“We all will do what is right for us at the end of the day.”
Dorcas had never intended to lie.
Sure, back in her school years she made up the occasional excuse or lie about a missing assignment, about reasons why she was late for class.
It was not that she had an issue with lying- truly not.
Except she had not intended for these words to be fabricated, meaningless.
She had meant them, believed them with her heart which was unlikely for her to do.
Perhaps in the big picture she was not the one that lied but the one that got lied to.
Yet...
The words she had spoken were fallacious.
-
Regulus had been sixteen years old when he started distancing himself from their daily hang outs.
Daily turned to weekly which had turned to concern.
Regulus was the most private one out of all of them, the most likely to shut everyone out and never look back but he would have been upfront about it, told them to piss off.
His skin had been paler than usual, his words more quiet and his smart mind during classes more absent as he mumbled vague excuses why he could not spend time with them. Barty had blamed it on puberty as if they did not have the same age.
He had scoffed at her concern. “He is just being an angsty teen, you have to let him get it out of his system.”
Evan had agreed with a laugh, yet the humor behind his words felt not quite as sincere as Barty’s.
It was proven to be hard getting them apart. Every excuse she made Barty wiggled himself in.
Library: “Ah, I’ll come to copy your notes.”
Quidditch field : “last one there is a fucking Hufflepuff!”
The lake : “I could use a swim, mate. I’m fucking sweating.”
The forbidden forest : “No way you guys will survive without ME!"
Dorcas was determined and truly not one to back down from a challenge, especially when it involved her friends.
She walked down the steps from her divination class, A class she shared with no other than Regulus Black except.. if she wanted answers she knew not to go looking around the person raising the questions. So he truly was not what she needed right now. He did not even walk next to her, in a rush to make an exit.
Brown eyes burned into the back of his head, if Dorcas had laser eyes his dark curls would be long on the floor.
It was like he could sense it, the glance he threw back at his friend- his eyes widening ever so slightly before he started taking two steps down at the same time.
All Dorcas could do was roll her eyes.
Subtle, Regulus.
The words almost left her lips but she also knew better than to allow that, so she kept her mouth wisely shut.
“I have to study as well actually, thanks for the invite Meadowes.” Barty had said this time.
Annoying prick.
He claimed he was going to study just to distract the ones in actual need of it and then he would proceed to pass himself with flying colors.
Prick. Prick. Prick.
Usually she could not even claim to mind though, she liked having his presence around. But as much as she adored Bartemius Crouch Junior he was getting on her last nerve right about now, like a piece of gum in the blonde locks of Evan Rosier.
Impossible to remove.
When she walked in the library Evan was leaning back in his chair, chewing some candy they picked up at their last trip at Hogsmeade.
Barty on the other hand was draped with his feet on the table, tucked away in a corner to get away with it without getting scolded by the librarian pacing around.
Pandora would have been a great addition to this conversation, a distraction for Barty but she was at her next class-
her schedule overflowing with classes most purebloods now a day would look down on you for. She shared their divination class except she would sneak out five minutes early every time to be able to attend muggle studies on the other side of the castle.
“Hey boys,” Dorcas dropped her bag on the table and grinned at the pair.
“Evan, darling, can you leant me a hand.. I can not reach the book from the top shelf.”
Their height difference was very insignificant but they were gullible enough to buy it.
Except.. Barty his hand took hold of his friends wrist as he was in the middle of getting up.
“You’re joking, right? Like no offense Dorcas, I know you’re half instead of pure but even you should know a simple accio spell will do the trick.”
She already felt so certain yet Barty continued to make it that much more painfully obvious why this was a conversation that had to be held in his absence.
She shot him a glare before walking away with her jaw clenched to a bookshelf out of ear shot from the table.
“Here Evan!!” She did not need to glance back to hear that footsteps were following her without complaint. The boy looked up the shelves expectantly when they came to a stop in front of it.
“What are we looking for?” he said with a croaked smile as he looked at Dorcas.
