Girl of War and Magic

One of the things about having PTSD was that typically sleep didn't come easily. Actually, that came with her being a demigod as well. Iris had hoped that she was tired enough to sleep peacefully that night, but turns out she was wrong.

Obviously.

Her dream started with her wearing Quirrell's turban which, for whatever reason, was talking to her, telling her she needed to be in Slytherin. It kept telling her that it was her destiny and that she needed to get transferred. Iris kept telling it no, but it just laughed at her, before it started to get heavier, and then it was tightening painfully. Then there was Snape standing in front of her, laughing as she tried to pull the turban off, then with a burst of green light he changed, and she was looking at Malfoy's laughing face.

He was hunched over, tears falling from his eyes as he clutched his stomach. A maniacal grin spread across his face, and his shoulders shook with the force of his laughter.

But then he wasn't laughing anymore.

His nose was bleeding again, big rivets of red blood pouring from his nose, like on the train. His hands reached up, trying to stem the bleeding, and his eyes widened in panic. Iris grinned, liking the fact she taught the spoiled git his place. This would show them all, Iris Stark is not weak.

Her grin faltered when the blond boy started crying. He looked scared, and suddenly the redhead didn't find it funny anymore. He was scared of Iris.

She reached forward, wanting to help, but he flinched back, falling over. Iris's eyes widened. Draco cried even more, his chest heaving with sobs, but it wasn't tears coming out of his eyes, it was blood. He sobbed harder, choked, then coughed up a big clot of blood, and suddenly it was pouring out of his mouth too.

Iris stumbled forward, reaching for him, trying to help Draco. Did she do this? She wanted to teach him a lesson, but she didn't mean to hurt him so badly.
What was wrong with him?

She grabbed his hands and only vaguely noticed she was crying as well. What had she done? She didn't mean it! Iris wiped his face with her sleeve, but it didn't make much difference, the blood was everywhere. She hugged him, and she sobbed, feeling Draco shake in her arms. He was a git but he didn't deserve this!

She leaned back, looking at him, trying to figure out what could have caused all this damage. Surely she couldn't have hurt him so much? It was a broken nose! This was why she tried not to fight with people. She enjoys it too much and always takes it too far!

And then she noticed that his face was getting worse. A bruised eye, a cut above his brow, a split lip, a scratch on his cheek, a bruise on his jaw. And he was muttering something. At first, it was quiet, gargled through a mouth full of blood. Draco spat it out, then spoke louder and louder till he was screaming, blood flying everywhere.

''Leave me alone! Let me go! Leave me alone Iris!''

She stumbled back. It wasn't Draco anymore, it was one of her foster fathers, Mike. He was on the floor screaming at her to leave him alone. Iris reached forward, tried to help him, to apologise, to do something, but then he wasn't screaming anymore, and his face wasn't bruised and bloody.

He had gotten up and he was hitting her. Iris lifted her arms in an attempt to deflect his knuckles, but it was like all her training from camp went away in the face of one of her childhood tormentors. One particularly good hit pushed her to the floor, and her head reverberated with the vibrations, and a white noise filled her ears, like the takeoff of a plane.

For a moment there was nothing, then Mike's foot connected with her stomach, hard, and Iris couldn't breathe. She rolled over and retched, but she hardly got a moment of reprieve before her tormentor was on her again, pushing her over.

There was a vague idea to protect her head, so Iris curled her arms around her, clasping her fingers together in her hair, and tucking her chin down. She wasn't surprised when she heard something crack in her chest, probably a rib from the kicks. She couldn't breathe, and there was a white-hot pain behind her eyes as her vision got blurry when her head was slammed into the floor. She probably had a bad conclusion from that, and Mike had gotten a few good kicks into the back of her skull.

Iris begged him to stop but he wouldn't, he kept going, laughing whilst he did, his red leather boots coming down hard on her left leg and she screamed as there was another snap.

''Worthless! Freak!'' he screamed.

