This is for the Lions Living in the Wiry Broke Down Frames of my Friends Bodies
When Sirius Black showed up on the Potters’ doorstep one uneventful morning, James Potter felt ecstatic. The summer day was fantastic in James' opinion, the sun shining bright in the sky with a slight breeze to combat the warmth, his mother and father sitting together on the porch watching James and his friends, talking and laughing freely. So many years spent together and their love still shone just as bright as the sun. Their faces held memories in the smile lines on their cheeks, and utter devotion to each other in their eyes.
When James spotted Sirius in the driveway making his way over, the day only got better. James could not think of a better way to spend a summer morning. His parents, his friends and James. Every time he’d look around to watch the people around him, his heart swelled. This is where I'm supposed to be, he thought with a bright smile. If there was a moment he would want to spend an eternity reliving, it would be this. But good things never last long, he had come to realize, and his elation quickly turned to concern upon noticing the tremors that wracked Sirius’ body, how he curled into himself as if he had to help keep himself upright. Without preamble James quickly got up from the picnic blanket, his friends following soon after when they too spotted Sirius. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed his parents stand up from their seats at the porch, they too making their way over.
When James was close enough to see the bright red handprint on Sirius’ cheek and the dried tears that only further fueled James’ concern, he wanted to ask “What happened? Are you okay?” But before he could utter a word, Sirius put his arms around him and buried his face in James' neck. Instinctively, James put his arms around his friend. The urge to take Sirius into his bedroom and bury him in the cozy yellow blanket Sirius loves so much almost won out, yet before he could do that he had to make sure Sirius was not further hurt. James did not want to hurt his friend, even accidentally.
With his face buried in James’ neck it was hard to understand what Sirius was saying, so reluctantly James let go of him with his right hand and buried it in his hair, petting Sirius not unlike the way he would when Sirius was Padfoot. “Sirius” He murmured, “Sirius, I can’t understand you.” James felt Sirius’ arms slowly stop squeezing him and was hit with a wave of anger when Sirius lifted his head and looked into his eyes. It was hard to let go of him when he looked like this, so sad and exhausted. His skin was paler than usual, and his eyes were bright and glassy. The red handprint on his face looked raw with scratches near his cheekbone, likely from nails.
“She- My mother- She-” Sirius was struggling to say what was on his mind, his breathing a little too fast, but James was patient. He waited until Sirius was ready to say what he wanted. “She cursed me. And then she- I’m not a Black anymore. She said so, when she caught up to me in the street and she said that I’m a disease and I will corrupt Reggie and that she won’t let that happen.” Sirius sniffed, he looked up into the sky as if willing it to stop the tears from flowing. “That she needs an heir and that I won’t do anymore, and so she said I can do what I want now because she knows that I’m not worth all the trouble I bring and she said not to ever come home. Which- I’m fine with that, I know that I can always come here and the Potters will take care of me.” James’ heart swelled with pride for his parents. For Sirius to know so surely that they will do anything for him, as if he was their son, makes him proud to be a Potter.
Just now he noticed their parents standing just a bit off to the side, listening patiently to Sirius recount the story, listening as he repeated all the horrible things his mother- no, Walburga, said to him. How she called him ungrateful, a waste of space and resources, compared him to nothing more than a bug she could squash with her shoe and feel no sympathy for. James suddenly felt very ill. He always knew that Walburga and Orion were not good parents, ever since meeting Sirius in their first year, after Walburga sent Sirius a howler calling him a disappointment and a disgrace to the family for being sorted into Gryffindor. James was so shocked to hear her scream at Sirius this way. He could never imagine his own mother saying anything even remotely close to the things Walburga was screaming at a 11 year old Sirius, who so desperately tried to hide his tears from his new friends.
Fleamont and Euphemia were the best parents James could have ever hoped for, and well, James always wanted a sibling.
“And then she said that I won’t ever see Reggie again, and that I shouldn’t even try or she’ll do a lot worse than she did to me- and like an idiot I told her to rot in hell, and that she’s not my mother anymore, that she said so herself. I told her I’d see Reggie if I wanted to because he’s my brother and I love him and that he’s the only reason I ever stayed at Grimmauld Place, that if not for him she would’ve never seen me again after I met you. And then she- she-” Sirius was out of breath by this point and James was starting to get really concerned that he would pass out if he did not calm his breathing.
“Sirius, you have to calm down a bit.” He said, and immediately Sirius' eyes fell shut, he breathed in deeply, but when he exhaled, his chest stuttered. James patiently waited for him to calm down, rubbing circles onto his back, hoping it would comfort him a bit. It seemed to be working, as Sirius opened his eyes again, and this time much calmer, explained the rest.
