Timeless

James

Regulus was my soulmate. Sirius' fucking sibling. I knew it the moment I laid my eyes upon him. Her. Regulus, Regina, to be frank (actually, Frank's not me. I'm James. Not frank. Seriously. Not Sirius-ly. That's not me either. I'm James. Hi.), I didn't care in the slightest what their gender might be. I just hoped I didn't cross a line I was unaware of by calling them Regulus, I'd call them Reggie next time. 

Next time… 

Would there even be a next time?

Not only had my soulmate refused the invite to their brother's wedding but I was close to certain that they actually despised me. I'd never seen one hate someone so passionately.

What my dear Reggie didn't realise was that I was fucked up in my own special ways and, to quote my mother, stubborn as a mule. Their calling me mannerless only made me want to show them exactly how mannerless I could be. Of course, I'd have to convince them they'd like it first.

“James? Something wrong with your food, mate?”

Shit. I got carried away again. I shook my head, “Sorry, Moony, it's delicious, actually, I'm just-”

“Distracted,”

“You could say that, 'spose,” That was exactly what you could call it actually. I'd been distracted for days now, ever since I got back from the ball about a week ago.

“You found him?” had Sirius asked as soon as I had walked in the door in the middle of the night and I'd seen tension leave him immediately when I nodded.

“Had gotten the invitation too. Not gonna be showing up though,” I'd forced my voice to be even and not let shine through the chaos inside. 

He'd laughed, “Yeah? Well, I wouldn't take his word for it. When it comes to anything that shows any caring emotions he's more of an actions-rather-than-words type of asshole,” 

I'd nodded. He'd thanked me. And then he'd stumbled upstairs to bed, leaving me to process everything.

I'd wanted to tell him his sibling is the love of my life, but I had been barely capable of processing that myself. Still was.

Sirius would kill me when he found out. Murder me dead. 

“Okay, that's it,” Remus brought me back to reality. Again. 

“Fuck,”

“Damn right,” he took my half-finished plate from me, “So you gonna talk about what's bothering you or do I have to crack down on ya?”

“I-” am in love with Sirius' sibling. But Sirius walked in and I did not wish to die just yet (probably?), “am fine. Peachy,”

“Did you just actually use the word peachy?!” I couldn't tell if Sirius found it more funny or worrying.

“I might have,”

“Okay. Alright. Moony, give us a moment?”

Remus raised his hands in defeat, “Fine. You're doing the dishes though,”

“Fine by me,” Pads called after him, staring at his backside as he walked out the kitchen door. They really were just nauseating sometimes. “Actually, Prongs, you're doing the dishes.”

“Na-a-a, you promised your fiance to do the dishes as you stared at his butt, you're not putting this on me,”

“Ugh, fine,” he rolled his eyes, then grinned, “peachy, you could say even.”

I buried my face in my hands.

“Okay, okay, I'll be serious,” he took a seat across from me.

“I thought you're always Sirius.” 

“Actually, always Sirius but almost never serious,” he pronounced the two words the exact same way and I wondered how quickly a stranger overhearing us would signal a psych ward. “Okay, all kidding aside, Prongs. You been buggin' out since the ball, did something happen there or why are you going bonkers?”

“I think I just wasn't ready for that pureblood ball to be the way it was,” this wasn't going to work, was it? I needed a change of topic, “Actually, there is something I've been meaning to ask though. Just curious, um, it's about Reggie,” 

“Oh. What'd he do?”

“Nothing, technically. I just. Christ, I don't know how to ask this,” good James, this definitely didn't make it sound like you're head over heels for them.

“What are you in love with him or something?”

See? “No, no, it's not that,” I lied, it might be the first time I've lied to Sirius, “Okay. You keep referring to them as him and Regulus, but when I met them they were in a gown and went by the name Regina. And the last thing I wish to do is to misgender them or strike a nerve by using a wrong name so I've been wondering if there's a story there you know or..?”

“Shit. He's still going by Regina? I'd really hoped he'd used the window of opportunity my leaving granted…”

“Um, Pads? Care to give some context?”

“Oh, right, of course. Regulus is trans. But still not out to our parents or anyone else for that matter I guess. When I ran away I left him a note saying if he wanted to this would be the best time to come out to Mum and Dad as they might actually be glad to welcome him as a male heir, but I guess he didn't. Should've realised it'd take him more than a crack in the door to break through it. 

“Ever since we were kids he'd try to hide his own toys and use that as an excuse to play with mine, but whenever our parents found out they'd get angry. I always took the blame, said t'was me who hid the toys, I knew all too well what it's like to not be able to be yourself, wanted to protect him. Anyway, as he got older he got better at hiding how little he liked anything girly, for a while even I thought that maybe it had been a phase after all. Then I walked in on him having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night in our shared bathroom when he was 12 and I 13. That's when he came out to me, I mean, he kind of had to explain why he'd given himself a bad haircut. I never called him Regina again, though we only settled on Regulus a couple of years later. 

“When I left, I really thought I was doing the right thing, for the both of us – getting a shot at happiness, spending my life with Moony, while he gets to take over the role of the black heir, a male heir. He was always better at the heir part anyway and if given a chance I have no doubt he'd also rock the hell out the male part, more than I ever could.” 

“Pads?” well this took a turn. 

“Hm?”

“It's not your fault.”

“Thanks,” a crestfallen ray of light shone through the darkness on his face, but a ray of light nevertheless.

“Well. This was grim. I'm glad you shared though. How about we go and do something absolutely reckless now? Balance or whatever?”

“Like leave the dishes unwashed and face Moony's retribution?” he laughed. 

“For example,” I pushed myself up and bewitched the dishes to begin the washing routine on their own. 

I was halfway to the door, muttering something about enchanting the apples to chase us, when Sirius interrupted, “James?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think he's okay?”

“Regulus?” if only I could tell Sirius how many hours I'd spent wondering about the same thing myself.

“Mhm. I mean. Did he look alright?”

“Other than the fact that he was clearly keeping on the female mask he was quite fierce. Stunned the heck out of me. Then again, he's your brother so maybe I should've expected that,”

“What I heard is you just called me fierce,”

“Hmm no you must've misunderstood,”

“So just my brother then?”

“Are we doing the apple thing or not?”

“Fine. Although right now I'm tempted to chase you down with them,”

“Oi, did I or did I not just do the dishes for you? Again.”

“Touché”