Hogwarts : The Bangtan Episode

“Yoongi,

I know you said not to write, but I feel like I should. Regardless of what you say. Since when have I ever listened to you? Anyway, I woke up. I feel better. Stronger, faster, more alive? It’s weird. Kinda like that one Muggle book about vampires that Taehyung is obsessed with. Anyway, Jimin’s been incredibly kind and helpful, and Jin Hyung has been really concerned. They’re a little lost without you but. . . I get why you left.”

Namjoon sighed, pausing in his letter. He knew there really was no point in writing, Yoongi made it clear in his messages that they shouldn’t. Namjoon couldn’t really put a finger on why he was then, but it just felt right.

“I won’t send this letter until I’m sure you’ll get it. Jimin says that Teeth, a house elf, told him that Hogwarts mail is being intercepted and read. I’m assuming the Ministry, you know, after the past few days, it makes sense. And besides, if I mailed it, then your parents would just read it and respond coldly.”

“Hyung? It’s almost dinner, and you should go,” Jimin said gently, peeking his head into the room. Namjoon has been awake for two days now, just as long as Yoongi’s been gone. He left the morning Namjoon woke up. Namjoon didn’t even get to see him leave. All he was left with was a sad letter in messy handwriting, an unconscious Taehyung, and a hole in his heart. Not to be dramatic, but. . . yeah. A massive hole. Like huge. 

“Yeah, yeah no, I’ll get ready,” Namjoon waved Jimin away and stretched his arms. Jimin left, closing the door and leaving Namjoon in silence. 

He really wished Yoongi was there.

“It’s weird without you here. I think I was just so used to you being around, always hovering, commenting, looking out for me. It's hard for me to adjust.

Not just the loneliness, but my body too. You didn’t get to see it before you left but Hyung, they made me fucking ripped. I have no clue where Jimin found his spells and healing medication but this stuff probably should be illegal. For the entire first day, I looked like a professional bodybuilder. Jungkook physically drooled. Jimin offered to get me some oil and make me shiny, but Hoseok told them to shut up.

He’s been a little moody lately.

He didn’t let me read what you wrote to him, but I can take a guess on what you said. I just hope you cut everything off cleanly, if you did. He’s a tough guy, and he’ll get over you, I just hope you can get over him too. I know you really liked him, even if you wouldn’t admit it. I just wish you would’ve talked to me about him sooner. Maybe I could’ve helped. Or tried to anyway. We both know I have the relationship skills of a stick.”

Namjoon set his feather down and stood up, moving to his bed. He pulled his suitcase from underneath and started digging through it, looking for appropriate clothes for tonight. It was a normal Tuesday night dinner, nothing fancy, so he could wear outside-world clothes. He wanted to wear a long sleeve, or a hoodie, literally anything with sleeves. He found a crew neck with some muggle logo on it, and he put it on.

It was tight.

Stepping in front of a mirror, Namjoon frowned. The crew neck looked two sizes too small. It stretched across his chest and back, falling too short over his stomach and ends of the arms. He originally thought Jimin’s spells only fixed his arm fatigue, but it turns out it just grew every part of him. 

Groaning, Namjoon threw the top off. He turned towards the mirror and stared at his reflection, disgruntled and unhappy with himself. He was too big now. His shoulders were so wide, and. . . well. . . everything was just thicker. He looked like a quidditch beater. 

He had nothing against people with muscles, it just didn’t feel like him. He was Namjoon. Ravenclaw, perfect grades, high achiever, no-nonsense-Namjoon. How was he supposed to come back from break late, and enter school life like this? He looked like a truck. That is if a truck could deadlift a small car and do a lunge at the same time.

He had to admit, the leg gains were nice.

“Is it weird to say that I think Jimin’s spell gave me a BBL?”

Namjoon threw the paper and feather away, shaking his head. He’d have to ask one of the beaters in Ravenclaw for some clothes until he could get to Hogsmeade. For now, unfortunately, a t-shirt would have to do. Not only was it January and far too cold for a t-shirt, but also, Namjoon didn’t really want his arms on display. Sure, the muscles were cool, but the burnt and faded ruins? Not so much. But according to his minimal closet, he’d have to deal with it.

Jimin told him he researched muscle healing techniques, and that Teeth told him to use a spell that required archaic magic rituals and symbols. Now, Namjoon wasn’t complaining, but he was confused on why Jimin trusted a poorly mannered elf on the subject of magical healing. Maybe a second opinion would’ve been better. Maybe. 