“She said that if I ever try to talk to Reggie again, she’ll know, and that she’ll punish him for it. She thinks I’m going to corrupt his views and she said that she doesn’t need another blood-traitor in the family, and that she’ll make me watch so maybe I’ll learn my lesson and leave her family alone. And then she hit me with some curse, I don’t know which one but it hurt.” At this Sirius lets out a small sob, James presses Sirius’ head into his neck again, hoping that it’ll give Sirius some comfort.
“What the fuck…” He turned his head to the left where their friends were standing. Peter looked moments away from crying himself, Remus at his side with his mouth still open from muttering the profanity. Remus looked angry, and James knew that Walburga would never be able to get near Sirius again without Remus there, ready to bite her hands off. Upon hearing the muttered curse, Sirius turned his head to the left and locked eyes with his boyfriend. His eyes shone brighter and suddenly the tears were flowing freely again, covering the dried tear tracks on his cheeks with fresh ones.
That seemed to be the last straw and Remus walked up to gather Sirius in his arms. Letting go of Sirius felt like the hardest thing James would ever have to do, and yet he did, because Sirius needed Remus more than he needed James at that moment. And that was okay. As long as Sirius was comforted, James did not care whether the comfort came from him or somebody else. Instead, he focused on Peter, who still looked seconds away from bursting into tears. With a few steps James walked up to him and put his arms around him. One on Peters’ back, the other on the back of his head, with Peters’ arms around his waist. Both Sirius and Peter were crying, and James had always been easy to bring to tears, so he let his head fall on Peters’ when the moment finally caught up to him.
“Dear Merlin,” James heard his father curse, he looked to his right and there his parents stood. Effie held Fleamonts hand, helping keep him upright as he looked a shade too pale. Both looked determined and angry, and James thought they might never let Sirius out of the house after that. They’d do anything for their children, after all.
“Okay kids, let’s go back inside, huh?” His mother said with a small smile directed at all of them in turns, no longer looking so unreservedly murderous, but with a flame in her eyes burning brighter and brighter. She walked up to them, still keeping the death grip on his fathers hand. Whether it was to not let him double over or from the sheer anger she tried to hide from them, he did not know. Maybe it was both. She walked up to Sirius, who was held firmly in Remus’ arms, but reached out for her with his left hand. She firmly held it in her left hand, the other left his fathers’ hand for a moment to gently caress Sirius’ cheek. She tutted a bit, cooped his cheek and pressed a firm kiss on the crown of his head. James could see Sirius’ lips were wobbling again, and he was doing everything he could to not burst into tears. Sirius closed his eyes firmly and tried not to let the tears fall.
James took Peters’ hand in one of his, and his fathers’ in the other. Together they walked back to the house, hand in hand, keeping each other on their feet. Peters’ tears seemed to be slowing now, but he still occasionally sniffled. His father, on the other hand, was muttering about how “This should have never happened, if we only took the boy in before, none of this would have happened…” James did not let his father blame himself for long. He firmly stated that there was nothing they could have done differently, how the only way was to be there for Sirius so he’d know he had someplace he could go to if anything ever became too much. He finished his speech with an “You know I love you, dad, right?” looking at Fleamont with as much love as he could muster. His father chuckled, and looking into his eyes responded with “Of course, I know. I love you too, son.” and flashed his son a smile identical to his own. The smile lines around his mouth stretching into as happy a face as he could manage, considering the circumstances.
As they walked up to the house, James could hear his mother talking in low tones to a still crying Sirius. She was saying how proud of him she was, how what he did was the right thing, how he should have never been in that house in the first place, and how Walburgas anger is not on him.
“She’s going to hurt Reggie, and that is my fault.” he said in response. “No, dearie. None of this is your fault. You got out of a dangerous situation, that is not a bad thing, Sirius.” To that, Sirius said nothing, and James knew that the words did nothing to stop him from placing the blame of whatever happened next on himself. “We will get him out, too.” Effie said confidently, and that got Sirius’ attention. He looked over at her with so much awe James wasn't sure if Sirius was even breathing at that moment.
Letting go of Remus, but still holding onto his hand, Sirius threw himself at Effie, muttering “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” to her over and over again. Effie hugged him back, one hand held his back and the other the back of his head- “The Potter hug”, as his friends always call them. There is a reason people go to James for hugs- he learned them from the best.