His face changed, it stretched then thinned and his eyes rolled back in his head. Then he was Angella, forcing her to eat live spiders. Pushing them in her face as her fingers dug into Iris's cheeks to keep her still. She could feel them crawling all over her, getting in her hair and ears, some smaller ones going near her nose. Iris tried to wipe them off, to shake them off her, but it was like she couldn't move at all. Angella tried to pry her mouth open to put them in there too. Iris screamed and tried to move back but Angella held on to her by her hair. Then she pulled her towards the cupboard.

''NO! Please! No! NO!''

Iris' pleas went ignored and she was pushed in. She was crying whilst Angela laughed from outside, locking the cupboard and shutting away all lights.

She was shaking and terrified. It was so dark. She banged on the door, trying to remember what Luke had taught her about picking locks. She could feel the spiders still crawling all over her, could hear them. She was crying, screaming for someone to let her out. And someone was shaking her, but she couldn't see. It was so dark. She needed Luke. Annabeth would be scared of the spiders as well, but Luke could pick locks. He would save her. But would he find her?

''Iris! Iris!''

She tried to shake off the arms. They were going to hurt her! Where were the voices coming from? It was so dark. A spider crawled up her leg and she screamed, trying to shake it off. Her foot hit something hard.

''Iris wake up!''

It was so dark and cold. The hands holding her were hurting her, their grip tightening enough to bruise. She couldn't see anything!

''What's going on in here?'' a voice asked. Then there was a light.

Iris sat up and breathed hard, hand on her chest, and looked around. She was crying, she realised and Hermione was sitting on the edge of her bed. Parvati and Lavender were sat up in their beds opposite them looking at Iris.

''She was having a bad dream professor,'' Hermione spoke to McGonagall, who Iris just noticed was the one with the light coming out the end of her wand.

She tried breathing, pushing her sweaty hair out of her face, and smoothing her top down. Iris was still shaking and she could see a few people standing outside their door trying to see in. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She was too cramped in her bed she thought, kicking the covers off. She needed space, and to not have a crowd of people looking at her.

It was a split-second decision, but she wasn't thinking all that clearly. Iris got up out of her bed suddenly and ran out of the door, pushing passed McGonagall and the people standing around her door. She could hear Hermione and the teacher calling for her, but she ignored them, running down the stairs and out of the common room.

She didn't know where she was going, she just wanted to be away from it all. She missed her dad. He would make this all better.

She ran down some stairs and passed several portraits, trying to outrun the feeling of spiders crawling along her arms. Maybe if she kept going it would all fade away.

She ran through a ghost who yelled, waking up several paintings on the wall, who all grumbled angrily.

When the need to breathe became too important she stopped and slid down the wall next to her, onto the floor. She leaned her back against it and pulled her knees up to her face, resting her chin on them and trying to breathe through her tears.

She was doing the breathing techniques her dad had made her learn, trying to get rid of the heavy feeling on her chest, and the feeling of spiders on her arms. It wasn't working very well because she couldn't stop the tears which was making her choke slightly, but she still tried.

It was quiet for a while, just the sound of the redhead's laboured breathing and wailing, before Iris heard two pairs of footsteps coming her way.

"What-?"

''Go away!'' she sobbed when the people stopped in front of her.

There was some mumbling and shuffling, and Iris heard one of them, a boy, say something about "first years". There was a murmured reply, and the other person crouched down in front of Iris. The boy walked off, probably to get a teacher.

"Hey there, I'm Maggie," the girl in front of her said.

Iris debated running off again but figured there would be no point. There are only so many places one can hide, and she hadn't studied the map of Hogwarts yet for secret places. Plus, she would have to come out eventually, and running off would make this whole situation worse.

Iris groaned. She should have just stayed in her dorm room, now everyone will think she's weird and this will become a whole thing.

The girl continued talking.

"I'm a Hufflepuff prefect, which means that I help the students when they need it. Are you alright?"

"No," Iris sniffed, tears still running down her face.

"Yeah I didn't think so," Maggie said, getting more comfortable on the floor. Iris looked up at her and noticed she was wearing her grey nightwear under her robes.