Namjoon had never met Teeth, but the longer he was awake, the more he heard about her, and the more he was starting to want to meet her. Apparently, she thought he was beyond hot, and she cared for him. He thought that was odd, but it was honestly one of the tamest things to happen to him in Hogwarts. At least he knew someone liked him. It also helped that this someone seemed to know a suspicious amount of things related to the mystery person and their actions.

If Namjoon could just talk to Teeth, he could ask her about the mail, the things she supposedly ‘protected’ them from, and about Mandy. 

Mandy Birch, a seventh year Hufflepuff girl.

She was found unconscious in the Hufflepuff common room on the night Yoongi left. When they managed to wake her, she remembered nothing. Like, nothing nothing. Her entire mind had been obliviated. Teachers were looking into it, but no one could find anything. No witnesses, clues, leads, nothing. Even the paintings said they hadn’t a clue. (Namjoon found that to be rather off, but they were Hufflepuff paintings. They were probably all sleeping or too drunk to notice someone wipe Mandy’s mind.)

No one wanted to, but they had to involve the Ministry. Since no one was hurt, only a few aurors showed up, asked a few questions, then just sort of lurked. At least that’s what Jungkook said. Namjoon was excited to see for himself again. He loved his friends, but sometimes they could be a bit over dramatic. 

“I’m going to dinner tonight, muscles and all. You’d make fun of me for being nervous, probably tell me that no one wants to see my ugly face anyway. I wish that was true. I’m okay around the maknaes, because they’ve been around me so much. Taehyung sleeps here most nights, too plagued with nightmares to sleep in his own dorm. Jimin and Jungkook spend all their study time here as well. But its about Hoseok and Jin Hyung I worry about. They’ve only been in here when I’m in my bed, under a blanket. What will they say? They know Jimin’s spell kinda did something, but no one has really told th-”

Namjoon paused, realizing he was ranting about something stupid. Someone’s mind had been obliviated, probably by the same person threatening him and Yoongi. Hoseok and Jin’s opinions of his arms should be the least of his concerns.

“ Scratch all that and pretend you didn’t read it. I’m starting to sound like Jimin. Actually, you won’t even get this letter, so just pretend you didn’t read that part at all. Uh, well any of it, cuz you won’t read this.”

Namjoon frowned.

“Actually none of this stupid letter will go to anyone so why am I wasting my time on something that doESn’t FuCkInG mAtTeR?”

Namjoon crumpled the letter in a ball, and set it on fire with a spell. 

He was a little stressed. Only a tiny bit.

“Okay Kim Namjoon, you can do this. You’re smart and tough, with an untouchable grade and knowledge about any fucking thing. You can do this. It’s just dinner. With your best friends. Who haven’t seen your arms, or legs, or calves, or butt.” Namjoon paused and glanced at his ass. “Shit. Why’d he have to give me such a nice butt too?”

Namjoon groaned and shook himself out of it. He’d just have to bear it. For Yoongi. He could do it. Hold on long enough, get more clues, get Yoongi back, take out the bad guy. All while maintaining grades, friendships, and whatever was going on with his body.

Easy.

He did that every day, but just on a smaller scale.

He grabbed his wand and left the room. Hopefully, the Room of Requirement would still be there when he got back from dinner, because he wasn’t sure if he was totally ready to sleep in his own dorm again. He pushed the thought out of his head and walked the halls, chin held high, and shoulders back. Confidence. He had this.

He shoved his wand in his jeans pocket, and started making a mental list of all the teachers he wanted to talk to about missing work. Jimin did a wonderful job getting him some make up activities, but still, he wanted to double check he wouldn’t miss a single point or quiz-

Namjoon’s brain started firing rapidly, distracting him and putting his legs in auto-walk. He made his way into the Great Hall a few minutes after dinner had been served. Most people were too busy eating to notice the Ravenclaw, but as he mindlessly walked to his normal spot, a few eyes took note. They’d elbow the person next to them and point. Soon more eyes watched. And a few more. More whispers, stares, points. 

“Who is that?”

“He looks new.”

“Hot af.”

“Look at his arms-”

“Imagine being in a headlock in those-”

“He looks familiar though, I think we know him.”

“I would’ve totally clocked a hot piece of ass like that.”

“Wow, look at his legs-”

“His ass, merlin’s beard-”

“How is he more caked up than any girl here?”

Namjoon was too busy in his own head to hear the whispers or stares. He plopped down at the Ravenclaw table, near some of his fellow fourth years.

“Hey guys,” Namjoon said, not expecting any of them to react. They normally didn’t. They weren’t all really friends, but they could make small talk and pretend to like one another. That’s why Namjoon was confused and looked up from his plate when no one responded. “Uh, hi?”

