“This is a waste of time.” Regulus said scowling at the wisp of black smoke that disappeared into the air. It wasn’t supposed to be black. “Why are we doing this again?”.
“Because,” Barty drawled, “We promised Pandora we’d help her with her experiment.” After looking at the dark expression on Regulus’s face, he put his wand down, leaned back against a desk and wiped the sweat dripping off his forehead with the sleeves of his robes. “Maybe we should take a break?”
Regulus scowled harder before taking a seat next to him. “We don’t even know the details of this experiment – why do we need to be able to cast a Patronus charm?”
“Expecto Patronum!”
Barty shrugged and looked over at his fellow Ravenclaw, who seemed to be having much better luck casting the Patronus charm than Regulus – remnants of silver faded into the air as Pandora looked over at the boys.
“I told you – it’s a secret.” Pandora said simply. “I’ll let you know more once we get the Patronus charm down. Besides, we almost have it!”
Regulus scoffed. “Speak for yourself.”
The three of them had been holed up in an empty classroom all afternoon practising the Patronus charm with varying degrees of success. With a bit more practice, sure, Pandora may be able to manage a corporeal patronus, but definitely not Regulus. He couldn’t even get the colour right on the few instances he managed to conjure something.
It was annoying, Regulus didn’t normally have this much trouble with spells. He was one of the top students in their year. He spent so much of his free time studying magic, he knew he was far ahead of many of his older peers as well. He was a good wizard! But the fact that both Pandora and Barty weren’t having as much difficulty with the spell left him feeling slightly irritated. That wasn’t, however, the only thing troubling him.
“You just need a little more practice that’s all!” Pandora smiled.
Regulus sighed. “I guess."
The thing was, no matter how much he practiced, Regulus didn’t think he’d be capable of casting a Patronus charm.
“Hey,” Barty leaned over, casually brushing his shoulders against Regulus, “You okay?” he asked quietly.
Turning his gaze away from the window, Regulus looked up and met brown eyes warm with concern.
“I – “ Regulus started before averting his eyes. “I’m fine.” It was silly, wasn’t it? To be this bothered over a dumb spell.
Barty sighed. “C’mon, Reg. You’ve been in a shitty mood all day.” He reached over and curled Regulus’s fringe with his finger. “Maybe Pan and I can help?”
“I’m not in a bad mood” Regulus mumbled. He made no movement to push Barty’s hand away though.
“Yes, you are.” Pandora joined the conversation. “Barty’s right, Regulus. You’ve been in an awful mood today, more so than usual. We’re your friends, Regulus. Let us know what’s bothering you.” She said softly.
Regulus looked over at Pandora and then back to Barty, both filled with concern, and felt a little guilty. He had a tendency to keep things to himself, unlike Barty and Pandora but he supposed it wasn’t fair to them having to deal with his foul mood.
“I - “ He hesitated. He wasn’t used to being open about his feelings. It was fine to tell them though, right? Because they asked. He closed his eyes and then opened them. “I don’t have any happy memories.”
There was a moment of silence and then.
“What?”
Regulus jumped off the desk and ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. “I don’t have any happy memories, okay? I’ve been thinking about it for hours and there’s nothing. How am I supposed to perform this stupid spell if I can’t even meet the basic requirement for the Patronus charm?”
Pandora and Barty exchanged glances before turning over to Regulus.
“Regulus, of course you have happy memories.” Pandora said, looking bemused.
“I don’t.” Regulus responded harshly. “Obviously if I did, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.” He crossed his arms.
“Sure you do, Reg.” Barty walked over to Regulus and put an arm around his shoulder. “We can help you come up with ideas if you’d like?”
Pandora nodded.
“I guess.” Regulus said softly. “What memory are you two using?”
Barty froze. “Erm.” He removed his arm.
“Well?” Regulus looked up at him expectantly.
Barty laughed weakly. “Well, you know.” He shot Pandora a look.
Pandora looked a little amused.