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked.

Iris shook her head, scratching her shoulders to get rid of the feeling of spiders on her skin. This was always the worst part of her nightmares.

There was a moment of silence as Maggie thought. She twisted her robes between her hands as she looked down the hall nervously.

Iris pressed her palms into her eyes and rubbed. She heaved a sob as she thought about Draco, blood running from his nose and mouth and eyes. She shouldn't have hit him, she could have seriously hurt him. She could have killed him like-

She sobbed again, choking slightly on her tears. Maggie shuffled to sit on her other side and rubbed her back slightly.

"Can-" Iris hickuped. "Can you talk about something? Dis-distract me please," she asked when she started thinking about Mike.

"Um, ok," the older girl said. "My first night at Hogwarts was scary. It was the first time I'd been away from home, and I didn't know anyone in my dorm. Luckily for me, my sister is a year older, and in Hufflepuff as well, so when I got scared at night, I decided to go find her. But obviously, it was my first night, so I didn't know which dorm was hers. I accidentally ended up in the third-year dorm room, and the girls in there were not happy..."

Maggie chatted on whilst Iris continued to cry. Eventually, more footsteps approached.

Iris looked up at McGonagall and the other boy, who had stopped in front of them. McGonagall was still carrying her wand that was lit at the top with a bright light, and her hair was loose around her shoulders. She was wearing a long sleeping gown, and slippers on her feet.

"Thank you, Ms Kenyon, you can go now," the teacher said, nodding to Maggie. She and the other boy left after saying goodbye to Iris.

''Ms Potter-'' began McGonagall.

''My name is Stark,'' Iris interrupted, a fresh wave of tears falling from her eyes.

McGonagall sighed, and then there was a swishing sound as she waved her wand and a blue light in the shape of a cat erupted from her wand. A moment later it was gone.

''Ms Stark, why don't you accompany me to my office, you can calm down and tell me what's wrong?'' The professor spoke softly.

Iris shook her head, crying still.

McGonagall sighed before she lowered herself to the floor next to Iris. The younger girl leaned her head back against the wall, trembling hand on her heart and eyes clenched shut to try and stop the flood of tears.

The two stayed like that in silence for what seemed like forever, the older witch offering comfort by holding the younger witch's hand, and the younger witch just trying to remember how to breathe.

In, hold, out.

In, hold, out.

Her hand was numb so she pulled it out of McGonagall's and shook them to try and get rid of the feeling. She could still feel the spiders crawling along her skin and grabbed McGonagall's hand again suddenly, hoping it would help her get rid of the feel.

She heard more footsteps and closed her eyes tightly. She felt like a freak sitting here on the floor of the castle in the middle of the night. But she didn't know what else to do. Her dad always came into her room and slept with her in her cosy corner when she had a nightmare.

Her cosy corner was a pile of bean bags and fluffy blankets and pillows in her room. And they made hot chocolates and ate the marshmallows that were supposed to go in them. Jarvis always read to them till Tony fell asleep. Iris would doze off to his snores.

But she had none of that here, all she had was a dark damp castle to wander at night. She didn't know how she would survive the year.

''Iris? My dear, it's Dumbledore''

She opened her eyes to see the Professor. He wore a kind but gentle smile and purple sleepwear. In his hand was a bottle of sorts containing an odd-looking liquid.

''I understand something has upset you. Why don't you come to Minerva's office with us, and we can have a chat? She has some wonderful homemade biscuits that not many get to try,''

Iris contemplated the old wizard for a minute before looking at the bottle he was holding through her tear-filled eyes. He noticed her look and held the bottle out to her.

''It's a calming drought dear, we thought it might help,'' McGonagall said softly.

Iris took the offered bottle and sniffed it when she took the lid off, swirling the contents around a little. Dumbledore chuckled. Iris frowned before she started sipping on it, humming at the taste. It had a smooth texture, a little thicker than water, and it made her mouth feel warm.