His eyes ran over her face and when they met hers his smile was quick to fade, furrowed brows taking its place instead. “We are looking for a book, correct?” he said teasingly.
“Listen, Dor. If you wanted a make out session behind the shelves you should have asked Barty, more his forte.”
Prick.
All her friends were pricks for merlins sake.
Dorcas rolled her eyes before shaking her head. “Crouch has been making it impossible for me.”
“Barty? What! No! He’s an angel, he would never, ever make anything for anyone impossible.”
She gave him a pointed look to which he sighed, defeated. “What’s up?”
“Regulus.”
It was small, barely noticeable yet she saw the tension that suddenly found its way in his shoulders.
“Regulus..?”
“Regulus.”
“What about him?”
“I was hoping you could tell me, Rosier.”
Evan glanced back to the table, his eyes finding an uninterested Barty who was finishing the bag of candy.
“I am not sure,” He muttered, gaze directed to the ground instead of her face now. “I’ve got my suspicions and I am assuming you do too and that’s why.. we’re here.”
Dorcas swallowed, she didn’t really though. She refused to have suspicions. Suspicions right now were bad, in Regulus his case right now, awful—so she refused.
“Tell me.”
“My parents have become more.. insistent. Things are getting worse out there and there is talk of the mark.. Usually underage wizards are not allowed to take it. But for some reason they have become very certain that,” His gaze drifted upwards, his blue eyes looking scared and almost helpless. “it is possible now.”
“And you think?..” She did not have to finish her thought, it was heavenly implied, the word spelled out in front of them.
“I am fairly certain I know.”
They did know.
She had known deep inside.
Regulus never had the choice, he had done what was right for him.
Had done what would not end with him crumbling on the floor with the cruciatus curse coming out of the end of his mother’s wand.
He had made the choice that ended without his name on a gravestone which Dorcas felt painfully grateful for.
He knew better, she knew better that he did.
She believed in him and that was all that they had in these times so she clung to that.
-
She clung to knowing better even when Evan stood in front of the door of her apartment.
They never came over, she lived in a muggle neighborhood- away from the chaos, protected by surrounding herself with unknowing.
Yet here stood her friend banging on her door. Banging as if it was dead or life so that was how Dorcas opened her door.
She had a firm grip on her wand as she swung her door open with a simple spell. She was ready to strike, ready to protect who dared to put a finger on her friend. Evan flinched when the door slammed against the wall, his eyes big like a deer in a headlight.
He was.. Alone?
Dorcas looked around, leaned out the door frame and there was.. no one.
Well, except Evan.
Evan who was shivering.
Evan who had not replied to her letters for weeks.
Evan who like Regulus she was not allowed to visit because they lived in a household filled with death eathers.
“Evan-“
She stopped herself and looked him up and down. Looked him up and down inch for inch, took in properly the person that stood on her doorstep.
He looked skinny, not starved like Regulus the last time they met which had been months ago, but skinny.
His skin looked paler than usual, almost sickly and his eyes..
Oh his eyes.
They were brimmed with tears, the eyebags underneath them glossy from the ones that had fallen before.
Evan was the most emotional one of the boys. She liked it about him, she never had to break through his walls or sarcastic jokes like with the others.
While they would have turned away, here he stood in front of her door, vulnerable.
Pathetic his parents would say.- But instead of scolding him she almost instantly reached out, her arms wrapping around his neck.
He was taller than her now, quite a lot but she did her best to be comforting as he sobbed in her shoulder.
He had showed it to her, the mark. He was not afraid to show it, he had it and was not planning to run.
It had taken every bone in Dorcas her body to not throw up at the sight of it.
The way the snake moved and stretched the skin every passing second.
She could only imagine the sting, the constant pain- as if her friends did not suffer enough. As if they had not given enough.
He had done what was best, had done what avoided another headstone at the graveyard.
