie had sat down on the chair, so carefully as if the chair would swallow and kill him.
The sorting hat had sat on his head silently for half a minute before finally yelling out:
“SLYTHERIN”
Relieve had rushed trough my body as the crowd started to clap and the table to my right started to screaming in excitement. Our parents sure would be proud. Then I had looked over at Sirius and my heart dropped. His face was cold and full of fear and one of his friends, who I later found out was named James Potter, had his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, comforting him. I had swallowed, in that moment realized that our siblinghood was breaking apart.
I had wished to walk away but:
“Black, Vega!”
I had taken a deep breath before walking up the stairs and sat onto the chair.
As soon as the hat had touched my head I had heard its strange voice.
“Hmm. Quiet a funky little girl, aren’t ya. A good heart and ambitious too but you do seem to run from your fights, don’t you? So I guess you won’t be a Gryffindor.”
“Sometimes bravery is stupid. Sometimes you should run. What do you know about bravery you stupid old scraps of fabric”, I had thought angrily.
“Oh yes, I might be just an old hat, but I can see you young Black“, the sorting hat had replied right away and I had twitched realizing it was able to hear my thoughts.
„Now. You seem to be quite smart. Rather intelligent, good with riddles and textes and I’m sure you’ll be excellent with spells. Hm yes, yes. I think you’ll turn out be quiet a great witch in…RAVENCLAW“
As the hat had yelled out the last word the students with the blue and bronze ties started to cheer loudly and I had been not able to stop my smile. Blue. My favorite color. I had looked over at the Gryffindor table, scared to see my big brother looking at me like he had looked at Reggie but he clapped loudly giving me a little nod and an approving smile. Sighting in relieve my gaze had gone over to the Slytherin table where Regulus sat. But he had not smiled. He had not clapped. Instead his eyes had been cold and full of…hatred?
My eyes had searched for his, asking what was wrong as his eyes had looked at me like they wanted to sting me and not at all like my brother. My brother Reggie was gone and Regulus Black, second heir of the noble house of Blacks, had appeared.
That boy had not left ever since that night. My sweet Reggie never returned to me. It was only years later that I found out why. That he did not hate me. He did hate someone but that someone was not me.
But I’d only understood that he hated himself and not me when it was too late.
I was jolted out of my thoughts as Dumbledore‘s loud voice boomed through the great hall, asking for silence so he could make his speech. I did not listen to it. It was the same every year.
Don’t go into the forbidden forest, get to classes on point, be kind to each other, don’t break the rules, bla bla bla.
Finally the food appeared on the previously empty plates and I stared to eat as quickly as possible, making sure to be faster than the rest of the of Students around me. When I was done I got up and carefully slipped trough the doors of the great hall.
The castle was unusually quiet, only the pictures and the ghosts were making noise, talking and laughing.
I did ignore them, making my way up to the highest tower of the castle.
The astronomy tower.
Up there it was quiet, calm. Just me, the wind and the stars.
It was called astronomy tower for a reasons.
From here I was able to see the stars so clearly.
My eyes went from one glowing point to and another until I finally found it. One dot, especially bright, shining above me.
Vega.
Me.
I took a deep breath and as the cold air filled my lungs I felt the relieve rushing trough my body. I was back home.