the view between villages

pandora

it’s not like she meant to say it. it sort of just… slipped out. she’d been content for a moment, watching as mary coddled her daughter, listening to the jovial chatter of the game going on around her. and then she locked eyes with regulus, and her only thought was of his guilt, and it had slipped out. 

regulus isn’t guilty. she knows this well. she knows she’s insane for insinuating he had a hand in her brother’s murder, but that’s the thing. she is insane. it’s part of her charm. she’s spent more time speaking with fluttering creatures no one else can see than she’s spent speaking with other human beings. she’s spent more time petting thestrals than hugging her brother. 

perhaps that’s where she went wrong. she didn’t hug evan enough. she didn’t tell him she loved him enough. she didn’t show him the affection he deserved. she didn’t do a lot of things, and it led him right into the pit of vipers, and he wasn’t equipped with anti-venom. she didn’t provide the right resources for his survival. she cut ties the moment he took the mark, and it’s haunted her ever since. 

evan has too. every now and then she can hear a whisper of his voice, can see his smile when she blinks. it’s hard to look at regulus when all she can remember is the sound of her brother calling his name, slinging an arm over his shoulders, naming him “the brother i never had.” it’s hard to carry the grief and the spite and the guilt. 

because regulus was never and will never be guilty. it was always pandora. she’s come to realize that now, but she’s in far too deep to back out. she’s already cursed him, convinced him of it, and her pride isn’t willing to let her admit her wrongdoings. not when it’s so easy to push the hatred she feels towards herself onto regulus. 

she owes an explanation. she knows that, okay? she knows she’s fucked up, and she feels bad for it, but it’s hard to explain dragging down an innocent man because of her own grief in a way that doesn’t paint her as a horrible villain. if evan or barty were here, they’d give a full novel-length speech about the journey of mourning. in the end, they’d rule it as being not her fault, and rather a response to the poor hand she was dealt.

unfortunately, evan and barty are rotting in a shallow grave in an unknown location, and all she’s left with is a gaggle of gryffindors and might-as-well-be-gryffindors to officiate her judgement. walking into lily’s home feels a lot like walking toward the guillotine in shackles. if evan were here, he’d probably laugh at the metaphor. but alas, pandora giggles by herself, because evan is not in fact here. 

“you’ve lost your mind,” dorcas states as she steps from the green fire of the mantle. “you’ve genuinely, actually lost your mind, panda. what were you thinking?” 

“i was thinking about a lot of things,” pandora responds primly, draping herself across lily’s sofa. said ginger apparates into the room with a loud pop and a fire in her eyes. held within her arms is harry, disgruntled from apparating but otherwise unharmed. which is good, because sirius had frighteningly lost control of his magic. somehow, not a single hair on harry or luna’s heads were touched. pandora’s cheek stings from where sirius had gotten a hit in before remus had grabbed him, and her skin burns with the aftermath of a stinging hex accidentally lashed towards her. 

“you’ve got a lot of nerve,” lily fumes, setting her toddler on the carpet in favor of swinging a fist at pandora. she accepts the hit, naturally, because she deserves it, and any physical pain she could receive would take away from the wound scraped raw within her chest. lily’s punches are reminiscent of her father’s, and her father is reminiscent of evan, and evan is a welcome topic within her head. 

“is anyone else planning to punch me?” pandora asks, smiling at the faces in the room. mary coddles luna on the floor beside the sofa, and dorcas and marlene are stacked together atop the cushions, and lily is shaking out her hand in the center of the room while harry waddles toward luna and mary. mary seems far from pleased, but lily looks satisfied and dorcas is too busy being snuggled by marlene to worry about throwing a punch. a true shame. she’d love just one more hit, because it would send her spiraling into a flashback, and at least then she could see evan. 

“i’m debating it,” dorcas mutters, eyebrows drawn together over her dark eyes. there’s a certain fury burning in her irises only present in the blackest of hearts. dorcas has a heart of gold, though, so it’s nearly terrifying to be subjected to such a harsh gaze. 

“i’m waiting to hear your explanation before i make my decision,” marlene drawls, lazily twisting one of dorcas’ long box braids around her finger. mary, frighteningly enough, remains silent, though there’s very obvious heat within the simmering chocolate of her irises. if pandora weren’t so welcome to the idea of physical agony, she’d be terrified. but, alas, she’s begging for the pain, so her stomach is fluttering with excitement. 

“it’s quite simple, really,” pandora hums, crossing one leg over the other. “my brother is dead. barty is, too. regulus could’ve prevented it, but he didn’t. therefore, the blood is on his hands.” 

lily scoffs, heatedly shouting, “he didn’t do anything, pandora! what happened to evan and barty had nothing to do with regulus!” 

“it had everything to do with regulus,” pandora finds herself spitting, venom and veritaserum dripping from her teeth. “regulus is the one they chose, lily. they chose to follow regulus into the dark lord’s army. they chose to trust regulus with their lives. they chose regulus, and in the end, they died. how is that not regulus’ fault? if it weren’t for him, i’d still have evan and barty!” 

“that’s what this is about?” dorcas exclaims, black eyes turned brown with the light of her inner fire. “it’s because they made the choice to follow reg? you’re insane, pandora! regulus didn’t force them into it! it’s just as much their fault as it is reg’s!” 

“don’t you dare pin this on evan!” pandora seethes, teeth clenched. her blood boils in her veins, a flare of heat coursing through her abdomen. “evan never asked to die! he never asked for any of it! he followed regulus, and it got him killed! and for what? what did it amount to in the end? everyone else gets their happy ending, but what about evan?”