So all Dorcas could do was hug him, Hug him and pray to merlin or whatever muggle god would listen to help, to protect.
She could only imagine how Barty would take this news. She had not been there when he had found out about Regulus’ but when she had found the shorter boy afterwards he had quickly wiped his tears and claimed to be doing homework.
Barty cared most for Regulus as a friend, he always had and it was incredibly obvious.
He cared so much that he had pushed passed it, passed this and if Dorcas believed him still frequently saw their old friend, even now.
But Evan.. he cared for Evan in more ways than one.
So Dorcas did not just pray for protection, but she also prayed for Evan and Barty that night.
Prayed the boy would realize he had done what was best.
-
There was a point only Pandora answered.
Pandora who had recently moved in with Xeno.
Dorcas had liked him back in Hogwarts, he was in her year, one year ahead of Pandora. They were a perfect match if you asked her.
Besides that not much was new.
Pandora had no word from neither Barty or Evan.
She did often hear from Regulus. He was alright she would in response write to Dorcas.
He is alright, but scared.
He was always scared she thought.
He has always been scared even as a child, though he had tried so hard to hide that.
Being out of touch with her friends led to Dorcas being out of touch with the entirety of the wizarding world.
She had no owl that delivered the daily prophet through her window- no, she only had a stupid muggle newspaper, a newspaper that tried to make sense of freak accidents and deaths that were no doubt caused by death eaters.
It was dangerous outside but she also was well aware she was no muggle born nor a weak witch.
They would not just attack her and even if they did she was very much capable of standing her ground.
She was always the best in the dueling club at Hogwarts for a reason after all.
Apparition could get her to the leaky cauldron in the blink of an eye but as she found herself on the side of the road she waved over a taxi.
She did not leave her home often and she was not about to rush her trip by fucking teleporting to the place immediately.
Even while Dorcas had given herself more time to not only enjoy some fresh air but also mentally prepare to be face to face with magic again-
she was not prepared.
As she stood in front of the brick wall nostalgia filled every inch of her body.
It took her back to that one summer when she ran in to Regulus there-
he was there to escape his parents and the magic world while she had been there to chase it.
They had gotten ice cream together, somehow he had managed to let it leak down the entirety of his hands- eating far too slow.
She had tried to do a cleaning spell, it was an easy spell but never useful until this day so she had ended up only making it worse, making her stomach hurt from the laughter while he grimaced with sticky fingers.
Another time had been during Christmas break, she ran in to Marlene.
The two girls fancied each other this was common knowledge in the Slytherin as well as in the Gryffindor common room and though they were no yet official they enjoyed to occasionally hide themselves away and snog each other’s faces off, like friends do.
They had done the same now, hidden away in the back of the book store between stacks and ladders.
That day Marlene had mustered up all her Gryffindor bravery and asked Dorcas to be her girlfriend to which she had much too loudly agreed, causing and employee to check what was going on and where all he noise was coming from.
They pretended to be looking at old second hand textbooks and once everything was clear they could not stop giggling as they parted ways again.
One time she also ran in to both Evan and Barty.
This was the day before the departure of the Hogwarts express and somehow Barty had managed to have bought zero school supplies yet.
So Evan and Dorcas spend all day with him, finding all the requirements and eventually trying on the most obnoxious robes in madam Malkin’s and performing and entire fashion show in the fitting rooms of the store until they got kicked out.
Their day ended with a rushed meal at the leaky cauldron, in order for Dorcas to get home in time.-
She had not been and got scolded heavily by her dad for it but she had a good laugh afterwards about it the next day as she retold it in the train to her friends with ridiculous impressions.
Her finger glided along the brick wall and just as she was about to tap herself back in the world that she had so heavenly missed with her wand someone called her name.
“If that isn’t Dorcas Meadowes in the flesh!”
The voice was cheerful and she was glad to recognize it, avoiding an awkward situation of her pulling her wand on her old friend.