“N-Namjoon?” Tyler said. “It’s you?”

“Uh, Yeah?”

“But how?” Dee said quietly. She poked his arm.

“What do you mean-”

“You’re like the Rock,” The muggle born first year Jason said. 

“The Rock?”

“Ripped as fuck,” Tyler murmured.

“Uh. . . oh! Yeah, uh, just did some, uh, workouts over break. You know. Real normal self improvement stuff people do. Totally, uh, in character. For me. Yes. Me.”

The entire table was silent, no one bothered to eat. Namjoon looked around, unsure what to do. Did they buy it?

Dee leaned closer, and poked his arm harder. Then she squeezed it.

“Woah.”

Namjoon uncomfortably pulled his arm away.

“Hey! Namjoon! You’re back-oh sh-” Dawon had walked over, ready to greet her fellow housemate, but stopped short. She even had to hold back a curse, and Namjoon cocked his head. “Shhh-it’s great to see you! So, uh, healthy looking! I take it break was good for you?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so?”

“Uh,” She scratched her neck, face going a little pink. “That’s good to hear. Hoseok said you were visiting family and they needed you to stay a little while longer, to work on your muscl-MUSIC. HAHA, your music studies. Yes. Music studies is what I meant to say.”

Namjoon nodded slowly, confused until a hand tugged on his t-shirt sleeve.

“Can I bite your arm?” Dee said quietly.

“W-what?” Namjoon choked, and then he shook his head frantically. “I, uh, wow, I need to leave. Dawon Noona, can you tell me where Hoseok is?”

Dawon had never been big on honorifics, and she rarely used them. She knew Namjoon did though, and it wasn’t the first time he’d called her Noona, but it was definitely the first time she blushed because of it.

“Uh, y-yeah. He’s been feeling down lately, so he’s not been coming to dinner. His friend Kim Taehyung brings it to him. He’s over there-” Dawon pointed behind Namjoon, and as he turned, she glanced down. Her eyes widened at his back, how the t-shirt was stretched thin, and how it curved-

“I found him, thanks.” Namjoon stood up with his plate and quickly walked away from the table towards the Hufflepuffs. He expected some reaction from people, but this was insane. He couldn’t walk three feet without being stared at, and it was starting to get to him. As soon as he saw Taehyung’s back, he threw himself into the open space next to him.

“Oh hey Joon Hyung, your arms look nice today,” Taehyung said kindly. Namjoon sighed quietly at that answer, and hung his head.

“Everyone is looking.”

“For good reason,” Jimin said from across the table. “You’re hot.”

“What are you doing here?” Namjoon dejectedly fired back. Jimin shrugged.

“Yoongi isn’t here,” Is all he said, like that was enough explanation.

“But you have friends in your house?”

“Not really anymore. They got mad I was friends with you guys and kicked me out. I’m fine with it though, they were all fake as fuck.”

Namjoon nodded, picking at his mashed potatoes.

“Speaking of Yoongi, what’s the plan?” Jimin asked.

“What do you mean?”

“How are we gonna get him back? Duh. I can’t sit alone at my table forever.”

Namjoon blinked, taken back by Jimin’s reasoning. Jimin must’ve rethought what he said because he quickly backtracked.

“Oh, well, I mean, he obviously needs help. From us. His friends. Not just ‘cause I’m lonely.”

Namjoon nodded slowly, thinking it through.

“Well, in his letter to me, he said he went home to his parents. That could mean a number of things. They could be trying to make him take over the family name, send him to a different school, punish him-”

“Or maybe they just wanted to have tea. You know, a little family time,” Taehyung added, and both Jimin and Namjoon gave him a funny look.

“Okay, uh, no.”

“Yeah, Yoongi would more likely renounce magic before he willingly went home for family tea-time.”

Taehyung frowned.

“I thought it was a reasonable possibility.”

“Well you think it's a reasonable possibility that dragon hide tastes like liquorice.”

“How do we know it doesn’t? Have you ever tried it?”

“Bloody hell I haven’t and I won’t be putting my mouth near any dragon’s rear end-”

“You’ve licked grosser things, and don’t pretend you haven’t-

“Have not!”

“Have too!”

“Have-”

“Boys!” Namjoon interrupts Jimin and Taehyung. “Shut it! We were talking about getting Yoongi back, not licking dragon rump.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” Jimin muttered. “So let’s say Yoongi is really with his parents. There’s not much we can do, is there? From what I’ve heard, they’re nasty pieces of Slytherin trash.”

“My dreams say he’s attending a funeral.”