The rest of the morning was spent tending to Sirius’ injuries, cuddling on the couch and playing Exploding Snap, and in Fleamonts’ and Peters’ cases, playing muggle chess. No one was very keen to go back outside, despite the beautiful weather, and rather wanted to spend the rest of the morning lazing around. James brought downstairs Sirius’ favorite yellow blanket and jokingly tucked in Sirius and Remus who were laying together on the couch. Secretly, of course, he enjoyed tucking them in more than he should. Seeing Sirius happy in Remus' arms, with a cup of tea in front of him on the table, and clutching the yellow blanket made James more happy than he’d ever thought he’d be.
As time neared lunch, James and Peter decided that they would make something to eat for everyone, but were quickly joined by Efffie for “I fear what you boys will do to my kitchen if I’m not here to supervise.” But she did not stop them from cooking, simply sat down on one of the barstool chairs and resumed reading Remus’ book. “Effie, you’re gonna love this one.” He’d said to her the morning before, and from what James could see, she really did. Laughing out at some parts in the book, a smile stayed on her face for a long time.
James’ noticed though how both his parents looked just a tad too high-strung. He suspected it had something to do with the letters they sent out almost immediately when they all piled through the front door. He does not know for certain who they were addressed to, but he is pretty confident they had something to do with a certain 14 year old boy who was still at Grimmauld Place, instead of here, enjoying a quiet morning with his brother. He put that out of his mind for a while though, trying to enjoy the afternoon while making some sandwiches with Peter for their family to eat. For that is what they were, a family.
Just as everyone was done eating, James collected the plates onto one and put them in the sink, his back was turned away from the living room and from his position in the kitchen he could see the library doors hidden away behind a wall. James heard a loud sound coming from behind the door and as he looked over unsure if his mind was just playing tricks on him, he heard another, louder sound from the library. What the bloody hell is going on he thought, and drying his hands on the kitchen towel, he walked over to the library doors, wand in hand ready to cast a spell.
He was not ready, however, to see a crumbled body on the floor of the fireplace. Immediately, he yelled out “Mom! Dad!” and ran to the strangers side. Their robe was rumbled, falling off of one arm and soaked in blood, and when James moved the hair away from the strangers’ face so he could see if they were breathing, a cold feeling of panic washed over him. “No, oh Merlin no this can’t be happening.” He muttered.
Quickly turning Regulus onto his back he was unprepared for just how much blood there was. Do humans even have this much blood in them? It was soaking everything, his shirt, his robes and his trousers were caked in so much crimson liquid that James was sure he was already dead. There was nothing he could do now, it was too late. What would Sirius think when he saw Regulus dead on the floor? Would he scream until his throat gave up? Clawing at his brothers’ arms and chest and running his shaking hands gently through his hair, bringing their foreheads together and chanting please wake up, please wake up, Regulus, please over and over and over again and then scream and cry again. Would he lash out? Take everything he can find and thrust it against the walls and shatter the windows and break whatever he could find. Would he hit Remus’ chest when he tried to calm him down, crying and muttering stop, Sirius, you’ll hurt yourself, please but Sirius would be too far gone to listen. Too far gone into the grief and anger at himself for letting this happen to his baby brother.
Because of course, he would blame himself. Of course he would. With what he told them, how his mother would punish Regulus for Sirius’ actions. How it would be worse than what she did to him. James never expected it to be this much worse. There was blood everywhere, so much of it, and it was clinging to James’ hands and would not come off when in panic he tried to wipe it off on his shirt. The red quickly stained the white material and James could not understand why it would not come off of his hands. Why was there so much of it? Why couldn’t he wipe it off?
He did not notice he was calling out for his mother, nor did he notice when she bent down to regulus, started performing spells to save his life because he wasn’t dead. He felt the relief flood through him but did not understand why he was relieved. Regulus was still unconscious on his library floor, soaked in blood, with a pale face and closed eyes as if he was dead.
His father bent down to James and took his arms in his hands, he started pulling James up so they could get out of the way for his mother to save Regulus’ life. Because he was bleeding out on the floor. He did not remember what happened next, the only thing he could focus on was Sirius standing in the doorway, frozen in the spot. Tears were streaming down his face but he was unable to move. James did not think this was how Sirius would react. He does not know why but he didn’t think Sirius would just stand there and cry. He weakly asked “Sirius?” but Sirius did not seem to have heard him, still staring at Regulus. And then all at once he crumbled, fell to the ground at his brothers’ side, and took his hand in his, clinging to it as if he was holding Regulus’ life in his hands. If he let go, somehow Regulus would be lost and he could never let that happen, so he held on tight.
Barely uttering the sounds, Sirius said “Reggie, Reggie please stay alive.” Sirius was looking at his brother with so much love and hope that James had to look away, in case that hope crumbled along with Regulus’ life.