Timeless

Regulus

I snuck back to Grimmauld's place before sunrise and found myself in my old room. I looked in the mirror. My hair was still short and I hoped my parents would not punish me if I made the excuse of having been unrecognisable in order to not get caught. There was a package under my bed and I quickly pushed it under the unstuck floorboard as Alphard's name was glaringly written on it. 

Just as I stood back up Kreacher walked in and all hell broke loose. It was barely a moment before both of my parents were in my room, staring me down expectantly, wands pulled in a warning. We need answers, their stance screamed and the best I could give them was half-truths braided together with lies.

“I found out who's behind the arrest,” I said, hoping it'd be enough for a start.

“You went to Sirius' wedding,” my father was disgusted.

Fuck. “I had to. Believe me, I liked it no more than you do. It was them behind the arrest and I went to ruin the wedding in revenge, threaten them to drop the charges. They'd lost control over the case, it turned out, of course they did, bloodtraitor imbeciles, and couldn't though,” I swallowed, praying it sounded truthful and believable enough, “As soon as I found that out I got back. They asked someone called Potter to pull strings at the ministry and cause a fake arrest case to lure me there. We need to make the case disappear or they'll send authorities after me as soon as they realise I escaped,”

“On it,” my gullible father left the room, my less foolish mother, on the other hand, stayed behind, suspicion in her eyes. 

“I'm not sure I believe you. Why is your hair short?” 

“I went undercover to escape back here. Needed to be unrecognizable,” 

“Hmm,” she pointed her wand and an eyeblink later my locs were back to their previous length, it took everything in me not to flinch, “Would you say the same if we gave you veritaserum?”

Shit, “Yes, of course,” 

“Are you sure?” with another flash from her wand pain paralysed my body and I fell to the ground in tears.

“Yes,” I squeaked out nevertheless. I'd experienced worse from them. If there was one thing the way I'd been raised gave me it was the strength and skills to not be broken through torture anymore. I'd bleed out before they'd break me and with the wedding looming over us they couldn't do that. I hoped, at least, that they wouldn't.

I passed out soon, I could not help but. I'm not sure I would have even if I could've, at least unconscious I did not feel the pain my mother was inflicting on me, couldn't feel the blood that was dripping down my skin in multiple places.

At least now I couldn't feel how it still hurt from leaving James, so much more than any pain ever before had, physical or emotional. If this kind of pain could be caused with a wand then my parents would have still had a way to break through me. James had. He didn't use magic though, he just did. 

When I awoke it was nearly noon and my parents made sure I knew I was not to leave the house before the wedding, which, as it turned out, had been moved up and would now take place tomorrow. I swallowed but nodded, then proceeded to do that as they recited to me a whole timetable of dress fittings and other wedding practices. Including practicing the unforgiveables. I had a feeling I knew now that me saying I do was not the real challenge but instead something they had taken for granted the whole time. It was something else they expected of me, something I'd need to do in front of the whole family, to prove myself worthy as the Black heir, and that is also why Alphard never knew of the wedding in the first place.

When I finally got back to my room after midnight I climbed to bed, exhausted, yet my dreams did not let me rest, James was present in all of them, always getting hurt, and by the time I heard the clock tick to four am, I was already wide awake.

I climbed out of bed and paced the floor, until a certain floorboard creaked under my step and reminded me of the package I'd hidden beneath it. I went to pull it out.

Alphard's package contained a book and a letter.

Sweet Regulus,

I am really sorry, but I cannot marry you. Believe me, I've thought of it, considered every outcome since you broke the news, but if I'd agree to marry you they would make me give an unbreakable vow as well. In that scenario, we'd sooner or later both die, or worse, live wishing we already had. 

As much as I care about you I cannot force myself to sacrifice my whole life, especially not after all I went through to build it, nor could I allow myself to inflict this pain upon you. You said I need to marry you so you'd have a chance at life, but let me promise you, if I did, it would not be life, not even close. 

The best I can do for you is that I will show up for the wedding. Just briefly. I will say no and take the blame so that it cannot be put on you. I will see you then.

I included a book of magical transgender legends and myths, thought you might find it interesting and it would make you feel less alone, perhaps. Hopefully.

With only good wishes 

Alphard

I pushed the letter into my pocket and took the book out of the box. “Myths and Legends. Trans Magic.” it read and I started flicking through it, curiosity consuming me. 

There were legends of dragon-fighters whose gender was never defined. A whole “cult” that was called Genderbenders as they constantly switched their identities to the point where people could not keep track of who was who. It scared the “commonfolk” it seemed, but for me, it was encouraging. It showed it was possible to not be tied to the identity you were born with.

One legend caught my eye. One of a place. 

I heard my doorknob's movement, ripped out the page, though only half of it ended breaking away from the book, and shoved it into my pocket. 

As soon as my mother saw the book I was holding it burned into ashes in front of me. 

“Who gave it to you?!” she demanded, furious.

I didn't respond, was not about to give away I'd gone to see Alphard, as if their plan was what I suspected, my uncle being aware of the engagement would compromise it.

Mother grabbed me by the hair, pulled my wand from me and dragged me to the attic.

“You will learn your lesson, daughter, and you will not get out from here until the wedding. May the rats gnaw at you,”

And then it was darkness.

My wedding was tomorrow and I was stuck in a dark attic.

What my mother didn't know though, was that I used to hide here from Sirius during games of hide and seek and once upon a time I found a box of old wands. I didn't know if they had belonged to deceased family members or killed enemies, but I had tested them out and found that they worked.

Another thing my darling mother didn't know, was that I had a plan in my pocket now. Everything had been taken from me and I had nothing left to lose but my life, which I would lose tomorrow one way or another anyway. Might as well risk it on my terms.

I pulled out the myth of the Crystal Cave. There was a drawing depicting it and if I had found Alphard's with merely a description then surely I would find this cave. I just had to find a wand from the box hidden someplace up here that I could use for the apparating. 

I would also need pen and paper in case James still had not given up on me and would come looking for me. It broke my heart to write it, but it had not only dawned on me now that I should have put myself first before my parents a long time ago, especially considering they had never put me first, it had also dawned on me that I knew what love felt like now, or at least I thinked I did.