She quickly whipped her head around, her braids roughly hitting against her own back but she barely felt the sting as her eyes met the ones of a person she had not even realized she had missed this much.
His green eyes burned, wide open matching the big grin on his face.
His hair was the usual brown mess yet his clothes were surprisingly put together, all black, a blouse and some ironed belted trousers.
“Bartemius Crouch!”
Her own grin matched his as she walked up to him, getting soaked up in his embrace.
“Bartemius, Really? How many times do I have to tell you to not call me that.” He tried to sound serious but the playful undertone stood out to her immediately.
“especially now I’ve cut ties with the old bastard!”
Dorcas was not even sure she heard him correctly at first.
Sure, she was well aware Barty his father could not even be described well enough with the word awful if you took all Barty his exaggeratings in to account—
nonetheless his voice sounded much too ecstatic for the actual sad reality in that truth.
“You did what?”
“Right! Forgot its been a while!”
Barty took her by the shoulder and guided her back inside.
Only now did Dorcas look properly around the place, it was rather.. crowded.
It was not necessarily unusual for the leaky cauldron to be busy on days but on a random Tuesday in the middle of school.. Was to say the least—unexpected.
He let himself fall down on one of the barstools. Shouting something at the bar tender and then holding two fingers up which got followed with a wink at the guy.
Dorcas felt hesitant almost a little uneasy which of course was ridiculous,
this was Barty.
Even though he was the biggest prick and most complicated out of the bunch he had always been her favorite.
She had her reasons.
Like how they played quidditch together and cussed out the other team when they lost, or how they would sing a victory song if they won.
Regulus was always there too naturally, smirking from the sidelines with the snitch in his hand.
Or how Barty always seemed strong and intimidating to people yet if you pushed and he trusted you, you got to see some of the most vulnerable and sweetest sides of him.
He trusted Dorcas and she cherished every part of it.
Or when he would wake up in the middle of the night when she was still awake, studying.
She would be sitting on the ground, books sprawled out around her and he would sit next to her without a word.
Usually with candy or other snacks.
Though Barty was a year below her he was incredibly smart, so smart he helped her with her assignments and tests.
So, despite the unease she sat down next to him trying to meet the smile covering his lips.
“Yeah so basically, now with everything that is going on you know-“ He let out a soft laugh, hand running through his hair.
“We’re no longer on speaking terms.”
The bar tender placed a fire whiskey in front of them both and Barty clearly was in need of it as his hand immediately grasped around it and he proceeded with taking a big gulp, emptying half the glass as if it was nothing.
“Everything that is going on?” Dorcas asked softly, mirroring him except the sip she took being significantly smaller.
“Don’t act oblivious, sweetheart.” Barty snorted around the rim of his glass and when he noticed the confusion in his friends eyes he frowned. “With the war.” He explained.
It took Dorcas a few seconds to attempt and make sense of his reasoning, despite that she failed.
“What?” She sounded dumb, she knew she did—it was how she felt.
“You know the war between—”
Dorcas quickly shook her head. The war between deatheathers and the ministry, the order.
She was not a part of the order, she wasn’t planning to become one unless things got bad to the point she could not sit along the sidelines and watch.
She never was one to watch.. But being a part of the order meant so much more to her than others.
Yes, of course she believed in what the stood for.
But some people..
Some people she would stand against did not believe in what they had to stand for, in what they were forced to stand for.
She could not fight them.
She could not join because what if she came eye to eye with Regulus or Evan on a mission?
What if it was their life or the one of her partner.. she was frightened of the choice she would make.
“I know about the war, Barty.”
“So why are you confused?”
“Well,” Dorcas let out a chuckle, this was dumb. All of it was.
“You and your dad.. you never got along– I just don’t see how the war made it worse?”
It was Barty his turn to be confused, causing him to glance around, looking at the people that surrounded them before locking eyes with Dorcas.
“It is not exactly daddy, son time when you’re on opposite sides of a war, you know?”
You know?
Do I know?
