illicit affairs - jegulus
It's friday and just like every other friday or monday or wednesday i'm sneaking out of the slytherin common room under my invisible cloak. I know i have to be careful 'cause he's a Black and his parents would kill him if they found out but also 'cause he's my best friends little brother. If Sirius would find out he would kill me.
I walk up the stairs and pray for everyone to be asleep. I told Remus i'm going for a run, it was the only thing i could think about but honestly i think he knows what really is going on. I hope that he's the only one.
After saying the password i walk into the common room and turn to the stairs that lead into our dorm.
- How was the run? - FUCK.
- Moony, the run was fine. - panic. - Why aren't you asleep yet? Is everything okay? - at this point i already took off the cloak and start playing dumb.
- James, do you know what you're doing?
- Not now, we should head to bed.
- I'm not judging you, i'm just asking if you're sure that this is what you want. Sneaking around, hiding, lieing to Sirius. I'm sure that if you would tell him he'd be happy for you.
- He'd freak out.
- Maybe, but he would freak out more if he would find out from someone else. I'm just saying that you're a great guy, James. Don't you think you deserve to be more than a secret?
- I'm fine with how it is right now and i'm not gonna push.
- How long has it been? 7 months? And you can't even publicly call him "Regulus". Just think about it and get some sleep, you look like a creep.
He got his book and went up stairs. I stood there for a moment and then also decided to get to my bed. MY bed. Not our. We've never met at mine dorm 'cause Reg never wanted to. We've never even been on a real date. We barely talk outside of his dorm. 7 months. 7. Maybe Remus is right. Maybe it's about the time Sirius should find out. First i need to talk to Reg. I'll do it tommorow, after the practise.
The next day i woke up first and got ready for practise. I'm the captain so i'm training the team. When i was finaly ready i got out of the dorm and prepared everything for the training.
The practise alone wasn't anything special but i couldn't stop thinking about what was about to come after that.
I'm always the last one to change so it wasn't weird when i sudedly was alone in the changing room. I put on my shirt and walked out. On the field i noticed Reg. He was preparing his practise.
- Hey!
- Potter, what are you doing here? - "Potter."
- I wanted to talk to you about something.
- We don't talk.
- Yeah, that's what i wanted to talk about. I don't want us to be like this anymore. I want to be official.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Regulus, for fucks sake we're alone here! You can look at me!
- I thought you undarstood, we can't do this!
- Then what's the point?! You think i want to be your secret lover that can't even call you by your name in public?
- Potter-
- My name is James. Are you embarased of me or what? Do you really think anyone would mind if we would a couple?
- My parents would. My friends. My brother.
- Sirius would be happy for us, i'm sure. Besides, you could move in with me. My parents would love you just like they love Sirius and the rest of my friends.
- I'm not like Sirius or any of your friends. I can't just run away.
- So you're telling me you can't be with me?
- I can! Just not entirely.
- Well then i'm sorry, Black but it's over.
- Merlin, you're acting like such a baby.
- No, you're the baby here. You want you're parents's love and mine but you can't have both, so choose for once! Make a decicion. Tell me that you love me and i'll stay and you'll move in with me and we'll be happy, or tell me that you love them and i'll leave you the fuck alone.
He didn't say another word, he just looked at me with a blank face. I loved him, but i think i loved him too much, at least too much for him. As much as i wanted to hug him and never let go in that moment i just turned around and walked away. For the first time in my life i put myself first and it feelt awful. So. FUCKING. Awful.