When some of the pressure left her chest and she found it easier to breathe, she downed the rest of the bottle, feeling better rather quickly. Dumbledore offered her a hand and she took it, getting to her feet whilst McGonagall struggled to do the same.

The redhead giggled when she heard the professor mutter "I'm too old for this," as she pulled herself up using the wall.

The two led Iris through the castle and towards the office that was on the corridor above them. When they reached it, Iris pulled out a chair in front of the desk, whilst McGonagall sat down on her chair behind it, and Dumbledore transfigured himself one using a ruler.

''I believe the first thing that should be said is that this is a sensitive matter and should therefore be treated as such. So, formalities may be abandoned for now. Please feel free to call me Albus.''

Iris nodded at the man a little surprised, who turned to McGonagall.

She took a deep breath in.
'You may, for now, call me Minerva. Only for tonight though Ms Pott- er Stark."

Iris paused for a second before a shaky grin formed on her face.

"Ok, then Minnie."

The professor froze, went pale, and for a moment Iris thought she had done something wrong and went to apologise when McGonagall smiled.

"Now Ms Pot- eh Stark, as I believe it, you had a rather nasty nightmare. Would you care to talk about it? Perhaps there is something that you may need to talk about?" Dumbledore asked.

She was going to turn him down but then thought that maybe there was something magical that could be done to help her. If she was going to be spending the next few years here she wanted it to be as bearable as possible.

She figured she wouldn't get to see Tony that often anymore for a while, what with school taking up most of the year and then going to camp half-blood for most of the summer. It scared her how little time she had with her dad.

She decided that yes, she would dump some of her trauma onto these teachers, she would have to at some point if she wanted her mental health to survive the coming years.

But what if they judged her for some of the things she said? Maybe she would start talking and they wouldn't know what to say. What if they couldn't do anything and she just shared a lot of her personal life with them for no reason? She didn't want to burden anyone. Maybe it was better to just say she gets night terrors occasionally. That would work, it was close enough to the truth. But then what if they told everyone? She would be the freak again.

But they wouldn't tell anyone, she tried to reason with herself, they're teachers, and that would be unprofessional.

She was stuttering whilst looking down to try and avoid answering while she thought. Her subconscious seemed to see this as a very big decision and was making her nervous. What was his question again?

''What did you say sir?'' she asked, looking at his nose rather than in his eyes.

''I asked if you would like to share anything with us that might help.'' He responded kindly.

Iris rubbed her neck and nodded, making a decision.

''I get some bad night terrors, I'm afraid these things happen often. Often enough that it might cause some disruption to my dorm mates.''

Both adults looked concerned.

''And how do you typically deal with these terrors at home?''  Minnie asked.

''Well I have some medicine that I take, and I have my therapy because the medicine never seems to work that well, and my dad usually helps me.''

Dumbledore looked thoughtful as he turned to McGonagall. ''She could visit Poppy in the morning?'' He asked. Minnie thought before she nodded at him. Dumbledore turned back to Iris.

''I believe I may have a few solutions to your problems, Minerva can take you to see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow, she is our school nurse. She could perhaps give you something to take that will help with the dreams better than your muggle medicine,'' He suggested.

Iris nodded, wondering how magical medicine differs from normal medicine. She might actually get some sleep.

''As for the other issue,'' He continued.  ''I will write to your father tomorrow about setting up some sessions with a mind healer during the weekend. As it is health-related they can come to school and talk to you privately in a spare room. I would recommend you to our school counsellor, but I have a feeling that you may need someone who will treat you as a priority.''

Iris was quite happy with those solutions. Perhaps they would be able to fix her. She wouldn't be weak anymore. That is if she wasn't too broken for them to fix.

''Anything else that we should know?'' Asked Minnie. Iris contemplated whether there was anything else she was comfortable mentioning.

''Yes, there are a few things actually,'' she said hesitantly.

But it could only do good to tell them. Either they couldn't do anything and life continued as normal, or someone could help her feel like she wasn't constantly drowning.

''Have a biscuit, Iris,'' Minnie said.