”it was war, pandora,” mary finally speaks up, looking up through her lashes. there’s a darkness buried there that pandora has never seen on mary before, and if she’s honest, it’s terrifying. “no one got a happy ending. not a single one of us did. sure, we got to keep some of our loved ones, but not all of them.” 

“at least your brother isn’t dead,” pandora scoffs. “at least your other half isn’t buried in some shallow, unmarked grave. all of your friends are alive, mary. every last one of them. so, please, tell me how you didn’t get the happiest ending. enlighten me of how much you suffered, and we can compare.”

”peter,” is what mary says in response. the room falls silent. in the past three years, not a single soul has dared to utter his name. he’s a traitor, good for nothing, but he was their friend once. it’s easy for pandora to forget just how much peter truly meant to this friend group. it’s easy to forget how big of a hole peter left when he’d betrayed the potters. “i lost peter in all of this. he’s my other half. he’s just as much my soulmate as sirius is james’. do you realize how much that hurts? knowing that my other half is a pile of ash right outside this very house? it fucking sucks, pandora. so, please, save your groveling for someone who’ll put up with your victim act.”

”you’re not the only one who lost something,” marlene hushes. “we all did. you’ve got every right to grieve, but don’t take it out on regulus. he’s the only reason lily is here right now. he’s the only reason dorcas and i survived.” 

“what do you mean?” pandora whispers, horror flooding her veins. “what do you mean you and dorcas?” 

“notice how marls and i come here for holidays?” dorcas asks, voice soft and eyes haunted. lily takes a seat beside her and marlene, resting a hand on each of their shoulders. 

“they’ve got no family, dora,” lily murmurs. “the only reason they’re alive is because regulus had them under a fidelius. he knew they were a target, and he sent them into hiding, even though he knew it could get him killed.” 

pandora sits with this knowledge for a few moments, letting it sit in the pit of her stomach. regulus had saved a total of five lives directly. two had been lost, but… if it weren’t for regulus, marlene and dorcas would be dead. the potters would be dead. hell, pandora herself would probably be dead too. she’d stayed neutral for the entire war, but it was no secret that she could be a threat. she looks at her daughter, a toddler of blonde hair and rosier beauty, and she hurts. luna could’ve died. if it weren’t for reg, luna could’ve wound up just like evan. 

“it hurts,” she whispers, voice cracking. “it hurts so much. i don’t know how to live in a world where he isn’t.” 

“it’ll hurt for a long time,” dorcas soothes. “but it’s not permanent. none of the ache is permanent. it gets easier with time.” 

“you can’t shut us out, dora,” says mary. “it’s harder when you keep it all bottled up.” 

“let us help you,” lily says through teary eyes. “you’ve helped us so much over the years. let us return the favor.” 

pandora hesitates, anxiously eyeing the room. lily’s face is broken open, raw, her sincerity painted so plainly over her freckled cheeks and green eyes. there’s so much love in her face, and in dorcas’, and marlene’s, and mary’s. she’s got so much here. so many shoulders to rest her baggage upon. there’s a sky to support, and it’s impossible with just one person. but with five? maybe… maybe it’s not so impossible. maybe regulus doesn’t have to be the enemy. maybe pandora will be. she’ll shoulder the weight of her grief instead, and she won’t do it alone. she’ll never do it alone. how could she? it takes a village, as they say. 

“alright,” she croaks. “i’m so sorry. i’m sorry for hurting all of you and regulus. i’m so fucking sorry.” 

“you were in pain, pandora. it’s not entirely your fault,” marlene whispers. she’s tugged into a group hug, surrounded by all the women she holds dear. pandora waddles over and deposits herself right in the center of the embrace, harry following suit with a slurred babble of what sounds like ‘love you.’ it brings a smile to her face and coaxes a laugh from her throat. 

this right here, her village, is impenetrable. 

a few hours later, once everyone has changed into pyjamas (the potters have an entire drawer in the guest room dedicated to spare clothes for their friends), a bottle of wine is opened. the kids, lovely little things with more energy than they could possibly ever need, are finally sleeping peacefully in harry’s race car bed. 

“so,” marlene says, an impish smirk on her pretty face. “regulus, yeah?” 

lily turns pink and her smile turns shy. pandora gasps dramatically, leaning as far forward as possible, elven wine splashing onto the thighs of her nightgown with the momentum. 

“tell us everything,” she gushes. 

and lily does. she tells them of the first time she’d met regulus, all the way back at hogwarts, and how she’s had a massive crush ever since. about james and his love for regulus’ ears, of all things (“they look like little pixie ears,” he’d said, apparently. how a regular set of ears can look like pixie ears, pandora will never know). she tells them of the bet, and how it’ll need to be reworked with the knowledge that regulus is a virgin.

she explains that they’re not just in it for a hookup upon dorcas shooting her a fiercely protective glare. polyamory was discovered in the seventies, she explains, and it’s actually quite common for couples to have a third. they care for him just as much as they care for each other. it’s sweet, honestly.

discussing crushes like this reminds pandora of simpler days in the gryffindor common room, gushing over boys when marlene was so deep in the closet she may as well have put herself on a clothing hanger and made herself at home. now they’re older and they’re nursing wine with two beautiful children asleep upstairs. things aren’t simple, but that’s okay, because they’ve all got each other at the end of the day. if nothing else, they have each other, and that’s something special. 

pandora falls asleep in the master bedroom upstairs, in a magically extended bed surrounded by her closest friends. for the first time since meeting regulus again, she doesn’t dream of evan. she dreams of the future, of a mind healer and a quidditch pitch, an apothecary and a shock of blonde hair, round glasses and a pair of shoes dangling from stony arches. she dreams of a future so beautiful she wakes with tears on her cheeks and a smile on her lips.