Namjoon and Jimin blinked at Taehyung.

“I’m sorry, but your dreams are telling you where and what Yoongi is doing?”

“That’s what I said.”

Namjoon looked at Jimin, hoping for a better explanation, but the younger looked just as confused.

“And you believe your dreams?”

“Of course.”

“Since when have you had prophetic dreams?”

Taehyung shrugged, stabbing at his dinner. “Since now, I guess. I haven’t had a good nights’ rest since Yoongi left. Always visions of his parents, some market stall in Africa, teens on a cliff, and that creepy painting of death in the fifth floor East wing corridor.”

“Hogwarts kicked me out of the Room of Requirement in front of that painting the other day,” Jimin added. “We should burn that painting. Maybe it’d make your nightmares go away.”

“I’m down.”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah, I don’t have anything happening so-”

“We are not burning school property!” Namjoon hissed. “And also, we skipped the part that Taehyung is having prophetic visions and didn’t tell us.”

“Well you haven’t told us what happened with your dad at the Ministry, so I think we’re even,” Jimin replied. Namjoon frowned, not liking that Jimin found a loophole.

“I’ll tell you. . . eventually. It’s just not important right now. We should be talking about Taehyung’s vision-”

“Why are we calling it that? Tae’s had plenty of weird dreams about all of us, and none of them have ever been prophecies.” Jimin poked Taehyung’s arm. “Tell him some.”

“A walking Tooth saved my life from a vampire once. A big wolf was riding a broomstick and everyone thought he called me a slur. Oh, and also, I dreamt that I saw you and Jin Hyung swimming in a homework pool, making out.”

Namjoon choked on air, and he had to sip on his drink to stop.

“Who’s making out in a pool?” Jin suddenly walked over, sliding onto the bench next to Namjoon. “Sounds hot.”

Namjoon choked harder.

“Oh, are you okay? Do you need hel-wait, Namjoon?” Jin had reached out to slap Namjoon’s back, but stopped short when he saw his face. “It’s you?”

“Uh, hey Hyung?”

Jin looked like he’d seen He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Actually, he looked like he’d seen He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in drag, because he was beyond shocked. His eyes darted from Namjoon’s face, to shoulders, to arms, to face, to hands, to arms, to face, to legs, to face, to arms, to thighs, to arms, to-

“Well, now we’ve just got Hoseok Hyung left to see,” Taehyung said calmly, ignoring Jimin’s giggles at Namjoon’s red face.

“Has he left his room yet?” Jimin asked.

“No, still sad. I’ll get him out for a meal tomorrow, hopefully.”

“I’m sorry, but are we just skipping over Namjoon’s, uh, body?” Jin asked, his face a deep pink.

“Yeah, I’d like to,” Namjoon said, his cheeks just as pink.

“Wh-what? Why? How did this happen?”

“My muscle rebuilding spell and medication was too effective,” Jimin said plainly, like Namjoon wasn’t having his world turned upside down. “It’ll be fine, he’s done growing muscle now. Give it 24 hours, and it’ll start to go down as long as he doesn’t exercise. We’ll have good old Namjoon back tomorrow night.”

Jin nodded, trying to tear his eyes away from Namjoon. He eventually did, and started eating dessert, chatting with Jimin and Taehyung about potential meanings of Tae’s dreams. Every now and again, Namjoon felt Jin’s eyes dart towards his arms, then quickly back at his pudding. 

He tried, he really did. Namjoon wanted to talk about Tae’s dream. It was their newest lead, but he couldn’t. He felt himself searching for Jin’s stares, and something weird in him felt. . . proud when Jin did look. He liked the attention. He liked that Jin liked his arms. 

Namjoon’s face grew three shades darker at that realization. He tried to shove the feeling down, because really, it was stupid. Yoongi was missing, an intruder was on the loose, he was behind in all his courses, and he simply had no extra time to be thinking about whether or not his Hyung liked his arms. 

But it was an added plus.

It didn’t matter though, Jimin said by tomorrow he’d be back to normal. Thin, bendy, and lanky, good old Namjoon. Another teenager too slim for his frame, looking like an alien in his own skin. Just a geek with glasses and a perfect report card. Attention only thrown his way to validate academic success and leadership qualities, never for his looks. 

. . . but Jimin said it wouldn’t go away if he worked out.

. . . maybe he had some free time tonight. Just a little.

He’d purely be doing this for himself, of course. He thought of it as an experiment, a test, if anything. Something to check the natural-effects of Jimin’s genius spellcasting. Push its boundaries, look for errors. 

That was all. 

Totally.

No other reason.