She and Albus took one out of the jar then Dumbledore nodded for her to continue.

''Well to start I have PTSD, so that's where my nightmares come from. I also have Panic attacks and anxiety which stem from my PTSD. So yeah, if one of my teachers sets a particularly hard piece of homework, or picks on me in the lesson, beware, I am prone to have a panic attack.'' Iris said, jokingly.

Dumbledore chuckled a little at her horrid attempt at a joke.

''Well not too worry, we have four very capable potion brewers who know how to make calming droughts, and all of our teachers keep at least one in their offices and classrooms at all times. If at any point you feel yourself panicking, we have the resources to help," Minnie answered.

''We take the mental well-being of our students very seriously.'' Agreed Dumbledore.

"Those potions, they just calm you down, just like that?" Iris asked amazed, remembering the one she took and how quickly it worked.

McGonagall nodded but frowned a little. "I will warn you that they can be addictive, and too much can have negative side effects, so you can only have the calming droughts sparingly."

Iris tilted her head, nodding.

''I also have ADHD, it's a learning difficulty. And to top my bundle of brokenness, I'm Dyslexic and allergic to tomatoes.'' Iris said doing jazz hands at the end.

McGonagall raised an eyebrow and Dumbledore looked at her disapprovingly.

''What?'' She asked innocently.

''You, Ms Stark are not broken, you are in pain," Dumbledore said matter-of-factly and firmly.

Iris frowned.

"And do you know the thing about pain?" he asked. "It passes."

"In fact it doesn't just pass," Dumbledore continued, holding his arms wide. "It leaves you with superpowers you didn't have before."

Iris raised an eyebrow, looking at McGonagall incredulously. The older woman also looked a little sceptical but smiled at Iris.

"He usually has a point," the older woman reassured quietly.

Dumbledore chuckled.

"You gain a knowledge of how strong you can be. A new depth of character. An ability to relate to more people in life. An increased empathy. And above all," the man said, pointing to the young witch. "A fearlessness that comes with knowing that the last thing that felt like dying didn't actually kill you."

Iris thought about his words. She guessed the old man had a point, but... "Do you have a book of quotes you studied, or did you think of that yourself?"

Minnie snorted lightly and Dumbledore winked.

''As for your ADHD, well we will let your teachers know so they will be prepared to help you. Though I suspect that it won't affect your learning. After all, Lily was the best witch of her year, and James was rather smart as well. Plus I have heard that your new father is supposedly a genius.''

''Yes,'' replied Minnie. ''And given your memory condition I'm sure we will be moving you up a year or two soon enough.''

''She may even be our youngest graduate,'' Dumbledore joked to Minnie.

'I must say though Ms Potter,' Said McGonagall. "If you wish to leave this school early, you'd best refrain from fighting other Hogwarts students."

Iris sniffed, looking down as she fought off more tears.

''I don't usually give in to my more violent urges, but, well, Malfoy is a git. How did you even know about that?''

Dumbledore chuckled.
'Your friend Hermione thought to tell Professor Backburn what had happened. Mr Malfoy beat her to it mind you, but she told him what you said about not being expelled because you weren't a student yet. Very smart might I add. Sherbet Lemon?''

Iris took one of the offered sweets and cursed Hermione out in her head. She was interrupted from her musings by McGonagall clearing her throat.

''It is half two in the morning. Do you think yourself able to sleep, Ms Potter?'' She asked.

Iris raised an eyebrow at the name Potter before she sighed and shook her head.

''No, I don't think so Minnie. Unless you have a book about the atomic structure of the first twenty elements that you can read to me, I'm not sleeping tonight.''

McGonagall sighed whilst Dumbledore chuckled.

''Go on ahead and sleep, Minerva, Ms Stark and I shall go to my office so that we don't disturb you.''

''Alright then, but remember that classes start tomorrow. Goodnight you two.''

''Night Minnie!'' Iris called after the retreating teacher. She turned to Dumbledore.

''Then there were two,'' she said.