Regulus did not in fact know. He decided to voice out these thoughts.
“I mean, err, well, it’s when…” Barty trailed off.
Fortunately for Barty, Pandora took pity on him and answered Regulus’s question.
“The summer before my mum died, Mum, daddy and I spent 2 weeks in Greece. The magical community there was absolutely lovely.” She smiled. “Although my mum died shortly after, I can’t help but smile at the memories of those two weeks my family spent together. Maybe you have similar memories from your childhood?”
Truthfully, Regulus had already considered that but he thought about it again. Sure, he had been on family trips before. They went at least few times a year before he started Hogwarts. Swimming in the lakes, playing hide-and-seek with his cousins, stargazing with his brother, the few moments he remembers of his parents and brother together, no fighting. A nice, peaceful time. A time with his family that he would never experience again.
His heart clenched. He wasn’t like Pandora. Thinking about memories from his childhood didn’t make him happy at all. They filled him with a sense of longing – longing for something he would never experience again.
He shook his head. “That won’t work.”
Pandora blinked. “Oh.” She turned to Barty for more ideas.
Barty, who seemed lost in his own thoughts, jumped. “Oh, uh, what about quidditch?”
“Quidditch?”
Barty grinned. “Yeah, like, what about when you first made the Slytherin quidditch team? That’s a good memory, right?”
“Oh!” Pandora exclaimed, “Yes, surely, that might be it! You made the team back in our second year, right? Most students don’t normally get on the team till at least third!”
It was true. Regulus had always been a huge fan of quidditch, even as a child, although he never really played it before Hogwarts. His cousins didn’t care for it and neither did Sirius, surprisingly. Perhaps that was one of the reasons why he made the decision to join the Quidditch team back in his first year – he could play quidditch without being compared to anyone else in his family. Flying was also something he was naturally talented at. He remembers being approached by Steve Laughalot, the previous Slytherin captain, who had caught him flying one afternoon in his first year and demanded that he tryout for the team next year. Regulus had agreed and he easily made the Slytherin quidditch team, replacing Laughalot, who had graduated, as seeker. He remembered writing to his parents after the tryouts informing them and being sent the newest Cleansweep Six in response. His parents’ quiet approval made him smile.
“You should try it again!”
Right. Maybe it would work this time? He thought hard about how he felt back then.
“Expecto Patronum!”
Nothing happened.
He trembled slightly. It wasn’t good enough.
Pandora bit her lip for a moment, then smiled brightly. “I know! What about your first Quidditch match?”
“My first match?” Regulus asked curiously.
“Yes!” She clasped her hands excitedly, “Remember when you first caught the snitch? It was against our house if I remember correctly.” She gave Barty knowing glance. “Right?”
Barty gave Pandora an exasperated look. “Yeah, it was against Ravenclaw.”
Realization dawned on Regulus’s face. “You mean that match.”
His mind flashes back to the day of his first match – it was Slytherin against Ravenclaw and Regulus was a nervous wreck. Why did he think it was a good idea to join the team? He hated in the spotlight and yet here he was, as Slytherin’s newest seeker, a lot of the crowd’s attention was on him. He tried to ignore everyone and focus on finding the snitch but it was difficult to ignore the fact that he was surrounded by so many people staring at him, waiting for him to make a move.
He had glanced at the Gryffindor stand earlier and of course he didn’t see Sirius anywhere. He wasn’t expecting Sirius to come watch but he still hoped that he’d make an appearance at least. He felt that if Sirius was there, he wouldn’t be as nervous as he was right now and he hated himself for feeling that way.
He sighed and looked around. The Ravenclaw seeker, a fifth year whose name Regulus had forgotten, hadn’t seemed to have spotted the snitch yet either. He must have felt Regulus’s gaze as he looked up at him and smirked.
