eventual lovers

After that moment Lily couldn't help but seek out the younger black with her eyes. Seeing as her eyes would find him before she realized what she was doing. There was times she would find herself already staring without meaning to. It was kind of getting to her how quickly these new feelings for Regulus were affecting her, how fast it was all happening to her. She's never quite been so intrigued by someone before.

Slowly she found herself figuring out Regulus' classes. All by coincidence, of course, seeing as when she would be on her way to class she would find a glimpse of the younger black. Each time a new glimpse was made she would be as equally taken aback as the time before. And if perhaps sometimes she would slow her pace a tad just to see which door Regulus would disappear into then that would have been simply out of curiosity sake on her part. Every time her eyes would lay upon him her heart would start to beat faster and her cheeks would flush. She was hopeless to her body's reaction each and every time, hoping no one would notice.

Admittedly she's excited about liking someone, it's so very rare for her to like anyone nowadays that she gets giddy at the thought of love. She still has sweet James who keeps trying to win her affection as they're friends and James is one of her closest ones. Another factor she tries to include in her thoughts is the fact that James has never quite blatantly asked her out on a date, and she rather believes that would be an important aspect to her whole James situation. So for now, she will not be paying it too much mind and focus more on her new feelings on Regulus Black.

As the days blend together and her focus grows much more focused on Regulus, she becomes aware of the fact that her friends are starting to catch on. They start to notice that something's on her mind. At times she can't even blame them as it's rather obvious.

One of those times was the previous day as when she had been reading in order to study during breakfast as she tends to do, an overwhelming amount of thoughts and questions about the younger black had invaded her thoughts out of nowhere. In order to stop said thoughts she had to stop trying to study as she couldn't concentrate and cut it short in favor to just start eating to see if that would help. She's only ever had thoughts like that regarding very serious and important topics to her so she really didn't want to deal with them at the moment but she hadn't counted on her friends realizing that she cut down on her studying.

She had been met with confused glances from some of them seeing as she never quite lessens her studying in the morning for anything that does not have a valid reason. That morning as her thoughts had calmed slightly with a sip of her favorite caffeinated drink, a simple cup of coffee she couldn't help but steal some glances towards the Slytherin table.

So she's really not that surprised as she's currently doing some work in the library when she sees Mary and Marlene arrive to team up and get some sort of information out of her and she knows that if their methods don't work they'll bring in Remus, her other best friend to see if he succeeds. Lily's unsure how well she will hold off against them if she's being completely honest.

They ask her probing questions and she manages to dodge each and every single one, keeping her focus on her work. Giving them hums or just somehow changing the question knowing they would get distracted she can't help but have a secret smile on her face as her thoughts start to give her flashes from that morning.

Even as she focuses on her studies, she's still focusing on him too, Regulus Black who always has the same cup of tea every morning with a spoonful of honey. He appears in her mind with each avoiding answer she gives. Especially the bit where Regulus starts to have a pleased sort of expression after taking his first sip and then she couldn't help but stare as his whole face just seemed to open up for those first few seconds as he closed his eyes.The first time she had noticed she simply couldn't help but continue to watch every time it happened afterwards as she so rarely saw him smile.

Marlene and Mary seem to be sort of annoyed at her as Marys fingers start to tap against the table and she can feel their gazes burning into her face as she scribbles another sentence onto her parchment. The smile gracing her lips curving into a smirk as she looks up at them with a yes? expression. Both girls huff and roll their eyes before they start to pout at her, she gives them an unimpressed look before glancing back down, going back to her thoughts on Regulus Black.

The other thing about being able to actually see him take said sips of tea is how she ends up there first every morning, and five to ten minutes later he would appear in the Great Hall as well. Her friends aren't early risers, except Remus but even he doesn't appear for another hour compared to her, she'd known the younger black was an early riser but was viscerally reminded when she had looked up that morning. After she was curious about him to see him walking in reading a book.

She can hear the fading footsteps of her best friends as she glances up at them placing down her quill to finish her thoughts on Black. Another thing she hasn't quite dismissed is how James is the earliest one of his friends to go eat breakfast in the Great Hall. James who gets there a few minutes after Regulus tends to get there, usually. She doesn't think it's on purpose seeing as James sometimes beats him to getting there, seeing as she's never quite seen them interact before. So she doesn't focus on this fact as much but she is rather impressed by James' ability to wake up early for quidditch even when he doesn't have to. When James arrives that's when she stops her curious glances but sometimes like when Regulus enters after James she can't help but look over just the once. She hasn't been caught by James yet and that's enough for her, picking up her quill she goes back to focusing on her work.

