A Rude Elf, an Interesting Meal, and a New Home
12 Grimmauld Place, July 11, 1998
“How can this damned ghoul cause this much trouble in a house!”
“Vhat is it, mon bonheur?” Fleur answered her husband.
“First Dust-Dumbledore, then Walburga Black, then Kreacher, and now a bloody ghoul.”
“Vell, ve have to ze end of ze month to break ze curses, no?”
“Yes, and with Hermione’s undetectable extension charm work for a proper room for Kreacher, and all the disturbing, annoying, and plain mean,” Bill said with a glare at the Black matriarch’s scowling portrait, “emotionally and historically important things in this house. And have Perc get permits for it all at Kingsley’s quickly improving new and improved Ministry, we should have this house shaped up in time for Harry’s return. And adding a muggle landline was genius, mon ange, Dad wants one now!”
The door slammed. “I didn’t kill you, and shut the fuck up, Wally! Guess what the bitch of a beetle did! Know what, I don’t care! George! Do you have any deadly products? Or at least permanently injuring ones? Or something that will mentally scar a nosy journalist? Maybe pranking bug-repellent spray? Or bug tracking? I will accept literally anything!!!” Parvati screamed once in the house.
Mr. Creevey, showing up through the kitchen with brownies, “Denis went with George to the shop. I’m not sure if they’re back yet. I made brownies, they have chunks of chocolate. Sugar’s great for cheering people up?”
“Thank you, Mr. Creevey!” Parvati said, scooping up a treat onto a napkin.
“I would appreciate it if everyone would call me Bernard,” the milkman replied.
“Dad! Dad! I didn’t kill you! Guess what George showed me! It was all so cool, so many things! I’m in love with it! I want to spend all day there!!!”
“He’s great with marketing and pranks,” George laughed. “But kneazles, not so much.
“What’s a kneazle?” The young boy’s father asked.
“A cat-like creature from hell. And Crookshanks, even more so. I had to share a room with that thing for 4 years! I’m so glad that Ginny’s watching him for Hermione. I don’t know how I’ll survive Eighth Year.” Parvati laughed.
“Of course, there’s a cat from hell! Student killing snake, human eating spider, now this? Why is this world so weird?” Bernard’s questions were met with shrugs. “Never mind.”
Parvati quickly repeated her earlier rant to George, which was met with all-around laughter.
“Her life must be infected with nargles. And rightfully so!” said the younger blond walking through the door.
“Luna!” laughed one of the men coming in behind her and her father.
“Oh shut it Perc!” George laughed from the kitchen, bringing other dishes out from the kitchen.
“What is all of that?” The other man, the new Minister of Magic, asked.
“Denis wanted tacos,” the eldest Weasley brother laughed.
“And I vanted to zu try zhem!” Fleur laughed.
“And that looks utterly delicious.” The last lunch guest licked his lips.
“Shower, Longbottom, now.” Parvati snapped and then laughed, “I have permission to be rude coming all the way from the Southern Hemisphere.”
Neville frowned and with an over dramatic sigh, “Fine, I’ll shower.”
Everyone laughed as they finished setting the dining room table and sat down to eat, Neville joining the party only a few minutes later, but quickly refusing to sit down.
“I am not superstitious. But the third time's the charm and I refuse to make it a fourth.”
“What?”
“Dumbledore, Sirius, and Professor Lupin. If thirteen dine, then the first to rise is the first to die. I’m good with taking chances.”
“Didn’t Professor Trelawney say that? Good point.” Parvati said.
Kreacher mumbled something under his breath about eating in his room and quickly scurried off with a glare at Buckbeak. The highly offended hippogriff grabbed the paper plate in his mouth and sauntered off to the kitchen and into the backyard.
Neville grumbled, “He better not destroy the brand-new Worlds Collide garden.”
“Vhat’s zat?” Fleur asked her still partially covered in-dirt friend.