Regulus averted his eyes and gripped the handle of his broom tighter. He wished he could find the snitch fast and end the game already. What if he couldn’t find the snitch on time? What if the Ravenclaw seeker caught the snitch before him? He wasn’t sure if he could live with the humiliation of being the one to cause Slytherin's loss. He stomach clenched and he thought he was going to be sick. And the thought of that made him feel even worse. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Until over the cheers and screams of the crowd, he heard a voice.
“Regulus, good luck! You can do it!”.
“What the hell, Crouch. You’re rooting for the wrong team.” Regulus looked over at the stands just in time to see Barty being pulled off the bench by another disgruntled Ravenclaw. “And don’t stand on the bench.” Some of the crowd surrounding him looked amused while others looked displeased.
Barty let out an embarrassed laugh as he pulled his head down, slightly flustered. “Right, sorry, I forgot.”
Regulus let out a short laugh. That idiot.
“It looks like you have a fan, Black.” The Ravenclaw seeker called out, but Regulus paid him no mind. His chest felt lighter and his breathing, easier, after hearing Barty cheer just for him.
He spotted the snitch shortly after, fluttering near the goal hoops and raced towards it. He could feel the Ravenclaw seeker right on his trail, but ignored him and the roaring sounds of the crowd, his mind completely on the snitch. His heart raced as he reached out for the snitch, closing the gap between them. His eyes lit up as he held up his hand triumphantly, showing off the snitch in his hand, and though he could hear and see the crowds screaming with excitement as Slytherin won, he glanced over the Ravenclaw stands. The Ravenclaws looked visibly disappointed which was obviously expected, however, there was one Ravenclaw grinned loudly as he caught Regulus’s eye and gave him a thumbs up.
Sure, catching the snitch and leading to Slytherin’s victory felt nice, but knowing that someone was there rooting for him felt even better.
Back in the present, Regulus bit back a smile. “Yeah, that was a good match.”
“It was, wasn’t it?” Pandora giggled. “Why not focus on that?”
Regulus agreed. He closed his eyes and focused on how he felt that day, the warmth he felt when he heard his best friend call out his name, the rush of adrenaline he felt when he caught the snitch. He opened his eyes and called out, “Expecto Patronum!”
For a moment he thought nothing happened. And then, from his wand came out a thin wisp of silver.
Regulus stared at it in awe, while Pandora and Barty beamed. “See! I told you!” Pandora exclaimed.
Regulus nodded his head slowly. Perhaps he was actually capable of casting a Patronus charm?
“Now that we have that settled, we should practice some – oh!” Pandora glanced outside, “It’s gotten quite late, hasn’t it? I think it’s nearly time for dinner. Perhaps we should call it a day?”
“Good idea,” Barty agreed.
As they finished packing up, and walked towards the door, Regulus hesitated.
“I’ll catch up with you. You go ahead.”
Pandora and Barty exchanged glances once more. Pandora nodded, “Sure.” And left the room, leaving behind Barty and Regulus.
After a moment, Barty walked up to Regulus and took a seat next to him.
“You okay?”
Without looking at him, Regulus leaned his head slightly against Barty’s shoulder. “Yeah, I just needed a moment.” His mood has immensely improved after talking with his friends – sure, his childhood memories and thinking about his family pained him, but he hadn’t considered other memories. Memories with his friends. Oh. That reminded him.
“By the way,” Regulus lifted his head and turned to look at Barty, “You never answered my question.”
“Hm? What question?”
“What memory were you thinking of when you’re casting the Patronus charm?”
Barty froze again.
“Well?”
Barty said, “We should head for dinner. It’s getting late and you skipped lunch, didn’t you? You shouldn’t skip dinner either.”
Regulus blinked. He was surprised that Barty noticed his absence in the Great Hall – they sat at different tables usually. It warmed his heart a little.
However.
He narrowed his eyes. “You’re avoiding the topic.”
Barty ignored him and jumped up off his seat, walking hurriedly towards the door. “Hurry up, Reggie. Or all the food is going to be gone.” He sang out as he left.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “It is not.” But he grabbed his bag, and ran out after him. Oh well, he was sure he would get the answer out of Barty eventually.