Dorcas stared at him.
She stared, waiting for him to laugh, to wink.. to give her anything.
Anything, Barty- She almost pleaded.
please please please please please please please -
“Are you okay, D? You’re looking a little pale...”
anything anything anything anything anything- ANTHING.
Barty his arm reached over to Dorcas her cheek- his left arm reached over.
It all happened in slow motion, the way his finger slid away from the glass, the way he lifted his arm from the bar, the way the fabric shifted, tightened as his wrist twisted and then lifted-
lifted and making the fabric fall down.
It was the head,
the face of the snake she saw,
all that had to be revealed.
All that was needed in order to make her flinch away when his hand brushed against her cheek.
“Dorcas?” She stumbled back, the stool falling to the ground and it was like the world went quiet.
Like everything vanished around her except the boy in front of her.
He looked at her, eyes wide with concern. Concern. He was concerned.
Please, anything.
“You are a..” Her voice was quiet, the rest of her words caught in her throat.
“Dorcas.. I thought you knew..” He mumbled and stood up, glancing around before picking the stool up and placing it back up right.
“You thought...” Dorcas swallowed hard, nails digging in her palms.
“You though that I knew.”
“Dor-“
“You thought that I knew- and that- that.. that I would sit here and drink with you!? That is what you thought, Barty? Are you serious!!”
He didn’t flinch the way he used to when he got yelled at,
if anything he straightened himself, suddenly looking so much taller.
Dorcas felt small.
So very fucking small.
Barty was safe,
Barty was supposed to be safe.
He had a choice. He was supposed to do what was right. Right for him. Right for her.
Right for fucking Evan and Regulus who would’ve killed to do right.
Who almost died for a decision Barty had carelessly made.
A decision because he believes he thinks it is right, a decision he knows his dad is firmly against..
“Dorcas, be careful.” It was not a threat yet it felled like one.
He did not even have his wand out yet she was waiting to be hit with a curse.
“Careful?” She sounded so fucking weak, her voice was quivering and she hated how she had no control over it.
“Yes.” He once again glanced around.
There was a second where she thought he was trying to safe himself, trying to not get arrested-
a moment where Dorcas considered shouting
Hey arrors, over here!! a deatheater!
But when she looked around she realized what he meant.
She realized she had to be careful for herself.
The people in the leaky cauldron remained seated yet they were eyeing her like a piece of meat, some wands in their hand, some wands slipping from sleeves.
They were ready to attack.
Attack her for disagreeing with Barty, their ally.
She looked at her old friend, her vision hazy behind the wall of tears that was building.
“You are fucking dead to me.” She mumbled, loud enough so only Barty could hear.
He reached for her arm but she quickly took a step back. “Don’t put your hands on me, Crouch.”
“Dorcas, at least let me expla-“
he sounded so desperate, so hurt and she laughed.
Her laugh was manic, it sounded exactly how she felt.
“I need no explanation, you’ve made it loud and clear where you chose to stand. And know this, Barty-”
She took a step forward and another until she was close enough to lean over and whisper in his ear.
Her body shaking, her skin begging to be scrubbed clean, her finger shaking to use her wand and her mind screaming at her for how naïve she actually is.
“every dead, every life I take from now on- it is another name you can add to your fucking list.
You want to choose sides? so that is what we’ll fucking do. You have it your way.”
Barty did not say anything anymore after that, or if he did Dorcas did not hear it.
She stormed out, nearly ran and stumbled as she gasped for fresh air the second she was outside.
She did apparate now.
Tears streaming down her face, blood dried from her nails on her hand as she walked through Hogsmeade to Hogwarts.
He has his side and she has her own.
She’ll become a member of the order of the phoenix.
She’ll become a member with the longest list of names yet, a list she’ll share forever with Barty Crouch from this moment forward.
Nothing would hold her back and if anyone wanted her dead,
Tom Riddle could do it him-fucking-self because she was done hiding away for anyone.