“It’s a new project I’m starting. It houses plants of both the magical and muggle worlds. Not only will Grimmauld Place now be supplied with plenty of fruits and vegetables, but it will also have plants needed for potions such as Veritaserum, just in case of a Beetle run-in, and specialty supplies for both the Quibbler and the joke shop. It’s my weekend project. Next weekend, I’m helping at the Burrow, and at Malfoy Manor, and then I’m free for your home Luna, and Mr. Lovegood.”
“Formalities are dropped, a war was fought after all.”
“And a mixed world garden sounds lovely Neville, just make sure not to disrupt the Nargles.”
“Luna, I can’t see them, so I’ll require your help with it all.”
“Alright. Lunch was delicious everyone, but I must get back to my job. The Ministry won’t fix itself! Percy?”
“Coming Kings. Bill, George, others, good day.” Perc replied.
“Perc! You staying tonight?” Bill called out.
“Yes, if I make it home. There’s night training tonight for Aurors and security, and we’re running evaluation drills. Might not make it back. But I’ll floo home from here, if that’s all right.”
“Of course, see you then little brother!” Bill laughed, grabbing a few of the dirty dishes and bringing them to the kitchen. Everyone worked on cleaning up until a few screeches and a thud were heard from the backyard. Bill ran out, wand raised, quickly followed by all but the Creevy and Mr. Lovegood, Luna blocking them at the door.
“Oh, it’s just Bucks and a random owl…Owls… How many are there?”
“Uh, 10, nope there’s one with its feet tangled in string on the roof, 11.”
“I see why!” George laughed, pointing to the large wooden crate broken on top of Buckbeak.”
“Ze Floo just rang. It vas Madame Malfoy calling to let us know about ze books.” Fleur shouted out of the kitchen window.
Her statement was met with a chorus of “Oh”s and “That makes sense…”
The magicians quickly got the books off of Buckbeak and made sure their longtime friend was alright. Luna, standing on George’s shoulders, rescued the owl hanging like a bat, while Fleur and Denis prepared snacks for the flock.
Bill started to gather the books, calling out who each one was for, “Good, the book Harry needed! And a book about rare plants for Neville. And rare and mythological magical creatures for Luna. A copy of Hogwarts: A History for Bernard, a book on blood curses and family heirlooms for me? Oh, a note. ‘There’s an entire section dedicated to the Blacks. My son thought it would be helpful. There are some more books in both the Lestrange library and in Aunt Wala’s, I’ve inherited it all as the only non “blood traitor” in my living family, that will be relevant, I’m trying to locate them now. -Narcissa’ That’s nice of her. There’s more, George, will you hand them out, I really want to start reading.”
“Sure…” George started, “Something something in French for Fleur, I’m not even going to try to pronounce it. History of Ministers of Magic Internationally, for Kingsley, the Problems in Politics for Percy, the Diaries of the Black Family, starting with Phineas Nigellus Black, written by the house elves, for Kreacher. That was very nice. The Rebellion of the News for Xenophilius, History of Magical Photography for Denis…”
“Cool!”
“Parvati, you have a few journals and a list of language translation spells, and a note saying: Every teacher, ever-changing, holding secrets to not be known, each one will make a story… blah blah blah… that will bring fame and destroy evil… yada yada yada, I think it's about Lockhart's crimes. And History of Royal Jesters: Olde England Best Pranksters. Oh my god! This is perfect! I have plans to write.” George finished, literally skipping out of the room.
Everyone spent the rest of the weekend reading, although Neville did finish the garden, and Bill and Fleur managed to get one screaming Black off the wall and to Kreacher, to do with it what he will. The tears in the wall were quickly fixed and photos, both magic and muggle, were added. The Marauders, James and Lily, James and Sirius, Sirius and Remus, Sirius and Regulus, and mixes of all in between, one even of Sirius and Buckbeak, and a few pictures of both the First and Second Orders of the Phoenix, perfect for when Harry got back to his home.