********************

Regulus is quite content with his life. He doesn't have to deal with his parents which always gets him in a decent mood as he's at school and they're well not. He's slowly getting better and he knows this just as well as his friends do. His behavior has gradually gone back to how it used to be. At least around his friends, just enough of him, that it feels okay again. He's just glad that he's feeling better even as his brother seems to be doing just fine. Which admittedly gets him frustrated at times like on his bad days where he can't quite have the energy to get up but does anyway. Those days he's in a rather foul mood, the harshest of feelings always clouds his mind making him see everything in a darker light, he doesn't quite like that version of himself if he's being honest. His friends are always understanding though.

He's found that one of his motivators to get well has been because of James, James who is always happy and seems to look at the bright side of the world. Every time he gets in one of his dark moods or feels himself slipping into them he tries to think about James, wondering what he would do if he was to ever be in his situation. He knows that this might not be the best idea but it seems to be working, so for now he's going to keep using this method. At least until he finds better ways to get better.

He hasn't been talking to Sirius as Sirius hasn't been talking to him because why would he talk to someone that doesn't bother to try to talk to him. Makes no sense if you ask him. it's been a few months since he left so he knows he'll live. Seeing as they've both been doing just fine, as Sirius clearly does not miss him even if he himself does miss him.

There is a part of him that's rather jealous of the friendship that his brother and James hold because that means they both have each other. He wants them both in his life even if he would rather die than admit that out loud but in the end he's also quite happy for them. He looks forward in seeing James in matches against Slytherin as they're both in their respective houses teams. He's in Slytherins team obviously, and it gives him such satisfaction to destroy Gryffindor in matches by finding the snitch. Even as his heart pangs in sympathy to James because that means he won't be smiling his bright smile. A smile that seems to never fail in making his heart flutter.

There's something else that has been on Regulus' mind lately, ever since he has noticed it. He can sometimes feel someone staring at him, recently. He's unsure as to why or how this has started, he's surprised he's even noticed because usually he tunes out the feel of peoples stares on him but this one seems different. He doesn't know why but he kind of wants to know who it is because it startles him sometimes when he does notice it.

The burning intensity as his back spreads out in the most tickly sort of way like a caress. He wants to know who is capable of doing that. But every time he's tried to find out, seeing as he tends to notice only when he's in the Great Hall to eat, he can never pinpoint the source.

Sometimes it bothers him like on his bad days, other times it doesn't, he embraces the feel a bit on those days, knowing someone notices him to a degree. Other times he doesn't care and tunes out the feeling, those days are his neutral days. When he doesn't care about a lot but also cares just enough to get by.

They're still halfway through the school year and he's been focusing more on studying as a way to cope. He's currently there towards a back hidden corner, where he's hidden in aisles of books and all you can hear is the wind outside of the schools windows. He's just about done with his studying for the day so he can go meet up with his friends, knowing that they're all probably up to something again. He's looking around to see if any of his friends might be there just in case before leaving the library.

For some inexplicable reason his attention snags to Lily Evans, who is alternating in scribbling notes on her scroll and reading, situated towards the center of the library where the light seems to hit her empty table just right. He tries to see what exactly she's doing but he's not close enough for that as he's towards the wall nearing the doors.

He admires her for caring so much as he knows that her friends don't care a whole lot about their studies. Her vibrant red hair seems to be shining in the light, he doesn't notice the small smile curving his lips as he turns away before the doors open and he's faced with Marlene McKinnon and Mary Macdonald entering. It startles him for a moment before he regains control of himself again. He doesn't think they even noticed seeing as they barely look at him, before looking over his shoulder as their eyes set determinedly on something. He rather guesses it's Lily Evans as she would be hard to miss.

Seeing them reminds him of the Lily and James situation, that's something he doesn't know how to feel about, so as he walks away with the doors closing behind him. He thinks over his feelings on James Potter and Lily Evans.

Theres a part of him that does not care that they might like each other but the part of him that feels whatever it does for James is a bit bothered, wanting to not think about them both any longer he heads to the Slytherin Common Room to meet up with his friends for the rest of the day.

********************

James had been confused when he found out. When his friends told him in a very serious toned matter before starting, that they had something important to say. As if trying to make sure he wouldn't break when they broke the news to him. He had been mostly staring at them with a blank expression because they are never this serious about anything unless it had something to do with Moony's transformations. So yeah he was confused.

He understood when they told him about their suspicions, well theirs and the girls' suspicions. That Lily, the girl he's been in love with might be falling for someone else. When he understood that, all he could feel was the hole he's been trying to fill just drain itself right out, as if all of his efforts had gone to waste.

That was before his mind started to turn and twist and just throw questions at him that he couldn't quite answer. Before that could happen tho, Sirius had also shooed away all the other marauders and brought them both to his bed so he could overthink and become a mess with Sirius by his side.

This was what went through his mind. Lily likes someone? Someone else? Oh, Lily might like someone else? Oh! That's nice? Wait. But I like Lily? Oh. So does this mean she doesn't like me? Have my feelings just been not known? Is this new? Well it probably is or else they wouldn't have made it such a serious fuss in telling me. But they're not sure themselves. Or are they?I'll have to ask. Ok but this is good right? That means she is experiencing love. Love that's so beautiful. Just like the same love I've always wanted. That means I can support her and help her get them. The person she wants. But I also like her, won't that hurt?Oh, it does hurt.

Does this mean she was never going to choose me? Does this mean I'm not enough. Oh, oh. I'm not enough?

Tears were starting to well up on James' eyes but he hadn't quite noticed and Sirius who had been sitting next to him, surveying him, had been quite distressed in not knowing what James was thinking. James who is always bright, he wasn't sure if they should've told him didn't think it was a good idea but knew it would've been worse if they didn't tell him at all. But he can't have James crying or else he was going to cry. Just as he thought that his own eyes had started to tear up as he was watching the thick tears pour down James' face.

The truth is Sirius feels a little bit guilty because it's because of him that James had practically stopped his efforts in pursuing the love of his life because of his own issues, now it feels like this could be all of his fault even if it isn't. “James?” he says.

James who was going down a spiral in his mind of self deprecating thoughts, heard Sirius' voice like an echo until it pulled his focus back to the present, a sniffle was let out before he replied with a quiet “yes?”

“Are you okay Prongs?”

“No, Pads”

“Yeah, didn't think so”

James felt his best friends arms wrap themselves around him and he couldn't help but let the sobs he didn't quite know he was holding in, out. It felt like a part of him had been chipped and was laying in pieces inside of him, pieces he had tried so hard to fix.

James in the hazy turmoil of his mind knows that, sure some of this has to do with his feelings for Lily but he also knows it has much more to do with himself than her and he doesn't quite know which one is worse.

He understands that there couldn't have been anything to change the fact that Lily would like someone, seeing as you can't control who you are attracted to or who you fall in love with and that it just happens as that happened to him with her.

What upsets him is that he didn't notice, one of his best friends and he didn't realize something this big going on in her life. He's rather been occupied with Sirius, Sirius who still has nightmares not about himself but about his brother Regulus, scared about what could happen to him now that he won't be going back with him to that house. Then there's his situations with his own mental health and James has been so focused on his friends including Remus who has the full moon to worry about and then Peter who James always makes sure to check in on because he deserves to be loved too. Which always leaves James just the rest of his time to focus on quidditch and classes and his grades because he wants to make his parents proud. And yet he had been able to still accompany Lily at times, even though it's been less and less lately that he's not surprised at the turn of events. Yet, it doesn't stop the aching of his heart. The heart his younger self had promised itself to the brilliant and beautiful Lily Evans.

As his sobs calm down and the hiccuping in his chest slows and James looks at the other angles of this whole thing, he focuses on the fact that his friends aren't sure. That they don't quite know if Lily does like someone else, that Mary and Marlene weren't quite able to get details out of her. He knows that Remus is going to try to see what could be going on in Lilys mind and that James could still continue his pursuit of her, maybe actually ask her out on a date now. That it's not too late for him.

Being given the push to make it clear that he wants to be more than just friends. However he will be keeping in mind the whole situation so until other wise he will continue how he's been, in focusing on his life and himself and his friends before diving back into romance but still he will be putting in more effort where Lily is concerned again. Even if that ends up in a mess for himself. A mess of thoughts because he can not, not try.

Sirius is eyeing him with concern when he notices the shift in him and honestly he would be too if he was an outsider to his moods.

“I'm going to ask her on a date Pads, and soon. Maybe not that soon but soon” he answers his best friend with a bright look in his eyes optimism shining off him. Sirius gives him a slightly wary but also relieved smile knowing that things might end up okay but not being quite sure about that.